Thinkalot Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 Those of you who know me, know that my mum has serious financial problems, and that I am very worried about her...but that I am also not in a position to solve all her problems, and that I cannot bail her out. I have a partner, and we are saving for our own home deposit, and travel plans and so on, and this is my mum's situation to solve, not ours. It's difficult for me to stand back..because I'd love to fix it for her. And sometimes I feel guilty that I can't, and that I have a more affluent lifestyle now than she does. I do of course, help with little things, and have in the past given money to help pay for things. For further info...read my other thread in this section, about mum being 'asset rich, but income poor". She has a big fancy home..but little cashflow. Anyway, my best friend, is also really close to mum, and has been since we were little. She just visited, and we all stayed at mum's place on the beach. It was lovely to spend the time together. We discussed mum's financial issues, and possible solutions. We felt worried about it. I explained my position. I explained the solutions we are looking at, ranging from a reverse mortgage loan, to mum taking in a boarder, to selling up the house. Today my friend left to go home, and I came into work. Mum just called and told me that my friend gave her the money she needs for a new washing machine! What a lovely gesture from my friend, who does love my mum. Mum was also thrilled of course, and relieved. My friend is single in a high paying job, and had an unexpected extra payment, which prompted her actions. I feel pleased for mum, touched that my friend would do that...and also a bit guilty, or funny about it. Shouldn't it be ME offering those kinds of financial support? I suppose this is just my old guilt/anxiety feelings resurfacing (it took a while for mum to let me go..and some years back, she did get cranky and when I did not help her out financially with something...we've both grown and changed since then, and she embraces my life and my plans, but still...sometimes those old feelings resurface). Link to post Share on other sites
reasontosigh Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 What a wonderful and generous thing to do!!!!! I guess your friend considers her a sort of "second mum", given the rich history, and felt it the right thing to do with the unexpected bonus. No need to feel guilty or funny about it, I don't think. Just warm and fuzzy perhaps over the fact she is a true friend to both of you!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thinkalot Posted May 10, 2004 Author Share Posted May 10, 2004 Thanks for the feedback. She does see mum as a 'surrogate mum', because she is not close to her own mum at all, and has always turned to my mum for support. On Mother's Day she gave mum a gift, and said, well, " I am like your other daughter after all". So it was sweet of her to help like that...and a real help! I'm sure I'll get over my usual guilt feelings and "am I doing enough to help" type thoughts soon enough! Link to post Share on other sites
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