my gf broke up with me,but..

[headsashed]

right,my gf of 2 years broke up with me 3 days ago because she said she isnt happy,up until this point i thought things were going great,the day she broke up with me we was both makin plans via txt messages. As we always have done.

Anyway the next day i noticed she had deleted and blocked me on facebook and it kind of got to me so i fell and text her. She said she did it because she didnt want to see my statuses etc and she also deleted my number because she need time away from talking to me.

The day after i got a text from her saying "its a bit random but did i give you the money i owed you" (she did know she already gave it to me ) i didnt reply,then an hour later she txt saying " i take it your not talking to me" then i replied :S just sayin i wasnt at home and my phone was. Then she re added me on facebook and said "ive re added you to show tyou im not hiding anything" and i just put ok,not much else was said after that.

why would she text and re add me on facebook? i already told her that i would respect her wishes and not contact her and move on with my life.

Ive not heard from her today so im guessing it doesnt mean anything,then again she is at work.

[mike588]

right,my gf of 2 years broke up with me 3 days ago because she said she isnt happy,up until this point i thought things were going great,the day she broke up with me we was both makin plans via txt messages. As we always have done.

Anyway the next day i noticed she had deleted and blocked me on facebook and it kind of got to me so i fell and text her. She said she did it because she didnt want to see my statuses etc and she also deleted my number because she need time away from talking to me.

The day after i got a text from her saying "its a bit random but did i give you the money i owed you" (she did know she already gave it to me ) i didnt reply,then an hour later she txt saying " i take it your not talking to me" then i replied :S just sayin i wasnt at home and my phone was. Then she re added me on facebook and said "ive re added you to show tyou im not hiding anything" and i just put ok,not much else was said after that.

why would she text and re add me on facebook? i already told her that i would respect her wishes and not contact her and move on with my life.

Ive not heard from her today so im guessing it doesnt mean anything,then again she is at work.

If she wanted to contact you regardless if shes at work or not she will, they do allow breaks at work.

 

Deleted you then added you to facebook. Sounds like shes not ready to let go of you and is questioning her decision.Keep no contact going and see what happens.

[c0nfuzd]

agreed, stay cool and see what transpires; doesn't sound game over....yet

[headsashed]

ive not contacted her at all today,im not going to either. Yes im hurtin a very lot but it was her decision to end this,and i did find it strange that she contacted me within a day of deleting my number and then re adding me on facebook. Im tryin not to get my hopes up either.

I know she gets breaks at work but she has lots of new friends at work now and this is where some of our problems have come from. But who knows,if she doesnt text tonight then i suppose its totally over and i wont text her even though i want to.

Im actually doing very well considering im hurting alot. its been hard going to work etc but im tryin to carry on my daily routine.

Only time will tell.

[c0nfuzd]

just don't jump to any conclusions; we all have other things to do than reply to emails or texts...what I am saying is that she might be busy tonight and even tomorrow

 

I see some positive signs from her so there is still hope

 

if she wants you, she will come back; have faith and stay positive and most of all stay calm and don't look or sound jittery if and when she does contact you

[headsashed]

thankyou,ill try my best if she does contact me. She still has my house key too,which im not going to ask her for it back,i dont see a point. Im sure she knows shes got it because its on her car keys and she uses her car everyday.

Im trying to use the attitude of she dumped me so if she wants me back she knows where i am,and im holiding strong

[c0nfuzd]

sometimes peeps make rash decisions and a little time puts things in perspective which is what it sounds like here

 

on the other hand, if she returns your key, it's a clear sign that you should move on and not be too hung up on it

 

remain open for the time being to both possibilities

[headsashed]

im trying to not live in hope she will come back,im 99.9% sure she wont, i know shes at home tonight because i only live 2 minutes from her house and i can see her car ( no i wasnt spying lol ) .. and ive a funny feeling she wont contact me,but i wont contact her either.

Just wish i could eat something,ive had 2 sandwiches since sunday dinner time and its now 8:34pm wednesday night,its driving me insane

[headsashed]

i forgot to add that shes a very stubborn person,also we broke up a few months ago but got back together within a week and we both agreed to try make things work but if they didnt then we both have to walk away for good.

Ive not heard anything from her today and she will be fast asleep now so its got me thinking that she really isnt bothered and its totally over between us both.

I think the best thing for me to do now is get rid of all the things that remind me of her,pics etc,and ill just forget about my key and the few things i have of hers. Btw we were together for 2 years and we was supposed to go out for a meal yesterday to celebrate our anniversary which we had planned the day she broke up with me.

Even though she did send me a random txt and re add me on facebook after just 1 day i think the signs are there that means its really over between us and i have to move on with my life.

[ConfusedT]

Strange story. Seems she is a bit confused on everything that is happening?

 

Delete, block, add, delete, block, add. Facebook destroys relationships...

 

Let her contact you, she seems to be going through some things, so hopefully she can fix them!

[c0nfuzd]

until you hear it from the horse's mouth, no need to assume

 

give it more time; and feed yourself if you can; lack of food is not good for emotions and that's a fact but I know what you mean; I can relate to your loss of appetite; it's normal in these situations

 

I would choose to look at the relationship during this pause and see what you could have done differently; look at yourself and see what you can improve; if she can't benefit from it, your next lady certainly will

 

we have to learn from our mistakes otherwise we are certainly going to make the same ones

[DazyDaisy]

Did you ever beg for her, or tried to get her back or did you just always respect her wishes?

 

Some dumpers are left wondering if you just "let them go" aka "respect their wishes"... So she might just still want a bit of you in her life.

[headsashed]

when we broke up a few months ago it broke my heart and yes i did beg for her back,i was an emotional mess. But she was the 1 that actually came running back and wanted to make a go of it.

This time i said from the start that she knows its not what i want but ill respect her wishes and leave her alone.

Ive tried eating but its too hard,my sleeping is a little better but i did have a dream about her last night and it woke me up and now i feel shocking again i miss her so much

[c0nfuzd]

hook up with your friends today; keep your mind off her; she still has the key right?

 

one day at a time

[headsashed]

im seeing 1 of my friends later for an hour,ive done half a shift at work and had to come home because i felt like passing out with the lack of food.

Yes she still has my key,i dont think i should ask for it back either,i dont think shes gonna rob my house while im at work lol. Even though its early days i dont think she wants me back because she would have contacted me last night im sure. I suppose things did end in a bad way,because i did something stupid after she broke up with me.

[c0nfuzd]

people do forgive; they just need time to figure it out

 

and what I meant by she still has the key, that could be a good thing...unless she's forgotten about it, she's prolly still undecided

 

besides, even if she does return it, there's still a chance; I am an optimist till the end; unless she says it's over, there is still hope

 

stay strong

[headsashed]

i suppose she did say its over on sunday night,she just said she wasnt happy anymore,even though i thought things were just fine. Infact this is what was said basically

her: im just not happy

me: well finish it then

cant remember what was said at this point.then,

her: im not happy anymore,ive thinking about it the past few days

me: if ur not happy just finish it then

her: why do you keep asking me to finish it,ive told you im not happy

me: that means its over then

her: yes

 

Thats basically how it went,as for my key,maybe she has forgot,i just dont know,it is on her car keys which she uses everyday and last time we broke up 1 of the 1st things she said was ill post ye key later. So i really dont know if shes forgot or what.

[c0nfuzd]

hmm, doesn't sound good; wait to see if she returns the key and see how it plays out; she may have a change of mind still; just give her space for now (at least a few days)

 

until then, keep yourself busy and your mind off her; just not to drive yourself insane that's all

 

what if you sent her some flowers in a few days' time with a note saying you're still thinking of her? how do you think she would react?

[geegirl]

i suppose she did say its over on sunday night,she just said she wasnt happy anymore,even though i thought things were just fine. Infact this is what was said basically

her: im just not happy

me: well finish it then

cant remember what was said at this point.then,

her: im not happy anymore,ive thinking about it the past few days

me: if ur not happy just finish it then

her: why do you keep asking me to finish it,ive told you im not happy

me: that means its over then

her: yes

 

Thats basically how it went,as for my key,maybe she has forgot,i just dont know,it is on her car keys which she uses everyday and last time we broke up 1 of the 1st things she said was ill post ye key later. So i really dont know if shes forgot or what.

 

From the conversation, it is possible that she is also having a hard time with the choice she is making and the finality of it all. Hence the key. We sometimes think that when a dumper dumps, they walk away feeling a kick in their step. It may mean she is having difficulty parting and some take time to completely detach.

 

I know my ex kept my car key and my house key for awhile, eventhough I gave him back all his keys and clothes, etc. the day we ended. While I believe some dumpers hold on because they use it as a reason to keep a lifeline going incase they want to start something back up again and open communication, some dumpers do it because they struggle as well with completely letting go.

 

She may give it to you in time or you can ask for it to be returned. I suggest you ask for it to be returned so that you don't dwell on what her intent is on holding onto it. It's springs hope, little things like that and that in turn keeps you stuck.

Edited September 15, 2011 by geegirl

[headsashed]

I dont think it would go down very well if i sent her some flowers. I think my best option is to leave her be as it was her choice, All that was said sunday,monday she deleted me off facebook and deleted my number too,tuesday she re adds me and txts me something random.

