Will it ever end?????

[wannabdone]

As I already said it's not OK for a child to be contacted.

 

My d-day was nearly 3 years ago and my contact with the OW's parents-in-law was a few weeks later. My contact with her adult son was only after she contacted my H out of the blue one day, after promising me she would never contact him again. This was about 6 months after d-day. My H had kept his promise to me, to not contact her again, but she did not.

 

She wanted him to meet with her and when he said "no" she practically begged him not to tell me she'd called. He did tell me as it was part of his promise to me. My immediate reaction was to tell her son. I had met with her a few weeks earlier and had told her then, that the only reason I had not already told her son was because she had kept her promise not to contact my H.

 

What did I hope to get out of it you ask? Well her to stay out of my life and family. I told her that if she continued to behave as if she had a right to interfere in my life then she could expect that I would consider myself entitled to interfere in hers. It was her choice to hurt and betray her BH and children. If her relationship with the rest of her family was damaged it is due to her own actions. Do you blame the media when you find out bad news that upsets you? Of course not. I was just the messenger and I didn't need to lie about her. Her actions alone were sufficient.

 

She was married with one small child when she started with my H. She had a baby during the A and her H and family believed it was his. She was just ending an A with another guy at the time she started with my H so there are (at least) 3 potential fathers of this little boy who is now 9 years old. If he is her H's son then she totally betrayed them all by having an A with my H throughout her pregnancy. She then started up another A with a MM shortly before her H died, while saving the lives of her and her son. She pretended to be grief-stricken when her H died but continued to lead on my H and the other MM until our d-day.

 

I am astonished that somehow you think it was my fault that her family and children were hurt.

 

But it's hardly surprising as you seem to blame the BW in your situation for hurt suffered by your own family. She has behaved badly yes, and should never have contacted your young son, but any hurt suffered by your (adult) nearest and dearest is mainly attributable to whatever you did. I'm assuming she didn't physically assault anyone or damage property, in saying this.

 

I haven't had any contact with my H's OW for a long time now and only the once with her son nearly 2.5 years ago.

 

 

And Sid, one last thought I forgot to add. Thank you giving me insight on the "other side", I do appreciate it.

 

I do wish you all the best.

[SidLyon]

I am astonished that you don't see that calling someone who had nothing to do with the A, wasn't on you that you hurt them. Did she hurt her family all on her own with her actions....absolutely! How did calling her son keep her from intruding in your life? Does her son "own" her and can physically keep her tied in the house where she can't go anywhere, and keep all phones and other media away from her so she can not contact your H? When it boils down to it, it is the person who wishes to remain in their M to keep the A from not happening. You are not a divinely appointmented being from God that has been sent to be the messager. IMO that is the thought process that makes people okay with their actions.

 

I will admit, this lady sounds like a real piece of work. 3 A, 3 potential baby daddy's, H that is dying, and she is carrying on 2 A (if i'm reading it correctly) during that time. WOW! And shame on her after your H told her to stop contacting him and was working on your M, that she tried to beg him back. Sounds to me like a very sad and lost soul. But I found it interesting in your post and one comment in paticular....

 

"She pretended to be grief-stricken when her H died but continued to lead on my H and the other MM until our d-day"

 

IMO I almost get the impression that you act like it was solely her, that she "lead" your H on. Did he not make a choice in this as well?

 

So with being the messenger as you put it, did you sit your children down and tell them that their father had cheated on you? Betrayed you? Lied to you and them? Possibly fathered another child? Just curious, since you felt that people deserve for everyone to know. Did you call his parents and friends and tell them all the same thing?

 

My point is, that it seems very often that we like to label the OW as the sole responsibility for the A. That the poor MM was just a victim of this evil womans doing. And there are probably certain cases where the person that is doing all of the chasing is the OW/OM. But A LOT of cases its the other way around. We also like to say then that the OW then has the right to have revenge thrown upon her in the outlook of being "the right thing to do". No one died and left us as the judgers, messengers, and revenge seekers of the world.

 

I look at it that two wrongs make a right is a phallacy. Do people deserve to have justice for their wrongs? YES! Are we the appointed people to seek that justice? NO. If I have someone hurt me, then I turn around a hurt someone purposesly, I see myself as no better than them.

 

And if you look at it in the way that you have the right to do so. Then you need make sure you look at it that everyone has the right to do so. So, if this child who you called someday turns around and hurts you because you intruded on his life, when he played no part, well thats just "fair game". If you blame everything you do because of someone's actions, then don't get on to other people when they blame everything they do on someone elses actions. Whats fair is fair...right? Because when you start looking at fairness only being for a specific group of people, then your outlook is no longer valid, and is then considered to be your own agenda, and actually not a behavior that you stand firm on that is okay and acceptable. So, if someone writes in a post and calls someone a name, because they are hurt, then it really isn't worth you saying it judges their character. Because it was just a statement, not even an action to hurt her, in everything you are saying, that statement was completely justified. And if the 6 other people in my story that were hurt and were innocent then decide to turn around and do something to hurt her and her family, their actions are justified because after all that is "fair game".

 

And if it has been 3 years since your H had an A, it might be time to work on that bitterness you are feeling. Contacting another child YEARS after someone had an A, is a bit extreme IMO, and shows nothing more than hard feelings and revenge. You and your H are happy now, I hope, move on and continue to be happy. Don't keep hurting people, just because years ago you were hurt. You are doing nothing but keeping the A alive by doing that, and continuing to do damange that comes along with that.

 

Bottom line, I think everyone has to be accountable for their own actions at the end of the day. And somewhere we have to put a stop to carrying out revenge on others, and concentrate on good things. This is truly how really awful things happen in this world.

 

I think this is just a point were we agree to disagree. I do see your points, and think you make a valid argument for somethings, but then on others I just have the opposite opinion on them.

 

I'm glad that you and your H have found happiness. You two are probably better and stronger after it all.

 

I think you have misunderstood the reasoning behind why I told people.

 

I believe in total exposure of affairs to those who may have been hurt by them. Many people will not continue with them if they know that others know. Of course I didn't;t expect her son or my sons or her in laws or may husband's family to act as jailers.

 

But I did assume that my H and perhaps her, would think twice before continuing, knowing that the whole world would know what they had done. As it hap pended it worked with my H. He was mortified that his children and family knew. I didn't tell them - he did; but it was a condition I set on him if he wanted me to work on staying married. I had no intention of keeping secrets for him that had caused me to feel like I wanted to die.

 

My children also needed to know why their mother was so upset and it became obvious after d-day that they thought I'd just discovered I had a fatal illness, so they needed an explanation, and more lies to them from him was simply not on.

 

The OW's husband was not dying. There was an accident and he saved the lives of his wife (the OW) and son but died himself in the process.

 

And of course my H was responsible for his own behaviour. After her H died they both behaved dreadfully. Her in leading him on, making him feel responsible for her when all the time she had another MM that she was persuading to leave his wife, and him in continuing to betray his own wife and family.

 

Oh edited to add: the only reasons the child may be contacted in the future is because he may be my H's son. We have pursued paternity tests recently via lawyers but the OW will not consent. My children and my in in-laws would like to know if they have a brother/grandson.

 

Obviously we don't agree but your personal attack on me is unnecessary. Your true character is shining through.

Edited September 18, 2011 by SidLyon

[wannabdone]

I think you have misunderstood the reasoning behind why I told people.

 

I believe in total exposure of affairs to those who may have been hurt by them. Many people will not continue with them if they know that others know. Of course I didn't;t expect her son or my sons or her in laws or may husband's family to act as jailers.

 

But I did assume that my H and perhaps her, would think twice before continuing, knowing that the whole world would know what they had done. As it hap pended it worked with my H. He was mortified that his children and family knew. I didn't tell them - he did; but it was a condition I set on him if he wanted me to work on staying married. I had no intention of keeping secrets for him that had caused me to feel like I wanted to die.

 

My children also needed to know why their mother was so upset and it became obvious after d-day that they thought I'd just discovered I had a fatal illness, so they needed an explanation, and more lies to them from him was simply not on.

 

The OW's husband was not dying. There was an accident and he saved the lives of his wife (the OW) and son but died himself in the process.

 

And of course my H was responsible for his own behaviour. After her H died they both behaved dreadfully. Her in leading him on, making him feel responsible for her when all the time she had another MM that she was persuading to leave his wife, and him in continuing to betray his own wife and family.

 

 

I think its easy to misread peoples quotes. I can read something one time and get one meaning, then reread it a couple of days later and take a whole different meaning. In typing, it is impossible to show emotions, sure you can put or and LOL, but still aren't quite for sure at times, and its very hard to put everything into the post. There might be very valid reasons why we did what we did or said what we said, but for either lack of time, or kids fighting in the back ground, or simply old hands like myself get tired of typing, we leave out things. However, I think its pretty easy to pick up on who is geniune on here and who isn't. Who is just basically (sorryto say) worthless, and who is really a good and decent person, that just made mistakes and stupid choices, as most of us had.

 

I'm sure you had very valid reasons for what you did. And I can recognize a difference between your actions and the actions of the BS involved in my situation. I really mean this when I say, I expected some things. Call my H, come by my work, things of that nature. Things that were 100% her intention of just trying to fight for what was hers. I get her situation, and I get why she would do those things. I am not swift to be harsh about someone. Quite the contrary, I really always try to take into account why they did, and what their reasoning could have been. (btw, this being one of the BIGGEST problems I have had that has kept me sucked into this awful thing). But after thinking and rethinking certain things she does and continues to do, there was just no other excuse outside of she was being revengeful.

 

Again, your situation seems very different than mine. Your H, probably did get "sucked into" somethings. Did he make that choice? yes. But, I am a person who prides myself on my integrity and my word being my honor, I got sucked into my A, however, did I make the choice, YES! But I do know that good people can get sucked into bad things, and make bad choices. Your H seems to be honest. I don't care if he had an A, that doesn't make him a dishonest person in my eyes. It makes him human. We all make mistakes. But he was honest and still is being. He probably saw the OW for all she really was, and probably felt like he had been played like a fool. Again, I understand this, as my eyes have been opened and I have realized how I have been played as one. Also, in your situation you had a OW who seemed relentless,calling and begging, carrying on two A at one time. BUSY, BUSY LADY!!! This is my only A, and it will remain as my only. I'm not a woman who runs around trying to get as many men as she possibly can. And when Dday did happen, I never contacted him. I really tried to move on with my life. And felt ashamed and used each time. But then he would slink back in and I would try to not talk to him, he knew me so well, he could play me like a fiddle. And he would work tiredlessly at me until I caved. Again, I chose to, I did it. But I really look back and really see how mind ****ed I was for so long. My xMM, couldn't be honest if someone held a gun to his head. This has literally been a nightmare to escape this sociopathic/narcassistic man. And then even more so of a night mare because I do love him. Why??? Lord Jesus, I wish I could answer that. Except that what I have found through my two years of therapy is that he is similiar if not one in the same to my father. My father who walked out on me at 5, and didn't return. I think that I was trying to replace that, and felt like this made all the wrongs in my life, right. Not trying to make excuses, because again I own my actions, but those I believe where my motivators for my actions. I am working through all of that hurt from my past, to build myself internally as a stronger woman. I've always said its so funny, as if you knew me in my life, no one would ever think this of me. And never think I am anything less than an extrememly strong woman. They would never know how inside i'm a crumbled up mess. Guess that was a survival mechanism that kicked in from long ago.

 

Again, I appreciate your input and you showing the other side of things. I wish the people I was dealing with where a bit more "up standing" like you guys. I am happy that you guys survived, and that you are growing stronger together. Who knows, if this had never happened, you could have maybe lived the rest of your lives as "just okay", now you are working to be wonderful. So, I believe God can make all things turn out for good. (thats me looking at the glass 1/2 full.)

 

I would suggest though, to rethink calling that other kid. Just let it go, release it. Focus on your family. You seem like a good woman, with a good head on your shoulders. I don't want you doing it and then feeling remorseful, because that might have not served really any purpose, since she is gone and out of your lives for good.

 

She doesn't keep trying does she??? Please tell me that she has moved on to the next 2-3. Oh and thx for clearing up the H dying thing, I thought maybe he was ill or something. What a terrible thing. But still, really scarry that someone can act like the grieving W, while she is sharing a bed with others. Yikes. I think her kids are going to have enough issues all on there own.

[SidLyon]

I think its easy to misread peoples quotes. I can read something one time and get one meaning, then reread it a couple of days later and take a whole different meaning. In typing, it is impossible to show emotions, sure you can put or and LOL, but still aren't quite for sure at times, and its very hard to put everything into the post. There might be very valid reasons why we did what we did or said what we said, but for either lack of time, or kids fighting in the back ground, or simply old hands like myself get tired of typing, we leave out things. However, I think its pretty easy to pick up on who is geniune on here and who isn't. Who is just basically (sorryto say) worthless, and who is really a good and decent person, that just made mistakes and stupid choices, as most of us had.

