My coping journal

[PositiveNegative]

August was to be a good month. I was finishing up my internship, going back to school, and most importantly I was going to be close to her again. She told me before we got that back that she couldn't wait to go back to school so she could see me everyday. Due to issues with previous roommates I ended up with a single apartment for the year. I was not too worried as I was certain that I would have the company of her when I felt lonely, I could take a bus to her apartment and see friends when she was busy. She helped me move in, just the two of us. We built my bed, desk and dresser together. The apartment was complete, our new hangout spot, this was gonna be a great year. Her classes ended right across the street, she could see me right after. I had plans to go out and make a key for her, she left pajamas and clothes for when she spent the night. I was incredibly excited.

 

5 days later she comes back to that apartment we had put together. It was Thursday, 5 PM.

"I've thought about breaking up for the past 2 days."

By 8 P.M. 1.5 years had suddenly ended. I don't know why she chose that day. We didn't have any major fights that week, we didn't have any major problems in our relationship. It was just over. To her, it just felt right. That morning she told me she loved me. That day was supposed to just be another Thursday. She didn't spend one night with me.

 

Wednesday was the last day we spent as a couple. We didn't do much. I hung out a bit with her roommate while she read magazines, then we took a nap together naked. We didn't have sex, just held each other while we dreamed. It was blissful. I left her apartment and kissed her goodbye, it would be the last time we would kiss as a couple.

 

"If somehow I didn't end up with you I would regret it for the rest of my life."

"Okay then, man I will someday marry."

"I truly hope you ask me to marry you someday. I would say yes without any hesitation and you know the same would be true if you asked me today."

"You are perfect."

 

Words said to me throughout the relationship. There were once used for so much hope and desire for the future. Now, they seem empty. They mock my hopes and dreams, they serve to increase the suffering.

 

Day 20.

 

Today was a hard day. I walked out of my apartment with a jog-like speed. I knew where she could be at that time of day. I wanted to just see her. I didn't have plans of approaching her. I wanted to just see her. I didn't. I talked to my father about how I was doing today then I met my friends for lunch. I am thankful for them, but how long will they put up with my melancholy attitude? How long until they find it unbearable to hear my reality? I went to the library afterwards. I've spent more time on this website then I have with my friends. I kept looking at my phone, I was trying to telepathically tell her to text me. It's only ever worked once, of course, she needed me then. I hate my phone now. It's a tool for communication but it only reminds me that she isn't communicating with me. I turn it off when I am not using it. I'd rather not know that she isn't texting me. I was so weak today, I'm not sure why. I have moments of confidence when I take a deep breath and tell myself I will be okay. I have brief day dreams of a future reconciliation, false hope, but it makes me smile for a bit. Today, I was so close to saying hi to her. To text her or email her. I wonder what she would say? Would she admit that she missed me? Would she be nonchalant? Is she going on a date with that guy that likes her? I was so close to asking her and giving her that power. Sometimes I justify it, I tell myself that keeping the doors open will increase my chances of her wanting me again. Maybe it will remind her how much she liked me at one point? I'm trying to stay strong. In reality though, I doubt I can keep up for more than a month of NC.

 

I miss her. Tremendously. I'm so scared of still clinging to her and never finding better.

 

I wonder if she misses me too?

[Jonnyy]

Time heals all wounds. Believe me, i thought that that was crazy when i was first told that, but now i realize its so true. It may take longer for some than others, but stay in there bud, youll get through this i promise you. Stick to NC it helps alot. Do your very best not to look for her around campus (I know its tough, trust me, but we can do this man) That drop stomach feeling will soon start to dwindle and pretty soon it will be gone, for both of us.

 

 

 

"Learn from yesterday, Live for today, Hope for tomorrow"

[PositiveNegative]

Day 21.

