noidea Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 Anyway, I met this guy…actually, I met him online, but through a very non-dating/hookup type website and chat room. At this point, he is completely NOT an internet friend. We have met, hung out, etc. In the beginning, when I started talking to him, we were friends. Then we started to get closer and I started to develop feelings for him. It just seemed like I could talk to him about anything, and it wasn’t weird. We opened up about a lot of things easily, and I’m sure that natural comfort really helped it all along. We started talking everyday, sometimes for hours and sometimes late into the night (i.e. several calls from 11pm to 6am). And it wasn’t just online either. We spoke (and still speak) on the phone often too. It is odd for us to go more than a day without talking to one another. If we don’t talk for a day, when we get back to it, he’ll say something like, “where have you been? I’ve missed you”, etc. Our conversations range from perfectly friendly, to fun and flirty, to deep and serious. The problem is, of course, that we live far away from each other. Its always been in my mind to stop before this goes too far because the distance complicates things, but once I got over my own apprehensions about the internet, etc, it was kinda too late. As I said, we've met and hung out and all of that. However, every time we have hung out, it has been with a bunch of other people and it seems like every time there is some drama going on with those other people that prevents us from getting “alone time”. I feel like he was fairly flirty with me in person (touching and such), but it hasn’t really gone beyond that. I feel I am partially to blame for that because I am outgoing in general things, but just not with guys. I don’t initiate flirting- in person or in phone and online situations. I’m just not good at it and I feel like I’m making myself vulnerable when I do. So, I may have come off a little too friend-like and not enough like I'm interested in our in person dealings or otherwise. This is already long, so I won’t go through the details of everything, but here are some of the scenarios that have me really confused. 1) His statement that he hopes I know how much he loves talking to me and he doesn’t know what he would do if we didn’t have that anymore 2) his statement that he can’t imagine what he would say to people about how he met a girl if he met her through the internet, but then he thinks about us and how we talk more than his friends where he lives and he wonders. Then he says he thinks he could get over it. 3)Then a couple of weeks later, in regards to other people getting together from the internet (one of whom is rather immature and odd) that live far away from one another: “screw long distance. Plus there’s the internet sketch factor.” 4) Then a couple of weeks after that, sending me a package full of well thought out gifts, when returning something else that was borrowed. Since I've moved recently, he's also sent me a housewarming package. However,he didn't send me a birthday present last week (not saying its a problem for me, just suggesting that he might not be interested). 5) staying up late to talk with me when he has exams and such. 6) Asking me about ex-boyfriends and reasons for breakups out of the clear blue (we were discussing something completely unrelated). My question is, what is going on? Am I wrong to think that there are some mixed signals here? I mean, granted, I can understand why the net thing is weird. As a matter of fact, in the past, I have expressed that I think that dating someone I met on the net would be weird too. But, am I wrong in thinking that there may be something more going on here? As I said, I don't know if we view each other that way anymore. In terms of me, I would be willing to put out money for a year or so to be in a LD relationship. After that, he would be free to leave where he lives now and we could make arrangements to be together if it was still working out. I guess I really want something to progress here because I care a lot about him. On the other hand, I also really value our friendship, so I am afraid to make things awkward by sharing my feelings. It just seems like there is a greater likelihood of having an awkward period if he doesn't feel the same way because we are far away from one another- even if we do talk so much now. I know that I am also afraid of making myself vulnerable and getting hurt (like, I’m good enough to talk to all the time, but not attractive enough to have a real relationship with). Also, is it worth saying anything when he seems to be against LD and the internet thing? Anyway, any advice would be appreciated. This has been going on for over a year and I'm not sure what to do anymore. Its getting frustrating. Sorry this is so long. Thanks in advance for any advice you can offer. Link to post Share on other sites
uriel Posted May 11, 2004 Share Posted May 11, 2004 Sounds to me he's thinking about turning this into something more, too. He's already said he'd probably be willing to overlook the internet issue. He may be more concerned about the LD thing -- but then, you are too. He doesn't know how you feel either, so he might as well have written a post just like yours, mixed signals and all. The only way to know for sure is to ask. You might say something obvious but noncommital over the phone like, "If we weren't so far apart, I might kiss you for saying that." How much clearer can you get? Yet, it's not a love confession. It's in the flirty tone you two might already have. And it lets him have a comeback that you can take in a more serious direction. Be sure to let him answer after you say this. Don't cover up that air space with nervous chatter. See where it goes. -- uriel Link to post Share on other sites
Author noidea Posted May 12, 2004 Author Share Posted May 12, 2004 Argh, I don't know why this is so hard for me. Seriously, I am so outgoing in other respects. Its ridiculous that I'm nervous about saying even one tiny thing like that. Thanks for the advice though. Anyone else have tips for getting over the nervousness and just putting it out there? Link to post Share on other sites
Author noidea Posted May 26, 2004 Author Share Posted May 26, 2004 top Link to post Share on other sites
tegteg Posted May 26, 2004 Share Posted May 26, 2004 Ok 1 the meeting on the net thing is BS, if you 2 click then great.... 2 Since you guys can talk bout anyhting, then just talk it out and let him know were you stand... 3 How long is your LD? 50miles? 100miles?? I dont do LDR more then 50miles...... I learned from my friends...... 4 You both know that you are iterested in each other no? Soo just ask him what the hold up is on his side... Clear the air bewteen you 2... Who knows he may be wondering the same thing as you.... and your both still stuck... If it bothers you 2 talk to him bout it, would it be better to write him a letter bout it??? HTH keep us updated..... DG Link to post Share on other sites
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