 

I'm sure you had very valid reasons for what you did. And I can recognize a difference between your actions and the actions of the BS involved in my situation. I really mean this when I say, I expected some things. Call my H, come by my work, things of that nature. Things that were 100% her intention of just trying to fight for what was hers. I get her situation, and I get why she would do those things. I am not swift to be harsh about someone. Quite the contrary, I really always try to take into account why they did, and what their reasoning could have been. (btw, this being one of the BIGGEST problems I have had that has kept me sucked into this awful thing). But after thinking and rethinking certain things she does and continues to do, there was just no other excuse outside of she was being revengeful.

 

Again, your situation seems very different than mine. Your H, probably did get "sucked into" somethings. Did he make that choice? yes. But, I am a person who prides myself on my integrity and my word being my honor, I got sucked into my A, however, did I make the choice, YES! But I do know that good people can get sucked into bad things, and make bad choices. Your H seems to be honest. I don't care if he had an A, that doesn't make him a dishonest person in my eyes. It makes him human. We all make mistakes. But he was honest and still is being. He probably saw the OW for all she really was, and probably felt like he had been played like a fool. Again, I understand this, as my eyes have been opened and I have realized how I have been played as one. Also, in your situation you had a OW who seemed relentless,calling and begging, carrying on two A at one time. BUSY, BUSY LADY!!! This is my only A, and it will remain as my only. I'm not a woman who runs around trying to get as many men as she possibly can. And when Dday did happen, I never contacted him. I really tried to move on with my life. And felt ashamed and used each time. But then he would slink back in and I would try to not talk to him, he knew me so well, he could play me like a fiddle. And he would work tiredlessly at me until I caved. Again, I chose to, I did it. But I really look back and really see how mind ****ed I was for so long. My xMM, couldn't be honest if someone held a gun to his head. This has literally been a nightmare to escape this sociopathic/narcassistic man. And then even more so of a night mare because I do love him. Why??? Lord Jesus, I wish I could answer that. Except that what I have found through my two years of therapy is that he is similiar if not one in the same to my father. My father who walked out on me at 5, and didn't return. I think that I was trying to replace that, and felt like this made all the wrongs in my life, right. Not trying to make excuses, because again I own my actions, but those I believe where my motivators for my actions. I am working through all of that hurt from my past, to build myself internally as a stronger woman. I've always said its so funny, as if you knew me in my life, no one would ever think this of me. And never think I am anything less than an extrememly strong woman. They would never know how inside i'm a crumbled up mess. Guess that was a survival mechanism that kicked in from long ago.

 

Again, I appreciate your input and you showing the other side of things. I wish the people I was dealing with where a bit more "up standing" like you guys. I am happy that you guys survived, and that you are growing stronger together. Who knows, if this had never happened, you could have maybe lived the rest of your lives as "just okay", now you are working to be wonderful. So, I believe God can make all things turn out for good. (thats me looking at the glass 1/2 full.)

 

I would suggest though, to rethink calling that other kid. Just let it go, release it. Focus on your family. You seem like a good woman, with a good head on your shoulders. I don't want you doing it and then feeling remorseful, because that might have not served really any purpose, since she is gone and out of your lives for good.

 

She doesn't keep trying does she??? Please tell me that she has moved on to the next 2-3. Oh and thx for clearing up the H dying thing, I thought maybe he was ill or something. What a terrible thing. But still, really scarry that someone can act like the grieving W, while she is sharing a bed with others. Yikes. I think her kids are going to have enough issues all on there own.

 

Ok well best of luck to you. The OW in my situation is not persisting with contact and it's been more than 2 years since I last contacted her and her son. Quite possibly she's concerned that I will do some more "exposure" if she continues. She wasn't very happy that her older son and parents in-laws found out.

 

It's quite a few years before the younger one becomes old enough, so who knows what will happen in the meantime. There's the possibility that his paternal grandmother will do a DNA test herself so she knows whether or not she''s helping to bring up her (dead) son's child. My H may decide he no longer wants to know for sure whether he is the father or my H's mother (who is elderly and unwell) may not have the need to know any more whether she has another grandchild. I may no longer care by then as well, after all he is certainly not my son.

 

As I said before I believe in exposure of affairs to everyone who may have an interest or have been hurt in some way by the affair. This may come as a surprise to some affair partners, who are so used to conducting the affair in secret that they just assume that the BWs will feel the same.

 

I hope it works out for you and she stops trying to expose you (if that's what she's doing). My attitude was that it was only necessary to expose once. If the affair participants wanted to deny it to their own families then so be it.

[wannabdone]

Ok well best of luck to you. The OW in my situation is not persisting with contact and it's been more than 2 years since I last contacted her and her son. Quite possibly she's concerned that I will do some more "exposure" if she continues. She wasn't very happy that her older son and parents in-laws found out.

 

It's quite a few years before the younger one becomes old enough, so who knows what will happen in the meantime. There's the possibility that his paternal grandmother will do a DNA test herself so she knows whether or not she''s helping to bring up her (dead) son's child. My H may decide he no longer wants to know for sure whether he is the father or my H's mother (who is elderly and unwell) may not have the need to know any more whether she has another grandchild. I may no longer care by then as well, after all he is certainly not my son.

 

As I said before I believe in exposure of affairs to everyone who may have an interest or have been hurt in some way by the affair. This may come as a surprise to some affair partners, who are so used to conducting the affair in secret that they just assume that the BWs will feel the same.

 

I hope it works out for you and she stops trying to expose you (if that's what she's doing). My attitude was that it was only necessary to expose once. If the affair participants wanted to deny it to their own families then so be it.

 

 

I totally understand your line of thinking. And it must be very hard for you to have to still go through this. Part of you is probably hoping your H will not want to know, and you two can put this behind you. As I would probably (TBH), not want a child that was coming to visit my H that was a product from that. Again, shows that since you would be willing to do that, how much of a good woman you are, and how much you really love your H.

 

Sounds to me like the OW you had was a Sociopath. They NEVER fully release the AP. It might be years and then they pop up. But hopefully not in your case, hopefully she will have enough fear of her other son finding out that it will keep her from doing so. That is about the only way you can get them to stop doing what they want. For the have no idea about consquences for their actions, and only find that the consquences that harm their livelyhood would be the only thing to get them to stop.