 

The mornings are truly the worst. I used to sleep so carelessly. I would sleep, wake up to her good morning text, text her back, then go back to sleep. These days I wake up in sweats always around 7 and cannot go back to sleep. EVERYTHING reminds me of her. The simplest things. Trees because that is one of her primary interests. Recycling bins because she had set up a recycling program. My car because we shared so many trips in it. So many places around this campus have a significant memory of our relationship. I wake up in the bed we shared so many nights in. I wake up in this damn apartment that holds no good memories, only the memory that she broke up with me here. I just miss her so damn much.

 

It was such an important day for me. I had a really important job fair that required me to be at my charismatic best in order to charm employers. I walked in and couldn't focus. I knew if I were still with her she would've been there to tie my tie and to tell me how handsome I was and to tell me I would do so well. She would've gave me such confidence. She was gone though, she would've never thought to wish me luck. I left the fair for a bit then I saw her. This happened...

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t297826/

 

She is still the most beautiful girl I have ever seen.

 

That night I went out to a bar with some friends. We all talked about relationships and they understood all my problems. I told them about my break up. They were surprised, they knew how happy we were and after I explained what happened they ensured me that she would regret it someday. I nodded my head, hoping they were right. I got drunk. I don't drink. It was the first time in years. I talked to some girls with my friend. Felt like an idiot when they walked away. I walked home by myself. In my drunken talk I kept asking myself "Why did she leave me?". I said it over and over again. I was quite close to having a drunken breakdown. Thankfully I jumped on my bed and fell asleep before I could do that....

 

I've read some stories online of people who still miss their ex a year after they've broken up with them. I'm so scared that is what I am bound to face. I am just so vulnerable right now. I feel like a child again.

[PositiveNegative]

Day 22.

 

I dreamt about her again. We were still together. My bedroom was tangled by trees, it was like living in a greenhouse. She was planting some seeds. She loved things like that. I guess my subconscious was trying to please her. I woke at 9, I honestly never used to wake up that early. It's 6 PM. I spent about 6 hours in my bed today, on my computer reading reconciliation stories. I'm not sure if it's healthy to do that or not. It makes me feel happy, but does it only give me false hope? Not sure. My parents are a product of reconciliation, when one of those stories is so close to you it is very hard to escape. I saw her again, when I was walking to get something to eat. She nodded at me with this weird half smile. My heart dropped, I can tell by the look on her face that hers did too. To have spent so much time with someone and to only receive a nod from them... it hurt. She looked so beautiful still. She never had to wear any fancy to look good, she just has an amazing body, you can see that no matter what she wore. How am I supposed to take her off of a pedestal when I found her to be everything I've ever wanted? I kept walking and tried not to turn around. I'm going to a party tonight. I don't party. I always preferred to spend a weekend with her playing video games, or watching a movie, or cooking dinner. To top it off we would end the nights by sleeping together, the simplest but one of the most amazing parts of a relationship. I don't want to go, but I have to now. The drunken slurs and whiffs of alcohol are actually preferable to being cold and alone.

 

"So you go and stand on your own, and you leave on your own and you go home and you cry and you want to die."

[allite]

Im with you man. Im so glad i dont ever see her on my own time and my ex never crosses path with me so thats helping me alot. I cant imagine the pain to meet my ex everyday.

Sigh. Im on day 2 on NC and im okayy. Still the mornings are the worst when you wake up alone or just in pain. and worst thing is, you cant fall asleep. But so far, the rest of the day ive been productive and working at other things.

 

we are all here for you man. Stay strong and focus on yourself. I mean i love looking at my computer screen all day but i save that for at night. When i know i worked hard all day and did productive stuff all day then i allow myself to just sit in front of the computer and relax.

its nice going out. Stay strong brotherr. We will survive!!!

[PositiveNegative]

Day 23.

