"Men Don't Know What They Want"

[Elysian Powder]

I'm in my mid twenties (26), and I'm starting to be convinced the reason we keep running into guys who don't want a relationship, or isn't sure what he wants, or only wants friends-with-benefits is because they're so prevalent in our generation. Over the last year, I've gone out on dates only to be told that the guy wasn't sure what he wants, isn't "ready" for a relationship, only wants friends with benefits. Every single one.

 

I'm in an FWB situation right now. A few days ago I told him, calmly, that I 'd prefer he not mention other women he was (I assumed) sleeping with, as I'm not allowed jealousy in an FWB but I would like some boundaries. He responded that there was no one else he was interested in, that he focusing only on me... And that he'd been seriously considering how to bring up the topic of dating again, but was unsure how to broach it, or even how to begin. He has so little experience in relationships, and so many of them ending badly, he really isn't even sure how it should all go.

 

It got me thinking about whether this whole idea of discarding "uncertain" guys, guys who seem to want just rebounds or FWBs, while having some wisdom, is actually based on a misunderstanding of guys my age.

 

The cynical side of me says it's because men are pigs, and just want to use us without the commitment (FWBs) and for the ego rub (guys not over their exes.)

 

But my observations don't necessarily support this. Sure, some men are that way, just as some women really do just want to use a guy for his money, or just to have a ring on her finger and a kid in her lap, irregardless of the actual man she married. My observation, in real life, and reading forums like this, are that men are just as desperate for relationships as women... maybe even more so. Studies demonstrate married men fare far better in life than unmarried men... they're happier, they're healthier, they're wealthier. (Tellingly, married and unmarried women were virtually identical.)

 

So the majority of men want, need, relationships... but they don't know how to get them. They seem paralyzed by fear, by the inability to determine what it is they want precisely, and how to get it. Men are not taught to verbalize their feelings, they are not taught to examine their feelings. The last decade of changing gender roles has opened up more opportunities for women, which I LOVE, but it's also taken away some of the definitions of what it means to be a man, and there's been nothing to replace them.

 

There's a phenomenon in Japan, where young men (and it effects only young men) feel so confused and socially alien from the people around them, that they literally lock themselves in their rooms for years at a time. They paper over their windows, "to shut out the sun." The author tastefully suggests that some of this might have to do with young women's total rejection of men. Young women no longer want to get married... they don't want to lose their economic independence and confirm to rigid gender roles of wife and mother. The men react to this rejection by literally removing themselves from society.

 

Perhaps there is a lesson in that for young American men as well. We see FWBs and rebounds as manipulative tools for men to get sex (and again, for some, they are), but maybe it's a lot less cynical than that, maybe it's that an FWB is easy, and young men don't know how to go from point A (an easy FWB, something safe that is comfortable and familiar) to point B (a committed relationship.)

 

I'm not saying we should let guys off the hook. Women shouldn't sacrifice their want of a serious relationship because men are slow on the uptake. However, maybe it's time to approach these men with a little more understanding, give them a chance, not turn them away as soon as they utter that they're "not sure what they want."

 

I know why we do it... self-protection. Put our heart on a line with a guy who's not sure? It MUST mean he's not into me, it must mean he's a pig and a manipulator. It's a lot easier to brush off a guy who's unsure, but otherwise a genuine, kind-hearted, compatible guy, and move onto the next, then to open your heart and take that risk.

 

Maybe it's a perfect storm of mis-communication. He doesn't want to risk his heart, so he keeps it casual, tries to satisfy his relationship desire without really putting himself on the line. She doesn't want to risk her heart, brushes him off, and moves to the next. But where is this getting us? To forums full of angry young men, and lonely young women.

 

I won't tell anyone to risk your heart on a guy that would just use you for sex. It seems that anything less than a "yes I want a relationship with you" within a short time frame, without any sexual contact of any kind, will be enough to doom your future (and put out a "vibe," apparently) in the same philosophy vein of "He's Just Not That Into You."

