wahaha1 Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 We are working in the same company, and have crushes on each other, but we are not lovers at this point. Most of the our relationships remain at the professional level. I haven't been in a relationship for quite a sometime, I don't remember how I get along with a new guy...now I am not sure if this is something always happening in a relationship, or he is just not the one for me... pls help. We are working in different teams, a little bit different job functions, but could have day to day interactions. His team recently is having a lot of politics and he always get very stressed about what's going on with his teammates in his team. We used to talk a lot at work, sharing about what's going on and I used to feel that we are pretty much having similar thoughts on a lot of things... Today, he told me about what's going on in his team, I tried to clam him down by saying that he should relax and not to think too much about what's going on.., then he said that I had no idea what's going on in the world, my job is too simple and no need to deal with a lot of politics (I think this is partly true, but he is quite looking down on my job). I can see the stress in him but srsly I think he shouldn't think too much if something is out of his control. I felt quite unhappy that he said something so blunt but I tried to act cheerful and be a good listener like nothing happened. I am not the type of person that will have arguments with ppls, usually I will remain silent if I am not feeling cool.. My question is, this guy definitely has his dark side, where this side he only exposed to somebody that he is closed to. If we continue to move to the lovers stage, I feel like I will be the one who will be taking all these negative energy and not sure if I can handle it. I am wondering if this kind of thing happens between a couples? Or he is just not the right one for me? Link to post Share on other sites
evagisele Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 You mention that he has a “dark side.” Is this a scary darkness, as in you suspect that he could turn physically abusive or that he is seriously, mentally unstable, or where you just shocked to see him acting like many people do when they’re mad? When I’m pissed I can slam doors, stomp the floors, and scream obscenities with the best of them, but people who don’t know me very intimately wouldn’t suspect that. I’m harmless enough, but I’m sure it would be shocking to witness, especially if someone had the other person on sort of a pedestal. It’s the moment when reality sets in and you realize that this person has an ugly side, too. You also say that you haven’t been in a relationship for awhile. If I were in your situation, I think I might get comfortable with seeing this guy in his better light. Seeing him vent in a more frank way, especially if I was on the receiving end, I think, would be jolting. But that’s the “beauty” of embracing someone for all aspects of their being. People get mad and vent and say hurtful things. People shouldn’t be seen in absolutes; they have a lot of gray areas. Obviously, that happens in all deep relationships. It’s up to you to define and maintain the parameters. I don’t think you can know for sure how high maintenance this guy will be emotionally for you until you try a relationship with him. If you don’t think that you could easily leave a toxic relationship (if this even turns out like that), then don’t go there. If you think you will be able to stand up for yourself and leave if he gets out of line and does not respect your feelings, then try it out and see what happens. Hole up for a weekend and think about your relationship with him and where you might want it to go and if you feel like dealing with him. Go with your gut. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wahaha1 Posted September 21, 2011 Author Share Posted September 21, 2011 Thanks a lot for your advice. Srsly at this point, I haven't talked to him since that day, and he no longer initiate any conversation with me. Today, he walked by my side (he is sitting on the other side of the office), I immediately hide myself and tried not to be seen by him..., I really don't know how to deal with him at this point... *sign* Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts