Confused Adoptee - Birth Father Middle Eastern

[Miakal]

I am an adoptee. I have had and continue to have questions regarding my biological background. I located my birth mother approximately 15 years ago. However, I have been unable to do much as far as finding out about my birth father. The trail seems to be fairly cold.

 

I would like to find out about him....I don't necessarily feel that I need to meet him. The problem is that I don't know if that is a good idea right now.

 

Why?

 

He is from the Middle East.

 

He came here in the late sixties to attend college. I don't know if he stayed in America after finishing school or returned to his country.

 

In any case...just because he is human, I would imagine he might be a little distraught over having a child that he never knew about.

 

But also...because of the cultural differences and the continued tension between the United States and the Middle East...I also wonder....would he be humiliated? Would he be disgusted? Would I possibly be putting myself in danger by tracking him down? I guess maybe these questions might only be valid if he returned to his country after school and stayed there. I don't know.

 

I am so curious about my biological history...especially this part of me. But at this point, I remain confused about what to do.

 

Anyone have any advice?

[bluechocolate]

If your birth father has left the country you may never be able to find him. If you can find him though, I wouldn't worry too much about the fact that he is from the Middle East. And I don't see how your life can be put in danger. It may well be the case that he doesn't want to know about you. You existence could make things difficult for him if he has returned home and his family there know nothing about you and as you say, he may not even be aware that you exist.

 

There are numerous agencies and organisation regarding adoption and finding your birth parents and many of them have message boards. Do an internet search. I'm sure you'll find many people out there who have been in and are in similar circumstances to yours. I'm sure they can be a mine of useful information and advice.

 

Good Luck.

[meanon]

The desire to find out more may well increase with age, particularly when you have children of your own (if you have not done so already). It can take a long time to find people and you may one day regret not having acted now. As you say, there is no need to meet him if you do not wish to do so.

 

Many organisations who help locate people also offer an informal counselling service that helps you determine the nature of information that you will need now and in the future as well as the level of contact that you need. They can also act as intermediaries to ascertain if the parent would welcome contact, should that be necessary. Please don't let the potential problems stop you from beginning the search.

[Miakal]

I don't have much information to go on as far as doing a search. My birthmother didn't know his name. She only knew the American name that he assumed while he was here going to school.

 

I have done some investigating at the college that he attended but, there's not much information there. Being that this was 35 years ago, I am not having much luck finding people that possibly attended school with him either.

 

I have consulted with some different people regarding the possibility of finding him. I have talked with a few friends of mine that are Arab/American and I have talked with a few contacts that I have made in his home country.

 

I have been told everything from "he would want to know you and would feel obligated to care for you."....to...."you would be putting yourself into danger and possibly putting him in danger as well."

 

I did not even think that there might be an element of danger. That was said to me.

 

So...it makes one wonder. ???

 

Anyway....thanks for your imput.

[Miakal]

(sp)