 

My FWB is sweet, supportive, respectful and genuine. All my friends tell me to give him a chance. I'm choosing to take a risk, to open up my heart until I can't take it any more. Maybe it'll work, and maybe it'll fail. But I can't bring myself to brush off a guy I am so compatible with because he doesn't have the tools to go from point A to point B just yet.

 

What do you guys think? Has misunderstanding and an absence of relationship tools given us an overly cynical view of our fellow humans? (Especially of guys?)

 

 

That's quite the self-rationalization you have there to justify why men your age are only interested in ****ing you.

 

I'm in my 20's, and you are probably in that age group too, so I'll tell you why I'm not interested in a relationship.

 

Many women in your age group are putting out for free. Concentrate your visualizations on this scenario.

 

Say that you have a man who is tall, has dark hair, dark eyes, is fit, and good-looking, albeit he's not rich, which prevents him from banging the top of the top among women.

 

Why would he commit? Because some retarded ''studies'' say that married man fare way better in life and are way happy?

 

Do you interact with married men who've been married for several years? Have you met men who had their wives kick him out of their houses?

 

Why don't you mention that studies indicate that the majority of women in relationships/marriages cheat?

 

Because the must be smoke, nothing more. I know. You've never cheated on anyone. That means that the majority of women don't cheat on their partners .

 

I'll keep this information concerning the married man's level of happiness short, because you don't care about them, and you put more stock into what feminist-oriented 'research' wants men to believe in, but I'll bother with you a little.

 

1)most of the married men I know of are in good physical health, take care of themselves, are great individuals, but the wifey has closed the legs and she ain't opening the gate unless the men comes up with a gold-necklace.

 

These are average-looking women, married to above-average men, and the women started out as sweet, caring, and all of that jazz, but after the years they turned sour. Having the full power of the state at their fingertips does that.

 

2)As I've said before, but in a different wave; the women who now have the man in a committed relationship, let go of their self-obsession with how they looked. The prey has been captured, why bother with maintaining that slim figure, fitting into those sexy lingerie sets that will only see the light of day, again, when she grows tired of her husband and kicks him out?

 

You know how the women who put bread on their tables by plucking a woman's pubic hair suddenly find themselves without a steady income of costumers? That's because the women don't have to groom themselves anymore; the man is thanking his gods whenever he gets to visit carpet city(roughly once every month, from what my friend tell me).

 

I can't really recall how many couples I've seen, the man is fit, has all of his hair, and is good-looking and well-dressed, whereas the woman is moby dick living on land; I sure know who, in that couple-unit, has an headache every night.

 

3) Most relationships are very short-lived and most of them are terminated by the female. Many men are told and asked by their partner to stay away during some time, to give her space, and during the next trip to town he finds her holding the hands of some guy you never saw before and she's acting like a 14 year old girl in love.

 

How great it must feel for the man. He invested so much of him, his resources, and his time, and the woman he lost so much for was probably already ****ing that guy while a relationship was still going on. Or she met him recently and in the span of a week she has already forgotten about the men who spent years with her. Cute.

 

4)I like to spend time with older men. We go to school to learn stuff from people who studied hard during many years to one day teach younger people and thus save them much time.

 

I use the same principle. I interact quite a bit with men who are older or much older than me to prevent me from ending up like them; homeless or emotional wrecks.

 

You see, many of them married the perfect woman. Most dated the woman a long time, but all of the women changed as soon as the ring was on the finger or they had just moved in together.

 

Were the women bad apples? Rare cases?

 

No. They were human beings. Human beings are fallible. I understand that. But I'm not going to lose all of myself, betting it all, on a shot at ''endless happiness'', that ridiculous imaginary world view that feminists have, as they make up claims of men being far happier in relationships, lmao.

