Wesker Posted September 18, 2011 Share Posted September 18, 2011 So you just got dumped by someone you cared very deeply for. They leave you for someone else they've had their eye on. It sucks and hurts more than anything, especially if you see them out together looking so happy. I was wondering if dumpers try extra hard with this new person just to mask the guilt they have of breaking our hearts. I won't say they'll do whatever it takes to make it work for spite, but more to avoid any regret, and that feeling of "I told you so" if things don't work out. Even after a few months they are completely miserable, they'll still stick it out just to mask their guilt. I'm kinda thinking this is the case with my ex who dumped me after 8 years, and now just a mere 3 months later, already getting married soon. It's almost like she's that desperate to not have any second thoughts that she'll jump, and rush into almost anything. That, or she's really emotionally immature, and never really loved me all this time. Link to post Share on other sites
Duckduckgoose Posted September 18, 2011 Share Posted September 18, 2011 I am going to vote emotionally immature, and stupid on top of that... to be getting married 3 months after an 8 year relationship. She'll be divorced in the next few years. I will put cold hard cash on that. Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted September 18, 2011 Share Posted September 18, 2011 the same thing happened to me and they did get married 6 months after it ended with me. and was engaged 3 months after. its i think because they built up a loathing for us and was depressed and it feels so good not the feel that way...they jumped on the opportunity. the person is likely opposite of u. also they might have felt they were getting older and missing out on life. its a bummer i know. its totally shocking too Link to post Share on other sites
Thieves Posted September 18, 2011 Share Posted September 18, 2011 I won't say they'll do whatever it takes to make it work for spite, but more to avoid any regret, and that feeling of "I told you so" if things don't work out. Even after a few months they are completely miserable, they'll still stick it out just to mask their guilt. You just may have something here, Holmes. It feels kind of weird to look back as I'm caring less and less every time, but I had the same thoughts when the guy who brought me to these boards got a new girlfriend. He's also the one who said he didn't want me anymore. I'd already agreed to be 'friends' with him by this point , and soon it was official with him and his girl. It was kinda funny because sometimes it was like he could NOT stop trying to tell me how amazing she was and how happy he was. It seemed like once I accepted he was with her and wished him well, he was still trying to make it look like things were going perfectly. Maybe they were, I dunno? Funnily enough, even when I sensed there was something wrong, I really was concerned. But when I tried to talk about it, he kind of blocked me out. I guess because then he'd have to admit that things weren't totally perfect with her like he made it look...? Eventually, he came to me and told me that they broke up because they.. had a problem, the girl cheated and broke up with him. Even then I never told him 'I told you so'. I never would have, I'm not that kinda person. But I'm just saying, in the end, you might have a good 'theory' here. Link to post Share on other sites
Jdw_Icequeen Posted September 18, 2011 Share Posted September 18, 2011 Thats sad.. I aswell highly doubt that their marriage is likley to last. My ex did that to me left me for someone else even though he waited a while to start dating her he waited about 6 months. I had already busted him talking to her constantly so I knew all about it and knew it was coming. Well him and his "dream girl" start dating a few months later long story short she dumped him LMAO.. What makes it worse is he is trying to play it off to me as he broke up with her. It was all to funny and I had a good chuckle. Once they get a divorce since that is much more of a comittment then a little fling. You will have an even bigger laugh. Just don't let her coming running back to you! People have this thought in there head, instead of working on the relationship when they "think" somthing better has come along they jump on it.. Then they see that the person they jumped into it with has a whole new set of problems and issues and aren't the perfect person they thought. Alot of people just continue to do this. Its a great way to find themselves alone when all is said and done. I'm sorry for what your going through I know it hurts alot. Put on a brave face and move on. There is someone who deserves you out there. They aren't easy to find but I like the saying, (Nothing worth having is easy to get)! Link to post Share on other sites
Coupedriver Posted September 18, 2011 Share Posted September 18, 2011 I agree....We even argued about it!I told her.."Hes just a re-bound guy..wait until he finds out what your REALLY like..!!".She tells me.."This is the HAPPIEST I have ever been in my life." Well I am pretty sure when people start out in a new relationship,there happy,dumbazz..never seen one start out with anyone being un-happy..!! I told her to her face.."When it falls apart,and it will,you would NEVER admit to me anyway"....( SHE hated that I was right so many times..not right..just common knowledge about things..)Been there,did that stuff before so I just know.If her hair was on fire and I was the only guy with a bucket of water to put it out,she wouldnt do it...Counselor already told me "She will never admit to you or anyone when it fails,and it will" I dont know Wesker..8 years is a long time for someone NOT to love another...We were together the same amount of time... Link to post Share on other sites
