Lost and confused with the other guy involved

[lazler]

Ok well i have written a post about this partially on another thread but got to big.but any way to make a long story short my wife of 9 years has left me.Sad part is if it was for another man or not. Here is a discription of the story.

 

about 2 months ago me and my wife stop spending alot of time together.She been going over to a friend of ours house which lived with another guy( not gay), and started saying she wanted a divorce, Me not knowing this at the time had no way to stop the problem.

 

well since then month and a 1/2 ago our friend moved into another guys house, but the thing diffrents was this guy found my wife attractive.so needless to say my wife kept going over there every day for month and i asked her a few times please spend some time with me. never happened. then when i tell her either its there or here and WHAM! she tells me im an a**h*** to make her choose.

 

This is were the MAJOR fighting begins. i asked here what was going on she tells me that i have been ignoring her and that i have broken many promises.and how she thought i been cheating on her.whe ni front her on the idea of me thinking something going on with her and this guy she says no.

 

hmmmm, then i hear a conversation with her on he phone with some one and saying she was going to tell me she was leaving me. I'm like WTF! not saying anything yet i asked her . she got quite and then it started she brought up every thing i have ever done in 9 years. OMG i said where the F&^% this come from.

 

Well then she starts telling me how i been ignoring her, and how i always walked away from fights we had to let her cry her self to sleep.well anyway im like ok lets talk she tells me its to late for talk she fell out of love .so we proceed to talk about this marriage..she tells me nothing is happening with this guy, But she wants her space. then i get pissed so i go to talk to this guy.

 

he tells me from day one she been talking about divorce. so now he is like ok she is smart , fun, and beautiful. i may have a chance. so now this guy starts offering her stuff i cant, jewlery car,get her fixed up in life.so i asked him toi back off as a gentleman. well he says find , but said there was a point were they kissed. and said if she wanted to proceed he wasnt going to stop her. The only reason i stopped my self from beating him was i asked him to tell me and he was honest.

 

Now i turn back to my wife and ask her and she tells me nothing more happed. how do i know?any way we fight about how she goes there every day STILL after knowing this i decide well are we getting a divorce or what?she tells me no she dont want it but she needs space and time to think.so i decide to try counsiling.the night of counsiling she lays into the past about me to her( the counsiler). and every time i tried to talk she interupted so the counsilor decided individual counsiling.well it got worse the first night we had counsiling i asked her to stop going over there that much . as soon as we get home 20 mins later he is at my door. another 20 she calls and says she is on her way to this guys house to calm the kids down.( yes we have 3 kids) 14 ,and 12 year old girl, and 7 year old boy.

 

so i tell her you know what i guess you made your choice so now you stay there. well she keeps telling me she wants to make this work.but she is now living at this guys house.But she says its only as friends.needless to say i LOVE MY WIFE! and yes i have done alot of bad things in life but didnt think it was this severe.but i want her back and she says she is confused so how do i show her im sorry for what ive done and try to win her back?ill give a brief on my back ground of what ive done.

 

ok well 3 years ago i got hooked on a Internet multi player D&D game. i was off work for about a year and was all i could do.( injured).and i started ignoring my wife and family cause of this game.well when i returned to work i lost every thing finacually due to not working. so we moved to vegas for a fresh start.now i have to start all over again. so its been a year and 4 months and threw out this time my wife didnt work more then 2 weeks. so i been main support.well that sorta bothered me. i asked her to get a job she told me get her a car.?.?well i wasnt making enough for 2 cars.

 

my folks put a truck in thier name for me so i could get out of there other truck (89 bronco with 250,000+ miles)so i could have reliable transportation.well the loan rules were it had to be a car or truck 98 or newerand under 55k mileage.so i found one and ASKED her if its waht i should get.she agrred and now this goes on she rubbs in how i got a new truck and she dont have anything. well i do construction so a truck is needed.mind you it didnt bother her she used it from when i got home till 10 at night. going to this guys house. i only work 4-5 hrs a day at times to so home by 11-12 afternoon.

 

any way i know i have not payed alot of attention to her mainly cause depressed about finaces.and i wanted to make more money. but she didnt want o get a job unless i bought her a car.mind you i make about 900 a week before taxes and 100 of that was insurance + i split it 3 ways cas\use brother and friend helped me.recently fired them cause i couldnt make 300 a week and live or get out of my folks house.i keep telling her we will get out when i make more money. well month ago iu started to well guess a day late dollar short cause she was already wanting to leave.

 

 

Point being she felt neglated and hurt about the arguments and what was said in them and not moving out. BELIVE ME i know i was wrong in alot a ways but she wants to take no blame in this marraige.i want her back so bad it hurts . she said get a place and she will come back. but till then she is living with this guy and our kids. how should i take this? do i get the place and hope? or do i make her decide now?( divorce or work it out)

 

any way i dont want her to push away but i also dont want to look like and ass if she decides not to and be stuck in a 3 bedroom alone.I'm no angel but i never cheated on my wife but i am unsure about her. How do i take this help plz

[Jay1031]

For bettoer , For worse, if she unhappy let her leave you. You carry out your vows