my gf broke up with me,but..

[headsashed]

i think you are right,its time to cut the cord,the next time i walk past hers ill drop her remaining stuff off (probably in about an hour) ..she only lives 2 mins from me and i walk past hers when i walk my dog.

As for my key,ill drop her a txt when she finishes work and tell her i want it back and she should give it to her parents so they can give me it as seeing her will only hurt me more.

But why am i thinking that when i drop her stuff off she will probably contact me,which i suppose its not the best idea.

[geegirl]

i think you are right,its time to cut the cord,the next time i walk past hers ill drop her remaining stuff off (probably in about an hour) ..she only lives 2 mins from me and i walk past hers when i walk my dog.

As for my key,ill drop her a txt when she finishes work and tell her i want it back and she should give it to her parents so they can give me it as seeing her will only hurt me more.

But why am i thinking that when i drop her stuff off she will probably contact me,which i suppose its not the best idea.

 

Most likely she will contact you. My ex did the same. But when she does, it's not because she wants you back or anything significant, her ego will be bruised that you're one step ahead of her and that you're taking charge. I remember my ex leaving me a text and saying that he couldn't believe I was doing it so quickly and cutting him out of his life like that. The fact is, it is a break up. They will find it hard to grasp that you are wanting to get over them or be rid of them. When in actual fact, it's just you taking charge of your life and wanting to respect their decision and move on. And after all they called the shots, shouldn't you be pining, crying and rolling around in their stuff screaming expletives at the gods? It's hugely an ego thing.

 

When you send her a text about your key, be firm and don't have a text war or have a conversation. Short and sweet. She will probably be mad, sad, or confused. The thing is, she made a choice. She has to live with it. It's not your problem to alleviate her bad feelings. It is your problem to deal with yours the best way you know how and that one most important way is to be as far detached from her as best you can.

Edited September 15, 2011 by geegirl

[headsashed]

your spot on with everything there id say and the only way forward is no contact and have nothing of each others which gives a reason to stay in contact. Its going to hurt i know but i suppose i have to start somewhere.

[geegirl]

your spot on with everything there id say and the only way forward is no contact and have nothing of each others which gives a reason to stay in contact. Its going to hurt i know but i suppose i have to start somewhere.

 

Good luck to you Headsashed. If you feel bad, come here and post for advice on how to cope, and seek friends and family for support. It's not the end but a beginning!

[headsashed]

well i posted her stuff and she rang me just after,on phone for about an hour and she basically sat it is over,were never going back etc.i told her we cant be friends and she said its upto me now when we talk...its totally gutted me so much

[geegirl]

well i posted her stuff and she rang me just after,on phone for about an hour and she basically sat it is over,were never going back etc.i told her we cant be friends and she said its upto me now when we talk...its totally gutted me so much

 

I know how you feel. I went through the same thing. They can't accept that you're taking charge and setting your terms. She clearly said you guys were done. Now she's upset that you are following through versus feeding into her ego.

 

It will gut you. It will hurt you. There is no other way around it or avoiding it. Best to deal with the hurt now than later.

 

You can't be friends now but until you are indifferent or until she comes back and says that she wants you back and even then you need to really be careful.

 

For now, I know it hurts but one step at a time. Don't be alone. If you have a friend or family, be around people. Find support from them and come here and post and lay your thoughts and feelings out and people will help you through.

[headsashed]

i need help so much,just wish i could say why

[geegirl]

i need help so much,just wish i could say why

 

I'm sorry H. I know you are suffering. The pain is excruciating. There is no other way around it but to feel the pain. I wish there was a way to erase it but there isn't. This is a loss to you, almost like suffering the death of a loved one. You need to grieve and let your hurt out. Don't look to her for comfort as she is your source of pain. Don't be alone right now. Do you have family or someone close you can lean on to comfort you?