 

I really did and do expect when you are in an A, that you will be found out and there will be consquences. There have been consquences that I have had happen just from my own dumb ass mistakes. Most of the time, I am my own biggest critic and worse enemy. I harbor so much guilt and anxiety from the pain I have caused so many people, it is too much to bare at times. I would have probably D my son's father anyway, but I always live with the regret that I did it so fast and furious getting the D, what if I could have went to counseling, and could have made it right for my son's behalf. My mind set at the time was when I realized I had feelings for the MM, I didn't want to have an EA or PA while I was M. Funny how I saw as long as I was single, it was okay. Again, an example of how things cloud your judgment when you are in the middle of the storm. So because of that, I very hurriedly D my xH. Even asked the judge to go agaisnt the alotted amount of time it takes from filing a D to declaring it.

One of the best things I have done is get on this site. 1-It has helped me understand that I am in fact not alone, and that there are many other people who fall under the "spell", if you will, of these awful R. 2-I've been able to express my feelings, and get some great feed back and support. As well as now I really have a journal of my progress. Which is always good to see how your way of thinking changes the stronger you get. and 3-I feel like I can help someone else. I see so many woman (or really what I call girls now) that are the same age I was, and are doing the same things I was doing, and have the same things happening to them. I feel like I can offer them some real insight as to why not to do it. I feel like if I can help stop one person from doing what I did, then maybe my A was not all for not. Maybe it would have been a situation that would have been far worse than mine, maybe someone who have gotten hurt (physically), or maybe someone would have hurt themselves. If I can help stop one person from doing that, help stop one person from ruining their life and the life of so many innocent parties, maybe God has turned my A into something that was used for good.

 

I have been thinking about myself that since I called the BS and she acts the way she does, and continues to harrase me and my family. And or the xMM continues to stalk and bother me, I have really thought about telling them that if they both don't stop and put an end to this maddness, I would go to their church. The xMM is a coach for a home school association team. The entire thing is set up on teaching God's priniciples as well as playing sports. It would devestate their names and reputations with in their community. I really would hate to do it and hate even thinking about using that as a threat. But I am at my wits end. I do not want either one of them contacting me ever again. I really want to heal myself, and mend my broken life. For me and my son. But, I can't find any other option. As I have asked (really told) both of them to leave me be. I have given her plenty o' chances to say her peace to me. And him, I want him to go jump off a bridge, for am I seeing him for the evil person he really is. Like I told you I have a lawyer involved and have threatened to file harrasment charges. I have told him that I will include him in the harrassment charges as well. I think he thinks (he is a narcassistic/sociopath) that since he has done his voodoo mind tricks with me in the past, that if he is given enough opportunities he will be able to do it again. So I thought about telling them both if it doesn't cease, I will let every parent know on their home school team that the man who is teaching their sons the fundamentals of being a christian and Godly man, is a Narcassistic/sociopath, that has had an A for years. (and honestly, I am really starting to wonder with the behavior if I am the only one he has had or is having). Maybe thats just me trying to make myself think the is awful, I don't know. And then going to his church and telling them that this deacon and this leader has been doing this, and she has been doing this and I just want it to stop. I just don't know how to go about that. A letter? A call? Email? How??? And then would I be opening myself up for even more retailiation? Because I really do want to just have peace.

 

So what in your opinion should I do? Do you have any advise?

[Spark1111]

Contact an attorney and have them send a certified letter basically stating to leave you alone or else.

 

Do not respond to emails, texts, phone calls, and drive-by conversations.

 

Not all OW/OM or BS are the same.

 

I too believe in exposure as I truly thought I was heading for divorce. My young adult children knew and we all gave each other permission to talk with whomever necessary to heal.

 

I did not contact her until she broke NC almost 2.5 years later to see if he was still pining away for her.

 

The gloves came off and I contacted her on her work line where she could not avoid me and told her while we do not wish her any harm, to stay away from my family.

 

It was the most bizarre 4 minute convo of my entire life.

 

No, not all OW or BSs are the same. Protect yourself.

[wannabdone]

Contact an attorney and have them send a certified letter basically stating to leave you alone or else.

 

Do not respond to emails, texts, phone calls, and drive-by conversations.

 

Not all OW/OM or BS are the same.

 

I too believe in exposure as I truly thought I was heading for divorce. My young adult children knew and we all gave each other permission to talk with whomever necessary to heal.

 

I did not contact her until she broke NC almost 2.5 years later to see if he was still pining away for her.

 

The gloves came off and I contacted her on her work line where she could not avoid me and told her while we do not wish her any harm, to stay away from my family.

 

It was the most bizarre 4 minute convo of my entire life.

 

No, not all OW or BSs are the same. Protect yourself.

 

 

I have already contacted an attorney, and had her served about month and a half ago.

 

Do tell about this 4 min convo. What was said???

[2sunny]

I totally understand your line of thinking. And it must be very hard for you to have to still go through this. Part of you is probably hoping your H will not want to know, and you two can put this behind you. As I would probably (TBH), not want a child that was coming to visit my H that was a product from that. Again, shows that since you would be willing to do that, how much of a good woman you are, and how much you really love your H.

 

Sounds to me like the OW you had was a Sociopath. They NEVER fully release the AP. It might be years and then they pop up. But hopefully not in your case, hopefully she will have enough fear of her other son finding out that it will keep her from doing so. That is about the only way you can get them to stop doing what they want. For the have no idea about consquences for their actions, and only find that the consquences that harm their livelyhood would be the only thing to get them to stop.

 

I really did and do expect when you are in an A, that you will be found out and there will be consquences. There have been consquences that I have had happen just from my own dumb ass mistakes. Most of the time, I am my own biggest critic and worse enemy. I harbor so much guilt and anxiety from the pain I have caused so many people, it is too much to bare at times. I would have probably D my son's father anyway, but I always live with the regret that I did it so fast and furious getting the D, what if I could have went to counseling, and could have made it right for my son's behalf. My mind set at the time was when I realized I had feelings for the MM, I didn't want to have an EA or PA while I was M. Funny how I saw as long as I was single, it was okay. Again, an example of how things cloud your judgment when you are in the middle of the storm. So because of that, I very hurriedly D my xH. Even asked the judge to go agaisnt the alotted amount of time it takes from filing a D to declaring it.

One of the best things I have done is get on this site. 1-It has helped me understand that I am in fact not alone, and that there are many other people who fall under the "spell", if you will, of these awful R. 2-I've been able to express my feelings, and get some great feed back and support. As well as now I really have a journal of my progress. Which is always good to see how your way of thinking changes the stronger you get. and 3-I feel like I can help someone else. I see so many woman (or really what I call girls now) that are the same age I was, and are doing the same things I was doing, and have the same things happening to them. I feel like I can offer them some real insight as to why not to do it. I feel like if I can help stop one person from doing what I did, then maybe my A was not all for not. Maybe it would have been a situation that would have been far worse than mine, maybe someone who have gotten hurt (physically), or maybe someone would have hurt themselves. If I can help stop one person from doing that, help stop one person from ruining their life and the life of so many innocent parties, maybe God has turned my A into something that was used for good.

