coolheadal Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 A few years back I had dated someone who is on anti-depressants and it can be very challenging at times both she and her mother had this illness. The mood swings, not happy with one’s appearance, not wanting to leave the house, being emotional and frequently crying for the most trivial things do make me wonder why I am in this relationship to begin with. Sometimes I feel that I sacrifice my own happiness because I don’t want to abandon her. It’s strange to be with someone where you wonder if you have a future together, however in the end I was ask to leave the house by her mother, because she didn't want a man in the house with her! She paid for me to stay in hotel. I had rather wanted to stay in the mansion but oh well. What are you takes on this subject for both men and women?
madjac74 Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 The mood swings, not happy with one’s appearance, not wanting to leave the house, being emotional and frequently crying for the most trivial things This is called PMS and all women have it. Some men too
Author coolheadal Posted September 16, 2011 Author Posted September 16, 2011 This is called PMS and all women have it. Some men too No, no, no, no it's depression not PMS!
madjac74 Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 No, no, no, no it's depression not PMS! I was joking bud. Depression is very common. I have dealt with it myself several times. There is nothing wrong with taking anti-depressants even though it it sometimes embarrassing for people to admit. At least she realizes that there is a problem and she is getting help for it. Although the medication should reduce the behavior that you are describing so she may not be taking it as she should.
oaks Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 If the happy pills work for her and she isn't a grumpy bitch then I'd rather she took the pills. So, yes, I might date someone who takes antidepressants. Depression is, unfortunately, very common but fortunately it's also often treatable (not always with medication). I would prefer, however, to date someone who is happy and healthy (physically and mentally), but we don't always get what we wish for.
joeyanna Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 I wouldn't have an issue being in a relationship with someone with depression but you have to be careful with regards your own mental health as it's very easy to become low in mood yourself. However I would seriously have to consider getting involved with someone with a severe enduring mental health problem. My ex husband was diagnosed with BPD and eventually left me for someone else (as he did to all his previous gf's) so I would probably think twice before launching into another such relationship. Also, as a mental health professional, I wouldn't want my partner to rely on me to be their 'therapist' and expect me to cure them, of course I would be supportive and signpost them in the right direction but being a 24/7 therapist would just be too difficult.
Abhuman Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 It depends on how bad the person is but I'd want to avoid it because their negative vibes would affect me too easily. If I was in a relationship with a person who started to feel that way then I'd of course help them best I could. But with a person I just met, nah. If they are only affected by it mildly then it wouldn't really bug me.
Author coolheadal Posted September 16, 2011 Author Posted September 16, 2011 (edited) I was joking bud. Depression is very common. I have dealt with it myself several times. There is nothing wrong with taking anti-depressants even though it it sometimes embarrassing for people to admit. At least she realizes that there is a problem and she is getting help for it. Although the medication should reduce the behavior that you are describing so she may not be taking it as she should. Oh okay the jokes again I gotcha.. As for the topic in hand.. That's the first time I had to deal with it. She was acting odd. Then her mother had it the issue.. Double whammy for me to deal. She lost her father over it it seems he had taken off it was the two of them in the mansion which I was invited to stay for the weekend. First I was shown to my room when I got there. Unpacked. The daughter who I had came to see had taken me over to see some her friends she always hanged out with. Mostly group band guys in their apartment. So she gets a call from her mother saying something about hotel. Before I knew it all my stuff was packed and set to the hotel on orders of the mother. The girl told me she was sorry for the way her mother was acting and she was sad that I couldn't stay in the mansion with her. Actually I was uneasy staying there with them both acting up over the illness. Edited September 16, 2011 by coolheadal
madjac74 Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Oh okay the jokes again I gotcha.. As for the topic in hand.. That's the first time I had to deal with it. She was acting odd. Then her mother had it the issue.. Double whammy for me to deal. She lost her father over it it seems he had taken off it was the two of them in the mansion which I was invited to stay for the weekend. First I was shown to my room when I got there. Unpacked. The daughter who I had came to see had taken me over to see some her friends she always hanged out with. Mostly group band guys in their apartment. So she gets a call from her mother saying something about hotel. Before I knew it all my stuff was packed and set to the hotel on orders of the mother. The girl told me she was sorry for the way her mother was acting and she was sad that I couldn't stay in the mansion with her. Actually I was uneasy staying there with them both acting up over the illness. Were you more interested in "the mansion" or the girl? Please don't tell me she refers to her house as "the mansion"
AHardDaysNight Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Sure I would. I take antidepressants myself, so I would be a hypocrite if I didn't date someone, based on that.