[headsashed]

ive just been upto my parents house but i couldnt say anything,i was ashamed,i think you know what im gettin at,its my 4th time too think i need locking away

[geegirl]

ive just been upto my parents house but i couldnt say anything,i was ashamed,i think you know what im gettin at,its my 4th time too think i need locking away

 

The last thing you need to be doing is bashing yourself up. Matters of the heart are not that cut and dry. Some of us learn the first time but some of us take a beating before we finally say enough.

 

Your parents are the last people on earth to judge you. They may give you tough love but if you show them how vulnerable you are, they will understand. They have years of relationship advice and experience under their belt. You should never be ashamed of your feelings and your thoughts.

[silly_panda]

Yea... I agree with geegirl... You will be surprised with the great advise they give you...

 

Your cut is still fresh... Take it slow... You can do it...

[Cowboy1015]

ive just been upto my parents house but i couldnt say anything,i was ashamed,i think you know what im gettin at,its my 4th time too think i need locking away

 

Well... we both got dumped. I got dumped yesterday. I'm experiencing a roller coaster of emotions. Right now, I am feeling good. An hour ago I was crying. You know what helped me to feel good? I called my whole family on skype video. And I told them my girlfriend broke up with me. They know I am sad... but I was smiling as I talked to them.

 

Before that, I was out with a friend at a bar. Although that friend of mine sucks, coz he's just full of cliches. I'm just glad, there's another guy there who could share some stories with me about break ups.

 

Yesterday, after she broke up with me, I called a girl friend and talked to her. I poured out all my emotions and cried on the phone.

 

The good thing is, everything will be fine. I think I'm almost getting over it. It's been 2 days, but actually more like a week... because she didn't talk to me before she decided to break up. I was like a wreck last week. I couldn't sleep, I emailed/texted/called her, asking her to talk. But, now I'm thinking, I didn't do anything wrong. She's the one who wronged me. And for that she should go to hell... lol. Although I'm still hoping she would realize that she's being stupid to dump me. My ex will talk to me in few days maybe explain things. I think I'll be over her by that day.

Edited September 16, 2011 by Cowboy1015

[headsashed]

i texted her last night before i went to bed and was actually been mature even though i was angry and upset,i put "you can post my house key on the way to work if this is what u really want,i love u and i wanted us to work,take care" and she replied with "ill post key sometime saturday when im off,i will miss u and i do love you,if u believe me well thats upto you"

 

she could have posted it this morning on her way to work,or even after work tonight,so why tomorrow when shes off,i think im just full of anger and hurt right now and my head is all over the place

[TheDovic]

She's behaving like this because it's very rare a person is 100% certain the relationship is over, especially when it has lasted such a long time. She's going through a hurricane of emotions at the minute, one minute she might hate you (deleting you from FB!?), the next she'll be remembering the good times (getting in contact!?)...

 

She might be trying to keep track of you (maybe why she added you on FB) because she's confused and whilst she isn't completely convinced about whether or not she wants you back, she won't want anyone else having you!

 

Unfortunately this is quite common and even though she's not convinced, it doesn't mean she will be coming back!

[headsashed]

i suppose ill never know exactly what she wants but ive got a gut feeling that its totally over between us and theres no going back. Its hard for me to accept this but i have to if im to move on,i dont see any hope whatsoever now after i gave her 1 last chance by saying post my key if this is what u really want,and shes going to post it tomorrow. So that tells me everything.

Only time will tell but i cannot live in hope any longer

[geegirl]

i suppose ill never know exactly what she wants but ive got a gut feeling that its totally over between us and theres no going back. Its hard for me to accept this but i have to if im to move on,i dont see any hope whatsoever now after i gave her 1 last chance by saying post my key if this is what u really want,and shes going to post it tomorrow. So that tells me everything.

Only time will tell but i cannot live in hope any longer

 

Difficult words to hear and the finality is the hardest thing to grasp. It won't be easy H. But you will get through. I know you wanted one last confirmation by throwing in that text and that is normal to want to cling. You don't see it now but it is best this way rather than her dangling you while you're looking for answers and closure. Now you can close the door and barrel through your pain and hurt and fully deal with it.