 

I have been thinking about myself that since I called the BS and she acts the way she does, and continues to harrase me and my family. And or the xMM continues to stalk and bother me, I have really thought about telling them that if they both don't stop and put an end to this maddness, I would go to their church. The xMM is a coach for a home school association team. The entire thing is set up on teaching God's priniciples as well as playing sports. It would devestate their names and reputations with in their community. I really would hate to do it and hate even thinking about using that as a threat. But I am at my wits end. I do not want either one of them contacting me ever again. I really want to heal myself, and mend my broken life. For me and my son. But, I can't find any other option. As I have asked (really told) both of them to leave me be. I have given her plenty o' chances to say her peace to me. And him, I want him to go jump off a bridge, for am I seeing him for the evil person he really is. Like I told you I have a lawyer involved and have threatened to file harrasment charges. I have told him that I will include him in the harrassment charges as well. I think he thinks (he is a narcassistic/sociopath) that since he has done his voodoo mind tricks with me in the past, that if he is given enough opportunities he will be able to do it again. So I thought about telling them both if it doesn't cease, I will let every parent know on their home school team that the man who is teaching their sons the fundamentals of being a christian and Godly man, is a Narcassistic/sociopath, that has had an A for years. (and honestly, I am really starting to wonder with the behavior if I am the only one he has had or is having). Maybe thats just me trying to make myself think the is awful, I don't know. And then going to his church and telling them that this deacon and this leader has been doing this, and she has been doing this and I just want it to stop. I just don't know how to go about that. A letter? A call? Email? How??? And then would I be opening myself up for even more retailiation? Because I really do want to just have peace.

 

So what in your opinion should I do? Do you have any advise?

 

yes - stop using idle threats and start taking action = file a harassment suit. and expose him for his truth. tell his church - tell your truth.

 

it's the best way to get him to stop stepping in to your life while you're moving forward. he's never going to allow you the space you need to get past this - so give it to yourself by taking your power back. expose away! when you start being honest - he will go away!

 

then - you can get past this and start moving forward.

 

he KNOWS you won't be able to move forward as long as he keeps popping up! it's up to you to shut him out. that will give you the time to heal - and then the time to move forward knowing you deserve much more from life than the pain he's been offering you - and you've been willing to settle for.

 

life is too short - get into action and take your power back - never hand any of it to him/them again.

 

 

 

and - any time HE wants to accuse you of anything - just remind him that you are exposing HIS evidence of what HE is causing... whatever action he takes (contacting you at all) set off a reaction that will give him a severe consequence for contacting you.

 

when you and your mind are free from his manipulations and lies - you will have room for a healthy, available man - this is part of making room for a wonderful man!

[wannabdone]

yes - stop using idle threats and start taking action = file a harassment suit. and expose him for his truth. tell his church - tell your truth.

 

it's the best way to get him to stop stepping in to your life while you're moving forward. he's never going to allow you the space you need to get past this - so give it to yourself by taking your power back. expose away! when you start being honest - he will go away!

 

then - you can get past this and start moving forward.

 

he KNOWS you won't be able to move forward as long as he keeps popping up! it's up to you to shut him out. that will give you the time to heal - and then the time to move forward knowing you deserve much more from life than the pain he's been offering you - and you've been willing to settle for.

 

life is too short - get into action and take your power back - never hand any of it to him/them again.

 

 

 

and - any time HE wants to accuse you of anything - just remind him that you are exposing HIS evidence of what HE is causing... whatever action he takes (contacting you at all) set off a reaction that will give him a severe consequence for contacting you.

 

when you and your mind are free from his manipulations and lies - you will have room for a healthy, available man - this is part of making room for a wonderful man!

 

 

 

Thx Sunny. The only draw back I've had is not wanting to be revengeful and feeling that since really I helped start all of this, I guess I feel like in a sense I deserve it. I know I don't, since I am really determined to NEVER go back into this. I just didn't want to lower myself anymore than I have. I really just want everyone to go to their corners and start rebuilding their lives. I want to be free of this. This has in a sense kept me tied to so much other bs I've had in my life. I never saw that until the last couple of months.

 

I have told myself if he contacts on more time, I will do what I need to do. I'm nervous. I don't know if I should go up the church. Go to his practice. Or send out letters. I don't know.

[2sunny]

Thx Sunny. The only draw back I've had is not wanting to be revengeful and feeling that since really I helped start all of this, I guess I feel like in a sense I deserve it. I know I don't, since I am really determined to NEVER go back into this. I just didn't want to lower myself anymore than I have. I really just want everyone to go to their corners and start rebuilding their lives. I want to be free of this. This has in a sense kept me tied to so much other bs I've had in my life. I never saw that until the last couple of months.

 

I have told myself if he contacts on more time, I will do what I need to do. I'm nervous. I don't know if I should go up the church. Go to his practice. Or send out letters. I don't know.

 

anytime he steps in to any form of contact - he is attempting to bump you back into your "old position"! soooo - now that you have told him and his wife that if they have ANY form of contact = you will take action and expose them and ALL for what they have done.

 

yes - this will involve getting honest with others... but THEY have choices... they can NOT contact you... and when they realize that ANY contact will have consequences to all... they will completely understand that you are a woman who takes action... you are a woman who will expose!

 

do not hesitate to do the right thing! you may have done some things in your PAST that you aren't proud of - but it no longer needs to be that way for you.

 

taking your power back will make everything different. he is banking on you staying quiet = so he can manipulate and control you... don't go along with THAT plan! have a voice, speak your truth and take action if he crosses your boundary!

 

you can do this - do it for you! you deserve a happy life! start today!

[awkward]

Your attorney sends MM and his BS a no contact letter. If MM makes contact, you do not contact the BS and tell her. You instead contact your attorney and explain that MM made contact and ask him to proceed with whatever consequences that were detailed in the no contact letter.

 

If he calls, you hang up and contact your attorney. If he emails, forward it to your attorney. If he drives by your house frequently, document it and forward it to your attorney.

 

It's really quite simple to get rid of MM. Once MM realizes that you really don't want to ever hear from him again and that he will have consequences to face if he breaks contact, he won't.

 

As a side note, you had an affair with the BS's husband for 10 years. You can never be sure how one will react to something like that. When you truly do end all contact, the chances of her going away are much higher.