 

Hey thank you allite. It means a lot that you actually read my log. You have great advice...but I didn't follow it today. I sat at home again. She really broke up with me at such an awful time, I'm applying for jobs now as I'm about to graduate. I can't really focus though and I feel like I'm sending pretty bad applications. I hate feel like half a person. Someone I know related a relationship to a mirror. When you have someone it's like they are a mirror for you. They become your reflection and in them you see yourself. When that mirror is taking away we aren't quite sure what we look like anymore. Sure, we can recall the times we looked into the mirror previously but that's all we're left with, memories. We lose a part of ourselves. Currently I feel okay, well, relatively okay. I had dinner with a friend, I really can't help but start discussing relationships. That's all the real human contact I've made today. I really do spend a lot of time wondering what she is doing. I've went out the past two nights. We don't usually do that so I wonder if she is starting to do that now? Last night I went to a house party. Not one girl was anything less than a drunken mess. I felt worse and worse with each one I saw. My ex and I didn't need to go out to have fun. I left and walked home alone. I so badly wanted her to wish me goodnight. She didn't. I was cleaning my apartment and found my absolute favorite picture of us together. One of those rare pictures where we both looked really good. It hung on my wall in my house last year. I was so happy then. I looked at it for about a minute then proceeded to rip it and throw it out. I'm still confused and ask myself the same questions everyday. Why isn't she here with me tonight? I just don't know how she did this when she seemed so happy. A week before school started we skyped as we don't live near each other. As we were saying goodbye she started to cry because she missed me so much. Maybe she was crying for other reasons? I wish I knew.

[PositiveNegative]

Day 25.

 

Oh what the hell. I was feeling pretty good today until now. For some reason I just really missed her again. I wonder how long it will take me to truly get over her? I'm starting to feel normalcy in being alone but I still hope. I haven't let go yet. Not sure if I ever will, considering how we ended with talks of future (see prior threads for details). I'm trying so hard to take her off the pedestal, but every time I try and think of something wrong with her I think of all the things that I loved about her. I am trying so hard, but I really did find her to be everything I would want in a woman (minus the GIGS, of course). Sometimes I get so anxious... I think about never seeing her again. I think about never hearing from her again. Then I think about never holding her again, never kissing her again, never having her intimately. That still stings a lot. Then I think, hey, maybe I will someday and if we get to that point we will be so much better for having been through this. False hope then brings way to a smile. It's a painful cycle, unhealthy, but I cannot stop it. It really is so heartbreaking knowing that someone so special to you can be become completely removed from your life.

 

I miss my best friend.

[PositiveNegative]

Day 27.

 

I lost it today. My first relapse day. For the first time in almost 2 weeks I broke down again. I don't understand why. I have been doing so well. I've been working out, going out, yesterday I saw the first girl that I was genuinely attracted to since my break up. Then why today? I guess sometimes it's just out of our control why we relapse. I was doing some schoolwork then I just threw my calculator on the ground and curled into a ball. I broke down again. It didn't last long but I felt so weak after it. I called my dad right after. He is so wise, he has experienced pain and stress much worse than what I am currently going through. He is truly the greatest man I have ever met and I owe him so much. I hope that someday I can be half the father that he is. Without a doubt, he is my hero.

 

I am so far away from letting go and I know it. There won't be one day where I will wake up and feel "over her". I keep wondering if she is dating anyone. If I knew I feel like that would be a large push in me getting over her. I won't know though. I don't know how I could find out. There is no way I am just going to ask her and certainly none of her friends would tell me. I guess the only way I would find out is if I saw her hand in hand with another. Well, it's hard for me to know how exactly I would react to that. I would definitely be angry at the notion that she could replace me that easily. Everyone likes to think their relationship was amazing and I have no doubt that we both consider what we had to be irreplaceable. But, I don't think she is looking for another me. That would defeat all purposes of this break up. While she can go and look for "the next one". I am stuck looking for another her. At least, that's how I feel for now. In the vast sea of college girls that I face everyday I always thought my ex to be a rarity and each drunken mess I see makes it harder and harder to be single.