 

The next few weeks or months will be hard but you need to build a support system of friends and family. Give yourself some time to grieve but don't stay there too long. Come here and post and ask for guidance as you hit the lows. Most people here have gone through it and have emerged onto the other side, including me. I never thought I could make it and I did. And you can too. It'll be hard but you will. I promise.

[headsashed]

i eventually replied to her txt a few hours ago,basicalluy sayin ok and i do love you etc and maybe 1 day we will be friends...ive had no reply which has got me down again,i just cant help myself at times and it gets me mad,i just dont know what to do lol

[geegirl]

i eventually replied to her txt a few hours ago,basicalluy sayin ok and i do love you etc and maybe 1 day we will be friends...ive had no reply which has got me down again,i just cant help myself at times and it gets me mad,i just dont know what to do lol

 

Yep, you're in denial and you're bargaining. You're doing the, "you sure about this, you sure now, really, last chance, you sure you don't want this, going once, going twice, but I love you, you do know that, but but...).

 

Stop the desperation H. You can try to do everything in your power to try and change what is happening, but nothing will unless she comes to you with a changed heart.

 

So, now all has been said. No more sending text messages. If she comes back with yes we can be friends down the line, which I think she already said in a past text, leave it alone. Stop right there and shut the door.

[headsashed]

i know your right,i just want this pain to go away,im dreading tomorrow when she brings the key,i dont know if she will just post it or she might come in the house,either way its the final of it all,even though i already know its over.

Im still confused about everything as to why and how all this happend because everything seemed fine,im sure ill find a way of coping.

I think i just need to delete her number now and delete her off facebook,then again i know her password so if i wanted to check her out i know i can and the temptation is too high.

How can someone just say after all this time just say ok its over and seem normal,even though she says she is hurting etc,i dont get it. im obviousley a weak person and she is strong.

[geegirl]

i know your right,i just want this pain to go away,im dreading tomorrow when she brings the key,i dont know if she will just post it or she might come in the house,either way its the final of it all,even though i already know its over.

Im still confused about everything as to why and how all this happend because everything seemed fine,im sure ill find a way of coping.

I think i just need to delete her number now and delete her off facebook,then again i know her password so if i wanted to check her out i know i can and the temptation is too high.

How can someone just say after all this time just say ok its over and seem normal,even though she says she is hurting etc,i dont get it. im obviousley a weak person and she is strong.

 

If you want the pain to go away, the last thing you should be doing is going back to your source of pain. She can't comfort you. She is what is causing you hurt. Stay away from her.

 

All this happened because nothing is ever definite. One minute you could be the happiest couple and the next it's gone by the wayside. People change. Feelings change. Wants and needs change. Expectations change. Plans change. Nothing is set in stone.

 

She can say it's over because those are her feelings. They've changed and she is seeking something other that what you both have. She may be hurting but not enough to make her want what you want. You hurting from the loss of her and your dreams. She is hurting from a decision she had to make for herself and although she hurts from losing you, her emotions are not as intense as what you are feeling to want it all back again. Feelings change H. It's not about weak or strong. It's about where the two of you are at emotionally.

 

Stay away from her FB. If you see something you don't like, it is going to gut you again. You have to start protecting yourself instead of voluntarily standing in the line of fire. If you read from all the other posts here, FB has done a lot of damage in terms of dumpees checking ex's profiles.

 

You learn from your mistakes but the wise thing to do is to learn from other people's mistakes, and not yours.

