I want to know what happened? (Warning long read)

[Stripe]

Hello everyone, I am brand new here.

 

For years of my life I had tremendous amount of anxiety in my social life that it literally took over my life and for awhile I let it because it was the only thing I ever knew.

 

I guess I am attractive since I get a lot of looks and stares from other women (I am a guy by the way) and well I never showed my personality because I had none and wasn't confident. I was depressed beforehand too and I just felt like I was a worthless person and I learned and knew that girls don't want my type of emotional baggage.

 

So a friend of mine died and he was going to help me he said, but since he died I had no other way. I transferred myself into a University that time and went to counseling at the school and it took me about 2 years for me to get about of my depression and social troubles. I refused to take medications because of the side effects and I wanted to see if I could do it without medication.

 

Well after years of not speaking to any girl, I have absolutely no experience in talking to women even during my high school years, I never really interacted with them even as a little child and I had a rough childhood growing up.

 

So recently I have been talking to people and increase my confidence and social life. I am a little afraid of the approach but I do it anyways and sometimes I wonder if I should approach faster than I do and I will tell you why later.

 

To see if I can even talk to women, I once approached a girl at the computer lab of my school and she was attractive to me and I wanted to see what I could do. So I did it for a test and it worked in regards to being able to speak to girls, I guess I couldn't get more of that because that was her choice and I never seen her again and also I approached her because she gave me a stare that I should approach so I did.

 

I feel like at my school is very competitive in regards to dating and I feel like most of the girls that get hit on have boyfriends so it is really extremely hard to find someone that is single.

 

Also I already know that looks mean absolutely nothing and I am completely aware of that. I have a problem with my looks because it seems like girls think that what I have means nothing therefore I must be worthless in regards to who I am and that makes me sad, some girls give me a chance and I guess and I hope they think of me as a great person. Sometimes I think they assume that a lot of other girls come my way, but it doesn't at all, it doesn't work like that.

 

So new semester started for me and well the second day a rather attractive girl came to class and gave me one of those looks and I thought about it and wondered if I should approach her, well I thought about that I do it next time at the end of class when I was able to some other guy beat me to it and I decided not to approach her at that moment (otherwise it would have been weird for me.)

 

The next day she sat around the area that I sit in again and well the guy wasn't there, so I thought I talk to her and I did. She spoke with me and there seemed to be interest there.

 

So the next day she sat by me and we talked and it was awesome for me and she had to leave early that day so I just said seeya later.

 

Then something bizarre happened.

 

The next day she sat on the otherside from than I usually sit and didn't talk to anybody, she didn't even look over to where I sat.

 

Then the next day the guy that originally talked to her, she went in and sat by him and well they must of had great conversation in front of my face and well it is fine for her to talk to him, but when she sat by him I was near and she ignored me as if I didn't exist. I had to get her attention a bit and say hi so that I didn't feel like I was ignored.

 

So I overheard them talking and well she seems more interested in him now and after class she didn't acknowledge me at all.

 

I don't know what happened. I am not sure what I did wrong or said something wrong. I am wondering if I creeped her out? I have in my dark passed creeped girls out so because of that event in the passed it has forced me not to talk to girls because I am not a creepy person, but now I feel like she thinks I am creepy person and probably won't even see me as a friend and that is what I want really.

 

I want to be successful in my social/dating life and want to make as many friends as possible so I don't seem weird. So now I feel like I am going backwards and already since I am sensitive person have a massive headache because I am trying to fix who I am and I really don't want it go down like this. I feel weak.

 

Also when talking to her I feel like I didn't show my best side of me and all my friends know that I am a great individual.

 

If you guys want any more details I will provide.

[spiderowl]

There's a lot in there for me to work through so I'll probably only cover bits.

 

You've had a tough time by the sound of it. Your friend died and that must have been a massive shock as he was obviously a great support. I hope the counselling helped with that. It does mean that you will have to learn by trial and error or by talking to others and getting tips from them.

