Author Renard99 Posted September 23, 2011 Author Share Posted September 23, 2011 the position you are in is one I'm trying to avoid by not getting involved with anyone for at least a year, hard as it is. My fondest hope and worst nightmare is being in your shoes a year from now. I wanted to avoid it to (after an ill fated flirtation with a dating site) for the same reason as you, but this current relationship came about quite naturally and wasn't expected in the slightest. I even told her that I initially wasn't up for a relationship to start with but it slowly bubbled up from under the surface, as I say, very naturally. All I can suggest is lay some ground rules down, eg. go for counseling, have her get her hormone levels checked etc. , get a clean bill of health for her and take it slow... But if she balks at any of that say no. That's assuming I choose to go with her and I ditch the new girl. I'm having to weigh up whether it's better to do all the things you suggest above and risk losing a perfectly good current relationship..... or..... stick with the current relationship that's in its infancy and risk losing all that was established between my ex and me. There were things that my ex did that really ate away at me that, frankly, I'm probably better to get away from.... and when I think of those I'm drawn more towards my current partner. However, when I think that the current relationship is in it's infancy and I haven't learnt all there is to learn, I think back to all the good things I know about my ex and the wealth of good times and experiences that we shared and I'm drawn to her again. The knowledge that I will break at least one heart just makes me so depressed and upset. I never like seeing someone hurt, but knowing I'm going to be the cause makes my stomach churn Arrrgggghhhhh. Link to post Share on other sites
TheDovic Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 First of all... Good for you dude, I love seeing stories like this!!! Secondly, I would ask myself whether or not I saw the relationship with the new girl going anywhere, i.e. is she giving any hints to you she sees a long future? If so and she's making you happy then this might be an easy choice. In reality though I know it's nothing like that! My ex is so wrong for me (because of unacknowledged depression too) and made me unhappy a lot of the time, but if she came knocking right now I wouldn't spare a second thought in taking her back. Although in your case, if your ex has finally sought help, then she has a real chance of being the person you once fell in love with again. Just give it time dude, tell your ex you're open to this but you need to think about it. Your gut feeling will tell you more in time than anyone on this forum can. Once again, well done. I'm happy you have this choice Link to post Share on other sites
Author Renard99 Posted September 23, 2011 Author Share Posted September 23, 2011 First of all... Good for you dude, I love seeing stories like this!!! Secondly, I would ask myself whether or not I saw the relationship with the new girl going anywhere, i.e. is she giving any hints to you she sees a long future? If so and she's making you happy then this might be an easy choice. In reality though I know it's nothing like that! My ex is so wrong for me (because of unacknowledged depression too) and made me unhappy a lot of the time, but if she came knocking right now I wouldn't spare a second thought in taking her back. Although in your case, if your ex has finally sought help, then she has a real chance of being the person you once fell in love with again. Just give it time dude, tell your ex you're open to this but you need to think about it. Your gut feeling will tell you more in time than anyone on this forum can. Once again, well done. I'm happy you have this choice Thanks mate As for the bit in bold, whilst it's too early in the relationship to be talking about the future, it is certainly clear that she's commited to the relationship. She wants to meet up when we can (but fully respects it when we can't for whatever reason) and she certainly plans for the short term future, like this weekend for example. She works as a zoo keeper and I'm keen on photography, so she organised it a few weeks back (as a surprise) for me to go in and spend time close up with some of the animals and that's happening tomorrow! As for what's underlined, you've hit the nail on the head. I woudn't say that my ex was completely wrong for me, but at the same time she did do things that raised my blood pressure (something that I think is highlighted by the fact that both my friends and work colleagues have said that I'm far calmer, more invigorated and more like the person I was 4 years ago, which was before my ex and I moved in together). But, weirdly, like you say, I'm still drawn to her Link to post Share on other sites
Author Renard99 Posted September 29, 2011 Author Share Posted September 29, 2011 (edited) Sorry to bump this thread again but I thought I'd give an update on the situation. Well, my thoughts lately have been leaning more towards the new relationship. In my last post I mentioned that the new girl had organised, as a zoo keeper, for me to get up close with the animals. Well I had a wonderful day and it flew by. We went out for a meal afterwards and before we knew it, it was the small hours of the morning. The thing that really struck me was that the day was effortless. My ex, having led a sheltered childhood, often had to be 'led by the hand' everywhere.... but for once, I could sit back, and was able to really appreciate the day for all it was worth. I haven't stopped thinking of my ex, especially all that we shared over the 7 years together and it does scare me that I'll be saying goodbye to all those things, especially as she has stated that if it's a 'no' from me then she can't be 'friends'. It also scares me that I'll be saying goodbye to it for a relationship that's only just 2 months old........ but........ the more the new relationship grows, the more right it feels and isn't that what it's all about? Edited September 29, 2011 by Renard99 Link to post Share on other sites
Cowboy1015 Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 (edited) Go with the new girl. Your ex is the past. You don't want to deal with the same heartache. Edited September 29, 2011 by Cowboy1015 Link to post Share on other sites
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