Hardly Ever Getting Time Together Because of Work

[TBH]

So I dunno really what kind of advice i'm looking for, i guess I'd just like to hear from people who have been/are in the same situation.

 

My husband works late into the evening most nights, and 9 times out of 10 works saturday and sunday as well.

he doesnt get hardly any bank holidays off either.

 

I totally get that it is due to his profession and am not bitter about it or give him grief over spending more time with me because he is doing what he loves, and of course that is his work and what he has chosen to do.

 

The thing I find difficult is now I have got so used to spending alot of my free time on my own or with friends and family, that when we are together I find we dont have a huge amount to talk about because we dont really share any experiences.

we dont have much money either so going out etc. is a rare treat for us.

 

He comes home so late some nights that I am so tired (although I do wait up for him) that I am not really good for talking. I do want to talk and listen but am obviously not as attentive as I would otherwise be.

 

so all of the little things you talk about after work over dinner etc. we dont get to share with each other, and it feels mostly like we are kind of living seperate lives.

 

The thing that worries me most is I actually now really enjoy the time to myself, and the thought of him having a 9-5 and being home all the time makes me feel really anxious (although I know thats unlikely to happen)

Feeling this way makes me feel really guilty and I dont want to, i'm just getting really accustomed to time on my own.

 

He would also like children in the next few years and I cant help but feel like it would basically be me bringing them up on my own.

My own father worked long hours when I was growing up and I dont really have a relationship with him, and that just isnt how i would want things to be for my children.

My mother was and is amazing, and I have turned out fine, but I want my children to have a father they know and have a good relationship with.

 

I'm starting to worry alot about all of this. How do other people handle it when one of you has a job which takes up much of your time and takes you away from your partner/family?

[casuallyconfused]

You guys need a date night. Im sure out of 7 days you can make a nice dinner for him once a week and spend time talking. I mean you two are married and talked at one time didnt you? Take a bath together, rent a movie, something. Its only gonna get worse if you dont do this stuff now before kids arrive into the picture.

[Stung]

Is your husband working towards a specific objective, after which his hours will ease up a little? Or is this just how it's going to be?

 

Have you spoken to him about this at all, or are you just sitting back watching the drift happen? Obviously his career is important to him, but is he even aware that he's jeopardizing his marriage?

[TBH]

You guys need a date night. Im sure out of 7 days you can make a nice dinner for him once a week and spend time talking. I mean you two are married and talked at one time didnt you? Take a bath together, rent a movie, something. Its only gonna get worse if you dont do this stuff now before kids arrive into the picture.

 

you're right of course. I will plan a nice evening in and cook him something.

 

he hasnt always had this kind of job so in the past we did spend much more time together.

I think my anxiety really just stems from not seeing him enough, when we have a holiday together the first couple of days are a little awkward while we are getting used to each other again but after that its fine so i'm sure we can work through it.

thank you for your reply.

[TBH]

Is your husband working towards a specific objective, after which his hours will ease up a little? Or is this just how it's going to be?

 

Have you spoken to him about this at all, or are you just sitting back watching the drift happen? Obviously his career is important to him, but is he even aware that he's jeopardizing his marriage?

 

 

as far as his work goes it will pretty much always be like this unless he changes career. It should get a bit better though as hopefully soon he will be in a position to manage the staff rota and therefore will be able to give himself a bit more time off at weekends but his industry denotes their busiest times are evenings and weekends.

 

He is aware we dont spend enough time together but as he is not able to choose his hours at the moment he's at the mercy of his superior and can only request certain days, which doesnt mean he will always get the time off he wants.

 

Its just more difficult to sustain a relationship when you dont see each other very much. i know its not impossible, it may just require a bit more effort which I'm happy to put in.