 

Indeed. The sword of Damocles hanging on top of the married man's head provides him with comical relief. Right. I'll tell the man who's crashing on my couch that he's happy, never mind him having 0$ on his bank account, and having no place to go because good old wifey kicked him out.

 

Ok, Ok, this is getting long, and you'll probably ignore this or you'll summon unto yourself the mantra of ''men need women'' instead of looking at my post and replying with critical thinking, so I'll move along and inform you of why, in my particular case, I am not interested in ''commitment''.

 

I don't have too. Why should I commit? What's in it for me? Friendship? I have friends I grew up with. We are tigh with one another, our bond is stronger than the distance between planet earth and the pegasus galaxy; we'd ditch any woman to spend time with one another.

 

Am I gay? Because I'd rather hang out with my friends? Is the man who has gold mines concerned with a 9 to 5pm job?

 

Pussy is abundant. young, tight pussy that is offering itself with no demands. I like that. Men like that. More and more women are lowering the price of pussy to a very low price/non-existent price. The lack of emotional attachment in one-night stands/fwbs, far outweighs the very high chance of being cheated on/dumped and you won't suffer from the emotional setbacks of seeing your girl with some other guys, and that's to name but a few of the benefits of not investing emotionally on a woman.

 

Also, lots and lots of men need variety. Do you know why the fashion world is so popular with women? The designers know that we men don't like to **** the same woman every night. The recurrent yet ever-changing hairstyles and clothes and shoes that women get; that's all to project an illusion of ****ing different women.

 

Many of us don't want to be fathers. You lot are obsessed with children. God only knows how many of you will stop taking the pill, or will be putting a needle hole on the condom. Say hello to 18 years of child-support, fella. I know several guys suing their fathers to pay college fees. Glorious.

 

A relationship doesn't have that much to offer and is fraught with problems, responsibilities, debt, child-support, lifelong, homelessness, and emotional and physical issues and lifelong conditions.

 

Lady, you're witnessing something that very rarely occurs. The collapse of a civilization. You know what stands as an absolute guarantee that a civilization is doomed for? The men retreat from society and from relationships.

 

The leaders of Ancient Rome offered innumerable benefits to the men who married, and they chased after and punished the men who didn't want anything to do with women. The same summarization is happening to our modern world.

 

Younger and younger men are 'addicted'(as so many women want to believe in) to porn; those are the guys who aren't good-looking or are social butterflies and the rest of us are ****ing and dumping women like there's no tomorrow(and honestly? There isn't. This is the end of our civilization).

 

Men have - once again - realized that romantic relationships are tricks and plots that only benefit women, and we're doing what is best for us.

 

Don't like it? Though luck. I don't think my ancestors enjoying having their heads blow-off so that hundreds of years later you can come to a forum and complain that men are ''commitmentphobic'' or ''imature''.

 

We ain't nothing of that, Lady. We work and we study.

 

We're simply not interested in any of you, Casual sex or porn do it just fine,and if you lot try to be funny and ban porn/casual sex like you did to the brothels of long ago; we'll turn to,and master, virtual reality/sex pills that give the pleasure of sex and magnify it, with no side-effects.

 

Ban virtual sex. Who cares? We'll find another outlet for our sexuality or we'll come with a way to take away sexual desire, and without any ill to our health.

 

enjoy the brave new world. I know I will. Guys, and with the downfall of the world's economy, women are opening their legs like churches would open their doors(and their bank accounts) to Jesus Christ. Who'd say that with the economical death of many a Country, women who'd otherwise refuse casual sexual, are now putting out, thinking that he's going to invest himself and his resources on them, because they had sex?

 

Guys, save up a few bucks and you too can go down like the Roman nobles did, as Rome was being ransacked and destroyed by the Barbarians; drinking and ****ing.

 

If you are 26, you are in your prime in terms of overall attractiveness in the dating world.