 

Regarding looks, you are probably not the best judge of how you look to girls. You seem more aware of how you feel inside than how you look outside. This is not a bad thing, it just means that if you feel bad inside you may assume that you look bad on the outside. There are incredibly handsome guys who don't seem to realise it because they feel depressed. Kurt Cobain was a good example of someone who seemed to have everything - talent, looks, money - and yet he was depressed so he didn't see it like that. I don't know what you look like but if you are average you would have a good chance with the girls.

 

You do seem to see girls as if they are aliens. I sense a lack of empathy for them and how they feel so I guess you find it difficult to have a conversation with them because of this. I do think that counselling might help you to work through your feelings about girls - how you feel and how they feel. But, that aside, you have had very little practice. One girl seems to have lost interest and is spending her time with someone else. This happens to lots of guys; you are not the only one who had this happen. People talk to each other and they either feel a connection or they don't. It sounds like she didn't in this instance, but a different girl might. Personality makes a difference. Maybe you would be more suited to geeky girls?

 

Girls are people like you. They need friends like you do. If you start out by talking to girls as friends and then letting a relationship build up slowly, without pressure for you or her, then you might feel a bit more relaxed about getting to know girls. The best way to get to know a woman is to ask her questions about herself and listen to and understand the answers. If you just talk about things that interest you and don't let her talk too, she will lose interest. Be kind, friendly, fun and interested in them and girls will respond. Good luck!

[Stripe]

Regarding looks, you are probably not the best judge of how you look to girls. You seem more aware of how you feel inside than how you look outside. This is not a bad thing, it just means that if you feel bad inside you may assume that you look bad on the outside. There are incredibly handsome guys who don't seem to realise it because they feel depressed. Kurt Cobain was a good example of someone who seemed to have everything - talent, looks, money - and yet he was depressed so he didn't see it like that. I don't know what you look like but if you are average you would have a good chance with the girls.

 

I am told by everyone that I know and meet that I am good looking and that I look like Orlando Bloom. But I don't care about that stuff because everytime I look myself in the mirror the more and more hard for me to accept the way I look because of that. I wish I was average or regular looking then, maybe even a bit ugly so I wouldn't have to deal with what I got.

 

 

You do seem to see girls as if they are aliens. I sense a lack of empathy for them and how they feel so I guess you find it difficult to have a conversation with them because of this. I do think that counselling might help you to work through your feelings about girls - how you feel and how they feel. But, that aside, you have had very little practice. One girl seems to have lost interest and is spending her time with someone else. This happens to lots of guys; you are not the only one who had this happen. People talk to each other and they either feel a connection or they don't. It sounds like she didn't in this instance, but a different girl might. Personality makes a difference. Maybe you would be more suited to geeky girls?

 

It is true I view them as aliens, I still do. For me I can't really identify them because they seem like seperate species than human. I know it sounds harsh but from experiences and growing up without contact is what happens. Now that I speak of this, I am surprised that I am not gay since I feel like there is more interaction and common things about men than women.

 

I guess your right it is about how they feel connected. But I didn't have much time to talk to her and it seemed pretty fast to me and that guy that talked with her first I am sure he didn't do any better.

 

I am not sure what I like in a woman, so I don't know whether geeky girls are for me or not.

 

 

Girls are people like you. They need friends like you do. If you start out by talking to girls as friends and then letting a relationship build up slowly, without pressure for you or her, then you might feel a bit more relaxed about getting to know girls. The best way to get to know a woman is to ask her questions about herself and listen to and understand the answers. If you just talk about things that interest you and don't let her talk too, she will lose interest. Be kind, friendly, fun and interested in them and girls will respond. Good luck!

 

 

I understand that, I know they are people. But I need friends like everyone else myself, I never pressured her into liking me more than what it was. What I just don't understand is how she can ignore me as if I don't exist.