Update

[East7]

 

I have done a lot of reading on affairs stats. 3-4 ,months is about average. Mine was 3 years which is far longer than normal.

 

 

Sorry for T/J Janey, but GG, the average I have read is 2 years.

 

3-4 months is often the infatuation stage; it is when the A goes uphill.

6 months is often the do-or-die moment. Stats show (and I have seen it in real life) that those who are meant to move out and be with AP do it often after 6 months. If the situations doesn't change, chances are it won't be more than an A.

[findingnemo]

I just noticed my update was back up! I'd like to say that yes, my feelings see-saw all the time. When I read old updates, I realize that this is how I was feeling at that moment. The months following an affair are traumatic and feelings are all over the place. I've gone from being relieved, to missing to xOM, to being angry at xOM, to hardly thinking about him,etc, etc. Sometimes I feel like no time has passed and other times I feel like a lifetime has passed. This particular update (from this thread) I really didn't have xOM on my mind much. It changes from day to day, week to week. I still know that those feelings don't change the direction I'm heading in. My marriage is what's most important to me now. And yes, I do understand my H will have those images for a long time. I hate it so much. He shares with me sometimes about how he has to deal with reminders and triggers. I've had a lot of maturing to do this year. I know that my updates will not be consistant emotionally, but I don't change my actions based on those emotions. At this moment in time, I really do feel like my marriage has a good chance of survival. My H and I spent the weekend alone without the kids last weekend. We used it as an opportunity to talk and reconnect. I felt like we were dating again. I hate having reminders and triggers of the affair. I know he does too. My hope is that one day it won't sting so bad and that we can have the marriage we are fighting for. All we can do is keep communicating, helping each other, and moving forward.

 

This is great! And as they say...soldier on.

[Ruby_shoes]

I know it's been a while since I've updated. I have been so busy lately. I am back in school and working. For those of you who don't know my story, my posts began in January of this year! I can't believe it's been over 9 months since dday. The last month has been a turning a point. My H has been able to express his feelings more than he did at first. He kept a lot of emotions and pain inside. When he started to talk about it, he admitted he felt better. I've given 100% of myself to him and to my marriage. I don't even recongnize the person I was last year. I think of xOM once in a while, but not often. When I do, there's no pining. There's just relief that I came to my senses. It's almost embarrassing because he would not be the kind of guy I'd be proud to be with if I were single. Enough about him though. My H and I realized how many changes we needed to make in our marriage, and it has made a huge difference. Before we led parallel lives. Now we live our lives together. We make decisions together. We make more time to spend together and with our kids. The distance I felt before is gone. Yes, he's been angry and hurt and we've had our share of fights this year, but it's helped us understand each other better. I've cried more this year than I can ever remember. It's hard facing who I was, what I did, and how I hurt my H and myself. There's a time to stop beating myself up, and start living. I have started living. I'm still not certain of the future. My H and I are in counseling, and we have a long way to go. There's still a possibility that he may not be able to get past this in the long run. I just pray that he does, and meanwhile I love him with everything I've got. I will fight for my marriage as long as it takes.

 

Janey this was exactly what I needed to hear. I am on your path too, 3 weeks NC. Thank you! And I hope you continue to go from strength to strength! x