 

Are you in you 30's or 40's? The most beautiful women I've met so far, or looked at, were 18 years old to 22; sure, many of them had rocks for brains, but with a top notch pussy, who cares about that LOL.

Edited September 21, 2011 by Elysian Powder

[Elysian Powder]

I just remembered something funny. I used to go to this bakery that had to be closed. The woman in charge of it was young and quite beautiful. She was complaining to her girlfriend that men aren't interested in sleeping with her, that they'd rather stay home to masturbate. She, very sadly, told her girlfriend about a man who couldn't get an erection with her. That must be quite the blow for the sex that was used to be chased by every male and his dog as soon as they reached the age of 13 .

[Chicago_Guy]

Are you in you 30's or 40's? The most beautiful women I've met so far, or looked at, were 18 years old to 22; sure, many of them had rocks for brains, but with a top notch pussy, who cares about that LOL.

 

Yes, I am in my mid-30s. I would like to find a decent woman for a relationship, but they are hard to find. I don't want a 20-year-old myself. In terms of a relationship, as opposed to just sex, I think that a 26-year-old is probably a better prospect for most guys than would be a typical 18-22 year old if she is mature and has remained attractive.

 

In any event, a 26 year-old woman certainly has more dating options than a 30-year-old woman or a 35+ year old woman.

[blueskyday]

Okay...Interesting...I have a different take.

 

I think you will attract better quality guys when you don't let someone take advantage of you. No one gets to use you for sex. You don't use other people for sex. There are vibrators that are amazing! People aren't objects. People are whole beings.

 

I understand your idea. You think by feeling unattached to the outcome of finding a relationship you have a better chance. A FWB situation makes you feel like you have one aspect covered, and a fall back.

 

Problem is, that if you have a Plan B, you will fall back on it every time. And guys do know when you are screwing another guy. They won't trust you, and they won't put the energy into knowing you.

 

You will, however, continue to attract predators and guys who have no problem having sex without emotion.

 

You do deserve better...but I understand your confusion.

 

The dating world is confusing. I try to remember what I want. If I want a relationship, then that's what I hold out for. I focus on one guy at a time to see where it could go. Guys can feel that energy and focus, and they respond to it.

 

Better to have a quick relationship with a guy than to have a FWB situation. It will just make you feel disposable when it ends. It doesn't empower you. What empowers you is the feeling that a guy has to prove a bit of worth to be in your life.

 

How about starting with a guy who wants to have sex within the parameters of a relationship? Most good guys do, you know.

 

I personally would never date a guy who was already intimate with another woman. Yep, I ask. I always ask a guy if he is dating casually or seeing someone. If he says yes, I ask "Sleeping with them?" Their reaction is usually easy to read.

 

If "Yes," then I simply move on. I don't poach on another woman's territory. I require monogamy to sleep with a guy, and exclusivity after a few dates so we can focus on each other and build trust. So a guy has to decide after a few dates with me what he wants.

Edited September 21, 2011 by blueskyday

[Elysian Powder]

Yes, I am in my mid-30s. I would like to find a decent woman for a relationship, but they are hard to find. I don't want a 20-year-old myself. In terms of a relationship, as opposed to just sex, I think that a 26-year-old is probably a better prospect for most guys than would be a typical 18-22 year old if she is mature and has remained attractive.

 

In any event, a 26 year-old woman certainly has more dating options than a 30-year-old woman or a 35+ year old woman.

 

Yeah, I see where you are coming from. Women in their 30's are now in the stage of ''rotting-eggs-must-breed-now,'' and no sane man is going to want to pay up for what some other guy had when it was young, tight, and healthy.

 

A woman in her mid 20's is still relatively fresh, she won't hound you with ''commitment'' and she doesn't have any biological reason to trick you, and when you decide to move on from her to another woman, she won't go psycho and accuse you of false rape report and what not, because she still has some years in her to find a sucker.

 

Smart man.

