Why does he no longer want to marry me?

[jennjenn]

So I don't understand why my boyfriend does not want to marry me anymore. I am 23 and he just turned 26. We have been together for 7 years, and lived together for 5. Almost 2 years ago he asked me to marry him, but then it just stopped at that. I even moved away from my family and friends to a town that I knew no one in to be with him. Everytime I bring up the "when will we get married" question he gets upset with me. I don't know what to do. He says that getting married will change things for the worse because he has seen it happen to guys he works with, but you know I don't see how that will happen. I don't just want to be his girlfriend anymore, I want to be his wife. He also tries to make the argument that it's just a title, not a big deal, and blah, blah, blah... If thats the case than why won't he get married, if its no big deal. I don't no what to do, what to say, how I really should feel, and how to tell him how I feel without getting upset.

[WolfLady]

I recently found out that marriages are down by a lot, something like 50%. I thought that was ridiculous until I thought about how many couples I currently know that are living together, with no plans of marriage.

 

So maybe your boyfriend falls into this bucket of those who have given up on the legality of marriage. Unless you left out some details about specific issues you two are having, I would say you shouldn't take this personally. I suspect he has given up on marriage, not you.

 

You'll have to make the decision whether you want to stay with him indefinitely without the wedding ring, or move on and try to find someone else who is open to marriage. One thing I do not recommend is using the "I'm Leaving You Unless You Marry Me" as a weapon. It will make lots of stress and anger in your relationship, and would be counter-productive in trying to make things work out in the long run.

 

Good luck to you, I hope everything works out well for the two of you.

[jennjenn]

Thanks WolfLady, those numbers make me feel better. I don't really think I have left any important details out about our relationship. I think at this moment, other than the marriage issue, we are almost better than ever. I don't want to move on and find someone else, I want him to be more open to marriage. And I would not want to ever threaten him with leaving if he doesn't get married because then I would feel like I forced him into it, and I want it to be something that he wants.