You can't have a Relationship if you're parents damaged you Mentally?

[quietGuy13]

I've never had a GF/relationship . Recently as i've told , i've been meeting a girl..but there's not much chance of her being a GF since she's foreign and here just studying. But anways, she's just a friend.

 

But as far as me feeling like crap...and sometimes suddenly feeling like i'm not worth it etc it has a lot to do with my parents, they even control me now even though i'm an adult. they scold me like a kid, they tell me what to do.

 

So, if im' like this forever, then finding a relationship that is more than a friend is pretty impossible right??

 

I have to break out of my parents grip before i start a relationship? But even so i'll still have scars from the psychological damage .

[NigellaObsidia]

I my wise old age I've discovered that relationships are only as healthy as I am, that includes friends, spouses, whatever.

 

So, yes, you can have a relationship while messed up by your upbringing, but in my experience, you'll have better ones if you're emotionally healthy.

 

Let me tell you what happened to me. I was severely emotionally abused by my mentally ill mother. The details of my childhood would give you nightmares. I ended up marrying a man JUST LIKE HER. It's all I knew and that marriage was a nightmare. I didn't see it until I divorced him how much like her he is.

 

So, if you want a healthy relationship that doesn't mirror what you've been raised with, set some limits with the parents, maybe see a counselor to get some tools to help you forge a new, emotionally healthy outlook and life, and you'll be able to find and have a good relationship.

 

Just my .02. Clearly I'm not an expert. Good luck to you.

[smudge21]

The way a child is brought up has huge impact on everything in their lives afterwards. I know so many people, myself included, who's past (no matter how big or small) issues growing up have directed their lives one way or another. I personally do have commitment issues steming from childhood when my parents split and everything surrounding that.

 

The positive for me is I recognise the problem. I can see it and know it's there and accept that it does affect me, so in a way I can deal with it (or at least try to). I think many people just block stuff out or avoid it and think they can move on, but deep down, the past is affecting them in some way.

 

Seriously consider talking to a professional. Someone who has seen all this so many times and can help you work past it. The people I know who's lives have been affected never went for help so never got it, thus in some small way, probably never truly had the life they should've done. I know that I missed out on a few very good relationships because of my own issues.

[carhill]

OP, you're young and have other challenges beyond whatever 'grip' your parents have on you. Continue your therapy and, as your speech gets better and you become more confident, then address your childhood issues with a professional psychologist.

 

I've dated many women with abusive childhoods and I married one. They do have relationships but I've found there is, absent proper counseling and treatment appropriate to the type of abuse, a strong chance that their 'scars' make for difficult intimate relations, whether that be in the realm of emotional, physical or sexual. They see the relationship path from a completely different perspective.

 

The good news for you is that you're young and are already reflecting on these things. I daresay, if I had gotten help long ago for 'picking' such women for partners, my life path in the area of interpersonal relationships might have appeared very different. Even though it's rarely too late to address it, IMO it's better done while younger and more 'flexible'. For an old coot like myself, ingrained behaviors are very hard to change.

 

Good luck!

[betterdeal]

Changing your relationship with your parents can be rewarding regardless whether it affects your chances of a relationship with a woman. The best chances of it changing for the better are if you are determined to change it because you want to change it i.e. not just for an ulterior motive.

 

Standing up for yourself and rebalancing that relationship will give you skills that might apply well in other relationships. So a side-effect is it may well help you with a girlfriend. How you manage and maintain relationships has a significant effect on your happiness, be they with parents, colleagues, strangers, neighbours, lovers - anyone you come into contact with.

 

But don't get too hung up on excuses for not getting a girlfriend: put all that energy of yours into changing your life for the better.

[AHardDaysNight]

32 is still young.

 

Plus, you haven't ever learned how to take control of your own life. Your parents are trying to help you, you being mentally disabled, but there will come a time where you will have to take charge of your own life. Your parents won't be around forever.

 

You gotta get on disability, bud. And realize that the world isn't out to get you.