[blueskyday]

Weird, but I find no shortages of guys to sleep with. I refuse to let myself be flattered by a guy who wants to screw me. So he finds me physically attractive? Big deal. Attractive on many levels? Much better.

 

Put that energy out there and watch the weirdos go away. The good guys will show up, but you have to give them a chance.

 

I won't even kiss a guy until the second or third date, but then game on if it's good...Shy guys are the best lovers!!!

 

Give those guys a chance. They are the ones who want to get to know you, your mind, and your heart.

[Titania22]

It really seems I've been getting nowhere with any of the women that justify this.

 

 

I am not trying to justify sleeping with one guy whilst dating another.

 

I only have an interested in having sex with only one man.

 

I asked you a question valid to my life, and you ignored it.

[Nexus One]

I am not trying to justify sleeping with one guy whilst dating another.

 

I only have an interested in having sex with only one man.

 

I asked you a question valid to my life, and you ignored it.

 

I was kind of fighting multiple fronts in this thread (as well as via PM), while also working , so I kind of had my hands full and didn't respond to the question. Apart from that I thought the question was a general statement rather than a question you wanted to be answered by me.

 

Anyways, here it goes. This was the question I assume?

 

The question is, at what point is it acceptable to give up the dream of a relationship, and just accept what you can get?

 

I think that differs for everyone. Personally I wouldn't probably ever settle by accepting what I can get. I'd work for it to get what I want. For example, regarding the last woman I wanted to ask out, I thought she was one of the most beautiful women I had ever laid eyes upon. She looked exactly like Emma Stone in this particular photo: http://bit.ly/orZEH0

 

I intended to do so much planning and work to get everything right, but then one day, she just didn't appear anymore and I never got the chance to ask her out.

 

So if you ask ME at what point I should give up, I'd say probably when the desire for a relationship is gone. But like I said, this might differ for everyone. It's a personal preference.

 

All I know is that I'm intending to take on this thing full force as long as I have the desire to have a meaningful relationship. Perhaps part of me doesn't have a choice, as that desire is pushing and pulling me towards that goal with pretty much everything it's got.

Edited September 21, 2011 by Nexus One

[Elysian Powder]

SO REFRESHING to know that another modern woman shares my "old-fashioned" point of view. Thanks for sharing. We'll find our guys someday

 

Many cats are in need of a home .

[Woggle]

I think I realize why the OP has such problems with men. Her responses in this thread are very telling. She has a very hard time relating to men as people or empathizing with our experiences and that shows why she can't build a relationship with a man.

[Titania22]

Sorry if this seems like thread jacking, but I think it is related, since it is all about how to find a relationship, when absolutely no one seems interested.

 

I think that differs for everyone. Personally I wouldn't probably ever settle by accepting what I can get. I'd work for it to get what I want. For example, regarding the last woman I wanted to ask out, I thought she was one of the most beautiful women I had ever laid eyes upon. She looked exactly like Emma Stone in this particular photo: http://bit.ly/orZEH0

 

I intended to do so much planning and work to get everything right, but then one day, she just didn't appear anymore and I never got the chance to ask her out.

 

So if you ask ME at what point I should give up, I'd say probably when the desire for a relationship is gone. But like I said, this might differ for everyone. It's a personal preference.

 

All I know is that I'm intending to take on this thing full force as long as I have the desire to have a meaningful relationship. Perhaps part of me doesn't have a choice, as that desire is pushing and pulling me towards that goal with pretty much everything it's got.

 

Thanks for responding. In the past week I have thought of an advertising campaign, to advertise for a boyfriend.

 

It's probably inconcieved, but I am not sure what else I can try. On tuesday I spent the day just looking at people trying to make eyecontact. Not specifically men, all people. Even an old lady with white hair. I find it hard to comprehend that I would actually have success asking out guys who refuse to acknowledge my very existence when I pass them by.

 

So my idea is, to print a tanktop "Wanted: Boyfriend for:- 1) Sex 2) 2v2 in SC2 3) More Sex"

 

What do you think?

