denard16 Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 Hey guys, need some advice here... My ex gf of only 6 months and I split about two months ago. It was somewhat mutual, and she offered to be friends when we parted ways. I told her that there was no way I could be friends with her, and didn't contact her after that point. Two weeks ago, I started getting phone calls from her, but I didn't answer. Finally, after it happened for about the fifth time, I texted her, breaking my NC for the first time, and she said that she was "pocket dialing" me by accident. I replied with a friendly, "no problem, hope all is well" text. She replied, saying that she misses me. I replied that I missed her as well, and that was that. The pocket dialing or whatever it is resumed again this week. Today she texted me again, and started asking me a bunch of questions about how I've been. I told her that I started college back up this semester, and have been really busy. (I'm 30 and work full time, so I have been busy adding school into the mix!) I made the texts short and didn't show any emotion at all. This all went on this morning, and about an hour ago she contacted me out of the blue again, and asked me if I'd like to hang out with her this week, as she knows that studying is boring and that I might need to get my mind off of it. I've never tried to rekindle any flame with an ex girlfriend before, but I do still care for her very much. Would it be out of line to hang out with her, and do you guys think that she's showing interest, or just trying to be a friend? I can't figure it out, that's for sure! Thanks in advance! Link to post Share on other sites
thecrystalship Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 she is showing interest. No doubt about it. sigh. Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 the above poster is absolutely wrong. 100% wrong. There is no interest there. She wants the friendship back. Shes not willing to let go. "Oh my phone was pocketdialing you" Gaslighting at its finest. Your ex is your ex, stay away from her. People like her do not know how to let go. They want to have their cake and eat it to. You are going to hurt yourself if you hang out with her or continue contacting her, dont believe me, read some of the posts on the second chance forums that are exactly like this that I have replied to. Link to post Share on other sites
Cowboy1015 Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 She said she misses you... so there's some interest there. Maybe just go hangout if you're interested. Just don't have expectations. You'll feel if she's really interested. Btw, who initiated the split? Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 What do you want to do and have you thought of asking her if she's interested in starting again? Link to post Share on other sites
SugarLily Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 I think she's probably curious. She misses you - she wants you back in her life in some way. She probably wants to meet with you to feel the same intimacy she felt when you were together. It is likely that she wants to rekindle your relationship. This is dangerous territory. Do you think you would achieve anything from the meeting? Do you want to get back with her? Is that realistic? I think you really need to think about how this meeting would affect you. It's been 8 weeks now - so hopefully you have a clearer perspective, and more understanding about the relationship. Use this knowledge to make an informed decision - will you benefit from meeting with her? Link to post Share on other sites
TheDovic Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 Like most posts of this nature there isn't an easy answer because you can't read your ex's mind (oh to be able to read their minds!) I'm in quite a similar situation to you, ex calls and texts frequently, tells me she misses me and wants to hang out so I get my hopes up, but then when just when I think I'm back in there I hear the "friend" line. I'm not saying this will happen to you but just be prepared for it! Nevertheless I do think there are some good signs here i.e. she's initiating contact AND she says she misses you. Most people on this site don't even seem to get that much so you're already in a better position than most. Furthermore you told her from the start you couldn't just be friends with her so she is aware of what you want yet is still in contact. Check out this youtube vid I found, it might give you a better idea lad. Do me a favour will you. If you meet up with her will you let me know how you got on? (either via this thread or a PM) Good luck buddy http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8BIdPzlRGew&feature=related Link to post Share on other sites
Author denard16 Posted September 19, 2011 Author Share Posted September 19, 2011 Hey guys, thanks for the advice. I'm going to meet her, but I'm not going to go into it with any expectations, and I'll just go with it and see what happens. TheDovic, I will definitely let you know what happens after I meet her. Thanks again for the replies! Link to post Share on other sites
Author denard16 Posted September 20, 2011 Author Share Posted September 20, 2011 So...I talked to her on the phone for a little bit tonight, and made sure to hang up quickly and end the conversation first. The first phone conversation seemed to go very well, as I let her do most of the talking and kept details about myself to a minimum, although she did ask me a lot of questions. I'm going out with her for dinner this weekend, completely by her invitation, and told her we'd talk more about when and where later this week. Not 3 minutes after I hung up with her, she texted me again, asking me if I had any thoughts for a restaurant. I'll definitely post my results of how it goes this weekend. I know it's dangerous territory as you have said, but it's a chance I'm willing to take, as we did have a mutual separation and I still really do care for her. Worst case is that I have a nice dinner, and go back to NC afterwards if it doesn't go well! Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 Good luck. It sounds fine to me. Have you thought about the reasons you guys split up and what to do about that? Strike a balance between showing you're still affectionate and dealing with the issues matter of factly. Link to post Share on other sites