Thieves Posted September 18, 2011 Share Posted September 18, 2011 (edited) I agree....We even argued about it!I told her.."Hes just a re-bound guy..wait until he finds out what your REALLY like..!!".She tells me.."This is the HAPPIEST I have ever been in my life." Well I am pretty sure when people start out in a new relationship,there happy,dumbazz..never seen one start out with anyone being un-happy..!! I told her to her face.."When it falls apart,and it will,you would NEVER admit to me anyway"....( SHE hated that I was right so many times..not right..just common knowledge about things..)Been there,did that stuff before so I just know.If her hair was on fire and I was the only guy with a bucket of water to put it out,she wouldnt do it...Counselor already told me "She will never admit to you or anyone when it fails,and it will" I dont know Wesker..8 years is a long time for someone NOT to love another...We were together the same amount of time... Wow. Back then, I would've never had the bravery to tell my guy all of that... As another side note, I also noticed how whenever I would try to be supportive of him and his girlfriend, he'd kind of ignore it. Or pass it off. For instance, I can recall him saying one time, literally: "Wow! How did I get such a wonderful, beautiful girlfriend?!?!" And I replied, being my sweet and lovely self , "Because you deserve one. :)" And of course, he went quiet, as if he didn't hear me basically. Then went off saying he was going to go cuddle her some more. Like I said, funny how you notice things when you look back. Edited September 18, 2011 by Thieves Link to post Share on other sites
Coupedriver Posted September 18, 2011 Share Posted September 18, 2011 My counselor told me A LOT of things( how and what she will say...I used a female counselor,wanted that OTHER side opinion...) BEFORE we had the blow up in the front yard...And she was SO right..! It was like watching movie and knowing what to say...!! It was weird BUT I should have NEVER said what I said.My counselor said I just "re-enforced" there relationship,even when it doesnt work out by saying those things...( DAMN IT...I TIPPED my hand...)... She said its like being a parent of a teenager guy/girl and telling them they CANT date or see someone..it becomes a FORBIDDEN thing and that will just make her WANT it more...draws them closer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wesker Posted September 19, 2011 Author Share Posted September 19, 2011 I agree....We even argued about it!I told her.."Hes just a re-bound guy..wait until he finds out what your REALLY like..!!".She tells me.."This is the HAPPIEST I have ever been in my life." Well I am pretty sure when people start out in a new relationship,there happy,dumbazz..never seen one start out with anyone being un-happy..!! I told her to her face.."When it falls apart,and it will,you would NEVER admit to me anyway"....( SHE hated that I was right so many times..not right..just common knowledge about things..)Been there,did that stuff before so I just know.If her hair was on fire and I was the only guy with a bucket of water to put it out,she wouldnt do it...Counselor already told me "She will never admit to you or anyone when it fails,and it will" I dont know Wesker..8 years is a long time for someone NOT to love another...We were together the same amount of time... I suppose that's why keeping No Contact after they dump you is so important. The last thing I want to hear is how "happy" she is. You have to wonder though about those ex's that almost seem like they deliberately try to let you know how great the other person is compared to you. Like they are trying to rub right in your face, or something. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 I like the metaphor Wilson uses for dumpers that already have someone else, before they even dump you. Something about them being like a monkey and grabbing one branch before letting go of the other. Link to post Share on other sites
melenkurion Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 (edited) I'm kinda thinking this is the case with my ex who dumped me after 8 years, and now just a mere 3 months later, already getting married soon. It's almost like she's that desperate to not have any second thoughts that she'll jump, and rush into almost anything. That, or she's really emotionally immature, and never really loved me all this time. Emotionally immature, and addicted to the dopamine high of a shiny brand-new relationship. It's extremely foolhardy to marry until that chemical high dies down and you are able to honestly assess things. Love isn't about how things are when everything is happy and wonderful. That's the easy part. Love is about how you deal with the bad times, the difficult stuff, the hurt, the inevitable disillusionment. After three months, they haven't had any of that yet. That process hasn't even begun. She isn't trying extra hard, she's just addicted to the new. It isn't sustainable, not unless she is prepared to put in a whole load of hard work on herself. Edited September 19, 2011 by melenkurion Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 some do. but i think it's because they're anxious to move on and make a start with someone new. when i got dumped i stayed friends with the ex for a brief period of time. and all he could do was talk about how badly he wanted a girlfriend. he signed up with a gym and really working out. he also signed up with all these dating websites. he was already trying harder for someone he hadn't even met yet! i really think in his case (and in your ex's case as well) that the harder they try to make things work with the new flame, the more likely they are to fail. someone who can jump that quickly into a new relationship without doing some serious self-introspection about what made the prior one fall apart, clearly isn't emotionally mature enough to handle being in any kind of relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