 

At the moment I get absolutely no attention from men, not even for casual sex or anything. I am back at the gym, and in october I have 3 sessions of electrotherapy to apparently tighten my muscles and lose fat faster than exercise. The male friends i have on starcraft, say I seem really nice and don't see why I am having trouble finding someone interested, whilst not actually being interested themselves. And even somedude rejected me, based on distance.

 

See I don't need to have sex all the time, and I certainly wouldn't cheat, but I want the hope that it is going to happen sometime, so even an LDR would be good, because of course i would fly and visit whenever i could.

[somedude81]

Sorry if this seems like thread jacking, but I think it is related, since it is all about how to find a relationship, when absolutely no one seems interested.

 

 

 

Thanks for responding. In the past week I have thought of an advertising campaign, to advertise for a boyfriend.

 

It's probably inconcieved, but I am not sure what else I can try. On tuesday I spent the day just looking at people trying to make eyecontact. Not specifically men, all people. Even an old lady with white hair. I find it hard to comprehend that I would actually have success asking out guys who refuse to acknowledge my very existence when I pass them by.

 

So my idea is, to print a tanktop "Wanted: Boyfriend for:- 1) Sex 2) 2v2 in SC2 3) More Sex"

 

What do you think?

 

At the moment I get absolutely no attention from men, not even for casual sex or anything. I am back at the gym, and in october I have 3 sessions of electrotherapy to apparently tighten my muscles and lose fat faster than exercise. The male friends i have on starcraft, say I seem really nice and don't see why I am having trouble finding someone interested, whilst not actually being interested themselves. And even somedude rejected me, based on distance.

 

See I don't need to have sex all the time, and I certainly wouldn't cheat, but I want the hope that it is going to happen sometime, so even an LDR would be good, because of course i would fly and visit whenever i could.

Sorry about that.

 

You seem like a really cool woman. I have no idea why you're single. It might be a good idea to start a new thread about your recent dating experience and how you think men perceive you etc.

 

From this thread, I've figured out why verhrzn is single and she is going to stay that way until she makes a few changes.

 

I wouldn't recommend letting men know you want sex. You'll find yourself with a lot of offers from guys who just want to screw you.

 

Though this is a much safer bet. The store is even located in Australia.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

I think you should date who you are attracted to. I don't think over-weight men should only date over-weight women. I don't think tall men should only date tall women. I don't even think college grads should only date other college grads. Real love and relationshpis are more then that. But baring that in mind, if you have expectations about the way women look when you are dating, you need to remember that relationships are more then that.

 

I sadly think that a lot of men today have unrealistic ideals about women and their looks. Growing up in a media saturated culture where since the age of 11, boys have been looking at porn models and Maxim has really distorted the beauty of what a woman is.

 

So while I do think you should date who are you are attracted to, it's hard to be sympathic to an over-weight man that wants to date in-shape women.

[phineas]

Sorry if this seems like thread jacking, but I think it is related, since it is all about how to find a relationship, when absolutely no one seems interested.

 

 

 

Thanks for responding. In the past week I have thought of an advertising campaign, to advertise for a boyfriend.

 

It's probably inconcieved, but I am not sure what else I can try. On tuesday I spent the day just looking at people trying to make eyecontact. Not specifically men, all people. Even an old lady with white hair. I find it hard to comprehend that I would actually have success asking out guys who refuse to acknowledge my very existence when I pass them by.

 

So my idea is, to print a tanktop "Wanted: Boyfriend for:- 1) Sex 2) 2v2 in SC2 3) More Sex"

 

What do you think?

 

At the moment I get absolutely no attention from men, not even for casual sex or anything. I am back at the gym, and in october I have 3 sessions of electrotherapy to apparently tighten my muscles and lose fat faster than exercise. The male friends i have on starcraft, say I seem really nice and don't see why I am having trouble finding someone interested, whilst not actually being interested themselves. And even somedude rejected me, based on distance.

