2ndconfusedfemale Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 Can someone please give me advice? Okay, the thing is that I found out that this guy I was dating for almost a year was dating someone else. When he got caught, he apologized via text message. So, I told him (about a month after the fact that I wanted to talk to him), and he said that he was "not ready." So, I gave him 1 month, and a week, then I sent him a text asking was he actually planning on "getting ready" or was that his polite way of saying "goodbye" he didn't respond. So the next day I sent him an email basically saying if it is a bye then say bye, otherwise offer an explanation so that we can get on with our lives. He did nothing. My question is why is it "so difficult" for someone to say "bye" if they have no intentions of talking to you again? If I send an email specifically asking for him to "say bye if it is a bye" and I say that it'll be over, then why wouldn't he just say bye and get it over with? I specifically asked that he don't be silent because silence can be interpretted too many ways. But he still did nothing. I guess my question is have any of you just not responded to someone, and if so then why? He still has me on his buddylist, but I don't understand if you don't want to ever talk to someone again, why not make it so that they CAN'T talk to you? Any opinions/advice would be greatly appreciated. BTW I am "getting on with my life" but it'll make it a heck of a lot easier if I didn't have to wonder if he'll try to talk to me again one day. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 Is this a long distance relationship? Why do you two communicate via text and email? Anyway, I don't know why he won't answer your emails or text messages but I would call someone like that a coward. And you know he's a cheater. Don't worry about him trying to talk to you again. Do YOU want to talk to this guy again? Take him off your buddy list and block him from your phone. You've said goodbye to this cheating coward - don't wait for hiim too. Link to post Share on other sites
2ndConfusedfemale Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 Well, we communicate that way because I refused to call him (since I don't think that I did anything wrong). No, it wasn't a long distance relationship, and the text/email thing was my problem. When I said that I wanted to talk to him he said that he "wasn't ready." So, I gave him time to get ready before I sent my text and email. I have removed him from by buddy list. As far as me talking to him again, I don't know. The truth is that my ego wants to talk to him again just to reject him, and my heart wants to talk to him again ONLY if he is "the one" which he isn't if he is behaving the way that he is. I think that I just want the door completely closed. I don't want him to have the option of "coming back" when/if he wanted to. I think that coward is the right way to describe him. How can you be ignoring someone, but if they say I won't try to contact you again if you just say the word, you don't say the word? He knows that is my attitude, I've told him before (when I did something wrong to him) that all he had to do was tell me "bye, stop apologizing, or leave me alone" and I would do just that. When he asked for space I left him alone, and he initiated contact with me. I just don't understand if you aren't talking, and don't plan to, just say that. Link to post Share on other sites
meanttolive4ever Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 hmmm..im kind of lost for words..i really dont know what to tell you. Link to post Share on other sites
sweetadeline Posted May 11, 2004 Share Posted May 11, 2004 I know how frustrated you are. My situation is very different--no cheating, for one thing--but as with you, my guy just stopped communicating. It was pretty clear, from what he'd said in our last face-to-face conversation, that he was through, but he never had the decency/graciousness/guts to deliver the final speech--even over e-mail. Even when I e-mailed him a few weeks later to say that I'd realized some things about my part in messing things up between us, I never heard back from him. So: I agree with bluechocolate or whoever it was who called your guy a coward. Is it possible that he cheated because he realized that he wanted out of the relationship but didn't know how to tell you? Regardless, there's no point in getting locked in a power struggle with him. If he didn't care about your feelings when he cheated, he sure isn't going to care about them now, when the relationship is essentially over. Do whatever you can do to get closure for yourself (and if you have any good ideas on this one, please share them, as I could use a little closure myself) and write him off. Isn't it funny/sad/screamingly awful that you can spend months of your life with someone, only to realize, after a breakup, how little you knew them? Link to post Share on other sites
2ndConfusedfemale Posted May 11, 2004 Share Posted May 11, 2004 Yes! It's even more confusing because I was the one he was cheating WITH. Before I met him he had a girlfriend (I didn't know about her), and he was trying SO hard to "get me to love him" he would even act upset when I didn't say "I love you" to him...The last thing he said to me was that he "wasn't ready" to talk, and ALL I asked him was that if it is a bye, then just say bye. I told him that I didn't want to "work on, or work out anything," my whole point is that I want the door closed. I do not like the fact that he thinks that he can just deal with me at his convenience. His behavior doesn't make any sense to me. He hasn't blocked me from sending him messages, yet if I send them he doesn't respond. That just doesn't make any sense to me. And then, when I say "if you don't plan on talking to me just say bye" he doesn't do that either. He is making me angry, and I KNOW that there are a lot of things that I COULD do, to make him angry enough to tell me to leave him the **** alone, but you shouldn't have to provoke someone into making a decision. I want to change my phone number, block him from sending messages, and get rid of any way he could contact me in the future, that way the door will be closed because I CLOSED it. And I'll just smile thinking about that day when he dial my number and hear the operator. Then he'll finally understand that you can't deal with me at your convenience. Link to post Share on other sites
meanttolive4ever Posted May 11, 2004 Share Posted May 11, 2004 i really wouldnt worry that much about it. Link to post Share on other sites
2ndconfusedfemale Posted May 11, 2004 Share Posted May 11, 2004 Originally posted by meanttolive4ever i really wouldnt worry that much about it. lol. That's the best advice I've gotten about him and his craziness. Thanks. That is exactly what I'm going to do, or should I say not do. I just need to not let being ignored bother me as much as it is bothering me. Link to post Share on other sites
supermom Posted May 11, 2004 Share Posted May 11, 2004 Maybe you should email him and simply state that this is your goodbye, and you've shut the door. Stand up for yourself! You can do it! Link to post Share on other sites
2ndConfusedfemale Posted May 11, 2004 Share Posted May 11, 2004 Originally posted by supermom Maybe you should email him and simply state that this is your goodbye, and you've shut the door. Stand up for yourself! You can do it! thanks. But I thought that my last email was saying that, because I did say "my being on hold isn't working." And the subject header was "If this is the last thing I'll ever say to you." but when I think about it I didn't say bye either...But I thought that if I said something like "if you don't respond then bye" it would've seemed too ultimatum(ish). But I should've written the email to say "this is the last thing I'll say" instead of "IF this is the last thing" well, anyway, I just want to get on my life, and me knowing whether or not he's going to "ATTEMPT" to come back would help me know the right way to proceed with getting on with my life. What is so hard about saying bye? And if I do send an email saying "bye" to him could he read it to mean that I am just trying to get him to talk to me? Also, I kinda don't want to say bye, because he is trying to provoke me into making the decision for him. Just like he'd provoke his ex to breakup with him rather than stand up and end it himself. Link to post Share on other sites
meanttolive4ever Posted May 11, 2004 Share Posted May 11, 2004 Originally posted by 2ndconfusedfemale lol. That's the best advice I've gotten about him and his craziness. Thanks. That is exactly what I'm going to do, or should I say not do. I just need to not let being ignored bother me as much as it is bothering me. yea guys are retards... Link to post Share on other sites
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