Turinng a long lasting friendship to lovers but nothing more

[insaneinthebrain]

Can this ever happen.... with out losing the friend ship... a frindship of more than 15 years..

[Trimmer]

What do you mean "...but nothing more"?

 

Some people use the term "lovers" like "partners", as in a committed relationship, so I don't know what "but nothing more" would mean in that context.

 

Do you mean sexual partners only and not a committed, romantic relationship?

 

Can you explain the parameters of your question in a little more detail, without assuming the meaning of a label like "lovers"?

[carhill]

IMO, if one has had a long mutually loving and valued friendship with a person they *could* have a romantic relationship with, why fµck that up for an orgasm? Once you share bodily fluids, the friendship will change forever. Up to you if you want to take that risk. I've had long-term female friends and no way would I consider such an option, not to mention it would be really difficult to feel sexual desire for someone I had a deep platonic relationship with. YMMV on that one.

[Ayla]

IMO, if one has had a long mutually loving and valued friendship with a person they *could* have a romantic relationship with, why fµck that up for an orgasm? Once you share bodily fluids, the friendship will change forever. Up to you if you want to take that risk. I've had long-term female friends and no way would I consider such an option, not to mention it would be really difficult to feel sexual desire for someone I had a deep platonic relationship with. YMMV on that one.

 

If it is just for sex and only sex...then IMO it is a recipe for disaster and not worth stuffing up the friendship for. Agree with you there Carhill.

[carhill]

A potentially mitigating factor is the emotional and friendship 'style' of the parties involved. For myself, having no family anymore, friends are like family and have great meaning and importance in my life. For others, the term 'friendship' might mean very different feelings and investment and value, so adding sex into the mix might have a completely different impact.

 

I assume the OP wants a casual sexual relationship without any form of romantic and/or emotional commitment. FWB, perhaps with a bit of romantic twist. They can clarify.

[insaneinthebrain]

well.. i would love to keep her, but i alos want her to be happy too...The problem is that she is at that age where her biological clock is amost out of time. And she has always wanted kids. I dont... I am actually sterile..

 

I dont want to keep her from what she wants, but i would like to at least have a taste of what were missing.

Edited September 14, 2011 by insaneinthebrain

[carhill]

Presuming you've had sex with women, what exactly do you feel you're 'missing' here?

 

Grossly put, is having a sterile orgasm within her children-wanting vagina a moving experience for you? An exclamation point to the sentence of your friendship?

 

I'm trying to understand this better. I get the progression of intimacy and the desire to be as close as humanly possible with someone one loves, an act which is possible through sex. This is a long-time platonic friend. Is that the path here? Why? I've had those types of *feelings* before and they are valid; equally valid is the value of the friendship and impact of those feelings on that friendship.

 

Have you ever broached this subject with her, even in general terms?

[insaneinthebrain]

Well dont get wrong, she has sent signals that she is attracted to me , at least on the physical level.

 

A good recent example ooccured a few weeksago. We were having dinner at a friends house and went outside on the patio to talk. It was getting kind of cold and she basically took my hands and wraped my arms around her to keep her warm. It been a while since i held a woman that way.

 

As for me, i am at the point in my life where i have come to the conclution that i left my soul mate back in my ealry 20s. More like she left me. At this point, i am happy to just have someone who is not crazy, that is physcially atractive, that enjoys sex, and that wont hurt me... AGAIN.. at least not as bad as the rests

[carhill]

They always do.

 

I'll add, in general, IME, there are a lot of women out there who thoroughly enjoy the company of a man who engages them, with whom they feel secure, holds them when they need a hug, kisses them when they need a kiss and with whom they never have to get naked and swap bodily fluids. In other words, all the great attributes of a girlfriend and with the cache of male sounds, smells and behaviors but no burden of sex.

 

I'm not saying there's anything 'wrong' with that but, often, men read more into it than is really there. Our brains are wired differently.

 

As our MC put it, you have a decision to make. Good luck

[insaneinthebrain]

They always do.

 

"whom they never have to get naked and swap bodily fluids. In other words, all the great attributes of a girlfriend and with the cache of male sounds, smells and behaviors but no burden of sex.

)

 

well .. i as far as i know.. she enjoys sex a lot. We have had our share of discussion about the importance of sex in a relationships... and with details..and the silver lining in the cloud, she is insecure about her about around me.. she is when ever we end up in pools or beaches, she uses to cover up her "trouble spots",... That are not really TROUBLE SPOTS " ....

 

ON THE BIG PLUS SIDE..she hasnt let me see her naked in 15 years.. and ive spent nights at her house. If she had.. id be a little concerned.. that she really just saw me as a friend.. ...

Edited September 14, 2011 by insaneinthebrain

[carhill]

I know I'm sounding like a broken record and I apologize for that but...

 

"They always do"

 

Save for mental disease or defect, if you and she are best friends of 15 years and are sexually attracted to each other, you'd already be married.

 

The only reason I can blather on about this stuff is because I've been a friend or 'the friend' to so many women in my lifetime, most markedly back when I was a virgin. I used to erroneously think that the more intimate a woman was with me, the more of a 'chance' I had. LOL I was more like a girlfriend at a pajama party she was getting naked in front of and comparing parts and talking about boy's penises. Women are just wired up differently, man. Sorry.

 

Only way to know for sure, and maybe prove me wrong, is to take her into your arms with no talk and rock her world. If she isn't 100% there, it's over. Done. Fail.

[insaneinthebrain]

hey carhill,

 

how many of these views do you think are actual views, not bots, or adsense..

 

my number is on about 20.