 

I haven't listened to a song in over 3 weeks. My iPod sits on my desk untouched. I love music. I do consider myself an audiophile, but so was she. Music was my escape. In my teenage depression I lost myself in music and built an encyclopedic knowledge of artists and albums. She did too. She, in fact, trumped me in all things music and knew far more songs and artists then I could ever hope to know. Her taste was old-fashioned, as is mine. We didn't necessarily have the same favorites artists but I liked every band that she liked, eventually I grew to love them. We have one loved band in common though. It happened to be my favorite band and it was one of hers. The first time I met her we talked about them. I had never met a girl who liked this band, in hindsight I think I already loved her based on that. I will never forget that moment. When she left me I dumped out several gigabytes of music. I could not even look at those band names without thinking of her. Even though my favorites bands were not favorites of hers I still spent so much time telling her about them. She grew to know them well. I don't know why I can't listen to music anymore though. For some reason I just feel ashamed or something. It was the first thing we connected on and meeting her expanded my knowledge considerably. I think it will still take me some time to learn how to love music again. I can't help but have this image of her not giving one damn about my thoughts or feelings. I hope I am wrong, but I will never know.

[spinwayway]

i feel exactly like you man..been 3 months since she left me and never looked back..there are times that i feel i am better and have overcome it all and then i fall back in to the deepest hole..i dont do anything that i used to anymore and have cut off most people i know because they all remind me of her..i spend most of my day sleeping trying to escape reality but then i just end up dreaming about her..you are right mornings are the worst..every morning i wake up all i can think about is her..this is hardest time of my life..its not easy.

[Drift Wood]

My god, our stories are pretty similar. August was supposed to be my good month as well. My internship was about to end around mid august and she was coming back on August 1st to take the 2nd part of summer session at my university. This, of course, changed my original plan and made me plan on staying here a little longer instead of going home after my internship ended. She told me how much she missed me and we planned out all these things we were going to do when she got back. I was planning on helping her move into her new place on September 1st and we even planned some sleep overs.

 

Then two weeks before she was supposed to come back she started acting strange. She stopped texting me and replied like a day or two later. I figured something was up and mentally prepared myself for the worst and then August 1st hit. We met up and she ended things. Out of nowhere. We weren't arguing and we hadn't seen each other for two months. She said I was being insecure and she needed a break, completely out of the blue.

 

I went home that night thinking I would be fine. My internship was on the next day at 9am and it was already 2am. Unfortunately, I couldn't sleep as my mind kept replaying all these memories. I didn't feel like crying at all though. However, after my Internship I got hit by something and I just broke down and started crying. I didn't even think it was possible for me to cry that much. Then began 4 weeks of what felt like an eternity. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, and I was a complete wreck even when I was hanging out with my friends. Most of them are tired of me being an emotional wreck.

 

I lost 10 pounds. I couldn't get her out of my head. My room is filled with memories. My apartment complex is filled with memories. My car is filled with memories. I can't even listen to music because her god damn music keeps playing on the radio. She enjoyed playing punch buggy, so every time i see a god damn volkswagen beetle i feel like completely breaking down. And for some reason I've been seeing like 10 of them a day.

 

Anyways, I've been ranting on longer than I wanted. It's been 8 weeks since she BU with me and it's been about 4 weeks of NC. I'm better now that I can eat and sleep a little longer. However, I've been dreaming a lot and it's been setting me back. I still relapse and when I do it's pretty overwhelming. My university starts tomorrow so I'm bound to see her. I just hope I can manage.

 

I hope we both can wake up one day and not feel like this. I still miss and love her with all my heart. It just sucks that I missed her for 2 whole months and expected things to continue where they left off, only to get my heart torn out of my chest.

 

Cheers man,

 

-D

[PositiveNegative]

I guess that's why I am writing this journal. It does help to just pour my feelings out to the world but at the same time it is me saying "Hey, for anyone out there, you are not alone." and that is what I have found out through this experience. I am not alone.

 

DriftWood. Man. I am sorry. What happened? What were the reasons in her own words? I know exactly what you mean about crying more than you ever thought you could. I did the same. The night she broke up with me was the worst of my life. I hope I never ever feel the way that I did that night. I saw her 4 times after she broke up with me every time we cried tremendously, my garbage pail was filled to the brim with tissues. The proximity has driven me crazy at times, with us being at the same school I sometimes do just turn my head looking for her in a paranoid manner. It's a fairly big school though and I don't know if I will see her often. And damn man. I really really know what you mean by expecting things to continue where they left off. I cannot tell you how excited I was to come back here and be with her again. I could not wait to spend the weekends with her and be with her whenever I wanted again. I didn't even get a taste of that. She stopped it before we could have even a little fun. Well, we are in the same boat. I cannot wait for this journey to be over though.

[Drift Wood]

I don't know what happened. She sent me a card and mixtape over the summer. Texted me all the time and sent me pictures of what she was doing. Then out of the blue she stopped doing it all. 3 weeks after the BU I contacted her because I needed closure. I couldn't handle the sleepless nights and the pain anymore so I needed something to help me move on. She didn't want to talk about it and forced the conversation over text where she said some awful things. She said I was being too insecure and that I was suffocating her. I know I was being insecure, but suffocating? We didn't see each other for 2 months and she initiated all the texts and Skype calls how could I suffocate her?

 

Looks like we both got excited for something when school started. I was so excited that we were going to spend the nights together again and have late night movies. We planned out a movie and wine night, but I guess that's never going to happen.

 

This Journey is quite long. How long as it been for you? 8 weeks for me since the BU.

 

It really sucks when you dream though. I hope you don't have them. They seem so real, but when you wake up you find yourself alone in bed.

[PositiveNegative]

Its been 4 weeks today so you have been enduring this twice as long as me.

 

Damn man. God, it sounds like she did not put you down softly. I'm sorry. How long was the relationship? My ex allowed me closure in four separate meetings so I guess I am thankful for that. And the dreaming. I actually mentioned it in one of my entries. It is truly hard when you dream about them. For a split second, just a split second, you forget everything. Then immediately after you remember the pain, the abandonment. You have to relive the memories every morning. I can't even look at my phone in the morning anymore. I hate even getting up to use the bathroom, I cannot wait for the day when I can sleep with someone I love again.

[Drift Wood]

We talked for about a month and went out for 3 months. I never felt such a connection before and I wasn't even interested in a relationship. I was pretty content with my single life, but something about her changed all that. What started off as a friendship lead to so much more.

 

I really hate getting up as well. I'm in no mood in the morning to shower or prepare a meal. It's like in the mornings you feel like crap, but during the middle of the day you feel better. Then night time hits and you feel like crap again. Well that's how I feel.

[PositiveNegative]

Oh man, 3 months and you didn't get to see her for 2 of those months? That's hard. I know it probably won't mean anything to you now but I would presume it will be easier for you to heal considering the relatively short length of the relationship. Well, at least I hope so for your sake.

 

If you are anything like me though I bet your biggest fear is not finding someone as good as her. That is really the hardest part of letting go it seems. I am in that mindset for now, and I really think that will be the most difficult thing for me to shake off. For over a year I truly believe I would marry this girl one day. Now she a complete stranger.

[Drift Wood]

Oh no. I didn't count the 2 months. So I guess technically 5 months or 6 if you want to count the talking. I didn't count the summer months since we didn't see each other and she broke up with me or decided somewhere during that period that she wanted to end things.

 

I don't think I'd be hurting this bad if it was only one month where we spent time with each other. Everything about this campus and my apartment reminds me of her.

[PositiveNegative]

Day 28.

 

Woohoo! I have a crush! I have a crush! For the first time since I met my ex I have become truly smitten. Two nights ago, as an effort to become more "active" I decided to join a random club. I was so hesitant to go, in fact I stood near the room for awhile before I just barged in. Then I saw her, she sat next to me. It was honestly the first time in 2 years that I saw a girl and felt that weird butterfly feeling in my stomach. I was about to introduce myself but then the meeting started... completely awful timing. I met a few nice people at the meeting but kept looking over at her. Man, she is really gorgeous, but there was more to it. I liked her body langauge, I liked the way she dressed, just from that she seemed to be my type of girl. I know next to nothing about her but the fact that I even like a girl is saying something about my progress.