 

Good luck.

[Lucky_One]

Your attorney sends MM and his BS a no contact letter. If MM makes contact, you do not contact the BS and tell her. You instead contact your attorney and explain that MM made contact and ask him to proceed with whatever consequences that were detailed in the no contact letter.

 

If he calls, you hang up and contact your attorney. If he emails, forward it to your attorney. If he drives by your house frequently, document it and forward it to your attorney.

 

It's really quite simple to get rid of MM. Once MM realizes that you really don't want to ever hear from him again and that he will have consequences to face if he breaks contact, he won't.

 

As a side note, you had an affair with the BS's husband for 10 years. You can never be sure how one will react to something like that. When you truly do end all contact, the chances of her going away are much higher.

 

Good luck.

 

This.

 

You can make this be over if you really want it to be over. If you are secretly liking the fact that he is driving by because it feeds that little selfish ego corner inside your soul, then you won't do what it takes to really end it.

[So Very Confused]

I totally understand your line of thinking. And it must be very hard for you to have to still go through this. Part of you is probably hoping your H will not want to know, and you two can put this behind you. As I would probably (TBH), not want a child that was coming to visit my H that was a product from that. Again, shows that since you would be willing to do that, how much of a good woman you are, and how much you really love your H.

 

Sounds to me like the OW you had was a Sociopath. They NEVER fully release the AP. It might be years and then they pop up. But hopefully not in your case, hopefully she will have enough fear of her other son finding out that it will keep her from doing so. That is about the only way you can get them to stop doing what they want. For the have no idea about consquences for their actions, and only find that the consquences that harm their livelyhood would be the only thing to get them to stop.

 

I really did and do expect when you are in an A, that you will be found out and there will be consquences. There have been consquences that I have had happen just from my own dumb ass mistakes. Most of the time, I am my own biggest critic and worse enemy. I harbor so much guilt and anxiety from the pain I have caused so many people, it is too much to bare at times. I would have probably D my son's father anyway, but I always live with the regret that I did it so fast and furious getting the D, what if I could have went to counseling, and could have made it right for my son's behalf. My mind set at the time was when I realized I had feelings for the MM, I didn't want to have an EA or PA while I was M. Funny how I saw as long as I was single, it was okay. Again, an example of how things cloud your judgment when you are in the middle of the storm. So because of that, I very hurriedly D my xH. Even asked the judge to go agaisnt the alotted amount of time it takes from filing a D to declaring it.

One of the best things I have done is get on this site. 1-It has helped me understand that I am in fact not alone, and that there are many other people who fall under the "spell", if you will, of these awful R. 2-I've been able to express my feelings, and get some great feed back and support. As well as now I really have a journal of my progress. Which is always good to see how your way of thinking changes the stronger you get. and 3-I feel like I can help someone else. I see so many woman (or really what I call girls now) that are the same age I was, and are doing the same things I was doing, and have the same things happening to them. I feel like I can offer them some real insight as to why not to do it. I feel like if I can help stop one person from doing what I did, then maybe my A was not all for not. Maybe it would have been a situation that would have been far worse than mine, maybe someone who have gotten hurt (physically), or maybe someone would have hurt themselves. If I can help stop one person from doing that, help stop one person from ruining their life and the life of so many innocent parties, maybe God has turned my A into something that was used for good.

 

I have been thinking about myself that since I called the BS and she acts the way she does, and continues to harrase me and my family. And or the xMM continues to stalk and bother me, I have really thought about telling them that if they both don't stop and put an end to this maddness, I would go to their church. The xMM is a coach for a home school association team. The entire thing is set up on teaching God's priniciples as well as playing sports. It would devestate their names and reputations with in their community. I really would hate to do it and hate even thinking about using that as a threat. But I am at my wits end. I do not want either one of them contacting me ever again. I really want to heal myself, and mend my broken life. For me and my son. But, I can't find any other option. As I have asked (really told) both of them to leave me be. I have given her plenty o' chances to say her peace to me. And him, I want him to go jump off a bridge, for am I seeing him for the evil person he really is. Like I told you I have a lawyer involved and have threatened to file harrasment charges. I have told him that I will include him in the harrassment charges as well. I think he thinks (he is a narcassistic/sociopath) that since he has done his voodoo mind tricks with me in the past, that if he is given enough opportunities he will be able to do it again. So I thought about telling them both if it doesn't cease, I will let every parent know on their home school team that the man who is teaching their sons the fundamentals of being a christian and Godly man, is a Narcassistic/sociopath, that has had an A for years. (and honestly, I am really starting to wonder with the behavior if I am the only one he has had or is having). Maybe thats just me trying to make myself think the is awful, I don't know. And then going to his church and telling them that this deacon and this leader has been doing this, and she has been doing this and I just want it to stop. I just don't know how to go about that. A letter? A call? Email? How??? And then would I be opening myself up for even more retailiation? Because I really do want to just have peace.

 

So what in your opinion should I do? Do you have any advise?

 

I feel like I'm really out of my league to be giving you advice about how to get rid of the MM and his W. I honestly think that if you stick to your guns about not contacting him and not giving him any attention, he'll go away. I think she'll do the same.

 

It sucks that he's driving around your neighborhood and it's causing you pain and misery, but that's HIS actions and all you can do is try to protect yourself and try to minimize the damage. You can't do anything about what he did or what she did, but you have complete control over what you do and how you react.

 

This is just my opinion and it's your choice, but I don't think you should contact his church or anyone else. I think he and his W are feeding off of the drama and that contacting his church or anyone (other than the attorney) is going to add fuel to the fire.

 

Try to focus on what you want (for him to go away and for you to heal and move on) and it will guide you to what you need to do in order to make that happen.

[wannabdone]

This.

 

You can make this be over if you really want it to be over. If you are secretly liking the fact that he is driving by because it feeds that little selfish ego corner inside your soul, then you won't do what it takes to really end it.

 

 

I hear what your saying, and I will tell you that when this happened in the past....it did do that. "oh he must love me, he can't live without me", now that I am seeing things clearer.... it is not appealing at all for a man to drive by house just so I can be the OW. Hell, I might as well go stand on a street corner then, I'd at least make some money and get some benefit from it.

 

I right now find it more sad than anything. Sad that I was such a dumb ass for years, sad that the man I once thought hung the sun, moon and stars is and always has been a class A dick head/manipulator. Just so sad. Sad that there is a piece of me (one that is becoming smaller) that I still love him and miss him. But then, when I think about it I think I love and miss more of what could have been. The potential that I made it in my head. Its very hard to explain when you see that he became everything I wanted. Its like he figured me out and became that person, and I got so ingulped in it, I could really see who he was. And he was showing me that person everyday. What a fool I have been.

