So where are the Single Men??

[alphamale]

However, I have found that most men want to be the one who takes care of their woman;

yea thats about right...

[MissBee]

Thank you for your kind words Misbee, my grief over this has been beyond belief, I'm fighting it tooth and nail one day at a time. My soul mate, and best friend looked at me like a total stranger, both left the same day...... I just wanted the girls to know guys like me are out there..

 

I can just imagine

 

The good thing is that you seem to have an optimistic and determined outlook, which makes all the difference! I think with your outlook, as time goes by things will eventually become clearer and you'll be able to make sense of this "random act", find closure and be happy once more, and if you played a part in the demise, you'll also be aware of your mistakes and move forward with a better grasp on things. I wish you luck and happiness!

[Woggle]

The sad thing is that the men I know who are the complete opposite of Diogenes and treat their wives like maids and sex toys get rewarded with endless loyalty and a woman that dotes on them. In no way I am saying that men should ever treat women this way but it is a damn shame that the men most women claim to want get treated the way he was and it happens all the time.

[NoIDidn't]

I'm certain that many women that say they want a good guy don't really want one. Good guys eventually can come off as boring or whipped. Many of those women that are faithful and loyal to a bad boy are really hoping to change him in some way.

 

I see this with the married guys too. Cheating is decided bad in the eyes of many since it seems to take guts and a certain amount of chutzpah. So it doesn't surprise me that they often come off like heros and risk takers but are seen as good guys for actually being married.

 

I bet its pretty confusing for guys to see how this plays out so often. They guy that does everything that a woman claims to want gets left and is thought of as weak somehow, and the jerk gets more than one woman fighting over him.

[Woggle]

I'm certain that many women that say they want a good guy don't really want one. Good guys eventually can come off as boring or whipped. Many of those women that are faithful and loyal to a bad boy are really hoping to change him in some way.

 

I see this with the married guys too. Cheating is decided bad in the eyes of many since it seems to take guts and a certain amount of chutzpah. So it doesn't surprise me that they often come off like heros and risk takers but are seen as good guys for actually being married.

 

I bet its pretty confusing for guys to see how this plays out so often. They guy that does everything that a woman claims to want gets left and is thought of as weak somehow, and the jerk gets more than one woman fighting over him.

 

So given these facts can you really blame men who just decide to be jerks? Are people wrong for wanting to play for the winning team?

 

My barber was once on the verge of divorce and said that he saved his marriage by threatening to cheat and becoming a neanderthal who rules his castle. Some people may frown on that but it worked like a charm and they are happier than ever.

[NoIDidn't]

So given these facts can you really blame men who just decide to be jerks? Are people wrong for wanting to play for the winning team?

 

My barber was once on the verge of divorce and said that he saved his marriage by threatening to cheat and becoming a neanderthal who rules his castle. Some people may frown on that but it worked like a charm and they are happier than ever.

 

I blame the guy that decides to become a jerk because what was the point of him lowering his standards? Just deal with higher quality people and you won't have to lower your standards to become something that they weren't, IMO.

 

I don't think its the "bad boy" status that women want, its the confidence (and hubris) that attracts them. So-called "nice guys" are often too insecure to ask for what they want and just keep being "nice" when they should learn to be more assertive. No woman wants a punk that's trying to manipulate them with "niceness" either.

 

I would never advocate a guy threatening to cheat, that's the childish way to get what you want. What you do is tell the person honestly that the relationship as it stands is not what you want and that you are considering leaving it. If my H told me he wanted to cheat, I would lose respect for him. All he's really saying is he doesn't want to leave and complicate his life with divorce, so he's willing to have someone on the side to make him feel better. That's not a respectable position, IMO.

[Gentlegirl]

I know where all the single guys are, at least the good ones, they are at home licking their wounds. All my life I have done nothing but treat women with respect and consideration, only to find time after time this treatment ended up causing the woman to bolt for more exciting pastures.

 

In my 55 years I have always been " the Nice Guy" many claim to want. By the time I was in my early 30's I gave up looking for my soul mate and even considered joining a Buddhist monastery for a year to clear my thinking on it. I'd had enough of mixed messages.

 

It was when I gave up looking that my future wife came along, which I think seems to be the secret of these things. She was everything I had every searched for and more, dropped right into my lap through a friend's introduction. We were together for 24 years, had two great kids, paid the mortgage off and things were looking very good.

 

For 24 years she bragged me up to all the girls at work because I helped with the laundry, cooking child rearing and didn't watch football ;~) I had a home office which made this possible, then in the space of a month or two she became withdrawn and quite, wouldn't tell me what was bothering her. She left in July for some guy on a internet game chat room who lives with his Grandmother and plays role playing games most days.

 

Before I'm accused of some failing or character flaw that made me "unworthy", I'm a guy who has NEVER dumped anyone in my entire life. When I married, to me that was it, I was her's and her's alone. I loved my wife for better and worse, did laundry, changed diapers, cooked meals, massaged shoulders, made coffee and breakfast for my wife for 24 years.

 

After all that it wasn't enough, a lot of other men tell me the same thing, there are a lot of us out there. Now I will be back out there, might take me a year or so to get over this, it hits guys just as hard as the women. it's amazing we are even willing to give another relationship a second thought ;~)

 

Would you consider relocating to Australia?????

