confusedasever Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 Ok, I don't even know why I am wasting my time with any of this, but I do need to come to some sort of realization, for my own sanity. I met my BF on a dating site online (never again!) about 2 years ago. I liked him right away, A LOT. I meet a lot of men, and for the 1st time, I found someone that I wanted to pursue. I should have seen the red flags from the beginning, his lack of contact for one, he would go days without any kind of communication. So I took that as he really wasn't that interested in me. So I met him with the same amount of attention. 6 months after we started seeing eachother, he told me he was falling in love with me! I was like, really? But you never call, and we don't see eachother a whole lot. (maybe this is why he "loved" me) Anyway, so we became exclusive. Or so I thought anyway. We go on like this for another year or so. Lack of communication, not a lot of spending time together etc.... Well, about 3 months ago, my sister was on the same dating site I met my BF on. There was a profile that I was thinking was just like my BF. (without a picture). I told her to message him. He messaged her back a week later, she sends him a fake photo, he sends one of himself....and it's him! The bloody rotten PIG!. I couldn't believe it. (Hindsight made me believe it). So I confronted him that night, right after she was done chatting with him. He cried his damned eyes out. I was for sure I was done with him. Well, he convinced me to give him another chance. (DUMB!!!!!) About a month later I find his password to his nasty accounts. I checked them. I don't care if it's wrong. I am very glad I did. It took, oh maybe 2 weeks for him to be back online. I found his ads on craigslist, other dating sites etc... He was looking for BBW and oldeer women. I am thin and younger than him. So I don't get that. So, I found out he had actually banged some other women. Which I did think he did before I found out, but whatever, I let it go....trying to trust him again. AnyWAY! He is now again, telling me he will cjange, he will NEVER ever do it again. He cries and begs and wants another chance. My question(stupid as it is): Is there any possible way that I could honestly trust him. I mean, do people ever change? I do know this, I can not keep checking up on him. I hate it! Please help...brutal, blunt honesty is what I need! Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Doo Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 Please help...brutal, blunt honesty is what I need! He thinks you are stupid and desperate enough to ignore his behavior and take him back once again. He has no respect for you. Link to post Share on other sites
USCGAviator Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 People are who they are. Just like seasons change its only a matter of time before its summer again. Link to post Share on other sites
Afishwithabike Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 He didn't change. He was this way. You either didn't see it or couldn't see it. Now that you see it, the baffling question is why are you still with him? He has shown his true colors. He knows he can lie to you and you fall for it. You need to ask yourself why you're settling for this loser. Is it because you have low self-esteem? You think you can't find anyone else? People change over time, but that doesn't mean they turn into cheaters. If I were you, I would leave this man and go into no contact. You're young. You can find someone else who is much more trustworthy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confusedasever Posted September 14, 2011 Author Share Posted September 14, 2011 Thanks for the feedback. I know I can be with someone that is trustworthy and I deserve to be treated better. It's just so hard to accept that this is it. I really did love him, and never felt this way about anyone. I was happy with him...but I am not anymore. I used to get butterflies in my stomach, up til the end before I seen him. This, even after 2 years. Now I just get sick... When I think of being away from him, I start to feel hope again and actually am happier. This to me tells me I am doing the right thing by walking away. It still sucks though! I hope I can stick to my decision. I need some sort of constant reminder, or something to keep me grounded in this. I have a habit of "flip flopping" when making choices. Uff...lesson learned! Link to post Share on other sites
Professor X Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 Please help...brutal, blunt honesty is what I need! Thanks! He won't change. Hope that was clear enough for ya. Link to post Share on other sites
Woman In Blue Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 I used to get butterflies in my stomach, up til the end before I seen him. This, even after 2 years. Now I just get sick... I think the only reason you would get excited about seeing him is that you didn't see him often so it was a treat when you DID. If you'd seen more of him (like a normal relationship) that would have died down - and you would have also found out what a lying, cheater loser he actually was. Chalk it up to experience. You'll get past it. Link to post Share on other sites
casuallyconfused Posted September 15, 2011 Share Posted September 15, 2011 He only knows that you keep taking him back and taking him back. Change? Whats that? What incentive does he have to change? Once he knows hes lost you then...and only then... maybe he will change. Link to post Share on other sites
shayla Posted September 15, 2011 Share Posted September 15, 2011 It always amazes me when a woman thinks that she is so special that he will be a changed man versus the way he was with the last woman. This happens all the time, and it's such a shock when he treats her the same way. He will do just enought to keep the woman, and she gets to keep thinking (if she can ignore the gnawing in the pit of her stomach) that he has changed for her. Link to post Share on other sites
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