jeff2321 Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 (edited) I understand how you feel. I am nearly 14 months since my break with the ex. I found out a few months ago that just 2 months after she left me, she was already engaged to another man. I went complete NC, so I don't know if they eventually got married, but I'm pretty sure they did. It just floors me that she moved that fast with this new guy. I was only with my ex approx 4 years, but still... It took me a long time to realize it, but I respect my ex for leaving before we had kids, she spared me and those kids lives a lot of stress and anxiety, because she would have left at some point. She left me 3 times during our relationship, so it was just bound to happen at some point (she claims she was from a long line of 'strong women' -- all the women are divorced with several biological dads -- no real role models of good marriages. Our last Christmas together was basically tons of women and no men (except me). I wonder if their marriage will last? My cousin got married to another woman 3 months after he left his first wife. They've been together for nearly 4 years now. Perhaps the probability of staying together is all just random and coin flips? It still hurts, but I am probably better off. Jeff2321 So you just got dumped by someone you cared very deeply for. They leave you for someone else they've had their eye on. It sucks and hurts more than anything, especially if you see them out together looking so happy. I was wondering if dumpers try extra hard with this new person just to mask the guilt they have of breaking our hearts. I won't say they'll do whatever it takes to make it work for spite, but more to avoid any regret, and that feeling of "I told you so" if things don't work out. Even after a few months they are completely miserable, they'll still stick it out just to mask their guilt. I'm kinda thinking this is the case with my ex who dumped me after 8 years, and now just a mere 3 months later, already getting married soon. It's almost like she's that desperate to not have any second thoughts that she'll jump, and rush into almost anything. That, or she's really emotionally immature, and never really loved me all this time. Edited September 19, 2011 by jeff2321 I can't spell Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wesker Posted September 19, 2011 Author Share Posted September 19, 2011 I like the metaphor Wilson uses for dumpers that already have someone else, before they even dump you. Something about them being like a monkey and grabbing one branch before letting go of the other. I read that one too. It makes perfect sense, and is prolly true about 90% of the time. He also said something about when that branch breaks and they fall, they fall really hard. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 I read that one too. It makes perfect sense, and is prolly true about 90% of the time. He also said something about when that branch breaks and they fall, they fall really hard. Makes me laugh like e.g with my ex. He dumped me by text because he "wanted to be single". So if thats so, why was he dating someone soon after? So much for "being single" lol. Link to post Share on other sites
BrettLost Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 Wesker (Resident Evil?), What is it with the 7 8 year mark/itch that drives them to seek the perceived greener grass? AND sacrafice (in family situations) the future outcome of their chidren and family bond/legacy. Many opinions expressed on this thread reign true for me also. I cant fu(king quote yet; (yes Im sure its a piece of pi$$) The minimal time between then end and start of relationships... ie; Wilsonx's monkey on the branch thing.... The needing to let u know how great things are.... Potentially the "opposite mate" thing... The dopamine high of it all..... Needing to be friends, and/or seek your approval of said new flame.... Jeff mentions strong women, those from broken marriage, survivors if u wanna call em that. That type of role model only perpetuates this belief behind not needing a man, and breeds girls/women who chase the fairy tale of marriage anf family, only to feel repressed and destroy it to seek "freedom". Link to post Share on other sites
Buttercup84 Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 Makes me laugh like e.g with my ex. He dumped me by text because he "wanted to be single". So if thats so, why was he dating someone soon after? So much for "being single" lol. Hello fellow Aussie ! I wish I could move to Melbourne Anyway , my ex also said that he wanted to be single and alone.That is why he joined a dating site. I wish they would just be honest and say they want someone else. And why is it also that jerks like my ex find someone so fast , and someone who is nice and sweet like me does not? dumpers always find someone faster , I do not see how you can meet someone who means something so fast. Link to post Share on other sites
ffw Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 Some do. For example, my ex, when she dumped via mail. She told me she is fallen in love withsome one else and soon she is going to marry him. This was when they not even completed 1 month together. She wanted to show me indirectly what I am going to miss, which truly I dont care. I am expecting a mail sooner saying she got married. Poor guy. Link to post Share on other sites