DenumChkn Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 The advice on posts like this seems so convoluted and mixed. It all reeks of game playing to me - lame. Wilson, a supposed 'expert' on these forums, consistently shoots down everyone's hope of reconciliation. A female poster on here once said she was interested in getting back with her ex, but would not just come right out and say "I MADE A MISTAKE AND I WANT YOU BACK!" (at least not initially). As human beings with pride and dignity, I do not believe it is in most of our natures to come right out and make such strong declarations. If you still have for feelings for her, have gone through the NC and she is making genuine/honest gestures to reach out to you, I think it is fine to meet with her. That being said, make sure you are far enough along in the moving on process that you are not emotionally attached to the result of said meeting. Take things slow, if she is trying to reconcile make sure you both thoroughly discuss what went wrong the first time, what needs to be corrected and MAKE A COMMITMENT to make those changes so that you can have a more perfect union the second time around.. I honestly envy the situation you are in, after a month of NC I'm beginning to wonder if my ex will ever contact me again (perhaps it is for the best she doesn't..) Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 the above poster is absolutely wrong. 100% wrong. There is no interest there. She wants the friendship back. Shes not willing to let go. "Oh my phone was pocketdialing you" Gaslighting at its finest. Dude, I know lots of relationships that are based on friendship. In fact, most of the happily married oldies I know will say their spouse is their best friend. In my opinion, if you're not friendly to one another, it's not much of a relationship. As for "gaslighting", that's what it's called when it's done to freak someone out. When it's done to get closer to them, it's a white lie at the very worst. Your ex is your ex, stay away from her. People like her do not know how to let go. They want to have their cake and eat it to. You are going to hurt yourself if you hang out with her or continue contacting her, dont believe me, read some of the posts on the second chance forums that are exactly like this that I have replied to. And none of us can predict the future. Fundamentally, these two people like each other. If they are prepared to work on whatever caused them to split up and are friendly to one another, they have a good chance of developing a new relationship that grows and learns from the previous one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author denard16 Posted October 1, 2011 Author Share Posted October 1, 2011 I Thought I'd post an update on my situation. My ex and I hung out last weekend. We got along great and it was weird, we acted just like we did in the early stages of our relationship. We've been talking every day since then, and a few days ago finally had a talk about where we stood. We both realized some things that pushed us apart, and the NC period gave us a lot of time to do so. We both agreed to just take things a day at a time and just see what happens, with no pressure. We rushed things the last time around, and feel it's better to just go with the flow this time. We're doing dinner and a movie this weekend. It actually feels like a date, and not an awkward ex-meeting. I wake up to texts from her every day. She texts me all day long while I'm at work, and she calls or texts me right before she goes to sleep. NONE of this is provoked by me. This definitely isn't about her wanting to be friends with me, as I told her that I don't want to be just friends a few days ago, just as I didn't when we broke up. She's still calling and asking to hang out. I really believe that although I did NC to get over her for my own healing, the NC method itself is what brought her back to me. I've initiated nothing, both of our recent meetings were her idea. I have no idea what will happen with us, but I will say, if you stick to true NC and don't break it, and your ex contacts you, you might have a shot at something. You just have to play it cool, and let them lead the way. Just my two cents. Thanks again for all the posts on my thread, it gave me a lot of direction that I think really helped me out. It may or may not work with her, but I definitely see an open door for the opportunity. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted October 1, 2011 Share Posted October 1, 2011 Good for you! I think that a lot of the time when someone says they want to be friends, they actually want to go back to that time when you were friendly with each other and there were no hard feelings. Often we, men especially, become guarded and serious when we're hurt, and that's pretty unfriendly on the outside. I guess a lot of women identify that - the hard and serious, stilted way we react to them as the immediate problem. Hence they want to be friends. A relationship based on affection is more likely to start from a friendly position than a serious one. We have to strike a balance between rekindling the friendly bond and pushing to get back together. Sounds like you're doing that - reconnecting with her - and maybe you guys will take it to another level shortly. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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