I Joined The Air Force And My Love Of My Life Left Me

[billkoolguy]

I just joined the US Air Force and me and my to-be wife were going to get married. I am stationed in South Carolina and she is back in California. Now when i left we were going to work with the long distance untill she was done with school. School finished for her and she came to visit. I paid for everything of course. We had been fighting a lot about her going out all the time and drinking. Things were getting too rough and she had decided to stay in california to go to school. I choose to get out of the air force to come home and work things out. We have been together for 3 years and i didn't want to loose her. Now i go home in 4 weeks and she says we can't be together anymore. She wants to see other people and just be friends. I am crushed and heart broken. I am leaving the job of my dreams(US Air Force) to come home for her and she leaves me. What should I do. I want her so bad and i just want her to love me back. I am scared that we will never be together again. I know that she wants to see other guys which mean sleep with other guys which means very confused me. i have no feelings to sleep or see other girls and i just want to be with nikki. please help me.

[amerikajin]

I'm sorry about your situation. I don't know what to tell you, though.

 

We've visited this topic before many times on this site. I think the main thing is that whatever happens in a relationship, you have to learn to accept things you cannot control. You can only control yourself, but you have no control over her feelings. If she doesn't have feelings for you, there's not much you can do about it other than accepting it and moving on with your life.

 

When you return, I'd just give her a call to see if she wants to talk. Maybe she'll open the door for you, maybe not. If not, then let it go. Don't be one of those lovestruck fools who hangs on for any sign of hope. You'll only become more obsessed with her.

[lilbitcalifornIA]

first of all...it has nothing to do with your job! she is the one with the problem and you are giving up your "dream job" for her? i can't believe i am hearing this. i realize that you two have been together for a long time, but what if she doesn't want you back after you quit? then what? you'd be doing it all for nothing. i am on the inside...i am active duty AF and i see so much of this, but why would you give up a great source of security, income, and benefits, as well as the job of your dreams for someone who doesn't deserve what you would be able to provide for her? i'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but i see it too often and there are so many other ladies out there that would be more than willing to follow you and your dreams around the world. it takes a special woman to want to do that. i think by you giving up on your dreams, you are letting her have the upper hand and she will always control you. and the sad thing is that you are letting her. for YOUR sake, i hope that you can find a way to stay in. talk to your First Shirt and do whatever it takes (especially if you have a good record) to follow your dreams. i'd have to say that your heart is going to fail you on this one, and so will she. i wish you the best of luck no matter what you decide to do, and i hope that you will do what will benefit you most in the future. i had someone dump me because i joined the AF, but i went on to find a supportive young man who is also active duty and is willing to go anywhere in the world. you need someone who lifts you up instead of pulling you down. i hope that you can do something to reverse your separation from the AF before it's too late. please let me know what becomes of this because if she's doing that now, she's going to keep letting you down in the future. godspeed!

[billkoolguy]

thanks for both of your reply's. I know that i am taking this pretty hard, and i have already out proccesed my shop and i leave next friday. I just really want things to work but i have strong feeling that they won't. Nikki and i would still talk but she went over the line when she told me we would hang out the day i get back home so we could talk but instead e-mails me she is going out of town a beach house for her friend's 18th birthday. Now this really hurt me. But i guess thats what i needed. its just soo hard for me to give up on 3 years. i miss her soo much and would give anything to be with her. but now even if we did get back together i know it would be super strange. I guess im just mad now that i lost two things that ment the world to me instead of just one. I feel like i just made the biggest mistake in my life by leaving Active duty AF. I wanted to go home to work things out with Nikki, and now i can't even do that. I really took a huge step backwards in my life, all because i wanted to be with someone. But i just keep telling myself that everything happens for a reason. So mabey this is a good thing, who knows. thanks again for your reply's and i do take others advice so i do appreciate it.

[Becks84]

Tbis girl needs to hear what she has done to you! How selfish of her to want you to give up such a huge part of your life, and one of the most important jobs someone can have! ANd then on top of it, you do this for her and she doesn't stay with you anyway!! She sounds very immature and too self absorbed. If I were you I would let her know what she has done...but I think it will take a lot of time before she grows up and really realizes what she has done.