believe it or not do trust her, I just am suspicious...

[jmargel]

Bob we are not here to judge you on what has happened. Everyone has made mistakes in life. The important part is that you learn from them. In regards to the smoking, you need to say to yourself you did a stupid thing, vow not to do it again, forgive yourself and then MOVE ON from that episode.

 

Cathy is making things hard for you because either she wants to grind salt into your wounds, or she doesn't want to truly let you go. Once she knows the drama is gone then she will be facing all her own problems by herself. That probably scares her alot. As long as you are in the picture she could put all of her "problems" on hold.

 

If you have a job in Florida, tell them you want it. I'm sure Sandy will move with you? If so, find an apartment down there until you sell the house up here. No reason to stay in it. In the meantime have your attorneys sort out who makes the house payments. If you two are splitting the money from the house sale, I would think the mortgage payment should be split in half.

 

Don't let Cathy get to you and stop supporting her financially. You also need to keep a positive self-worth about yourself. That's what Sandy wants to see in you. Be strong for yourself, your son and Sandy. You will get through this.

[Poconobob]

I am on "some" disability still but not for too long....Cathy's atty sent cc to Social Security and my Disability company and my job.....I was in a program under Social Security called Ticket to work.. in that, you work and collect for a time period. I couldn't continue to work, the pain, anxiety as well as moving snow in a blizzard just about sent me over the edge. Jeff, you may remember that Saturday snow storm which crippled the areas up here.

 

As for payments, I found out today from my son that Cathy just got turned down for an apartment in allentown so things for her aren't so peachy. I NEED to get out and soon...with or withoiut her I gotta go.

Sure Sandy will go but she is a lifer here in Hazleton and has lots of family roots here so it is hard.

 

I try and try to put passing on withoiut looking back in my brain but it won't keep closed, I need psycho counseling to help me understand why I did what I did.

 

Well, Sandy just got home this afternoon so I have to go tend to her needs after being in the hospital a few days....

 

bob

 

THANKS for understanding

[pedwin]

I am so sorry to hear that you are still having major problems. As I told you a year ago you should have put miss Cathy OUT!!!!!

It sounds like your son likes Sandy( Is that true? I am missing some pieces to the puzzle as we have not spoken in a long time. I was shocked to hear your wife is still jerking you around. If she truly wanted to be totally free from you she would have been long gone a long time ago. Her main goal this passed year has been to aggravate the hell out of you.

Don't be so hard on yourself about the smoking thing. You made a mistake. You learn from it and move on. It's not who you are. It's just a mistake. You have way to much on your plate. I know you care about Sandy but you should be worried about your son and yourself right now. You have got to fill yourself back up before you will have anything to give anyone else.

The best advice I can give you right now is the same advice I gave you a year ago.

KICK HER ASS OUT!!!!!!! Please don't talk to much about your mistake because you lovely wife could use that as a reason to be leaving and take you to the cleaners. She sounds like the type of person who is constantly thinking of ways to stick it to you. She has stuck around for the last year because you met Sandy. Something that she didn't anticipate. She wanted you sitting around crying and pleading with her to stay.

Take care of yourself Bob. People do odd things when they are in pain. You were trying to escape for a little while. If you have learned a lesson then forget about it. Everyone is entitled to cross the line once in their life. Let it go and don't put so much on your plate right now. Take things one day at a time and know that I am here for you.

Love Pedwin

[Poconobob]

THANKS SOOOOOOOO much, I will have to reply tomorrow as I gotta go sulk. Sandy is really crabby about coming home from the hospital and being blown up from the meds....

 

 

luv...

bob

[jmargel]

Bob,

 

Nothing is going to change while you are "playing a victim". As long as you let Cathy and life itself whip you no one is (more importantly yourself) is going to respect you while you roll over and piddle. I believe writing down on paper what you need to do to get your life sorted out and then write down potential solutions to this along with Sandy will give you a ground to start from. What does Sandy want in this? Why can't you move in with her right now?