 

While I was leaving one of my classes today I ended up walking next to her down a flight of stairs. I was too chicken to say anything to her, as there were a lot of other people on the stairs, but it reconfirmed my attraction to her. I have never seen her before in my life and when I do she suddenly happens to walk out a door at the same time that I am walking next to it? This was a huge coincidence, but I do take it as a sign. I had my first exam of the year today, I was thinking about the new girl the entire time. I am becoming reacquainted with this feeling of a crush and wow, it is pretty exciting! I mean, obviously I thought about the ex as I am nowhere near over her, but having the new girl in my mind helps a lot. I am a lot more confident in myself then the last time I was single (18) so I will have no problem asking this girl out once I put my foot in the door.

 

This week was pretty good. I worked out three days in a row and it felt absolutely great, I'm sore but feel great. I just found out that I got an interview with a huge company on Tuesday for an entry level position. I was so psyched when I found out, I never thought I had a chance with them. Going back home to be with the family this weekend and celebrate my dad's birthday. I can't wait to be with them again. Things seem to be looking up, I hope my luck continues!

[PositiveNegative]

Day 35.

 

Well, I guess I'm over the hump as they say. She has another now after a mere 3 weeks of being without me. I am going through the anger stage now I presume. I hate her. I hate that she would do this so suddenly. She said it was not her intention and I do believe her. I do realize how hard to is to resist someone when you like them and you know the feeling is mutual, I just don't like that she did it even though she knew how much it would hurt me. It made me feel like crap, like our relationship didn't mean anything.

 

She pulled out the "I miss you", the "You're my best friend", all the cliches in the dumper's book. She told me that it kills her to be strangers and she wished we could still be friends. For how long will she feel this? A month? Two months? She has someone to hold at night now, someone to think about and to kiss and to sleep with. I don't. I have an apartment with a queen sized bed all to myself and she never spent one day with me there. She will learn to stop missing me quite fast, this guy will definitely fill in all the gaps that I left behind. I want to leave this school. I hate being here. I wish I could just graduate right now and then travel the world. This is my time, I realize it, and I just want to get away from her. One day I will run into her and him and my pain and anger will just be so much to handle. I hope that this doesn't ever happen. I just really can't fathom how she could jump into a new relationship like this. It is the last step though, the one to make me finally realize she won't ever come back, so I guess it's for the best.

[Jonnyy]

Day 28.

 

Woohoo! I have a crush! I have a crush! For the first time since I met my ex I have become truly smitten. Two nights ago, as an effort to become more "active" I decided to join a random club. I was so hesitant to go, in fact I stood near the room for awhile before I just barged in. Then I saw her, she sat next to me. It was honestly the first time in 2 years that I saw a girl and felt that weird butterfly feeling in my stomach. I was about to introduce myself but then the meeting started... completely awful timing. I met a few nice people at the meeting but kept looking over at her. Man, she is really gorgeous, but there was more to it. I liked her body langauge, I liked the way she dressed, just from that she seemed to be my type of girl. I know next to nothing about her but the fact that I even like a girl is saying something about my progress.

 

While I was leaving one of my classes today I ended up walking next to her down a flight of stairs. I was too chicken to say anything to her, as there were a lot of other people on the stairs, but it reconfirmed my attraction to her. I have never seen her before in my life and when I do she suddenly happens to walk out a door at the same time that I am walking next to it? This was a huge coincidence, but I do take it as a sign. I had my first exam of the year today, I was thinking about the new girl the entire time. I am becoming reacquainted with this feeling of a crush and wow, it is pretty exciting! I mean, obviously I thought about the ex as I am nowhere near over her, but having the new girl in my mind helps a lot. I am a lot more confident in myself then the last time I was single (18) so I will have no problem asking this girl out once I put my foot in the door.