 

See I don't need to have sex all the time, and I certainly wouldn't cheat, but I want the hope that it is going to happen sometime, so even an LDR would be good, because of course i would fly and visit whenever i could.

 

I don't know what you look like so I can't really help you in the approaching department.

However that electro stuff is rubbish.

 

And if you don't figure out your BMR / maint. cals & eat at least 500 less plus get your macro's down you'll just be spinning your wheels at the gym.

[Cracker Jack]

I think you should date who you are attracted to. I don't think over-weight men should only date over-weight women. I don't think tall men should only date tall women. I don't even think college grads should only date other college grads. Real love and relationshpis are more then that. But baring that in mind, if you have expectations about the way women look when you are dating, you need to remember that relationships are more then that.

 

I sadly think that a lot of men today have unrealistic ideals about women and their looks. Growing up in a media saturated culture where since the age of 11, boys have been looking at porn models and Maxim has really distorted the beauty of what a woman is.

 

So while I do think you should date who are you are attracted to, it's hard to be sympathic to an over-weight man that wants to date in-shape women.

 

I think this belongs in the other topic below.

[Nexus One]

So my idea is, to print a tanktop "Wanted: Boyfriend for:- 1) Sex 2) 2v2 in SC2 3) More Sex"

 

What do you think?

 

I think this: "Wanted: Boyfriend for:- 1) Sex 2) 2v2 in SC2 3) More Sex"

 

Because you are actually looking for a relationship you said. If you are going to advertise that you are looking for sex, then that's going to attract guys who aren't necessarily relationship oriented.

 

The thing is. If I would see a woman with a top like that, then I'd think she's joking and not seriously looking for those things. But you cant try it, it might be an eye catcher or conversation starter.

 

The male friends i have on starcraft, say I seem really nice and don't see why I am having trouble finding someone interested, whilst not actually being interested themselves.

 

Lets be honest. The guys on Battle Net tend to be fairly young. The average age has probably gone up since Starcraft is now over a decade old, but there are still a lot of very young guys on there.

 

The truth about most men is that they tend to be attracted to younger females. If you look at the average ages of couples worldwide, then men are on average 4 year older than their female partners. As roughly 90% of the approaching is done by men, I think it's safe to say men tend to gravitate towards younger women.

 

However, there are guys that go for women older than themselves though. Several reasons could be that she's attractive or more mature in terms of attitude than younger girls. But that kind of relationship dynamic between a younger man and older female is a bit the exception to the rule.

 

So by hitting on younger guys you are you are shrinking your dating pool enormously. I understand you have a preference for those guys, but that's the truth of the matter.

 

Secondly, I understood you like geeky guys. Those guys and especially when they're under 30 tend to be not focused on relationships. They tend to have different interests and goals during that period in their life. So with that you again shrink your pool.

 

And you like guys that play Starcraft. So that again shrinks your pool. And besides, what guy expects to get hit on on Battle Net? They're looking to kick some Terran/Zerg/Protoss @ss on there. It's not the first place you'd expect romance. Not that it's impossible, but it's simply not expected.

 

So essentially you are fishing in a pool shrunk to a very small size where only a tiny percentage of the guys would bite.

 

My advice would be to expand your dating pool by expanding the age range you'd date and the interest range (beyond Starcraft).

 

That's perhaps a bit of a harsh assessment, but it's what I genuinely think.

[Woggle]

I think you should date who you are attracted to. I don't think over-weight men should only date over-weight women. I don't think tall men should only date tall women. I don't even think college grads should only date other college grads. Real love and relationshpis are more then that. But baring that in mind, if you have expectations about the way women look when you are dating, you need to remember that relationships are more then that.

 

I sadly think that a lot of men today have unrealistic ideals about women and their looks. Growing up in a media saturated culture where since the age of 11, boys have been looking at porn models and Maxim has really distorted the beauty of what a woman is.