 

Go back and re-read parts of this post you made and look up what you did to make yourself feel better during these hard times. Don't get into this "pity ditch" because if you do nothing productive will come out of it. As for why you did, what you did. I believe in your heart you know. You don't need months of psycho-counseling to basically come to the conclusion that you made just a "mistake" and that it won't happen again. God forgives you, so you need to do that for yourself.

[Poconobob]

First....I wish I could have moved in with Sandy, that would have made a world of difference BUT....before that ever was discussed, I'd been spending lots of time over at Sandy's to avoid the situation then Bryan suffered...finally after Xmas/NYears...Cathy decided to move or at least announced it so. Sandy's lease was up and she was on month to month with pressure to resign a lease. We "wanted" to transfer sandy in as cathy left but Cathy dragged her feet, meanwhile sandy needed to act...and I kinda figured IF I move sandy in, cathy would go... It seems over and over and over again that Cathy wants to leave as she has so so so many times before but for one reason or another doesn't. I know she wants to as she cries to our son when I'm not home like yesterday when she wouldn't tell him why she was crying and he pried and pried and she finally said it was because she got turned down for an apartment due to the white elephant house here being on her debt. So here I sit..

 

I emailed my doctor in fla yesterday....it was a hard thing to do as I had to tell him about my bad side. I didn't go into detail....he called me this morning at 5am and I missed the call as my cell phone was on the low volume ring and I didn't catch it until I missed the call. With that said, today is the FIRST day I have gotten my rotten ass out of bed before noon...yep that is how depressive I've been; can't sleep nights, almost up every single night for the entire night. I got used to being up all night from the use thing. Sobriety isn't so bad, it is the yearning to escape, to forget, and of course the initial high. Man I cannot believe I just wrote that, I NEVER ever thought I'd be the one being the scum bag low life. If you ever knew me before Pennyslvania, I was so much a different person in every respect just about. Wow, I used to tease and tease and make fun of the addict who worked at my store because he was first and ass and second a great, great salesperson and never got fired for using and it peeved me. So what do I go and do...ahh, it doesn't matter, it is beating myself up isn't it.

 

So I'm going to go finish my email to my doctor as to when he can call me back, take a shower, do my list, POST IT HERE, take my meds, and actually see daylight. The last recount I have of daylight was before the leaves were on the trees. I slept those few georgeous days away.....like a dumb ass.

 

thanks

 

bob

[Poconobob]

I know I messed up.... I've been on track to go get life back in order..

 

I have gone back on my meds, admitted to my doctor ALL my mistakes, and am actually exercising again.

 

I'm just scared, I don't know whether to move to florida OR stay up here. Sandy is really scared to move to florida again as the last time when she lived there, she was LEFT out in the cold ...so to speak... by her X and she is scared bad of it happening again. See up here is the comfort zone for her as in she has places to run when she gets anxiety. ALL her relatives are here... etc.

 

I just don't know what to do with Sandy being sick, my loving her, my yearn for florida once again, my wanting a MAJOR change in my life with sandy and I am stagnating!

 

HELP

 

Bob

[jmargel]

Bob,

 

Good to hear you are excerising again. You and Sandy need to lean on each other during this time. You don't want to force her to move when she's not ready. Moving to Florida is not going to solve your problems. It would seem like you would be running away from them. Expect Cathy to make this difficult for you, right now she is going through her own emotional problems right now.

 

There is no time table where everything has to fall into place. It will, you just have to give it time. Focus on everything you have good with Sandy and your son. Remember Cathy did her share to put you into this place. Are you working now? If not, why not try to get back into that right now while you get things settled and get Sandy comfortable enough for the move to Florida? Just take things slow right now. Hang in there we are all rooting for you.

[Poconobob]

Honestly, as the winter progressed it got harder to work...then Cathy had announced she was moving soooooo Sandy was to move in....but as the two were supposed to cross, they ended up in the same household and have been living under the same roof for the past few months and believe me it sucks bad, hence the reason I used and STILL am waiting until I'm 110% sure I'm clean and wouldn't relapse. Yep, relapse... I did a few times due to depression and the fact I just wanted to escape.

 

Sometimes I feel like I"m losing my mind totally. Just look at the plate, I'm under financial duress as Cathy won't pay anything, I don't have a job because of several reasons, one even being so I don't leave Sandy with Cathy alone in the house.....and another being Sandy has taken ill for months and months now, off and on she is well, however she has landed in the hospital due to what they now know as the need for a liver. Jaundice and all....

So I worry about that, worry about bills, worry about the future, and I have not even scratched the surface!!!

 

I know running to Florida isn't the answer but it is hard living ..... I have a fabulous support structure there.

 

With living here, I even don't know where or how I'll get the funds to get an apartment, etc....

All these years, all the savings, all the material things I've gotten are being lost FAST...

I have a piss poor outlook as I'm now essentially having to completely start over..... YOU GUYS KNOW THE FEELING BACK WHEN YOU started on your own, broke, living day to day, etc. I know waaaaaaaaah right? I just assumed ya assumed I'd never have to worry about even the friggen power bill nor putting gas in my car to go get a job.

 

Once again, I'm sorry I screwed up so much, I note that not many post back to me and I'm sure I know why...

 

I'm sorry, that just further adds to my outlook...I'm my own worst enemy.

 

P.S. I went back and reasonably determined that I need to READ many of my own posts as you told me to do....

 

bob

[Owl]

Actually Bob, you'll notice that there just aren't nearly as many people on here as there used to be. I think that's the main reason why you've not had much response. That, combined with the fact that your issues NOW don't really pertain to the forum that you're posting in, and you'll see why you've had little response to your thread lately. I know that I certainly can't offer any real advice on what you're going through...your situation is far different from mine. But regardless, I do wish you well.

[hotgurl]

Bob,

how are you doing these days?

[pedwin]

My God!!!!!

I have read your post but I don't know how I missed the part about both women living together in the same house!!!!!!!!! Who sleeps where?????? Tell me more!!!

Pedwin

[Poconobob]

Things here are more stable....

 

I'm living day to day and NOT using, not abusing myself anymore... I realized a mistake was made and on the up and up I've obtained my ole' job back in florida and plan to move...Actually I am taking a better job than I had before, pay is better too.

 

Two women in the same house is taxing on the brain, I bet you think oh man.... Well, it ain't no party I'll tell you...It is insanity!

One cannot afford to move, the other is complaining she wants to move with me and get our own place..

 

Combine all that with Sandy is now in the hospital and her infection from them nicking her colon during gall bladder surgery has worsened, she'll have to have a liver transplant and she is in the end stages of the liver disease. I have cried with her all the tears I have left in my war torn body, I don't care about this house, the mess I've gotten, and all the other things....I just want my sandy healthy.

 

If anyone has any ideas, well, let me know, otherwise, I'm packing, going to get her out of the hospital and carefully move her to florida where I have a network to get a doctor to agree to do a transplant or donor piece of liver from a relative.

 

My lord, what did I ever do to deserve all this? This is what I get for never cheating, never being dishonest except for using illegal drugs for a short time which is the first time EVER using so it was very easy to stop. Anyway, I'm trying my darndest to be a citizen, keep my head above water, live each day with my Sandy to the fullest.

 

I didn't tell you all but Sandy saved my life.... in a fit of stupidity, I tried or was trying to kill myself back in Novemeber when I fell off the forums... My god did I just tell the world? Anyway, I did and I'm not proud of it..... in fact I look back of the stupidity I've done over the course of the past 6 months in disgust. Depression and anxiety causes stupidity in the hands of an unstable person!

I needed an intervention in the worst way, I tried to coax my parents to help but my mom tries and tries to help but nobody will.

 

I still have a mess with a joint checking account.... It was ajoint account with godzilla, my X.....it was used to pay joint bills. I paid the bills and she decided not to put in her end of the money and I have like 15 outstanding checks..... I tried calling the bank to have them put a hault to the NSF fees but $30 a wack mounts fast especially when you get them presented over and over....

Any advice?

I tried to explain.... THANK GOD I have another account or two. But, Wachovia WON'T close the account until it is brought up to zero...meanwhile, I have literally $800 in NSF fees for $300 worth of bills.....