Edited September 16, 2011 by geegirl

[headsashed]

oh dear i messed up she txt back saying she will miss all the little things as everything else,i hope we can be friends in time cos i miss just talking to you and having a rant about work...

i txt back and said ok wished i coulda seen u 1 last time instead of ending it like this and she replied with "instead of posting ur key ill come up for abit instead if you want" and ive said ok

wtf am i doing..grrr

[Mack05]

wtf am i doing..grrr

 

Self destructing. Like many other people on this site, you get great advice and it literally goes in one ear and out the other

[geegirl]

oh dear i messed up she txt back saying she will miss all the little things as everything else,i hope we can be friends in time cos i miss just talking to you and having a rant about work...

i txt back and said ok wished i coulda seen u 1 last time instead of ending it like this and she replied with "instead of posting ur key ill come up for abit instead if you want" and ive said ok

wtf am i doing..grrr

 

I don't know what to tell you. Some people need to be completely smashed to bits by their ex's to completely let go. This is your choice.

 

You can tell her right now that you're sorry and that after some thought, you don't think it is a good idea and that it would be best to leave the key.

 

You will never get proper closure that will alleaviate that pain. After she leaves, you are back to feeling that pain again. Completely up to you. You need a fix to soothe your discomfort. This is temporary. When she walks away, remember the aftermath. You will be hurtled back to where you started. She will however, walk away feeling...well, nothing like what you are feeling.

Edited September 16, 2011 by geegirl

[fetish1980]

After she leaves, you are back to feeling that pain again. Completely up to you. You need a fix to soothe your discomfort. This is temporary. When she walks away, remember the aftermath. You will be hurtled back to where you started.

 

headsashed.

 

I know you're in pain and your mind and heart are at war with eachother, but please read the quoted sentence multiple times.

 

Seeing her and dating her is a temporary fix. You are in denial that the relationship is really over right now. If it wasn't, you guys wouldn't have broken up in the first place. I'm not trying to crush your hope in reconciliation, but once you break up and go back together, nothing is ever the same. Whether you're together another week, month, or even a few more years, mark my words, if you're not meant to be together, a break up will be inevitable.

 

I'm 7 months into my breakup and I'm still in pain. I still cry thinking of the memories as we were together for 8 years. But i would have probably been further along in the healing process if I had done NC properly, but like you, i needed to dampen the pain for the moment. All that did was prolonged the pain. Me and my ex also broke up before about 3 years ago, but only for a week.

 

So if you think its worth it, no one can tell you otherwise. Sometimes we have to go through our own pain to know a situation is bad for us. Kind of like when we were kids, we saw the pretty glowing red stove that we just had to touch no matter how much our parents warned us that it was hot.

 

Good luck to you and just remember to look out for yourself first!

 

fetish

Edited September 16, 2011 by fetish1980

[headsashed]

thanks for the advice,as much as i know its true what you are all saying im still probably going to let her come in,because im in so much pain and it will lessen it until she walks away again,maybe its the only way i will learn,even though its the hard way.

It was actually her idea to come see me for a bit which gives me false hopes,as much as i know it is im still no doubt going to see her then let my heart be broken even more,if she really meant everything then why would she want to see me for abit? to feed her own ego no doubt or is she feeling guilty? i suppose ill only learn from my own mistakes. I am an adult and i should learn but i never do,maybe this time i will,but i highly doubt it.

Atleast once she has gone then we have no ties or excuses to contact each other so we can both get on with our lives. She still hopes we can be friends in time but i know i cant because it will be along time before all my feelings have gone so im going to have to tell her this.

If i see her or not tomorrow im still gonig to be in so much pain because i know ive lost the person i love,seeing her will hurt a little more but im sure i cant hurt much more than i am already and tomorrow could be total closure that will set me on my way to recovery, even though it think it will take some time as i tend to struggle when it comes to break ups.

Ive done everything right i think in trying to move on,ive gone to work everyday,ive slept pretty ok but not eaten too well,ive not txt her or called her 1st but i have replied when she contacted me 1st and i also gave her all her stuff back so i had nothing here. The key is the last thing that ties us together and once i get it back then im sure my recovery will start,as hard as its gonig to be.