[carhill]

Considering the thread title and response count, the 181 I see doesn't seem far-fetched. I'm not really into the view counting thing so perhaps am off on that. I think the forum counts discrete views based on login/IP but could be wrong. IOW, I could look at the thread 10 times while logged in for a session and it would count as one.

[insaneinthebrain]

see.. the thing is dude, all the the threads really odd numbers of views..

 

i posted two threads simultaneusly once, they both ahd the exact same number of views.

 

my personal guess is that probably around 20 of those are actually views... cause our own views dont count unless you post...

 

Also i would think that as the OP is simple, if there would really be 180 views, there should be at least 20 or 30 opinions.... istead its just you and me and one more person.. thast only 3 views...

[insaneinthebrain]

i have also noticed that the longer the thread the more ad sense it will attract because more key words.

 

Also .. the views never change by units of 1 .. they only change by like 20 at a time... its really wierd..

 

I am trying to get a feeling for how many people actually participate on this.. because really, i see a bunch of regulars, and then some new folks, but i really dont think that 180 plus diffenernt people have viewed this post.

 

I mean .. what even counts as a view?

 

If you look a d-lish's thread.. a few hours agon it had 275 views and only 20 posts..

 

Now it has 400+ vies and only 30 posts... that makes no sense what so ever.. i really hope no one is scraping this site.

Edited September 15, 2011 by insaneinthebrain

[carhill]

As one datapoint, there are currently 66 members and 713 guests viewing the site. Without admin privileges, I can't see anything more than that.

 

Trust that every bit of content which isn't properly hidden by login protocols is being cached and indexed. An example of such hidden content would be the private messaging system.

 

IME, and I'm not a web tech, we use screen scraping to view java and javascript content, like information in pop-up windows and mouseover content. I know I use it a lot in my travel hobby.

 

ETA, I would imagine certain indexes aren't updated contemporaneously as the database updates with each new post. Perhaps the view index is one of them.

Edited September 15, 2011 by carhill

[insaneinthebrain]

other than search engines... who else would cache and index this site?

[insaneinthebrain]

 

ETA, I would imagine certain indexes aren't updated contemporaneously as the database updates with each new post. Perhaps the view index is one of them.

 

and thats not really true..

 

ive noticed that when a thread is new, the view counter does tend to rise by single digits. i have seen it go up from one to 2 to 3 to 5 to 7 ..matching the number of posts..

 

Its not untill a thread stays in the forum for a long time, like the first page of the forum, that it starts to have those bounces... byt like 10 or 20 ..

 

like right now.. the counter on this thread hasnt changed at all .. and its been almost 20 min..

[insaneinthebrain]

i take that back.. it changed by 40 .. if there are only 100 users online. there is no way that 40 of them clicked this thread just to view it.

Edited September 15, 2011 by insaneinthebrain

[carhill]

We've gone far afield of your topic here but you might gain insight about this in another community specifically geared to vBulletin.

 

Here's a thread on scraping and one potential use of it:

 

http://www.vbulletin.org/forum/showthread.php?t=250076

 

Your questions about indexing and views probably are answered there as well.

[insaneinthebrain]

http://forums.digitalpoint.com/showthread.php?t=628867

 

hey carhill, i figured it out...

 

 

This is my theory,,,

 

Every time thread updates, a bot has to reupdated. The adware, and the google bots. But every time a bot does it it triggers a thread count view.

So its the bot that is triggering the high count. Thats why all the threads go up in multiples of 20 or more, the chron updates, and the guests are the bots. The longer a thread stays at the top of each category, the more time the bots will look at at it. and the more it changes, the more views it has...

 

i also think that everytime a thread changes position with in a forum, google re indexes it. as it reindexes it, it must also go in and reindex the thread posts... creating a new index cache.. Thats why all the threads have multiple thread index pages on google, but the forum page only has one one.... no matter what the search perameter is..

 

As the thread position changes on the forum page, the post gets reindexed triggering a count.. witch means for every new post, there is a a new google index page, and a new thread index...

 

Thats why sometimes post that are running at the same time in the same forums that have a close number of posts have the same view counts....

 

thats why user name insaneinthebrain has more 400 results in the endex.. but when i look closer its about 190 ....

 

if i were to stop posting now .. eventually i would only have 91 hits ... and that would then go down because of multiple hits...... to just the number of threads i have participated in.

Edited September 16, 2011 by insaneinthebrain

[Trimmer]

Every time thread updates, a bot has to reupdated. The adware, and the google bots. But every time a bot does it it triggers a thread count view.

So its the bot that is triggering the high count. Thats why all the threads go up in multiples of 20 or more, the chron updates, and the guests are the bots. The longer a thread stays at the top of each category, the more time the bots will look at at it. and the more it changes, the more views it has...

 

i also think that everytime a thread changes position with in a forum, google re indexes it. as it reindexes it, it must also go in and reindex the thread posts... creating a new index cache.. Thats why all the threads have multiple thread index pages on google, but the forum page only has one one.... no matter what the search perameter is..

 

As the thread position changes on the forum page, the post gets reindexed triggering a count.. witch means for every new post, there is a a new google index page, and a new thread index...

 

Thats why sometimes post that are running at the same time in the same forums that have a close number of posts have the same view counts....

 

thats why user name insaneinthebrain has more 400 results in the endex.. but when i look closer its about 190 ....

 

if i were to stop posting now .. eventually i would only have 91 hits ... and that would then go down because of multiple hits...... to just the number of threads i have participated in.

 

I think I may have an idea about why you're not getting laid....

[insaneinthebrain]

ha ha ... I am trying to start my own web support forum ...