Geezzzzzz

 

I need this like a black eye, huh.

 

Well, gotta go sulk.......ha ha just kidding

 

Bob

[hotgurl]

why don't you have an account in your name only. In the divorce didn't you have your finances separated?You can divide debt and established payment options in the divorce. I don't see how your wife can stay there with you two. I would move to a tiny studio rather than live with my ex & his new g.f. can't you write up an agreement for payment? can you just ditch the house and file for bankruptcy?

 

I am sorry about sandy's health. How is your health? both of you need to get away. i think moving is a good idea. Stress can exxasberate any health problems that you may have.

[Poconobob]

Well...."we" kept the joint account because if we got a check that was Robert AND Cathy, it was impossible to cash plus we supposedly funded it to pay joint bills. TRUST ME, LESSON LEARNED...

 

Ms Sandra is home...I brought Sandy home yesterday. The living situation isn't horrific but it is tough at times, believe it or not worst when the real estate agent wants to show the house! I don't know why but those are the only fights... As a matter of fact, my son said to my surprise that we get along with fewer arguements since my g.f. has moved in. Also, Cathy says ALL THE TIME that I should move out and Sandy stay.... ya, they do gang up on me sometimes.

 

I'd say it is a miserable situation but put in perspective we have to LUMP it until the house is gone. Speaking of which, we've had tons of lookers and no buyers. Seems nobody wants a divorce case house, lol...

Anyway, the house might just get thrown and given to the mtg company WITH TONS OF EQUITY left......waaaa

 

Too bad there isn't an investor who wanted to make a buck....it was appraised at 300K and I'll let it go for $240 or less...

 

Well, no sense crying over spilled milk, I have work to do....

 

OH AND THANKS FOR REPLYING.

 

Bob

[hotgurl]

well bob were looking for a house and that's in our budget too bad it's not in VT. But I understand about divorce house and wouldn't by until everything was inked. We looked at a house where the mother was takent o a nursing home against her will and we weren't too excited to buy because of some unresolved legal issues.

[pedwin]

Hey Bob,

I'm still waiting to hear the sleeping arrangements. Did you move Sandy in and the two of you share a bed??? What did the W say? WHAT DID YOUR SON SAY? it WOULD SEEM TO ME YOU ARE TEACHING HIM A BAD LESSON. IS YOU SON MOVING WITH YOU TO FLORIDA?

PEDWIN

[Poconobob]

My girlfriend died! Her body just gave out, she had end stage liver disease and came home for a day then became morbidly ill and the last words uttered were "I love you Bobby".

 

I cannot even type I'm so upset... I have cried and cried.

 

HOW MUCH MORE SHOULD A PERSON TAKE?

 

Cathy has been a real real real gem, helped with CPR, now is in my bedroom cleaning out all of Sandy's stuff because I cannot. She is a friend for doing that, nobody would do that for an X.....NOBODY.

 

She told me that she liked Sandy and that Sandy was good for me in so far as she taught me to not be materialistic, not to be obsessive, and more and more..... she said in 18 years she didn't get through to me but Sandy did.

Sandy died of a massive immediate heart attack and blood poured from her mouth as she bled all over.

 

She passed in her sleep with me sleeping next to her, JUST AS SHE WISHED....as in not wanting to die in a hospital.

 

I love you all who have helped me and I'll never forget. I am so friggen depressed but not in the sense you'd think.

 

I feel so empty, nobody in my life, just me and that is truly what I want now is to be straightening my life out, sorting things out in my head and all.

 

Well, back to being all alone.......

 

Her obituary is on Standard Speaker http://www.standardspeaker.com

 

Love

 

Bob

[Poconobob]

Bryan LOVED sANDY, called her his step mom......she loved him too in fact she wanted him to have her engagement ring.

 

As for teaching him a bad lesson??? Is it better to dump an X on the street when she had nowhere to go until a home sells....or is it bad to take a very sick woman, one that consumed 18 hours a day, leave her in her apartment with riff raff all over and bring her to my home where I could hire a nurse, get her a adjustable bed, be seated in front of a bay window overlooking the valley where she loved nature.