ja123 Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Were you more interested in "the mansion" or the girl? Please don't tell me she refers to her house as "the mansion" That's what I was thinking.
ja123 Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 The girl told me she was sorry for the way her mother was acting and ... You know, I think it's quite possible that this girl has a genetic tendency for depression, but I think the real reasons or triggers are based in her relationship with her mother. For that, she'll need to get away from her mother and will need to engage in intensive therapy which takes years. There's no quick fix when having been subjected to that kind of abuse. That is her job, and not yours. You're not a bad person for cutting ties and protecting yourself. I hope the girl can find peace in her life.
LadyWriter Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Were you more interested in "the mansion" or the girl? Please don't tell me she refers to her house as "the mansion" That's what I've been wondering since post #1. Sounds like she isn't taking her meds correctly or needs something new/different. Or she could be dealing with something other than depression too. In general, just because someone suffers from it doesn't mean there is something majorly wrong with them. Many people who suffer from depression don't even realize what it is. Regardless, I don't think it should be a deal breaker in a relationship.
Feelin Frisky Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 A person who reaches out and tries anti-depressants is showing me that they are accepting responsibility for their part in the psycho/social things that go wrong in their lives. It's very much a plus and not a minus. Anti-depressants are not all the same and they are not all automatically indicative of someone suffering from acute clinical depression. hey may be taking them for a number of reasons including PMS, premature ejaculation, improved social confidence. Today's meds are transparent"--meaning that you don't feel them working, so they are no different in my book than taking a vitamin or mineral that helps their brain get healthy in places nature under-nourished. Anything about their behavior and attitudes will be looked at on its own merits and no judgement made except a positive one for not living in denial and blaming other people for the emotional issues.
Author coolheadal Posted September 16, 2011 Author Posted September 16, 2011 Were you more interested in "the mansion" or the girl? Please don't tell me she refers to her house as "the mansion" No not into the house it was her. She did have a big spread around the gulf of mexico. She was okay but the illness was a lot to handle.
Author coolheadal Posted September 16, 2011 Author Posted September 16, 2011 You know, I think it's quite possible that this girl has a genetic tendency for depression, but I think the real reasons or triggers are based in her relationship with her mother. For that, she'll need to get away from her mother and will need to engage in intensive therapy which takes years. There's no quick fix when having been subjected to that kind of abuse. That is her job, and not yours. You're not a bad person for cutting ties and protecting yourself. I hope the girl can find peace in her life. We did keep in touch for a few years afterwords.. I did find her more direct the type to take control though. All she had was guy friends well the guys in the band who had apartment where she would always be. That's all we pretty much did is hang out with them on the first date.
ShannonMI Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 A few years back I had dated someone who is on anti-depressants and it can be very challenging at times both she and her mother had this illness. The mood swings, not happy with one’s appearance, not wanting to leave the house, being emotional and frequently crying for the most trivial things do make me wonder why I am in this relationship to begin with. Sometimes I feel that I sacrifice my own happiness because I don’t want to abandon her. It’s strange to be with someone where you wonder if you have a future together, however in the end I was ask to leave the house by her mother, because she didn't want a man in the house with her! She paid for me to stay in hotel. I had rather wanted to stay in the mansion but oh well. What are you takes on this subject for both men and women? Being someone that takes anti-depressants, yes I would date someone who takes meds for depression. I am currently dating someone who is bi-polar. That is a challenge to say the least. Mood swings, crazy thinking etc. etc. I am very supportive though because I have been through my own issues with mental illness and would not judge someone based on that. I guess it all depends on how much you care about the person and how much you are willing to put up with.
