This situation is driving me nuts

[macarena]

Hi,

 

I am new here. Here goes my short story.

 

I have been 5 years geting on and off with this guy. During these 5 years we have both grown as individuals. P[ractically the relationship started out as being much paternal-like. He toook me out of my 'nutshell' and gave me much strength and was crucial in resolving much of my insecurities (was 19 when we started going out as a couple..(apart from the 3 years of freindship before)

 

However these years were characterised with massive fights. After one big fight we usually broke up and then a month klater getting back together, with the relationship actually progressing into a much serious level than before and with us growing up further. However the fights NEVER ceased. When last year we decided to go and live together, at first it was magic, but then continuous fights started to make ouyr lives stressful. We were almost cruel to each other at that point. The situation was too unbearable and I left the house (some 9 months later)

 

Even though I left we remained in very close contact. Finding each other in crucial times of need (even though we are both surrounded by very good friends) These last 2 months (I have left the house in MARCH) he started to tell me to buy a house together and to marry him. He even went so far to go to my mother's house and tell her that its her fault that we never got to marry ( my familyt was quite a BIG issue ..they never accepted him and even though I despised them for it, he hated me for not making them accept him)

 

I stressed a NO because even though he is the only man I imagine myself to love (went out with otheer guys in the mean time but had purely physical interests) , I knew that it would be a delusion for us to try again. And I didnt want to pass through all that suffering again. However we still slept with each other and he came to my house quite frequently.

 

The thing is, last week I went abroad for some days and when I came back he told me that he has had enough of running after me and that he wanted someone to appreciate him back and had asked a girl out. We talked it through (with much crying) and resolved that I will not try not to make him feel guilty and not to jeopordize our friendship.

 

Now I am heartbroken and feels like I have moved 2 steps forward and 3 back. I am being his friend (dont suggest a solution that I dont talk to him anymore..he is more than family) and he confides in me. But now he comes less at home. And he tells me about her as if he's planning to stay with her his whole life. I am deeply sad and I feel li,ke I am stuck in a hullabaloo. What should I do? This happened last week.

 

Thanks

[stressingit]

What do you mean, "don't tell you not to talk to him"? You have to walk away and have a life. You seem toxic to one another. Yes, you can love someone and it not work out. If you want to sit and watch him fall in love and have a relationship that you couldn't have with him, be my guest. You will live a miserable existence. You have to take care of you at this point. Let him be, you love him, now move on. Easier said than done, I know, but you will be better for it.

[macarena]

can't help it much but I am trying my bestest to avoid contact.