"Men Don't Know What They Want"

[Elysian Powder]

I've acknowledged your point of why guys wouldn't want to be with me, but your reason for why I can't find a relationship (and thus resorted to FWB) doesn't make sense.

 

How many guys actually date a single woman at a time, especially with online dating?

 

It seems sweet and romantic, for a guy to see a girl across a crowded coffee shop, and there is no one else he COULD be interested in, and he's just gotta get to know this one girl... And for some girls, I'm sure it does happen that way.

 

But if you're not a very desirable female... you're not the kind that gets asked out, or hit on, or crushed on... then is that scenario really an option?

 

Even guys online who mark themselves as "relationship minded" are going out on multiple dates a week, possibly making out/going further with some of the girls because they've gotten to the 4th or 5th date with them. So is there really any choice in discounting guys who multi-date, since they're probably the only ones who show even vague interest?

 

It all kind of circles back to, yeah there are guys that want relationships, but what if none of them want a relationship with you. Then what?

 

Most of the guys with options will juggle several women at the same time. Think of it in this regard. Women of long ago had many suitors and the suitors had to have the upper hand to marry the woman.

 

Nowadays a man with options can do as he pleases. I have met men who had long-term girlfriends, short-term relationships, and a steady social intercourse with escorts, all at the same time. It's a wonderful century to be a man(with options), I can tell you that, and the fun is everlasting. Why would we leave this lifestyle behind?

 

Besides, we know that most women had casual sex/relationships in their teens and in their 20's. The govts. already make a fool out of ourselves, we ain't gonna let that happen in our private lives; I don't pay for what others had for free.

 

t all kind of circles back to, yeah there are guys that want relationships, but what if none of them want a relationship with you. Then what?

 

Then you thank your lucky stars. You're getting sex. Plenty of obese women are only getting some lovin' from the dildo.

Edited September 22, 2011 by Elysian Powder

[Nexus One]

I've acknowledged your point of why guys wouldn't want to be with me, but your reason for why I can't find a relationship (and thus resorted to FWB) doesn't make sense.

 

How many guys actually date a single woman at a time, especially with online dating?

 

It seems sweet and romantic, for a guy to see a girl across a crowded coffee shop, and there is no one else he COULD be interested in, and he's just gotta get to know this one girl... And for some girls, I'm sure it does happen that way.

 

But if you're not a very desirable female... you're not the kind that gets asked out, or hit on, or crushed on... then is that scenario really an option?

 

Even guys online who mark themselves as "relationship minded" are going out on multiple dates a week, possibly making out/going further with some of the girls because they've gotten to the 4th or 5th date with them. So is there really any choice in discounting guys who multi-date, since they're probably the only ones who show even vague interest?

 

It all kind of circles back to, yeah there are guys that want relationships, but what if none of them want a relationship with you. Then what?

 

97% of ALL people on earth marry at least once before they die. What makes you think you're so incredibly ugly and undesirable that you will not get a shot at love and end up in the other 3%?

 

You're bringing yourself down. You have a very low self-image. Like I said I've seen your photo, your low self-image is not justified. Other guys have commented positively on it too.

 

Yet what did you do when I told you that? You questioned it and said you had no idea why guys would say that. Your low self-image is also a major point here. You sabotage yourself.

 

The guys that left you for "hotter girls" were d*cks. They lack loyalty. Physical beauty fades in everyone. Everyone ends up old, wrinkled and grey. The only thing that will last is personality and intelligence. Yet you dismissed the guys who liked you for your personality. Another big mistake.

 

Know this, and I'm saying this from experience. When a guy crushes on a woman's personality, she becomes physically more beautiful in his eyes.

Edited September 22, 2011 by Nexus One

[somedude81]

I have a volunteer spirit somedude... so how's this... if I make it to 50 before you have your next sexual encounter, *I'll* do you.

 

I just turned 47 last Saturday....

 

I'm betting you will though... just to avoid the thought of having sex with a 50 yr old woman (ha ha).

 

Keep in mind though, that I can still do my splits, and have the body of a 20 yr old cheerleader. (That's what my last BF used to tell everyone)

A tantalizing offer. Though I would go insane with three more years of no sex. It's already been two

 

And verhrzn thinks she has it bad. I wonder what the longest it's been that she's been without.

[shrubs]

What is the difference between negativity and being realistic?

 

a pretty gal who says she ugly is negativity. your smart, pretty, you work out more then most so your no doubt physically fit. you got a lot to offer but lose the frown on your face. keep the fwb untill you find a relationship guy.

