futuregopher Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 I have been broken up with my ex of 2 years for about 1.5 months now. I started to read these "get your ex back"books a few weeks ago. They basically say to go NC for 3-4 weeks to improve yourself and try to move on. After 3-4 weeks, call and ask to just hang out as close platonic friends. These hang outs should be short 30 minutes etc and emotionally charged. Eventually these books are saying that after a few of these dates, your ex will welcome the idea of getting back together and actually mention it him/her self. I am still in my senior year of school while my ex graduated in May 2011 and started work a couple of months ago. I think she is going through the quarter life crisis and not GIGS because the reality of going into the workforce and no longer being in college hit her like a wall. I go to school 3.5 hours away from where she lives so it would have been an LDR. Has anyone ever had success with these types of books? Any advice for my situation would be greatly appreciated. Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
name goeshere Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 find the root cause of why you broke up. go NC and let a friendship build from there. Let her see through the friendship those causes are fixed or you are working on them but don't tell her she is the reason why. Those techniques can work in the books. I know NC works to bring ex's back but in my case it was a rebound and I lost all feelings for her by the time she came back 2 months later. a true relationship has a chance possibly but it depends on the circumstances. Link to post Share on other sites
Author futuregopher Posted September 17, 2011 Author Share Posted September 17, 2011 We broke up because she graduated college and she is really focused on her career. I think she is going through a quarter life crisis where the real world just hit her like a wall. She says she doesn't want to date anyone and I believe her because I think she's turning into one of those career before anything else girls. I am unsure about staying friends with her because I would either like to get her back or move on. I don't want to feed her ego. Link to post Share on other sites
TheDovic Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 I've had two long term relationships, both lasting 4 years! After first relationship I did the opposite of what the ex back books would advise i.e. acting needy and desperate (which I read after my second break up) and my ex ran for the hills. She is now married to someone else with 2 kids! This time around I read every ex back book I could get my hands on (best ex back book by far was John Alexander's book... Also best book I have read since the breakup was David DeAngelo's "Attraction isn't a choice"). The latter book isn't an ex back book but if you really want your ex back you want to read this book!!! No tricks in it, just easy to follow advice on what attracts and what chases away women - quite simply best book I have read! Anyway, my point is this - I have followed the advice of the ex back books and haven't won my ex back and it's two months later... however, since following the advice in the two books mentioned my ex has started initiating contact 2/3 times every week, has started acting extremely flirty and in the last week has asked to see me THREE times! In conclusion, the ex back books are not an exact science, but they'll give you one hell of a better chance than trusting your gut! Link to post Share on other sites
name goeshere Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 Your gut instinct is your enemy is the most important thing to take from those books. Your gut instincts keep you from making the right choice and instead making the rash choices. Link to post Share on other sites
travelbug Posted September 18, 2011 Share Posted September 18, 2011 I have had some success with these books. My favorite was "How to Get Your Lover Back" by Blase Harris. I found a copy pretty cheaply on amazon. I was with my ex for over 9 years. We broke up for 2 years, and have recently been rekindling our old relationship. I do attribute this in part to some of the things I read in the books. The fact that it's taken 2 years is probably disheartening, but I think if you really love someone time is irrelevant. My advice to you is to back off for a while. Don't ignore her if she contacts you, but don't initiate contact for a while either. I think the NC concept serves to help distract you from foolishly throwing yourself at someone, but can verge on game playing if the other person attempts to stay in touch. Meanwhile, give some hard thought to why it is you want to save the relationship. As incredibly difficult it is to do so soon after a break up, try to assess why it is you want her back so badly. And at least for the moment, focus on yourself, not her. Senior year in college is a busy time, and a time to focus on your budding future. Spend time with friends, take care of yourself, and focus on your studies. Unfortunately in most cases, these things take time. Hang in there! Link to post Share on other sites
Author futuregopher Posted September 18, 2011 Author Share Posted September 18, 2011 Hi guys, I sincerely appreciate the comments. It's just that I'm more of a relationship guy and I don't really find pleasure in just seeing a girl once and be done with it. I am in my last semester of college and it just seems pointless for me to do anything. The reason I want her back is because we were so compatible on every level I liked the intimacy we had. It just sucks because I had everything I wanted in college the last 2 years and this senior year was supposed to be great but things have changed dramatically. I hope it gets better soon. Link to post Share on other sites
TheDovic Posted September 18, 2011 Share Posted September 18, 2011 Hi guys, I sincerely appreciate the comments. It's just that I'm more of a relationship guy and I don't really find pleasure in just seeing a girl once and be done with it. I am in my last semester of college and it just seems pointless for me to do anything. The reason I want her back is because we were so compatible on every level I liked the intimacy we had. It just sucks because I had everything I wanted in college the last 2 years and this senior year was supposed to be great but things have changed dramatically. I hope it gets better soon. Feel your pain dude. Here, someone posted two of these systems the other day (they're usually quite expensive so here's a wee present): Just click on the link and good luck: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t297907/ Link to post Share on other sites
Author futuregopher Posted September 18, 2011 Author Share Posted September 18, 2011 Hey thank you so much for the links! I read the Magic of Making Up and another book called the EX2 system and both say to have short 30 minute to 1 hour emotionally charged dates. I live 3.5 hours away from her. Should I attempt these dates with her even though I live kind of far away? At the same time, I don't want to be eating her breadcrumbs. Link to post Share on other sites
TheDovic Posted September 18, 2011 Share Posted September 18, 2011 Tough one... Does she have any of your stuff (or vice versa) so you would have a reason to see her? Is she giving you any hints she may be interested? i.e. flirty messages, telling you she misses you etc? Link to post Share on other sites
Author futuregopher Posted September 18, 2011 Author Share Posted September 18, 2011 Since I got to school 8/23, I've been trying as much NC as possible. She's been wanting to talk a couple of times and I unfortunately gave in. She's called me "baby", "hun", and said "love you" but claims those were just slips because she's so used to saying that to me. This was about 2 weeks ago. She also wanted to visit a couple of times because there is a VS Pink concert at my school and she wanted to know if she could stay overt at my place. She called me about 20 times on 9/2 but I refused to pick up. I gave in once more and talked to her for 2 hours over gchat explained to her that I was trying to move on. She texted me on 9/12 saying she was coming down to school for career fair on 9/14 and we met for about 1.5 hours after career fair was over. I tried to put my best forward and be easy going but in hindsight, I should have applied more of the Magic of Making Up techniques and I'm regretting that I didn't. I felt like crap afterwards mostly because I still miss her and it was sad seeing her drive off not knowing if I would see her again. I've been pure NC since 9/14 and she hasn't contacted me since then. Sorry about the long post but she does have one of my nicer shirts that I gave to her before I went home to NJ for the summer to remember me by. She used to update her fb statuses A LOT when we were together but she never does anymore. But she's probably just busy and I've been going to the gym 6 times a week since I got back to school to improve myself. I secretly wish that she'll IM me or call me just so I can not pick up to test myself. Maybe I'm getting too selfish lol. Link to post Share on other sites
TheDovic Posted September 18, 2011 Share Posted September 18, 2011 Na you're not selfish dude, you're just hurt and don't know how to deal with it (like most of us) cos no-one ever taught us how to cope at times like these. What you NEED to do is reattract her (as I previously said). Trust me when I say this again... read David DeAngelo's "Attraction isn't a choice." Swear to god dude, this book has made my ex start chasing me (even though it's not an ex back book). I didn't know how wrong I was when dating women and how easy it is to change this dynamic. It costs like $10 too so what have you to lose? Right, about the shirt, it's not a bad idea especially if she knows you like it. Is there any reason you might be in the same town as her i.e. visiting a friend or somethin? Cos then you could say something like "I was visiting X and thought I'd call and grab my shirt." PS, good signs she's still trying to contact you. I could explain why but this guy (click the link) says it better: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8BIdPzlRGew&feature=related Link to post Share on other sites
M2155 Posted September 18, 2011 Share Posted September 18, 2011 read David DeAngelo's "Attraction isn't a choice." I looked for this, sounded like maybe some good info no matter the case, but it was only available by e-reader. Link to post Share on other sites
name goeshere Posted September 18, 2011 Share Posted September 18, 2011 I looked for this, sounded like maybe some good info no matter the case, but it was only available by e-reader. I would PM you with a link but it does not have a link on the forum I can find to do that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author futuregopher Posted September 19, 2011 Author Share Posted September 19, 2011 Thank you for the help guys! I really appreciate it. I have a copy of the "Attraction Isn't a Choice" book. If you pm me your email, I can email you a PDF. Link to post Share on other sites
TheDovic Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 Let me know what you think of the book. I've really been using what the book said and my ex has changed her behaviour from pitying me to flirting like crazy and wanting to see me. She's also stopped going out and her mum said she is now miserable and stays in her room all the time... I don't want her to be sad but I believe it's because she's starting to fall for me again and is going crazy cos can't have my attention. Whether or not this is enough to bring her back (we had a lot of issues) is another thing but it's gotta be better than her off with other guys and me having no chance at all Link to post Share on other sites
M2155 Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 I don't see any way to PM, maybe I'm not established yet, not sure. Link to post Share on other sites
Author futuregopher Posted September 19, 2011 Author Share Posted September 19, 2011 my miscellaneous email is [email protected] Link to post Share on other sites
insaneinthebrain Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 i personally thoguht that these were a scam.. although they do have some good pointers... to each his own... Link to post Share on other sites
LelouchIsZero Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 Feel your pain dude. Here, someone posted two of these systems the other day (they're usually quite expensive so here's a wee present): Just click on the link and good luck: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t297907/ No problem I don't see any way to PM, maybe I'm not established yet, not sure. In order to be established you have to have been on the site for a month & I think you need +50 posts too. i personally thoguht that these were a scam.. although they do have some good pointers... to each his own... I guess they have some good points, though not really. Most of the things in the books I've read were just common sense, which you can basically learn all that you need from here. The only helpful part would be how to initiate contact with your ex, I think, though I sent my ex a "Second chance letter", which she didn't reply to it, though I did leave it in a way where it would seem as if I didn't want a reply. Either way, I don't particularly care anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
M2155 Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 What's funny is, if I ever break up with someone in the future, and they send me a "second chance letter," "agree to the breakup letter" or an official "going NC letter" I think I am going to crack up:lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
Author futuregopher Posted September 20, 2011 Author Share Posted September 20, 2011 I've had two long term relationships, both lasting 4 years! After first relationship I did the opposite of what the ex back books would advise i.e. acting needy and desperate (which I read after my second break up) and my ex ran for the hills. She is now married to someone else with 2 kids! This time around I read every ex back book I could get my hands on (best ex back book by far was John Alexander's book... Also best book I have read since the breakup was David DeAngelo's "Attraction isn't a choice"). The latter book isn't an ex back book but if you really want your ex back you want to read this book!!! No tricks in it, just easy to follow advice on what attracts and what chases away women - quite simply best book I have read! Anyway, my point is this - I have followed the advice of the ex back books and haven't won my ex back and it's two months later... however, since following the advice in the two books mentioned my ex has started initiating contact 2/3 times every week, has started acting extremely flirty and in the last week has asked to see me THREE times! In conclusion, the ex back books are not an exact science, but they'll give you one hell of a better chance than trusting your gut! Hey I was just curious. What do you do when she initiates contact? Is it worth it to break NC? Will you be seeing her in the hopes to get her back? Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
TheDovic Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 (edited) To Futuregopher: Hey man, when she texts she usually asks questions about my day and stuff like that but I blatantly ignore them and make fun of her (obviously not in a nasty way - the book tells you how to do this). She usually gets angry but I give nothing away... and the more I do this the more she texts and the more she flirts. So I personally think it's worth breaking nc because she has started chasing me and is reminiscing about our relationship (which I take to mean is she's remembering the good times more than the bad now)! Ps, she has asked to see me 3/4 times in the past two weeks and asked me out on a date tonight because she wants to talk... I don't know yet if I'll get her back but she's went from feeling sorry for me to wanting a date, so I must be doing something right! Edited September 20, 2011 by TheDovic Link to post Share on other sites
ameliapond Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 I've just read those pdfs - some interesting points. No mention of long distance relationships though. I'm being selfish but anyone on this thread had any luck with those books and LDR? I don't have an excuse to get a train half way across the country for a 'light lunch' or 'quick coffee'. Link to post Share on other sites
name goeshere Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 I've just read those pdfs - some interesting points. No mention of long distance relationships though. I'm being selfish but anyone on this thread had any luck with those books and LDR? I don't have an excuse to get a train half way across the country for a 'light lunch' or 'quick coffee'. I could use some pointers or advice that specializes on this also. Link to post Share on other sites
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