timchambo Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 Need some help on best way to get the last of my property back. Been broke up since Christmas last year. Every picture of my adult life exists on her computer. She took that when she left. The way the breakup happened I felt it was best to have no contact. The story is documented on here in other threads as to how the breakup happened. She has reached out several times to say various things including saying she was working on getting these to me. She has been saying this for over 6 months now. Does anyone have any creative approaches to getting this done? I really don't want to reach out as I am sure I will just get "I will work on getting that for you". It is a matter of time before she contacts again about these, or god forbid about losing them. I do have a sure fire way to get them, but that would require things to get ugly and I really don't want to go there. We do have mutual friends, including family, that are aware of these pictures. They have also asked for them with no luck. Link to post Share on other sites
A7X Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 Maybe she is keeping them as a way to keep in touch with you?? From past experience that's what it was for me. Drop her off a USB stick in her mailbox with a note or something? Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 what exactly do you mean by "every picture of my adult life" ? Link to post Share on other sites
gbadboy Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 So clearly if your family/friends asked for them and she refused, then she doesn't want to give them back. So no creative way is ever going to get it back. Even if you mail her a USB stick as someone had suggested unfortunately. She's being spiteful clearly. Are these pictures absolutely that important that you absolutely need them? If she's being childish, then let her have whatever - she'll eventually see how immature she's being. If my ex had something of value to me, I mean id try to get it back but I wouldn't go down the "ugly" route, because then you're stooping to their level. Be classy and be the bigger person. Actually when you stop asking for it and when she realizes its not affecting you anymore, she might then give it to you. She's maybe just keeping them b/c she knows that's her way of keeping you around, and knows that if she gives it up, she'll have nothing to hold you back in. Link to post Share on other sites
Author timchambo Posted September 19, 2011 Author Share Posted September 19, 2011 what exactly do you mean by "every picture of my adult life" ? hmmm seems pretty self explanatory to me so let me know if this doesn't clarify. Every vacation, every birthday, every move, every boring moment. All were on cameras that were loaded on to her pc. Cameras I bought her. I dont have the pc or cameras. Picture taking wasn't a big part of my life until we got together. So basically I have no pictures of my life outside of childhood pics my parents took. Maybe she is keeping them as a way to keep in touch with you?? From past experience that's what it was for me. Drop her off a USB stick in her mailbox with a note or something? This is pretty much it. She knows I do not want to keep in touch though. She is with the other guy now and I have moved on. I do not want to reconnect with her emotionally, I don't think that would do me any good. She contacted recently about these pics so I responded. She wanted to talk and sounded pretty sad, but I just didn't feel comfortable opening myself up to that. I would be willing to sacrifice if I had the pictures. I would swing a deal to talk if she would give the pics, but don't know how to approach that. Link to post Share on other sites
country_gurl Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 hmmm seems pretty self explanatory to me so let me know if this doesn't clarify. Every vacation, every birthday, every move, every boring moment. All were on cameras that were loaded on to her pc. Cameras I bought her. I dont have the pc or cameras. Picture taking wasn't a big part of my life until we got together. So basically I have no pictures of my life outside of childhood pics my parents took. This is pretty much it. She knows I do not want to keep in touch though. She is with the other guy now and I have moved on. I do not want to reconnect with her emotionally, I don't think that would do me any good. She contacted recently about these pics so I responded. She wanted to talk and sounded pretty sad, but I just didn't feel comfortable opening myself up to that. I would be willing to sacrifice if I had the pictures. I would swing a deal to talk if she would give the pics, but don't know how to approach that. I admittedly don't know your history here or the details of your relationship ending. I was once in a relationship with a guy who played a lot of games. He would purposely keep possessions of mine that were important to me, in an attempt to get my goat and to maintain a reason for me to need to contact him such that he might have a shot at me giving him another chance. I was aware of what he was doing and it drove me nuts (though I did not let him know). On one and final occasion, I decided to play his game in an attempt to get my treasured possessions back. He was begging me to get together to just "talk", he'd been emailing me and begging me to agree to his for some time. I decided to play along. He was a narcissist and always thought he was so clever, so "one up" on everyone including me. I purposely let him think I would consider giving him another chance and that I was willing to talk. All I could do was chuckle inside, knowing that he actually thought I was naive enough to fall for his game. I played along. I ended up going to his house to talk. My only purpose was to get my possessions and then never speak with him again. And that's what I did and I never looked back. If your pictures are very important to you and feel that she's purposely keeping them in an attempt to keep contact with her, maybe you should play along. Meet with her. Pretend that you're willing to reestablish a friendship and let the past go. Let her think there might even be a 'chance' for you 2 to reconnect if you have to and then when you think she's fallen for it, bring up the pictures and hand her a USB stick. Perhaps to some that sounds dirty but it's more dirty to intentionally keep someone's possessions "hostage" in an attempt to keep them connected. IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
headsinclouds Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 Is there a possibility that she deleted them out of spite or anger and doesn't want to deal with the ensuing drama? If she didn't, she's probably just doing it to get a rise out of you or to keep you hanging on. I once had an ex that owed me a $100. He would meet me every week or so and give me $10 at a time and some excuse about the rest. He finally admitted that he just wanted to see me. People do weird things... Link to post Share on other sites
Author timchambo Posted September 19, 2011 Author Share Posted September 19, 2011 Thanks for the input CG. Who knows why she is really doing this. I know I was her best friend for all those years, but its selfish to expect anything from me at this point. She left for another man, and she is still with him. She does want to meet, but I really didn't want to subject myself to that. Seeing her again could crush me again possibly...I am not sure yet. I suppose if she had them on hand I would be willing to sacrifice the heartache one last time. hic, that thought just crossed my mind today. I don't think she deleted them though as they are very important to her too. She also said "what do you want me to do with all these pics of you". So unless that was completely made up, I think she still has them. If they are gone, I hope she could tell me just so I can forget about it. I guess at this point my only response on the next contact will be "contact me when you have them ready". Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 no, its not clear, thats why i asked. "my adult life" is 16 years worth of pictures. yours could be one years worth if youre 19. but sadly it sounds like she.s not planning to give them back, regardless. and doing anything unusual to get them she will be labeling you as "crazy". good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author timchambo Posted September 20, 2011 Author Share Posted September 20, 2011 no, its not clear, thats why i asked. "my adult life" is 16 years worth of pictures. yours could be one years worth if youre 19. but sadly it sounds like she.s not planning to give them back, regardless. and doing anything unusual to get them she will be labeling you as "crazy". good luck. About 8 years worth. She keeps claiming she will get them to me. I just don't understand what she is trying to salvage at this point. Making me take a phone call every few months, isn't going to really undo anything. I wont just magically forget what she did. At this point, as unfortunate as it is, she can keep the pictures if this is what its come to. Maybe its worth a phone call to explain this. I do not want to be held hostage to these. If she wants any form of contact in the future I would need her actions addressed honestly first. The pictures are not going to make me stay in touch. The only problem I see with this approach is she could just easily deny this is why she is hanging on to them. Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 oh she will deny it. you also need to understand the sad reality may simply be her life is too busy to be bothered dealing with YOU right now. we love trying to place reasons on people that it's bc of "us" they won't meet or whatever, when it's just that they honestly don't care and don't even want to see us. Link to post Share on other sites
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