 

This week was pretty good. I worked out three days in a row and it felt absolutely great, I'm sore but feel great. I just found out that I got an interview with a huge company on Tuesday for an entry level position. I was so psyched when I found out, I never thought I had a chance with them. Going back home to be with the family this weekend and celebrate my dad's birthday. I can't wait to be with them again. Things seem to be looking up, I hope my luck continues!

 

After reading this i felt so proud that even i myself felt like crying tears of joy! It shows so much progress and i am extremely happy for you. Although you may have had a bad day today, pretty soon the good days will start happening so often that you wont even realize there was a bad day thrown in the week. It tough seeing them with someone else, trust me i know, i literally just seen my ex getting a piggy back ride from her new guy. It stings. But i got over it and just thought to myself that hey, a couple weeks ago i would have been so traumatized that i wouldnt be able to breathe and now im able to just brush it off. Progress is progress bud. Theres always gonna be bad days, so on those bad days just stick with some friends, talk to the family, or even just think about your crush! Either way, just be happy. Like i have said in one of my earlier journal entries...treat this like a blessing in diguise.

[PositiveNegative]

Jon,

 

Thanks bud. I am not only treating it as a blessing I fully 100% believe it is a blessing. The truth is, I was amazing to her, but she just was not ready for the relationship that we had. Had I stayed with her it would've only have been a lot worse when we broke up. Some day it will all make so much sense. I know your ex pretty much started seeing that older dude as soon as you guys broke up, I'm just starting to go through the phase of thinking about her with the other guy. It hurts, this morning I really couldn't stop thinking about it. My friend happened to have emailed me though and reading what she had to say really helped me get out of my bed. She basically just called my ex immature and said she really needs to grow up. Which is all true.

 

I saw my crush today, I was walking down the street and crossed it. As I was walking I see her on the other side... the one I was JUST on! I was seriously 5 seconds away from crossing her path but idiot me had to cross the street! I just stared in amazement because I was just thinking about her and there she was. I kept thinking about whether or not I should approach her but I decided that this was just another sign, not "the moment". My time will come soon enough.

[Jonnyy]

Just keep thinking about your crush and not your ex. Picture eventually starting something with your crush and having your ex see you two guys together and how happy you are and just imagine how much she will hurt from that. Its a good way to subside the pain for a bit and just makes you feel better. Also its such a good feeling to hear someone tell you that your ex was wrong. Ive had this happen to me too and although it may seem mean, it felt great. Goodluck with your crush Positive!

 

LSBFF signing out!

[PositiveNegative]

Yeah I had lunch with one of my friends yesterday. I was telling her THE EXACT thing. That it would be so awesome to have this new girl on my arm and walk past my ex without acknowledging her. Oh man, I can't imagine how good that would feel. And yes, it is even better when it's a girl telling you how stupid your ex is! My friend at lunch was just telling me how she would never do that to someone who she just dumped. The thing is that I believe her. She's a lot more stable than my ex. Looking forward to your journal entry Jon, get on that man.

[PositiveNegative]

I just wanted to mentioned something else. This must be a product of the human brain of something but it's only been a month since the break up and I already forget what it was like to be with her. I mean like that "feeling" you get when are you are with someone. I can't remember it for some reason, like it's a totally foreign concept. Like, I'm imagining walking next to her and I can't explain it but even imagining that I cannot remember what it "felt" like to be her boyfriend. I can't remember what it's like to kiss her or how I held her. It's a weird feeling.

 

Sorry, this is extremely vague but it's just a interesting thing I've been thinking about.

[allite]

i know what you mean. for me, its because of the NC. i cant remember the feeling of being with her. i dont remember what we had, its all so blurry. i miss it but i dont miss it. I wanted to forget for so long but now, its all blurry.

[PositiveNegative]

Yeah, I think it's just a feeling that you reminisce about having but you cannot actually bring yourself to relive it through memory, if that makes any sense.

 

In any case I think it's a very good thing as if I can't remember it so well then I won't miss it as much. That's the whole point of time healing wounds, time also makes you forget.