 

So while I do think you should date who are you are attracted to, it's hard to be sympathic to an over-weight man that wants to date in-shape women.

Women are just as bad. You see many average women who won't settle for less than a super hunk who makes buckets of money and has a little bit of a bad boy edge to him but it is really a sweetie underneath that only she can reach.

[Nexus One]

But you cant try it, it might be an eye catcher or conversation starter.

 

I meant 'you can try it'. (typo)

[ThsAmericanLife]

The truth about most men is that they tend to be attracted to younger females. If you look at the average ages of couples worldwide, then men are on average 4 year older than their female partners. As roughly 90% of the approaching is done by men, I think it's safe to say men tend to gravitate towards younger women.

 

Yes, it's true that men tend to go for younger women...

 

But you (as in women) don't need to settle for them (older men) either. Well, especially not much older men. I won't date a man more than 5 years older. Just on principle and because they die younger. No offense. Not investing what is left of my life on that.

 

As I said before "Be the change (I) want to see in the world"

Edited September 22, 2011 by ThsAmericanLife

[ThsAmericanLife]

I was going to say... if you are going to make a man wait for sex... might as well make sure he isn't alot older than you.

 

Its not like you want to go through this process again when you are in your 40's... I didn't know my fiancee had a genetic heart condition (neither did he). I certainly wouldn't stake my future on an older man now though.. not after what I've been through.. no matter how much $$ he had, how great he looked, or how nice he was.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Umm...something is wrong with this board. My post should have been in another thread.

[Nexus One]

Yes, it's true that men tend to go for younger women...

 

But you (as in women) don't need to settle for them (older men) either. Well, especially not much older men. I won't date a man more than 5 years older. Just on principle and because they die younger. No offense. Not investing what is left of my life on that.

 

As I said before "Be the change (I) want to see in the world"

 

I'm certainly not saying she needs to settle. However she can improve her odds by expanding her dating pool, as I currently think the pool she fishes in is quite small.

[ThsAmericanLife]

I'm certainly not saying she needs to settle. However she can improve her odds by expanding her dating pool, as I currently think the pool she fishes in is quite small.

 

I'm not familiar with her particular hobby. It seems she could find other hobbies though, that have a more diverse set of men.

[somedude81]

From Titania's posts, I'm getting the impression that she is after much younger men. I believe that she's in her 40's.

 

While there are men out there who like "older" women, most men want somebody who is a few years younger. I'm very guilty of that as I'm 30 and am infatuated with somebody who is 22.

[ThsAmericanLife]

From Titania's posts, I'm getting the impression that she is after much younger men. I believe that she's in her 40's.

 

While there are men out there who like "older" women, most men want somebody who is a few years younger. I'm very guilty of that as I'm 30 and am infatuated with somebody who is 22.

 

oh. Ok. now I understand. That is a big age difference for someone in their 20's.

 

I don't know how hold Titania is or how young she is going for. I've argued against large age differences for both genders because of the power imbalance... but I don't want this thread to get (too) sidetracked.

 

Me personally... I've made it part of my dating 'mission' to avoid men who have a habit of dating much younger women. I don't care how hot they think I am... and I won't date much older men. OMG, the whining some of them do when you tell them anything more than 5 yrs is too old. Same ones who won't put more than a year or two older than them in their profile... waaaaaa!!! I hate double standards.

 

Yes, I'm limiting my pool, but so what? Its a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it. Make some men get real, that is.

 

The 24 yr old barista at Starbucks keeps trying to get me to go out with him. Some of my students get crushes on me too. (which is freaking SCARY). I told him I could dress up Mrs. Robinson and he could be The Graduate for Halloween... Too funny.

 

I've got my eye on my colleague though, so not going there with Barista Boy. I think my colleague is upper 30's early 40's. At least I hope he is.