my boyfriend is cheating on me with his workmate

[kisha]

it is in the time of need that we go looking for help. and i am hoping that u guys will help me.

 

my boyfriend(BF) of two and a half years came to me some two weeks ago, and told me that someone i concidered a friend was telling nasty stories about me. i confronted this person, who in turn told me that actually these stories she got from my boyfriends workmate, who happens to be female. now, i was told that my BF was infact the one telling these stories.

 

now the story that i was told was that, BF, was in fact planning on a relationship with this workmate of his. apparently, this other woman(OW) happened to know this friend of mine unbeknown to my BF. When he realised that the things he has been saying about me are likely to reach me through my friends, he rushed to me with those stories as having been told by my friends.

 

apparently my BF, is probably having an affair with this OW. i was in shock when the possibility of infidelity hit me, but chose to believe his side of the story. but my suspicion having been aroused, i went through his phone and found that he has been communicating with this OW and i didnt know about it. i started noticing strange calls that he would take out of my earshort and he started going to work at odd hours. he has never done that before.

 

what really hurts me is that, he has been casually telling me stories about his work mates and this particular OW has featured in our conversations and being naive i never suspected a thing. i happen to have met her during one party at his company and we even talked about how beautiful she was. i remember that she even came and danced with me. altho i wondered then why she was all friendly with me, i never suspected a thing.

 

the other day, i tried calling BF, on his mobile but he didnt answer. when we later met he said he'd leff it at home. i later found out that infact my number has been barred from calling his mobile. on demanding explanation he told me that somethings are better not explained, and in a bid to solve whatever is going on, he says hes changing his number so that nobody can call him.

 

but now my problem is that although we hadnt said it loud i think the fact of infidelity by him is clear to the both of us. i cannot express my shock, confusion, helplessness and the feeling of betrayal.we have been friends, and we talked about trust and faith a lot. i cant even start to describe my total commitment to us, my complete trust in him and my love for him.....

 

i am so confused and so afraid of what the truth really is. please how do i deal with the hurt.

 

kisha

[Papillon]

You're counting your chickenhawks before they hatch! (damn, I've been dying to say that )

 

How does this bounce off of you? If your SO was having an affair, why would he bring up a story that would put him at risk of exposure?

 

Don't make assumptions based on hearsay. Confront him about it, and confront the other woman. That is the only way the truth shall be known.

[jmargel]

When he won't give you an explanation on why your number is barred, it's because he knows he's done wrong. What he is hoping is that this will all blow over. If you don't deal with this issue you will resent him in alot of ways, and the relationship will turn even more sour.

 

I'm going through a trust issue that I just found out this morning. Mine is under the 'Getting Married' section.

 

Nothing can ever prepare you to deal with the hurt. Nothing we can say will make it any less painless than what you are feeling. What this board shows people is that you aren't alone. That people make stupid mistakes, some that can be forgiven and some that can't.

 

You deserve an answer to any questions or doubts that you have. Always follow your gut instinct.

[morrigan]

". . on demanding explanation he told me that somethings are better not explained"

 

Sorry, that sounds like a stalling ploy. Why couldn't he provide you with any explanation? As jmargel said, there is a big breach of trust right there.

Gossip is one thing, but his sneaky behavior isn't helping his case at all. Unless he is honest about what has been going on, your doubts and hurt will prey upon you. Personally, I wouldn't stay with him.

 

Ask him right out if he is having an affair--but don't expect him to be honest about it. You do have the right to ask why he hid his conversations with this co-worker from you, if there was no affair going on. If you decide to stay in this relationship, he needs to end the chit chats with her.