 

 

Only JOKING! Nice to hear from a decent human.

 

My best wishes to you,

 

Gentlegirl

[Diogenes]

Don't tempt me Gentlegirl, I'm a little fragile right now

[PinkInTheLimo]

I wouldn't agree with that last sentence. I think men get turned off by a woman who is too strong and opinionated. They think she will dominate the relationship and figuratively castrate them. The man does want to be the leader in the relationship to some extent. It's in their nature. They appreciate women who come across as feminine, in both appearance and behavior. When it comes to behavior, they want a woman who is not stubborn, will give in to their wishes at times, has a mind of her own, but is readily willing to consider the man's wishes and concerns, and that is willing to take care of her man. Women who are too independent and who expect their man to be too independent as well are not as attractive to most men as a woman who is willing to take care of a man. Take care of his needs, and respect him. And be willing to give in to his wishes at times. Women who come across as too strong and independent scare off a man and they feel that type will not be the type to take care of them. Men do want to be taken care of, believe it or not. So do women for that matter.

 

I don't see the contradiction between strong and feminine.

 

A man with a healthy amount of selfconfidence will not feel castrated by a woman who has her own mind. Unfortunately there are not a lot of those men.

[Radagast]

I don't see the contradiction between strong and feminine.

 

A man with a healthy amount of selfconfidence will not feel castrated by a woman who has her own mind. Unfortunately there are not a lot of those men.

 

Nor, sadly, a lot of those women. Most seem to borrow their "minds" from magazines or TV programmes.

[PinkInTheLimo]

I'm not suggesting that women be doormats, or without opinions, or dumb down themselves to get a man. I happen to be very opinionated, as you may notice from my posts , and I do consider myself to be intelligent. My husband appreciates that and respects that. I'm just saying that women who come on too strong, who are too overbearing with their opinions, who appear to not need a man, or appear to have a "can take him or leave him" attitude, do not appeal to a lot of men. Men want to be needed. It's good for their ego. And they want to be taken care of.

 

And what makes you think that the single gals here are women who come on too strong and are too overbearing with their opinions. My personal experience is that it is often men who are overbearing with their opinions.

 

As for men wanting to be needed because it is good for their ego, I am sorry, but I refuse to take care of anyone's ego. I take care of the person I love but expect him to take care of me as well (not in the literal sense).

[Gentlegirl]

Don't tempt me Gentlegirl, I'm a little fragile right now

 

 

It would be easy to run away from it all wouldn't it.

 

I flew far far away several times but it didn't work.

 

I have found that only 9 months space between him and me has done any good at all.

 

Keep posting here...MOSTLY wonderfully supportive people.

 

Gentlegirl.

[PinkInTheLimo]

Serve meaning doing something for him. I believe both husbands and wives should serve each other. Should do things for their partner. Cook for them, do chores for them, pamper them, take care of their sexual needs and their needs for companionship.

 

Well, I have always done that for my partners, I am a very caring person for the people I love.

Unfortunately, the men I was with did not return the favour. And I was not asking for much. For me it was for example about decent communication: listening to me, remembering something I said, empathising with me, letting me know if they were late for a date. It was also about not lying and being reliable.

 

In hindsight, I gave too much for too long to these guys, they did not deserve it. And the relationships they had after me were with doormat women and were not succesfull either.

[Gentlegirl]

And what makes you think that the single gals here are women who come on too strong and are too overbearing with their opinions. My personal experience is that it is often men who are overbearing with their opinions.

 

As for men wanting to be needed because it is good for their ego, I am sorry, but I refuse to take care of anyone's ego. I take care of the person I love but expect him to take care of me as well (not in the literal sense).

 

 

I can remember my Granma telling me stuff like that in the 1960s when I got married.

 

Even then it was outmoded and bred from male chauvinisim.

 

Gentlegirl.

[PinkInTheLimo]

Nor, sadly, a lot of those women. Most seem to borrow their "minds" from magazines or TV programmes.

 

Really? That certainly is not the case for me.

[Woggle]

There is a world of difference between being strong and being obnoxious and impossible to get along with. Being a nice person does not make a woman a doormat.

[PinkInTheLimo]

There is a world of difference between being strong and being obnoxious and impossible to get along with. Being a nice person does not make a woman a doormat.

 

Woggle, I am a nice person but not to people who do not respect me. I find many men very selfish and obnoxious. I also find many women selfish and obnoxious and I have never noticed that that hinders them in finding a partner.

 

The bottomline is: I try to treat people well and to respect them and expect the same to be done to me. The men I meet (mostly via datingsites) are often not nice and respectful and I can for the life of me not see that I do anything wrong to deserve that.

 

Just an example: on one datingsite I explicitly state in my profile that I don't want to receive a standard template message (this datingsite has a kind of interest-wink function) but instead prefer a personal message. Nevertheless I receive these silly winks all the time. I often react to these men saying that further contact seems useless to me as they do not respect the request stated in my profile. I add that if our contact starts with them not respecting what I want, then why would I feel inclined to have further contact.

Mind you, if they don't like my request, they can just leave me alone.

 

In my eyes the behaviour of these men is not nice. So why should I be nice to them? I think they should be happy that I take the time to reply to them explaining why that wink message killed every interest there could ever be from my side.