casuallyconfused Posted September 15, 2011 Share Posted September 15, 2011 Ive been married for 10 years. I am no longer in love with my husband. I havent been in a long time. Id say at least 5 years. He and i have grown apart. Basically he and i dont get along and its more like we are like oil and water and dont mix unless shaken. I walk around unhappy and i know he is unhappy too because i dont spend time with him. We are just two different people and both of us have changed. I go out with friends or stay on the phone a lot. We havent had sex in months and dont even kiss anymore. He always says i have already walked away and truthfully i have. He constantly fights to keep me. I have two problems....one is that we have taken in several of my family members over the last 3 years due to the bad economy. My sister and her hubby are here, and my brother and his child because of divorce. My sister and her hubby are not in a position to leave and neither is my brother. I dont care personally if they stay if i go but i can stay with my friend and her hubby if i wanna leave. Its scary leaving because i know he will be torn up. Two....Part of me feels guilty for leaving and thinks i should stay and act happy even though im not and another part of me thinks its unfair to me to stay. Anyone ever been where i am and can let me know what they did and how it turned out? Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted September 15, 2011 Share Posted September 15, 2011 Uhmm... You're going to leave him there with all of your mooching family you brought in on him? That seems fair. Can't they stay with your friend and her hubby too? Link to post Share on other sites
Author casuallyconfused Posted September 15, 2011 Author Share Posted September 15, 2011 My family isnt mooching. He offered for them to stay and they pay good rent. He gets $800 a month from them. Also..he has stated if i ever go they can stay but im sure they wont want to. Link to post Share on other sites
Stung Posted September 15, 2011 Share Posted September 15, 2011 $800 a month is really not much for all those people...and while it's nice for your husband to say that he doesn't mind if they all stay there with or without you, that's one of those niceties you should never take somebody up on. Really. It is unfair to both of you, particularly your husband, to let things continue on as they have been. So, a couple of questions: Have you ever tried marriage counseling with your husband? Are you willing to try counseling? Do you have kids? And, If you leave, are you willing to take your family with you and try to find a home with all of them without your husband's help? Link to post Share on other sites
make me believe Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 It doesn't sound to me like you have even tried to make your marriage work. OF COURSE you're "growing apart" when you spend all of your time out with your friends or on the phone! What about putting your husband first and taking the energy you are spending on everyone else and investing it back into your marriage?? You don't have to pretend to be happy, but the least you could do is talk to your husband about what you're feeling and put SOME attempt into repairing your marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
analystfromhell Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 I am very surprised this is coming from you and not your husband. He clearly is absorbing a lot to keep the marriage together; I'm wondering why he's bothering... Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 If you are serious about ending this marriage, it would be unfair to saddle your stbxhusband with your family. If he insists, well ok. But I think it would be much kinder to insist they find other housing, for both you and he. Link to post Share on other sites
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