[phineas]

THAT was not the reason I thought you didn't get into a relationship. I said it was unethical AND that there would be guys that would not date you if they found out.

 

The reason I thought you didn't get into a relationship was partly and possibly because you you didn't set a boundary. And that boundary was that you said you involved yourself with guys who were already involved with other women.

 

I've asked this question many times, but you never answered it. What makes you expect that if you set such loose boundaries, that that would attract relationship oriented guys or land you a relationship?

 

A guy that is ok with dating women while he's sleeping around with women, does not tend to be the relationship oriented type.

 

So much has been said in this thread and over PM and so much has been misinterpreted, by me too, that this thread has become a spaghetti and we're misunderstanding each other because of that.

 

I'll give you my main 3 points that I made in this thread. All I've been saying is:

 

1) It's unethical for a person to mess around with other partners while dating relationship oriented people. (and not tell them about it so that their dates can't choose to opt out based on it)

 

2) I wouldn't date a woman when she turns out to be already involved with another partner. (and I cannot be obligated to do so)

 

3) A guy that does point nr1 himself, will likely not be the kind of guy that gets into a relationship with you, because he's not that kind of guy or not that phase of his life or in that state of mind. HOWEVER, it is the kind of guy you allow yourself to get involved with. And then you ask him not to talk about the other girls he's screwing, because I assume you have a hard time hearing that.

 

Despite what you and anyone else might think. I really did try to help you.

 

I don't think what she understands is good relationship minded men with dating experience can smell the shady coming off a woman.

 

They can see the act of nice girl from a mile away & either move on, or just have fun with her. They don't take her seriously.

 

She isn't fooling anybody. She has to actually change to the type of person she is looking for, not act like the type of person she is looking for.

 

It amazes me how many women think their being sneaky when their completely transparent.

[GoodOnPaper]

I do believe it actually IS alot harder for a woman to find a relationship than the average man who wants one (sensing tidal wave of male-angst heading my way as I say that).

 

I don't know -- women seem to have so many options at any given time, you'd think one would work out. I'd rather deal with that than having to either dive into an LTR or not be able to get another date for months or years. Lots of pressure . . .

[ThsAmericanLife]

I don't think what she understands is good relationship minded men with dating experience can smell the shady coming off a woman.

 

They can see the act of nice girl from a mile away & either move on, or just have fun with her. They don't take her seriously.

 

She isn't fooling anybody. She has to actually change to the type of person she is looking for, not act like the type of person she is looking for.

 

It amazes me how many women think their being sneaky when their completely transparent.

 

A good relationship minded man would not just 'have fun' with her or any woman just for the sake of getting his rocks off. That makes him no better than the 'shady'.

 

A good relationship minded woman can smell the male hypocrites a mile away too.

 

Although, we agree on one thing. One has to become the person they want to attract... and it works for both men and women. Men who are ok having sex with women they deign 'loose' and then discard her do not have the kind of character necessary to get and keep a truly good woman.

 

Both behaviors illustrate a fundamental lack of personal integrity and a desire to be consistent with one's purported goals.

 

Which is why I encouraged Nexus to remain vigilent.

[ThsAmericanLife]

A tantalizing offer. Though I would go insane with three more years of no sex. It's already been two

 

And verhrzn thinks she has it bad. I wonder what the longest it's been that she's been without.

 

Well.. I was trying to cheer you up a bit.. but you really don't need 'pity' sex.

 

Was thinking it is very possible that I'll be the one making it to 50 without having sex again... given the quality of men I've come across the past year or two.

 

I'm optimistic that will change once I get out of this podunk-town though.

[somedude81]

Well.. I was trying to cheer you up a bit.. but you really don't need 'pity' sex.

 

Was thinking it is very possible that I'll be the one making it to 50 without having sex again... given the quality of men I've come across the past year or two.

 

I'm optimistic that will change once I get out of this podunk-town though.

Pity sex would make me feel good for about a week. Then I'd need it again, then again...

 

As for your issue, get out of that town.

 

I keep hearing that a lot, that their location has a huge effect on whether women date or not.

 

Personally I'm at a place where I'm basically surrounded by hot young girls all the time and it's frustrating that they are all off-limits.

[Woggle]

I don't think what she understands is good relationship minded men with dating experience can smell the shady coming off a woman.

 

They can see the act of nice girl from a mile away & either move on, or just have fun with her. They don't take her seriously.

 

She isn't fooling anybody. She has to actually change to the type of person she is looking for, not act like the type of person she is looking for.

 

It amazes me how many women think their being sneaky when their completely transparent.

 

Very true. A man who has been around and dealt with his share of women tend to develop a sixth sense about these things.