its over

[AnotherOW]

i called it off with my MM after 1.5 years. i found out he was still sleeping with his wife. i foolishly believed him when he told me he wasn't. but that was the final blow for me, i cant take anymore. NOw i just dont know how to fix my broken heart. I truly do love him and i wanted to start a life with him. i guess he just didn't love me ENOUGH.

 

what to do now?!?!?!?!?!

[supermom]

Move on and forget the sob. he was playing you AND his wife. Unfortunately, you are getting a taste of what the wife feels like when she finds out her husband is cheating.

 

Take this as a life lesson, and good luck to you

[leilab]

That is a really big step - Now you just have to be strong. I am not goiong to tell you to move on - because I know it will take time to go through the grieving process. But one thing I can tell you for sure: At least you were in the driver's seat - YOU MADE THE DECISION - if it were the other way around, you would feel even worse. To take action towards getting a better life sure beats letting the situation continue, or as I was mentioning your MM dumping you. Take care of yourself and make yourself the #1 person for once.

[AnotherOW]

i'm trying to not even talk to him, but he keeps calling and saying he misses me and loves me, and he blames himslef for putting all of us in this situation. and that he wants to be with me. he even said he doesn't think about her anymore when he thinks about the kids and stuff. he thinks about him and me and the kids. never includes her. he cries all the time, i cant even understnad most of what he says b/c he's sobbing. i want to believe him but i cant so i just told him "i know you love but you just dont love me enough". and that if he was really that unhappy he would leave.

 

it still hurts and it hurts to have to talk to him like that. how will i move on,

[Bubbles]

You will start moving on as soon as you stop answering to his phone calls - they are only self serving (to him). He just wants you to feel sorry for him.

 

Good luck hon......I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself!

 

Bubbles

[cowgirl]

I was an OW for the last year and I finally stopped all contact with my MM. It was my decision to do it and it is easier if you do make the decision before he does. The last time I saw him was early march and for the first time in a long time it didn't hurt or bother me in the least that he was leaving again. I was surprised that it didn't affect me. Some days I think of him and want to see him but I get over it just as quick. I had a really down day one day where I sobbed a fair bit as I was hurting and I came to realise how much it does hurt me and to imagine how his lovely wife would feel if she found out, 10 times worse than I felt.

 

He's not worth it. He's lied to me, himself, his wife and little girl and he doesn't deserve any of us. Its now been 23 days since I contacted him and I have no urge to. I used to think I only want to be with him but there is no way I would give all of me to him if he was single in the future.

 

I never once believed that he wouldn't be going home and still sleeping with his wife. I can't understand you could think that he wouldn't be sleeping with his wife still. You call it off with your MM but what do you think the wife would do if she found out he was sleeping with you?? Hopefully she'd throw the bloody mug out.

 

Look, you don't need him. Move on, STOP all contact. It's not easy at times but you will get there. I am and it's easier than I thought. If and when I run into my MM in the street again I won't even acknowledge him and than he might wonder what he's done wrong to deserve that.

 

Hope you feel better soon,

Cheers.

[reachingskywards]

Hi Another OW

 

I'm really sorry to hear about what has happened. Congratulations for taking such a big step. I know you have the strenght and courage to get through it. YOu also have the support of all of us. Things will get better for you.

 

I can image you must feel very betrayed and very hurt. I know I would. My MM told me that he wasn't sleeping with his wife either and then I find out he was being 'affectionate', whatever that means, and it's really hurtful.

 

There's this other forum that I like to visit that is very good for when going through a breakup. There's a lot of people there who are all dealing with the same things.

 

It's at:

 

http://members.boardhost.com/Tigress/

 

I would really suggest you ask him to stop contacting you. Don't forget that you don't owe him anything and it's him that's letting you down not the other way around.

 

Best of luck and keep posting

 

Sky

[Fancy]

Originally posted by AnotherOW

it still hurts and it hurts to have to talk to him like that.

 

Hold on a minute...........you don't have to talk to him. You're choosing to talk to him, hence you're choosing to be in pain. If you know putting your hand on a hot burner will hurt, you refrain from doing so, correct? It stands to reason that if you know hearing his voice will cause you pain, then stop! It's really that simple. You're prolonging your pain and making any chance of healing literally impossible by continuing contact with him.

 

So what if he misses you? If he missed you and loved you so much, he'd leave his wife to be with you. Clearly this isn't the case. He's needing an ego boost and to know you're still waiting in the wings for him. Do not be used. Take time to grieve, then get yourself out of the house and keep busy. Join a gym or a club, go out with friends, visit family, or whatever you need to do to occupy your mind. This will definitely get easier with time, but if you keep taking his calls, you're in for a whole lot of tears. The bottom line is this: if he truly loved you, he would be with you. End of story.

 

I'm sorry to sound so harsh, but I'm just a straightforward person. You've already invested 1.5 years into this and gotten nowhere. Please don't waste another precious day hoping for something that will never be. Go out and live!