ffw Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 And why is it also that jerks like my ex find someone so fast , and someone who is nice and sweet like me does not? dumpers always find someone faster , I do not see how you can meet someone who means something so fast. Usually, dumpers have someone else beside them, waiting in line, when they actually pull the trigger. They get the courage to do it. I am sure you will find a much better than your ex when times comes. The important thing is not to rush in a relationship like our ex´s did to have a stable and longterm relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
FeelingSmall Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 You know, after a week of being miserable, wallowing in self pity, crying ridiculous amounts and generally just being the pathetic girl my ex obviously believed I was all along... I've come to a realization... It's not me it's him. I, along with the rest of you, offered a lot, we all have feelings, none of us would/could turn around and do this to someone. Ok, what the heck did we lose, REALLY? I'm still hurting, don't get me wrong. I see my ex tonight when he picks up his garbage and I'm really not looking forward to it. BUT I feel sorry for the new girl, I really do. He is being incredible with her RIGHT NOW but, in the end he's only going to be the same piece of trash he was with me. People don't change who they are over night. It sucks that someone else is getting what I wanted and never did. It stings to know that he's having so much fun with her while I've been laying in bed licking my wounds. In the end though their end result probably won't be any different than ours and even if it isn't (Which I doubt very much) what did the other wo/man get? Someone who has no trouble being a monster? Great, enjoy them. Life is too short, I wouldn't take mine back for all the money in the world. Link to post Share on other sites
shortee143 Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 Anyway , my ex also said that he wanted to be single and alone.That is why he joined a dating site. I wish they would just be honest and say they want someone else. Same here! It's so crappy, I'd rather some honesty, bc how do they think we feel when they tell us that, then bam, there is a new person in our spot. My ex is in my life due to same friends, and it sucks, I "see" him treat her much better than he did me...does more for her, sees her more, gets her flowers, etc. It really hurts me bc I didnt do anything wrong to him. Too bad he isnt mature enough to have an adult convo with me. Ugh. Now I just ignore him when I see him, but boy does it sting watching him treat her like gold..so, perhaps he is "trying"harder- I still love him, but think he is scum too! Link to post Share on other sites
JRock8732 Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 I only read the first post and from what I see she is being immature and trying hard to get you jealous. Just laugh at that crap lol. You will find someone way better than that Link to post Share on other sites
neghitzbrah Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 This is so funny how everyone goes through the samething here. My ex of 5 years (we were also engaged) finally ended it after I ended it about 5 times in a row before that. She jumped into a relationship and thinks she dated "enough" guys and knows what she wants. It's so funny because it's her ex-boyfriend before me. The same guy who cheated on her twice, lol. Well they will probably get married and she will stay with him forever because that's just how she is. It's for the better because I wasn't myself in that relationship. Now being single for about 9 months helped me know about myself than I ever will. Much better job, living on my own in NYC, great friends, and standing tall. I can honestly say that I can do a lot better than her. But I do miss the amazing sex Link to post Share on other sites
gamechanger Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 this thread makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside... my ex of 6years did all of the things being discussed here. we bought a house together i was going to propose... ya know the american dream. then she tells me shes not happy and she wants a break. 2 weeks later theres another dude. me being stupid i maintained contact and she would take every chance to tell me how much hes into her, the way he looks into he eyes, how much they had in common and just how happy she was.. fast forward 8 months and 6 on NC she got dumped by him for her friend:)... guess whos calling and texting... Link to post Share on other sites
confusedandupset Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 When my LTR ended my exbfs new gf did everything she could to broadcast their relationship. I was completely removed from his past, and from what I heard he wasn't permitted to talk about me, lest it was in a negative sense. And he seemed like he had done a complete 180 from how he had acted in our relationship. I was seen as a complete b*tch to all his friends, until the new gf forced my ex to stop talking to all of them. She completely kept him all to herself, controling every aspect of his life, but he complied (much unlike how he did for my meager requests). Her arguments started to flare with him when she realized how unambitious and just plain lazy he was, and his arguments started when he realized just how slutty she was. Years later after they broke up I asked him about it. He told me that he thought that in order for it to make it work, he had to do all the things he didn't do with me. Oh, and my proudest moment in that, was the apology I got from his best friend who called me a b*tch. I always remember his, "I'm sorry, I obviously didn't know what b*tch was until I met ______". :] so it'll come, three mths? just sit back, relax, find yourself someone wonderful to spend time with, and maybe one day you'll get news about your exes divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
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