crossroads with fwb.

[henna1213]

i have been having a best friends with benefits for the past oh, i don't know maybe 6 months with my best guy friend. he had a girlfriend at the time we started and they broke up about four months ago. yes, i know it was stupid of me to do that and although he initated starting a "best friends with benefits" relationship, i'm really starting to regret it now. i was doing so well the first two months of the relationship, not getting attached and just having intercourse, nothing else. but about four months ago and ever since, my feelings for him are stronger than i ever thought possible. i am in love with him and although he told me he loved me too about three months ago, he said he moved on and does not love me anymore.

 

yet, we still continue to have intercourse although he is looking to date other girls and has been on dates with other girls. this kills me, obiously. i know it's so easy just to forget about the intercourse and just stay best friends, but i keep giving into having sex with him and i hate myself for being such a pushover when i know i shouldn't be having sex because he is pursuing other girls.

 

many people and many of my friends at my university constantly ask if we are going out, and that we are so cute together. but i don't think he sees what we could be, we have sooo much in common and we are so similar! sometimes i think he is just scared to think of us being together. i keep telling myself "this is the last time", but it just keeps happening. i feel like if i start to distance myself, and trust me i've tried, i'm just going to give in again. i know he's never going to see me as more than a best friend and he always says he feels like he can't talk about other girls because he knows it hurts me, which it does! but i want to listen because i am supposed to be his best friend. i am honestly lost and frusturated with myself and the situation and i am at a crossroads on what to do.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Such a tough spot to weigh the relative importance of the near-term vs. the long-term.

 

 

And it is no surprise that a FWB developed feelings for the other FWB. It's just... that, for women especially, entry into such environs basically causes those deeper feelings to develop.

 

I don't know that women can independently enjoy the repetitive motion in the ocean with the same guy without becoming more drawn to him. Those are simply hormonal responses.

 

Most guys would seldom be able to retreat from such a scenario without feeling that they have many, many other options for at least sex.

 

In some ways it should be different for women, considering the relative ease with which they can find raw sex. Yet I still understand why it might be tough to sever your ties with this FWB partner.

 

Doing so would allow your mind to reload and at least open itself to the eventual introduction of other, more sincere and romantic-minded guys.

[rubberball]

i just got out of a very similar situation. my best friend and I were fwb for about 6 months. I develops feelings and it seemed like she did too she went out with another guy and liked him, she wanted to keep seeing me and date him. I couldnt do that. we tried being friends after that but i drew the line when she asked me to watch her dogs so she could go away with him for the weekend. we have only talked since reguarding her getting her stuff out of my house.

 

I miss the relationship but i miss the friendship more. be careful and forthright and tell him how you feel, nothing you are feeling is wrong. if you guys are suppose to be together it will work out, if not, better to find out now then in another 6 months.

[BklynGuy]

FWB is not usually a good idea. I've ruined friendships with girls because after 'the deed' things always change between people. If his desires are killing you, then get out of it.

 

I met a younger girl in 2004, fell madly in love WAY TOO QUICKLY & although we did the deed, went out for drinks, movies, comedy clubs, she eventually told me she always saw me as a 'friend' yet acted like my GF.

 

It was strange because most girls I've dealt with have taken a strong liking to me, but it just wasn't there with this one. We broke up, I agonized for 6 months until she came back around, then she said we should just be friends. Instant emotional death again!!

 

Shut the door on her, took some time & began dating other females, she came back to me about 2 - 3 years later stating I had been good to her but she didn't realize it @ the time. Low & behold, she begins putting me down (was VERY verbally abusive) again & I eventually just left her alone for good.

 

I said to her once that you only stayed w/me cuz I treated you well & took you out, her reply was "So What!" Getting rid of her was the best thing I ever did.