Should I??

[FeelingSmall]

Ok, this is the first time I think I've ever actually been in love with someone. I never could see myself putting up with this kind of behaviour ever. Here I am though still waiting, still hoping.

 

My bf of the past year cheated on me, lied to me frequently over the past few months and, has just put me through it all. He met another woman who he says he "fell really hard for" He initially told me he met her through work, then later I found out he met her through an outside activity, at a bar.

 

For the past 4-5 days I have jumped from begging, screaming, crying... He's apologized and tells me what a piece of **** he feels like. He went out to this bar last night to play his game. She's on his team. It was torture, I just sat here for HOURS wondering if he was going to come back at all.

 

I think he really wants to work things out with me but, I'm scared. I've told him what I expect. That if he really wants to be with me, then he has to sever ALL contact with her. Nothing. He acted like I asked him to cut out his tongue. I told him he needs to quit the team because I can't sit at home wondering, that it isn't fair. He is the captain on his team and I realize a lot of people are counting on him but, frankly I don't give a ****. I didn't do anything wrong. He did. HE cheated on ME, HE lied to ME. He put himself in this situation and he has to pay the consequences. IF that is, he wants to keep me.

 

I've been waiting for HIM to make decisions for so long now, and finally I'm really tired of it. I don't know if I want him back. I did, and I would have taken him back in a heart beat had he right away just agreed to my demands, which I don't think are terribly unreasonable considering the circumstances. He's coming home in a few hours and I'm having yet another panick attack. I want to feel the same about him again. I don't know for sure if I can. I'm sick to my stomach every day, and haven't eaten anything in three days.

 

How many of you have given someone a second chance? Has it worked out? Did you regain the trust? Given that he thinks my request is unreasonable, should I give him a second chance? Is it unreasonable? I can't stop crying. I wanted to be with him, he was everything I wanted in someone and I just feel like my world has crashed in around me. I know many of you know EXACTLY how I feel. I'm not the first and unfortunately won't be the last. Any help, guidance would be appreciated.

[Arikel]

I don't know what to suggest you do. I think thats something you know inside.. maybe you will want to give him a second chance, maybe you will need to, or maybe you will decide that this man isn't worth it. Whatever you do though, the people at Loveshack will be here for you.

 

Hughughug

[FeelingSmall]

I don't know what to suggest you do. I think thats something you know inside.. maybe you will want to give him a second chance, maybe you will need to, or maybe you will decide that this man isn't worth it. Whatever you do though, the people at Loveshack will be here for you.

 

Hughughug

 

Thanks, Arikel. I'm starting to think it is hardly worth it... However once he walks through the door I'm sure my heart will take over. The brain works great while he's away but, once he's sitting here staring me in the face... Needed the virtual hugs. I'm so lost.

[tman666]

Dude...

 

I'd be long gone if I were in your shoes. He's obviously not ready to be in a committed relationship.

 

If you don't mind me asking, did he actually get physical with her or was it emotional cheating?

 

For me personally, there's certain things that I might be able to live with working through; other things not so much. Physical cheating of any sort would be an automatic DQ. I'm just not sure if I could ever wrap my mind around accepting that. Life is too short to spend with someone like that.

 

Good luck. Do some soul searching and then stick to your guns.

[Professor X]

It all comes down to "is the juice worth the squeeze?"

 

In your case, I'd say no, not anymore... You are suffering more than you are gaining. But you know this, and you also know what you need to do. All I can say is that I'm feeling for you and I'm sorry that you're so weak when he's infront of you.

 

Maybe the solution for you is to do the breakup while you're not there, just be somewhere else and do it via the phone, don't meet with him and refuse to meet with him afterwards. But... I don't know if you got the strength to do so

 

I fear that you might stay in this current state of pain for a long time before you do something

[FeelingSmall]

Tman666 - It was both physical and emotional... Thanks for the luck, I never thought I'd be able to get over this kind of thing, but here I am. At least trying but, Idon't think I can.

 

Professorx - I AM horribly weak in front of him and I hate myself for it. It's difficult to do it without him here. He lives with me, he moved in with me a few days after meeting this new "amazing" woman. He has nowhere to go right now. I still HAVE to see him.

 

I seriously hope I can find the strength. I don't deserve this (no one does) I gave him EVERYTHING I was capable of. Then he basically throws me away like yesterdays garbage and THEN comes back and says he doesn't know what he wants... Comes home last night acting as if nothing has even changed, so I guess he wants to stay but doesn't want to lose anything in the process.

