Is It For The Better?

[Hollywood11]

Long story short met girl was dating girl now i am engaged to this girl. Things were fine when we werent dating. Then get worse as we get more serious. What i mean for example is she never nagged when we werent dating, but it got progressivly worse. She wants certain parts about me to change to please her some are alright like talk more in public and what not. But some like have to smile more and stuff like that what the hell. Anyways i feel she is taking me for granted and has gotten to comfortable with this engagement and has forgotten that hey! even though im a guy i like to know i am cared about and like it shown to me. She nags about things i do and i swear she wants me to change so i am just like her. Im getting sick of the nagging and want her to realize im getting sick of it. And yes we talk, but it hasnt worked

 

So anyways we dated when we lived in the same city, but i moved 40 mins away to a university so because of my work scedule we only see each other once a week. Well work and school have me booked so i wont be able to see her for 2 weeks. So i basically told her for those 2 weeks we aint talking/communicating and in those 2 weeks i want you to decide if i am really the guy for you. I said im getting sick of being kicked around and its not going to happen anymore so in two weeks decide what you want and if things dont change then i am leaving for good.

 

Do you think im being to harsh or is it just what she needs?

 

Id really appreciate any response, im only doing this because i think its for the better and i hope it doesnt blow up in my face.

Edited September 19, 2011 by Hollywood11

[norajane]

Why do you want to marry her? Are you sure you're ready to be married? Are you taking the time in these 2 weeks to give it more serious thought, as you've asked her to do?

 

The kind of love that you need for marriage is the kind that is a verb - loving someone consists of actions, and if you are having trouble being loving toward each other, maybe marriage isn't the right thing for you.

 

This seems to be at the core:

Anyways i feel she is taking me for granted and has gotten to comfortable with this engagement and has forgotten that hey! even though im a guy i like to know i am cared about and like it shown to me.

 

Has she been able to talk with you honestly about those two things, that you feel taken for granted, and that you need to know and see that she can be loving toward you?

 

Has she shared how she's feeling? Does she feel taken for granted, or that you don't listen to her? What is causing the nagging...not the individual things, but what is at the heart of it?

 

I think you two have a lot more talking to do. If she's not open to talking honestly, you probably shouldn't get married...should see a counselor together instead.

 

Maybe try writing down your thoughts. See if that helps you sort out how you feel deep down inside about her, about yourself, about this marriage and about your expectations and concerns and fears. Be specific, and try to tie it to the bigger picture:

[fanc]

You must be certain about your feelings. Now you have to give some time for the relationship. Because if you have not seen the ups and downs in your relation, and don't see the reactions then how could you predict to some extent about your future life.