My parents and my fiance are fighting and I am stuck in the middle and so fed up!!

[Ava1987]

I am getting married next year and everything was all running along smoothly until me and my partener bought a house together two months ago, there were the usual rows over what colour to paint the house and where to put pictures but there was one problem I did not think of who would get the Dog!

 

About two years ago for my graduation present my parents and my fiance chipped in £600 to buy me a puppy (stupid stupid idea now I look back at it). Over these two years I would get up before work nand take her out for a walk and when I came home, pay all of her vet bills and even give my parents an extra £30 rent for her food. They would look after her if I was at by boyrfriends (now fiances) house but I would always come back every day and we even took her on holiday twice.

 

Now the problem is that we have bought our own house and the question of who keeps to dog has been brought up.

 

My parents feel that we should share the dog because my dad cannot work due to ill health and so they would have her Monday to Friday during the day and we would have her at weekends and evenings. Although this sounds good in theory it would mean seeing my parents every day and although this is not really an issue we moved out to have our own space, we also love 10 miles away so it would mean doing this journey twice a day.

 

My Fiance thinks we should have the dog as I have paid for all of her food, vets bills etc and she was bought for me as a present however this would mean she isin th ehouse on her own 9-5 (i would come home at 12 for about 40 mins each day at lunch) except at weekends and one day in the week.

 

I have tried to speak to both of them about it but it resulted in my dad calling my fiance all the names under the sun and my Fiance refering to my parents as a dog stealer.

 

The dog is now living with my parents until this is resolved and my fiance and them have not spoken for over 6 weeks, so every time there is a family function I have had to go on my own. It is really upsetting me because I am an only child and I want to be able to invite my parents over for dinner in our new house as my fiances parents have been over. Also all of my family and friends are getting involved and telling me what they think I should do, My fiance says she is my dog so my decsion but my parents say she is a family dog and should not be left on her own.

 

This sounds really stupid even as I am typing this as my fiance and parents have essentially fallen out over a dog and are making my life unbearable at the moment, the only rest I get from have discussions about the dog is when at work or askeep.

 

I would appreciate anyones thoughts on this because I am fed up and miserable and instead of looking forward to my wedding next year I am miserable in the knowing that my parents and fiance will probably never see eye to eye (they use to get on well before all of this happened)

Edited September 17, 2011 by Ava1987

[SincereOnlineGuy]

The only person in this equation that we KNOW has zero claim to the dog, is your fiance.

 

For what reason is he so majorly invested in the subject of your dog??

 

 

That is the answer you should seek, for the very helpful clues it will provide about your future.

[Finch]

SincereOG - I think her fiance might be upset because he put in money to buy the dog as a gift for the OP in the first place, not as a gift for her parents.

To be honest, I don't think "shared custody" of a dog is such a good idea. It can be difficult for animals to settle into two different routines, or to learn correct behaviour if there are two houses with two sets of rules and schedules.

OP - it sounds like your parents have gotten attached to the dog, and I can understand that. I can also understand your fiance's frustration because the dog was a gift for you.

Is the dog happy where he/she is? If so, and if your parents want to keep the dog (to have it become their dog) would it be possible for them to reimburse your fiance for the money he chipped in to buy the dog? Perhaps your parents would also agree to pay you back some money for the vet bills you paid over the last two years. If your parents love and take good care of the dog and are willing to "buy out" your share, perhaps that would make an acceptable compromise?

You don't sound too keen on the idea of having the dog live with you full time anyway, since you are out of the house for long stretches of time. Perhaps if your fiance feels things are settled financially at least, he might be more willing to let this go. The two of you could then think about getting your own dog, together, if that is that you both want.

[Finch]

Also, as I'm re-reading your post Ava, I want to add that if you want this headache to stop you need to take a side and make a decision. It sounds like your fiance and your parents are looking to you to give a verdict, and you're going to have to do that. I still think a compromise (having your parents reimburse you for what you have your fiance have paid for the dog and her/his upkeep) might make both sides a little happier, but you may need to take a firm hand in this.

I suggest seeing if your parents will agree to this first, and then informing your fiance that the dog will be staying with them. You may say something along the lines of:

"The dog is happy and settled at my parents home. You and I both love her, but so do my parents, and I think it would be in the dogs best interest for her to stay where she is comfortable. My parents have agreed to pay back the money you spent to help buy the dog, as well as some money for vet bills and keep. You and I can think about getting our own dog, together, as a couple now." Or something to that effect.

[Ava1987]

Thanks for the great responses, I would first like to apologise for my spelling I wrote this in a rush..

 

I know my parents would be willing to pay the £300 back however although this would make things easier it will still not solve the problem. I had a talk with my fiance last night and he said he was washing his hands of the dog and wanted his £300 back and he thinks I have made the wrong decision as I am siding with my parents. He also said that he hates my parents and have never been more angry with anyone before. I do understand his frustration as he has put a lot of time into looking after the dog and taking her for walks however I know the dog would be happier with my parents as she has lived here for two years. Obviously I will miss her but will be able to see her when I visit and I will still take her for walks. The only thing I do not know what to do is how to sort out the problem with my parents and fiance getting along as there will be a lot of tension he even said that they could round but I could not expect him to be in the same room as them. I love my fiance but I cannot live my life battling the tension between my parents and him and just dont know what to do!

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Uh-oh, I didn't notice the part where the fiance 'chipped-in' as well... and from this latest post it sounds like it was 300 each (yikes).

 

At any rate, it is STILL a "gift", and as such, neither the parents nor the fiance have a right to it.

 

Given the scenario, since it remains your 'gift', it shall be entirely your choice as to who possesses the gift.

 

(common sense would say leave the dog with your parents, to assure that you will have it at some point even long after the fiance is gone)

 

 

Now you need to start readying yourself for the complete absurdity that is entering into a marriage while your own parents and your fiance are at odds over something so trivial.