 

How can people do this to others? How can they be so incredibly heartless? How can he look me in the eye and tell me he loves me more than anything? How can he expect me to just return to the way things were? How could he be upset when I refused to be friends? He cried when all this initially started and I told him I never wanted to see him again. If he left I would never want to talk again.

 

I think I'm more angry at myself than anything or anyone else.

[KathyM]

Ok, this is the first time I think I've ever actually been in love with someone. I never could see myself putting up with this kind of behaviour ever. Here I am though still waiting, still hoping.

 

My bf of the past year cheated on me, lied to me frequently over the past few months and, has just put me through it all. He met another woman who he says he "fell really hard for" He initially told me he met her through work, then later I found out he met her through an outside activity, at a bar.

 

For the past 4-5 days I have jumped from begging, screaming, crying... He's apologized and tells me what a piece of **** he feels like. He went out to this bar last night to play his game. She's on his team. It was torture, I just sat here for HOURS wondering if he was going to come back at all.

 

I think he really wants to work things out with me but, I'm scared. I've told him what I expect. That if he really wants to be with me, then he has to sever ALL contact with her. Nothing. He acted like I asked him to cut out his tongue. I told him he needs to quit the team because I can't sit at home wondering, that it isn't fair. He is the captain on his team and I realize a lot of people are counting on him but, frankly I don't give a ****. I didn't do anything wrong. He did. HE cheated on ME, HE lied to ME. He put himself in this situation and he has to pay the consequences. IF that is, he wants to keep me.

 

I've been waiting for HIM to make decisions for so long now, and finally I'm really tired of it. I don't know if I want him back. I did, and I would have taken him back in a heart beat had he right away just agreed to my demands, which I don't think are terribly unreasonable considering the circumstances. He's coming home in a few hours and I'm having yet another panick attack. I want to feel the same about him again. I don't know for sure if I can. I'm sick to my stomach every day, and haven't eaten anything in three days.

 

How many of you have given someone a second chance? Has it worked out? Did you regain the trust? Given that he thinks my request is unreasonable, should I give him a second chance? Is it unreasonable? I can't stop crying. I wanted to be with him, he was everything I wanted in someone and I just feel like my world has crashed in around me. I know many of you know EXACTLY how I feel. I'm not the first and unfortunately won't be the last. Any help, guidance would be appreciated.

Don't take him back. Tell him your relationship with him is over. If he is not faithful, then he doesn't deserve you, he doesn't value you, and he can't be trusted. There is also a good chance he'll cheat again. Tell him to pack his bags and leave, or you leave, whichever you prefer, but don't take him back and don't invest more time in this relationship. He doesn't have the mindset for a monogamous relationship. I have not been in that situation myself, but my sister has. Her husband cheated on her during the second year of their marriage. She was devasted. He was very sorry for it, vowed to never do it again, admitted it to her on his own out of guilt, was very grateful for the second chance. So she forgave him and stayed married to him, thinking he truly did regret it terribly. They were married for 22 years, until he cheated again. People who have it in them to cheat have a serious character/moral flaw that doesn't go away on its own. Some are able to control it if they are motivated, but once they have stooped to that level and shown what they are capable of, they can no longer be trusted completely. You would be foolish to try to rebuild trust with this man.

[tman666]

Tman666 - It was both physical and emotional... Thanks for the luck, I never thought I'd be able to get over this kind of thing, but here I am. At least trying but, Idon't think I can.

 

Professorx - I AM horribly weak in front of him and I hate myself for it. It's difficult to do it without him here. He lives with me, he moved in with me a few days after meeting this new "amazing" woman. He has nowhere to go right now. I still HAVE to see him.

 

I seriously hope I can find the strength. I don't deserve this (no one does) I gave him EVERYTHING I was capable of. Then he basically throws me away like yesterdays garbage and THEN comes back and says he doesn't know what he wants... Comes home last night acting as if nothing has even changed, so I guess he wants to stay but doesn't want to lose anything in the process.

 

How can people do this to others? How can they be so incredibly heartless? How can he look me in the eye and tell me he loves me more than anything? How can he expect me to just return to the way things were? How could he be upset when I refused to be friends? He cried when all this initially started and I told him I never wanted to see him again. If he left I would never want to talk again.

 

I think I'm more angry at myself than anything or anyone else.

 

For the love of god, this guy is using you. He's getting his free lunch living with you and knows that he has you under his thumb.