 

I would think if anything, if both Cathy and sandy were okay with it and Bryan liked the idea that it would be okay....

I'm not saying things were perfect, at times very very ackward but we worked through it. We didn't all eat together but they took turns when Cathy was working, when Sandy felt good.

 

I am not being a jerk, PLEASE Pedwin believe me, I just feel like a heel and bad enough as it is at the loss....Bryan if anything learned that you never turn your back on someone in need.

 

I told everyone that she was just a friend, everyone does remember that, right??? I was the equal of a Make a Wish type thing, I bought sandy anything.

 

I was even working on buying her a doctor to lessen the time for her to get a liver as it was needed NOW....just she exhausted before that time.

 

Hence the reason I am so broke or should I say was.....I got back my deposits for the surgery, for the doctor who only gave back 45% plus gave back all fees.... It wasn't like I was buying a liver, I was simply excellerating the time to get things done once all the testing is complete and she'd get a beeper to let her know..........

 

ahhh, I can't talk about it...

 

So here I sit,

 

If it ever was true that if it weren't for bad luck I'd not have any luck at all!

 

bob

[fleafly]

Bob, So sorry to hear about your loss. I've been following your thread , but never responded- but I have personally been pulling for you, hoping you would/could make it through this mess. Just wanted to let you know that what you've been through would wreck most people, sure you've been knocked down a few times but you always manage to get back up. All is not lost friend, keep up the fight, honor Sandy's memory, and keep your head high. My condolences to you and Sandy's family and friends.

 

flea

[whichwayisup]

I'm sorry for your loss, and some hugs coming your way cuz you need a whole bunch of them.

 

She'll be in your heart forever, and just know that you both had a huge impact on eachother's lives.

 

Keep posting when you're up to it.

[pedwin]

Bob,

I am sooooooooooo very sorry!!! I can hear the pain in your words. I have been where you are and everyone feels and handles it different. Please remember to take care of yourself. That is something you will have to remind yourself to do in the next few months.

I thought the two of you were a couple???? I am just so confused. How is your son doing? Was he afraid? My daughter was worried for about a year afterward that she might lose me to. I'm sure it has crossed his mind.

Did she have any children? siblings? Parents?

I hope your ex continues to give you support. You must feel good knowing that you made her last days on this earth peaceful and full of love!! God Bless You for that.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.Big Hugs!!!!!!!

Pedwin

[hotgurl]

Bob,

I am sorry for your loss. I know that words can not express how much you loved Sandy and the pain your are now feeling.

 

Someone has a signature Don't cry because it ended. Be happy because it happened.

 

she will always be in your heart. Good luck and post when you can.

[jmargel]

Sorry for your loss Bob. This was all kind of sudden. I'm glad Cathy has been there to help you, maybe in some unseen way Sandy was brought into yours & Cathy's life for a reason? Sandy will always be there in heart for you and I know is looking over your right now.

 

I'm sure all she wants is for you to be happy, to be content with life. Don't let depression slip you into a deep hole. Find a good counselor and possibly ask Cathy to go with you. We're all keeping you in our thoughts.

[Poconobob]

The heart is FILLED with sorrow, never more does she feel pain though, never more will I hear her call my name though to go get her crushed ice downstairs, nevermore will I run to the store at two a..m. to get her a paper....and so goes the emptiness inside, so goes the loss of someone I drew a conclusion I'd marry and we just never got around to it. Then again, the fact was, I procrastinated with the divorce decree.....a couple reasons, first, her atty tried to screw me, second, I have no answer for. In my warped mind, I just didn't want to let go. I still think of the day she leaves and how much further I'll be lost. It was odd loving two, having one, not yearning to be with the other yet still having lots of care for the other. Sandy was the one by the way I wanted to be with. In my mind, and to the degree of actually looking on the internet, I wanted to find a way to communicate just "once more".....you know, sayonce, something like that. Pipe dream...yep, insanity nope because I'd do anything as they say to talk to them once more.

 

I'm upset, I cannot yet reply back...

 

I gotta go sulk..

 

bob