I want to ask for the key back but its the pain of seeing her aswell as knowing if she does give me it then its totally over,on the other hand,i suppose im still hoping while ever she has it. The day she dumped me i went to hers and took most of her stuff back,laptop etc,all i have now is her ear rings and gym card,which she pays for. To be honest i do believe it is totally over and i hate the fact that it is,because i love her and want her back. Its just so confusing because we seemed absoloutley fine,even making plans that day,so i reckon something has happend and she isnt telling me,but why re add me on facebook and say ive re added you to show that im not hiding anything? im confused lol

[geegirl]

It's funny how we latch on to little hints (deleting/adding FB, calling to say hi, keeping belongings, etc) and confuse ourselves into thinking that it could be something when the fact is, it is nothing but just the dumpers own way of dealing with their decision to move on.

 

When the words are loud and clear, that it is over, we almost get into shock, we shove that way behind in our heads, wanting not to hear the words because it just cannot be so. We then embrace the little glimpses and signs that give us hope because we are too afraid to face the truth.

 

Giving back and taking back belongings is hard. A crushing blow to the heart because of the finality of it all. I believe it is one of the hardest steps in a break up, at least it was for me. It was debilitating for me. But once you get through that stage, you will have cut the cord and you will be able to start your grieving. Until you do that, you keep that lifeline going and the hurt, hope and confusion brewing. If she wanted any different, she will come to you. For now, listen to her words, find your courage, accept her words and remove yourself as fast as you can.

 

ps: Yes, don't send flowers.

[headsashed]

Basically im not going to do anything,i wont contact her for any reason,she can keep my key because i dont believe she will rob my house lol,and im sure she isnt bothered about her gym card anymore.

Ive got no other option apart from just let it be,she said it was over so its over,nothing i can do about it and if she does text,call or anything then i suppose i will have to deal with that.

I dont think she will txt or call because i believe she will have deleted my number again after the random text she sent. 1 thing i do think though is that shes got someone else even though she says not,i remember 1 of her texts from monday night,she said hope we can be friends and you never know what might happen. How can i be friends with someone whos tore my world apart,she must be on drugs lol. Only 1 thing id love to know is why she wasnt happy when she seemed to be,thats why i think she is lying somewhere along the line.

[geegirl]

It's your choice to let her hold on to the key but I do believe you are doing this so that you keep the opportunity to communicate open. That is completely your choice. Try and keep NC and go from there.

[headsashed]

maybe you are right and im holding onto every little bit of hope there is,because i love her, I suppose its new all this because we spent nearly everyday together for 2 years and now im niot seeing her it doesnt feel right,i suppose only time will tell,if i stick to no contact then everyday is a step closer to heeling,as hard as its going to be. Thing is,if she does contact me i really dont know how to react because i love her deeply and want her back in my life.

Theres literally nothing i can do apart from try my best to move on,i might even walk down to hers before she gets home from work and post her stuff

[geegirl]

maybe you are right and im holding onto every little bit of hope there is,because i love her, I suppose its new all this because we spent nearly everyday together for 2 years and now im niot seeing her it doesnt feel right,i suppose only time will tell,if i stick to no contact then everyday is a step closer to heeling,as hard as its going to be. Thing is,if she does contact me i really dont know how to react because i love her deeply and want her back in my life.

Theres literally nothing i can do apart from try my best to move on,i might even walk down to hers before she gets home from work and post her stuff

 

A hundred people can come here and tell you to get your key back, give her back her things and move on but you will do what your heart tells you because it rules you. It is hard to accept things when it is over and hope is a four letter word that is detrimental in your case.

 

The thing is, as you go along in your journey to heal, she may pop up one day with talks of a key, and you will plummet down again because all your feelings will resurface and you'll come back here with, "She texted me about my key, what does it mean?" Then you will be right back where you were, derailing yourself from all that you've worked for.

 

Everyone can tell you to cut the cord, but if you are not ready and need to ride the bumpy rode of hope, then you will ride it till your behind hurts so bad you'll want to get off. Just remember that if you cut the cord completely, start no contact and in time get some mental clarity and feel emotional detachment from her, if she comes back you will be in a better frame of mind to decide what you want. You may not even want her back at that point because you will see the situation for what it is with your head, not heart. If you have that key lingering in your head, which is your lifeline and your hope for what could be, a part of you will always be connected and hoping versus you completely focusing on getting yourself emotionally better.

 

The choice is yours. It is difficult. I have been there. I hope you find the courage to do what you have to do. It's a process and journey. If you stumble, get back on and don't stay fallen. You will get to where you need to be when you decide whole heartedly that it is time for you.

Edited September 15, 2011 by geegirl