 

Kick his ass out of your place, stat. If you still want to try and work things out (which I think is a big mistake) with him, don't do it under one roof. At this point, you absolutely need to have your own space. Get this rat out of your house. If necessary enlist the help of any brothers you may have.

[olddouche]

I was a douchebag player for a long time...... I can say with certainty that he's using you.

 

put stuff outside on the curb. be strong. (this will make him want you more by the way)

 

do not sleep with him ever again! thats important! he doesn't give a **** about you. Just wants to build his ego. Only thing you can do is tear it down a little while he's on his way out.

 

Believe me... this guy sucks you should let this other girl have him.

[midkirby]

Everyone makes mistakes and they sometimes deserve a second chance. The fact that he still hangs out with her says a lot. Actions speak louder than words. You have to respect and love yourself enough to leave him. I know it is very painful, but only you have to live with your actions for the rest of your life. You will look back and be proud of yourself for leaving and not having some jerk walk all over you. He did this because he was only thinking about himself.

[FeelingSmall]

Wow.... That was rough. I didn't think I'd be able to do it. Especially with the weekend now. I laid it out flat for him. Told him he had to be out by Thursday (Next game) and he didn't take it too well. He's gone now. God knows where and I actually find myself not caring much either.

 

Thank you guys very much for all the help. Basically being told I'm being used and dumped on by every single person... Well, it sucked to hear it, though I knew it was true. Looking him in the eyes wasn't as difficult after that. I was too mad to fall for his smug little smile and his lines. He's pretty upset though and I'm not looking forward to the next few days. Ugh, I know the anger will probably wear off soon and I'll be really upset again. So I'll probably be back here later. Keep needing people to tell me I'm a moron.

 

Thanks again. I'm so happy to have found this place.

[country_gurl]

Wow.... That was rough. I didn't think I'd be able to do it. Especially with the weekend now. I laid it out flat for him. Told him he had to be out by Thursday (Next game) and he didn't take it too well. He's gone now. God knows where and I actually find myself not caring much either.

 

Thank you guys very much for all the help. Basically being told I'm being used and dumped on by every single person... Well, it sucked to hear it, though I knew it was true. Looking him in the eyes wasn't as difficult after that. I was too mad to fall for his smug little smile and his lines. He's pretty upset though and I'm not looking forward to the next few days. Ugh, I know the anger will probably wear off soon and I'll be really upset again. So I'll probably be back here later. Keep needing people to tell me I'm a moron.

 

Thanks again. I'm so happy to have found this place.

 

Good for you!!

 

So you told him he had to be out by Thursday but he left sooner/recently, and is now out of your house for good?

 

If I was you, once he's gone I'd get your locks re-keyed by a locksmith, in the event that he ever got an extra key made for himself that you're not aware of. For your own peace of mind and security.

 

Once the reality of having kicked him really hits you, don't be surprised if you second-guess yourself.......but you DID the right thing. And don't be surprised if he tries to contact you and beg for your forgiveness, particularly if things with his 'friend' don't pan out. Maintain total NO CONTACT; no texts, no emails, no phone calls, no nothing.

[keepsmilin74]

Yes, maintain no contact as said above, come back and vent here if you ever feel like replying to him. You can distract yourself by working on you now. There are many threads here with suggestions on what to do, but here's a recent one with very good responses by Mack05 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t297952/

 

Just remember, you're not alone and you can do better.

[FeelingSmall]

Thanks guys... He's not gone yet. He'll be returning. I gave him until Thursday to get his rear in gear. He luckily can't make copies of the apt. keys as he didn't get one yet. Land lord taking her sweet time getting him one has ended up being a blessing.

 

Though he's not gone yet, I have already erased him from my life. His pictures are gone, the stuff he's given me is gone and I've blocked him on email and fb. Erased his contact info from phone. The whole nine yards. I'm not going back on this one. Well, if I start to second guess myself later (And I'm sure at some point I will.) I'll be back.

 

Thank you all again for the support. It was deperately needed and appreciated.

[Finch]

You've taken a huge step. It's not going to be easy now, but you've done the right thing.

Be careful in between now and Thursday, and do not fall prey to any apologies or begging. He may panic and start saying all sorts of things about now being willing to agree to your terms for reconciliation simply because he might not have anywhere to go. If he does, stay strong. You need to fully get back control of your house so you have time and space to think clearly for yourself.

I send you virtual hugs!