[wannabdone]

I feel like I'm really out of my league to be giving you advice about how to get rid of the MM and his W. I honestly think that if you stick to your guns about not contacting him and not giving him any attention, he'll go away. I think she'll do the same.

 

It sucks that he's driving around your neighborhood and it's causing you pain and misery, but that's HIS actions and all you can do is try to protect yourself and try to minimize the damage. You can't do anything about what he did or what she did, but you have complete control over what you do and how you react.

 

This is just my opinion and it's your choice, but I don't think you should contact his church or anyone else. I think he and his W are feeding off of the drama and that contacting his church or anyone (other than the attorney) is going to add fuel to the fire.

 

Try to focus on what you want (for him to go away and for you to heal and move on) and it will guide you to what you need to do in order to make that happen.

 

 

Thank you SVC. Its hard. All I really wanted was an apology, and acknowledgment for his being such an ass. For him to say that I was loved and more than just the side thing. He has said all of that, but this...its just showing me that again, his words and actions don't match up. If he really felt that way, he would have said it, and left me alone. But, nope....he wants what he wants. and that is for me the be second in line. Notice he didn't drive by my house and stop and give me his divorce papers....just same s***, different day. Tragic.

[wannabdone]

I think if I were you that I'd think very seriously about exposing him to the church because it will have repercussions for you also. It would be very easy for it to be turned around on you and them try to make you look like the crazy bunny boiler.

 

Have you had your lawyer send a certified letter to xmm?

 

 

That was what I was worried about. If I did that there would be a back lash of some sort. And I really want to just stop this effin thing.

 

Yes, the letter my attorney sent was served to her, but it did state "if any other party" in it. I didn't have his name in it exactly.

 

And honestly, I just hoped the letter would be sufficient, again...enough is enough. I've waived my white flag, and I just want peace. Something tells me that I'm going to have to put a harrassement charge on them at some point.

 

Is there not some other young unexpecting victim, like I was that he can find? Someone else that they can both put their energies into????

[wannabdone]

Your attorney sends MM and his BS a no contact letter. If MM makes contact, you do not contact the BS and tell her. You instead contact your attorney and explain that MM made contact and ask him to proceed with whatever consequences that were detailed in the no contact letter.

 

If he calls, you hang up and contact your attorney. If he emails, forward it to your attorney. If he drives by your house frequently, document it and forward it to your attorney.

 

It's really quite simple to get rid of MM. Once MM realizes that you really don't want to ever hear from him again and that he will have consequences to face if he breaks contact, he won't.

 

As a side note, you had an affair with the BS's husband for 10 years. You can never be sure how one will react to something like that. When you truly do end all contact, the chances of her going away are much higher.

 

Good luck.

 

 

Yes, I know. I know I did this and I know that I can expect some level of harrassment.

 

I don't really know anything else to do then what you said. I've blocked every email address he has used so far. It just goes to my spam, I wish I could have it just be deleted, but my company has it set up like that. As soon as I get an email from my spam account, I immediately delete it and don't check it. I know that doing that I take a risk of one of my clients going into that, but for now, I feel like thats what I need to do. I haven't answered my phone to any numbers that I don't know, and no blocked numbers. He had called the other day from a number I didn't know, I answered it, but many of my clients call from numbers I don't know. So, I just wait and if there is a voicemail, I call back. I had 5 blocked calls today, again, could be clients, but could be him or her. She calls all the time from blocked. There was no voicemail, so I don't think it was a client of mine. Can't change my phone number, as that is my companies phone. I am thinking about looking at changing jobs, just so I could have a new email address and phone number, but I hate giving up my career at my company. I have been very successful here and am up for a promotion at year end. I already bought a new house in a suburb of the city. But that is on the county accessor's web site, so she found it.

 

I guess time will tell.

 

I'm actualy feeling pretty exhausted from it. I didn't even really want to get on here tonight because i'm so tired from the whole thing. But it always helps to have the support and to talk through what I'm thinking.

 

I'm sure she is looking at it in the sense of "well, I wanted her to stop years ago too", and thats a valid point. I just don't know how to get it through to her that I really want to not be involved in this anymore. End of story. She has every reason to not respect my wishes, I sure in the hell didn't respect her's. And maybe if it was just her harrassing me, okay. Just needs to stop reaching my kid and my family and coming to my home, which is where this is supposed to be my childs "safe place". All that is just not cool.

[awkward]

Yes, I know. I know I did this and I know that I can expect some level of harrassment.

 

I wasn't stating that you should have to deal with the harassment. My advice was to end all contact with MM so that her motivation to continue harassing you will lessen. Just like MM doesn't believe you when you say you are done, she doesn't appear to either.

 

I gave you advice on what I felt was the best way to achieve your goal of no contact with the both of them.

 

You are not making it crystal clear that you want no contact. When he calls from an unknown number and you hear his voice, immediately hang up on him. That tells him you don't want to speak to him.

 

When he shows up at your home or in your neighborhood, do not speak to him. Turn and walk the other way. Say nothing to him. Do not respond to him. If you have to call the police on the non-emergency line then do it. That tells him you don't want him to show up randomly uninvited.

 

I think the best way to make it stop is to have your attorney send a new no contact letter to both of them. It needs to include the consequences of either of them breaking no contact. If they break it, then follow through with the consequences. It also needs to include the consequences of them contacting your child or visiting your child's school. It needs to be spelled out.

 

He doesn't believe that you don't want contact from him. You have to do more than tell him. You have to show him. Once he realizes that you mean it this time, it will end because he won't want to deal with the consequences.

 

You don't have to beat yourself up over it. You just have to realize that if you give him an inch he will go for the mile.

[awkward]

As a side note, you had an affair with the BS's husband for 10 years. You can never be sure how one will react to something like that. When you truly do end all contact, the chances of her going away are much higher.

 

I see where you thought I was excusing her behavior. Sorry I wasn't very clear.

 

What I meant was you can't anticipate how she is going to react. You are still involved a decade later. My guess is that she doesn't believe you when you say you are done. Once you show her that your actions and words are one in the same, hopefully she will quit harassing you. If she doesn't then unfortunately she will have to deal with the consequences of her continued contact.

 

I feel like you believe that you are in no contact with MM. When you listen to his sob story on the phone, that is contact. When you read his sob story in your email, that is contact. When you listen to his sob story while he sits in his rental car, that is contact. Sure you aren't initiating it but you aren't enforcing no contact.

