DontWorryBHappy Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 Hey everyone, didn't think I'd be in this section but here I am. My ex and I broke up back in April and I had a tough time getting over it. I feel great now, and just as I was really feeling good about life again I met a guy through my roommates. He came with us to a club one night and we danced the whole night together, had a great time and made out pretty quickly. Of course I never expected it to turn into anything. Thought he would just be someone to go out and have a good time with and thought he was cute. But then we actually spent time together, and we both really started to like each other. We saw each other more and more, and I could see that he was really into me and feelings were developing on my side as well. We hung out several times before anything sexual happened between us, because I didn't want it to be a friends with benefits type of thing. I wanted us to eventually be a couple if possible. Only problem was that he very recently got out of a four year relationship. I was really paranoid about that (rightfully so) and he said that he REALLY liked me, and he felt so conflicted because he liked me so much, but had been wanting to be single for a while. He doesn't want to make a commitment right now. We discussed this off and on, I tried to figure out what to do. And finally today I told him that I decided we should just be friends, because if he wants to be single he should be free to do that without affecting me emotionally or anything. I said no more kissing, cuddling, or anything else that crosses the line...... He still is talking to me and wants to spend time with me, and that doesn't surprise me because we've had more than just a sexual thing. Way more. When I told him we should stop the physical stuff and just be friends he said he might regret "missing his chance" with me. I just played it cool, told him not to regret anything and just live. Now, of course I'm feeling bummed. And I'm even trying to rationalize it by thinking things like, "Won't it be ok to just cuddle with him and not have sex?" and things like that. I guess things are still blurred for me and my feelings are getting in the way. But do you guys think I'm doing the right thing, and that I should firmly stick to NO cuddling, kissing, and stuff? I know it's hard to transition. So I'm thinking of helping the process along by only hanging out with him outside our rooms and stuff like that. What do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted September 17, 2011 Author Share Posted September 17, 2011 I guess maybe it was the right thing, because my feelings are stronger than I even thought. I find myself thinking about him more than ever. I became really depressed about the situation last night and that flooded over into today and affected me at work. Ironically, he visited me today at work and blew me a little kiss as he was leaving. Then he called me "dear" in a text message. But hey, maybe he does that for a lot of his girl friends. I know he likes me romantically though, and I feel the same for him. But the physical stuff will only make me fall for him more. At this point I would say it is very possible that I could fall in love with him, especially if we had continued going on the path that we were, since we seemed like we were in an unofficial relationship. But hell, I probably still could fall in love even if the physical stuff really is totally to a halt. The feelings are stronger when I look at his pictures and I just want to spend time with him. But on the outside I've been keeping it light and playing it cool. I guess that's the best I can do. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 You are absolutely right to refrain from the cuddling; even that will produce oxytocins which will get you attached to him that much more. Refrain from any physical as it will keep you attached to him and I'm sorry he isn't ready for a relationship. Sounds like you two might be great together. Perhaps if you can refrain from the physical and remain friends, he will see you as steadfast and loyal and worthy of giving it a chance. Hopefully he won't hook-up with a girl just for sex who then attaches herself to him... Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted September 18, 2011 Author Share Posted September 18, 2011 Thanks so much for your response. I agree that eliminating the physical stuff is my best option right now and I need to be firm about it. I just read another post about a girl who said she had been doing great at sleeping with a guy and not getting attached to him for about 2 months but then at 4 months she felt totally in love with him. It's my opinion that if I do not allow myself to settle for a pseudo-relationship with this guy when I really wish he was my boyfriend, I will actually SAVE our relationship. Whereas, if I continued what we've been doing I think it would eventually crash and burn because feelings would be too strong without any commitment to back it up. I've accepted the fact that he probably will hook up with other people. I mean, he does want to be single. But I'll be a lot more cool with it if I can just play the friend role... whereas it would bother the HELL out of me if we were still intimate while he's off doing stuff with other women. I'm happy with this decision and hope that I can continue to build a stronger friendship with him. Link to post Share on other sites
yodudepoe Posted September 18, 2011 Share Posted September 18, 2011 penisadvantage review 57walagiv3lto0xwbpas Link to post Share on other sites
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted September 18, 2011 Author Share Posted September 18, 2011 What the hell is wrong with me? My feelings seem to be getting stronger very rapidly. I know it can't be love, but it's at least very persistent infatuation. I've been writing songs about him. And looking at his pictures a lot. And staring at my phone. And getting the urge to talk to him more. From experience, the best thing I can do upon feeling this way is NOT say anything because if I do I might start gushing about how I feel or something. I'll lay low for another day while he's on a short trip with his friends and hopefully will be more clear-headed by Monday. I feel like I could scare him away with how I feel. I feel sooo not independent right now, it kind of stinks. BLAH. Link to post Share on other sites
mickleb Posted September 18, 2011 Share Posted September 18, 2011 What the hell is wrong with me? My feelings seem to be getting stronger very rapidly. I know it can't be love, but it's at least very persistent infatuation. I've been writing songs about him. And looking at his pictures a lot. And staring at my phone. And getting the urge to talk to him more. From experience, the best thing I can do upon feeling this way is NOT say anything because if I do I might start gushing about how I feel or something. I'll lay low for another day while he's on a short trip with his friends and hopefully will be more clear-headed by Monday. I feel like I could scare him away with how I feel. I feel sooo not independent right now, it kind of stinks. BLAH. You're strongly attracted to guys you can't have aren't you, DWBH? x Link to post Share on other sites
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted September 18, 2011 Author Share Posted September 18, 2011 Lol . Not exactly, because this is the first time I really "cant have" the guy in question. I mean, I COULD have him in every sense except for him actually being my boyfriend. But of course I don't want that. And of course, the other situations I've been in were with guys that I DID have (as in, they were my boyfriends) yet they just didn't work out. Has nothing to do with the "cant have him" thing... that part is actually quite unfortunate. I would have greatly preferred him to be more emotionally ready for something. That would, in fact, make him more attractive. The fact that he's got too much baggage makes him *less* attractive, despite everything else I love about him. In any case, I'm talking to new people now and keeping my options open. I think I made the right decision by insisting on being friends. I would've been at the mercy of his ability (or lack thereof) to enter into a relationship with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted September 19, 2011 Author Share Posted September 19, 2011 Well now I'm just all kinds of messed up aren't I? I don't really know what happened to me this weekend. It's like my feelings went into overdrive with this guy and I started acting funny. While texting with him tonight I ended up confessing that I had realized how much I like him. Ughhhhhh. His responses were stuff like "Haha o boy :P" and "Hah it's cool." He's been saying this whole time that he likes me but who knows, maybe he doesn't anymore or something. In any case, now I feel needy and vulnerable and out-of-control of my feelings so I'm immediately going to do my defense-mechanism-drop-off-earth thing. Which in this case will mean not initiating any texts and trying to distance myself a little more. That way, if he doesn't like me anymore I can move on. Or at least so I don't appear like some little puppy following him. Part of me is mad that I made myself vulnerable by sharing those feelings, and another part is glad to have gotten it out. Either way, something about my own dynamic toward him has shifted and I don't know that it will work well for a friendship. As in, I want nothing more than to be in his arms :/. Anyway, good night. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts