Veritas Posted May 11, 2004 Share Posted May 11, 2004 There was a post on here that was similar but it didnt really help, so heres my problem: A girl that i really liked just broke up with a guy that i've known for a while (and whom i also think is a jerk, so we had something in common) and she started flirting with me. Instead of playing games i just flat out asked her "do u want to be together or are u just having fun?" after a while. She said she was just having fun and just wanted to be friends cause she was afraid she would 'hurt me.' So it came up to about two weeks i've known her and since we were both leaf fans (damn u flyers!) we were watching the game at her house and started 'playing' under her bed covers. The next day i told her that i felt for her now (yeah i know WAAAAAY to soon) but later that night she emailed me saying that she was sorry she lead me on and still just wants to be friends. Would that have happened if i just told her that i had fun instead? Anyways I told her that there was no easy way of putting it but that damn well hurt. So things were wierd between us for a while, i'd try to talk to her to salvage some sort of friendship but she pushed me away until recently. She told me that shes having problems trying to find a boyfriend and was complaining about how she had no love in her life. She said she found a guy but doesnt want a relationship at the moment so shes gonna wait. I made a crack about some other similarities between her & him and her & i to get the response "i couldnt go out with you, i am so confused that i would probably end up cheating on you." Now i am the one thats confused... i feel like our friendship was fragile because she thinks i was just waiting for the next chance to come on to her. I told her to relax and that i wasnt getting to that AT ALL. The next day i tried to set everything straight just to get a sense of what the hell happened there and she hasnt talked to me since. That was about 3 days ago. And since I still care for her, it hurts that she ignores me. Did my big mouth just ruin whatever we were rebuilding up to or will it just blow over again? Is there any chance for 'us' in the future? Link to post Share on other sites
Shindig Posted May 11, 2004 Share Posted May 11, 2004 Being a chick... I know we do some weird ****. She probably needs some time to get used to the idea of a) being single and then b) getting back into a serious relationship. If she gets distant, approach her and say something like, "Hey, we used to be close, what happened?". This is the weirdest thing; girls often pursue guys who have little or no interest in dating them. Its a weird psychological thing, often girls think that his treating her like crap or ignoring her is a sign that he's too good for her. Because he's 'too good for her' this makes her want him. I hope that makes sense as weird as it is. Its a sign of immaturity on her part, but its a pretty common thing. A lot of girls end up with guys who treat them badly (like her ex who you think is a jerk) for just this reason even though there are guys who genuinely like them (like you). This pattern tends to repeat itself until girls wise up, which doesn't always happen. My advice is to take the friendship for what it is; maybe she'll wise up, maybe she won't. In the mean time, don't hold your breath. Don't treat her badly though, friendships often end in romance, not the other way around. If when the proverbial dust settles, you're still there, her faithful friend to the end, I bet she'll have matured enough to realize that you're a good guy. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Veritas Posted May 11, 2004 Share Posted May 11, 2004 first off thank you for your help, it made things a whole lot clearer. But i hope it isnt too bold to genuinely feel that i would be good for her. If/when the time is right how would i show her that? Should I? Also im sorta torn apart here cause i know if i dont act soon she'll find somebody else... and once she does she likes to have long term relationships. So i feel incredibly selfish for wanting more then just a friendship, but i cant just let this slip away, everything felt too right. So is there a way, without making the situation more uncomfortable, to show her the way i see things? If this is just too selfish let me know. Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted May 11, 2004 Share Posted May 11, 2004 IMO, she is not interested in a relationship with you at all. Her offhanded "I'd hurt you" or "I'd cheat on you" comments are her way of trying to make you realize that she is not interested. She told me that shes having problems trying to find a boyfriend and was complaining about how she had no love in her life. If she were interested in you, no way would she say something like this, especially since you've made it clear that you are there for her. IMO, her message is: There is no love in my life, and definitely not you. I'm sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Veritas Posted May 12, 2004 Share Posted May 12, 2004 okay thank you for helping me. Link to post Share on other sites
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