 

You have to discover why you haven't shut the door firmly. For what its worth, I think you have your head on straight and see the way out. You just have to follow through on that path.

[wannabdone]

I wasn't stating that you should have to deal with the harassment. My advice was to end all contact with MM so that her motivation to continue harassing you will lessen. Just like MM doesn't believe you when you say you are done, she doesn't appear to either.

 

I gave you advice on what I felt was the best way to achieve your goal of no contact with the both of them.

 

You are not making it crystal clear that you want no contact. When he calls from an unknown number and you hear his voice, immediately hang up on him. That tells him you don't want to speak to him.

 

When he shows up at your home or in your neighborhood, do not speak to him. Turn and walk the other way. Say nothing to him. Do not respond to him. If you have to call the police on the non-emergency line then do it. That tells him you don't want him to show up randomly uninvited.

 

I think the best way to make it stop is to have your attorney send a new no contact letter to both of them. It needs to include the consequences of either of them breaking no contact. If they break it, then follow through with the consequences. It also needs to include the consequences of them contacting your child or visiting your child's school. It needs to be spelled out.

 

He doesn't believe that you don't want contact from him. You have to do more than tell him. You have to show him. Once he realizes that you mean it this time, it will end because he won't want to deal with the consequences.

 

You don't have to beat yourself up over it. You just have to realize that if you give him an inch he will go for the mile.

 

Oh no, I didn't take your post like that. I was just saying that I have expected some degree or level of harassement on her end. I hurt her deeply, and with that I would think something would come of it.

 

I agree with you. I'm going with the no answering strange numbers right now, can't do that forever, but if he does, I will hang up.

 

The other night when he came by, I thought I was clear, by running away, and then yelling at him. Guess that showed some contact and I didn't think of it that way. Just as with the response I sent him a few weeks ago, I told him I was not in love with him anymore, wished him the best and asked for NC. I thought I was doing the right thing by standing up to him, again, didn't see that as contact. Its abundantely clear this guy is not going to get it other than what you have said. And your right, why would he...I've always let him creep back in. I never had said what I said to him before, so I thought I was changing it up to break the insanity. Guess I am going to have to change up this one again.

 

Thx for your advise!

[Lucky_One]

I don't get why you don't get an order of protection (a restraining order) against them both? To stay away from your home, your workplace, your child's school, and to not contact you or your family in any way.

 

It's not like you have to be afraid that she will tell your family or workplace that you had an affair with her husband - they all know.

 

She has no other weapons against you now, except for contact. Threaten them both with civil or criminal repercussions.

[2sunny]

All I really wanted was an apology, and acknowledgment for his being such an ass. For him to say that I was loved and more than just the side thing. He has said all of that, but this...its just showing me that again, his words and actions don't match up. If he really felt that way, he would have said it, and left me alone. But, nope....he wants what he wants. and that is for me the be second in line. Notice he didn't drive by my house and stop and give me his divorce papers....just same s***, different day. Tragic.

 

time to GIVE this gift to YOURSELF!

 

you can! do this by living as though he never existed - and provide the apology to YOURSELF by getting busy LIVING again - FOR YOU!

 

the gift is to yourself! that you may heal and move forward and get to a place where you can be happy without ever thinking or feeling about him again!

 

become completely unaffected by what he IS or ISN'T doing!

 

then create a space (a NEW space) that allows a new, healthy and happy man to be a part of your life...

 

until you eliminate him (and that space that he's held for YOU) and any thoughts of him - you won't create the space in your head and heart for a new and healthy man.

 

time to move forward - you deserve so much more than what he's given you these past ten years!

 

get busy moving forward. become completely neutral and unaffected by him!

 

stay busy with NEW interests! take an art class, dancing and DO new things where you will meet new people and create the life you INTENDED to live!

 

you deserve happiness = it's waiting for you!

[wannabdone]

time to GIVE this gift to YOURSELF!

 

you can! do this by living as though he never existed - and provide the apology to YOURSELF by getting busy LIVING again - FOR YOU!

 

the gift is to yourself! that you may heal and move forward and get to a place where you can be happy without ever thinking or feeling about him again!

 

become completely unaffected by what he IS or ISN'T doing!

 

then create a space (a NEW space) that allows a new, healthy and happy man to be a part of your life...

 

until you eliminate him (and that space that he's held for YOU) and any thoughts of him - you won't create the space in your head and heart for a new and healthy man.

 

time to move forward - you deserve so much more than what he's given you these past ten years!

 

get busy moving forward. become completely neutral and unaffected by him!

 

stay busy with NEW interests! take an art class, dancing and DO new things where you will meet new people and create the life you INTENDED to live!

 

you deserve happiness = it's waiting for you!

 

 

thx to you Sunny!!! I am doing just that. I can not wait for the day, that these emotions are a distant memory!!!

[Lucky_One]

I don't get why you don't get an order of protection (a restraining order) against them both? To stay away from your home, your workplace, your child's school, and to not contact you or your family in any way.

 

It's not like you have to be afraid that she will tell your family or workplace that you had an affair with her husband - they all know.

 

She has no other weapons against you now, except for contact. Threaten them both with civil or criminal repercussions.

 

Repost. I think your lawyer has already sent a letter (didn't I read that somewhere), so it's time to ramp up the consequences IF you really want this to be over.

[wannabdone]

Repost. I think your lawyer has already sent a letter (didn't I read that somewhere), so it's time to ramp up the consequences IF you really want this to be over.

 

 

Thx for reposting. I am not for sure if I had replied to it earlier. So, if I did and I am re-responding to your previous questions, I apologize.

 

Honestly, the reason why I had filed the VPO was because I didn't want to embarasse her and hurt her anymore than I already have. I feel a huge level of guilt for what I have been apart of in hurting so many people. And I really didn't want to have to bring it to that level. But, it looks like I have no other choice, as it doesn't seem to stop.

 

Yes, I had my attorney send a certified letter to her residence that stated if her or any other party contacted me or anyone else that I was aquainted with, harrassement charges would be filed. I did call my attorney yesterday, and told him of the texts. Problem is I did text her first to tell her that the idiot had driven by. So, we are waiting, if the texts continue to after 7 days of the incident, it falls under the harassement. So, we will move with that.

 

Thx for reposting that. Yes, EVERYONE knows, friends, famly, xfriends, xfamily, you name it. She has covered absolutely every person. She's prbably looked up some old professors of mine as well. (thats a joke, but who knows.) I don't have anything else to be in fear of. I just need to forgive myself and release myself of the guilt.