betterdeal Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 If it's such a common condition, I begin to wonder if it's an illness or just a feature of the human condition. That is to say, normal is more at question than deviation when deviation from the norm is, well, pretty normal. Then there are many different forms of depression: acute, chronic, mild, severe. Some origins are ideological, some biophysically, some environmental. Being stuck in a slum with no prospects is pretty depressing, no? Being stuck in the middle of a horn of Africa drought more so. And when you're raised with myriad freedoms in a culture that persists on the idea of bettering a lot that's pretty damn good already, and continues to pump out fear-based messages everyday to sell stuff, you can end up succumbing to those messages and feeling a tyranny of choice simultaneously. Would I date someone who takes medicine? Sure. I have done, have taken it myself and will not judge someone for trying out a medicine. Equally, I won't turn a blind eye to things they do that annoy or offend me on the grounds of being depressed, drunk or on anti-depressants. That last bit is what has changed for me. Entering into things with an open mind means, to me, not accepting excuses as well as not making assumptions.
Cypress25 Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Everyone and their mother is on antidepressants these days. A lot of those people aren't even depressed. It's not a big deal. I've dated guys who were on meds and I've dated guys who should have been on meds. I'd much rather date the former; the latter are a pain in the ass. The mood swings, not happy with one’s appearance, not wanting to leave the house, being emotional and frequently crying for the most trivial things Doesn't sound like she was actually taking her medication though. Antidepressants are supposed to treat these symptoms.
Author coolheadal Posted September 17, 2011 Author Posted September 17, 2011 Being someone that takes anti-depressants, yes I would date someone who takes meds for depression. I am currently dating someone who is bi-polar. That is a challenge to say the least. Mood swings, crazy thinking etc. etc. I am very supportive though because I have been through my own issues with mental illness and would not judge someone based on that. I guess it all depends on how much you care about the person and how much you are willing to put up with. Good you care about her! I didn't feel much connection with that girl back then. I've met others who are now married with this condition. They really drugged up the meds for this illness though. She told me that she needs it otherwise she couldn't stay married. New friend just told me he's on these med also. This would explain why he's odd when he talks to me on the phone. At times I just want to hang-up. Swearing one minute next he's quite. Very hyper too.
Author coolheadal Posted September 17, 2011 Author Posted September 17, 2011 Everyone and their mother is on antidepressants these days. A lot of those people aren't even depressed. It's not a big deal. I've dated guys who were on meds and I've dated guys who should have been on meds. I'd much rather date the former; the latter are a pain in the ass. Doesn't sound like she was actually taking her medication though. Antidepressants are supposed to treat these symptoms. But I've learned some don't want to take the pills and that can lead to issues.
country_gurl Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 I don't see there being any big deal with dating someone who's taking an anti-depressant. How is it any different, really, than dating someone who takes any kind of medication for, say, a physical condition? (eg: underactive thyroid, diabetes, high blood pressure, asthma, etc). Clinical depression is caused by issues with chemicals in the brain (neurotransmitters), certainly due to no fault of the person affected........and anti-depressants help to resolve this. No different, IMO, than someone who takes insulin for their diabetes, or who uses an inhaler for their asthma, or who takes Synthroid for their hypothyroidism. I imagine that it takes a lot of courage for someone to seek help if they're depressed so kudos to them for reaching out and getting the help. Frankly I think that if we knew how many people around us/in our lives were taking anti-depressants, we'd be shocked.
AlexDP Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 Taking antidepressants IS a big deal. It shows me that something is wrong. Sometimes it is the right step to take (although all too often people take them way too quickly - and the responses in this thread point to that as well), but it shows me that I should not be in a relationship with this person right now.
country_gurl Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 Taking antidepressants IS a big deal. It shows me that something is wrong. Sometimes it is the right step to take (although all too often people take them way too quickly - and the responses in this thread point to that as well), but it shows me that I should not be in a relationship with this person right now. No shyte Sherlock, but the same could be said for someone who has diabetes or asthma; so are you saying that you only date those who can prove to you that they have absolutely no health issues whatsoever?
AlexDP Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 No shyte Sherlock, but the same could be said for someone who has diabetes or asthma; so are you saying that you only date those who can prove to you that they have absolutely no health issues whatsoever? No, but if I know from the beginning she has very serious health issues, I won't date her. I'd prefer a happy future and I'm not attached to the girl anyway, so I might as well go for a healthy one. Besides, her mental problems will severely affect me, as they always do and I feel no need to save her. If you date a person with a mental problem, you have a mental problem yourself.
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