Still need advice, help on my situation

[Poconobob]

I posted an extremely long post and didn't notice until later just how long it was....oops, sorry.

 

I'll make this shorter....I've been married and have had my wife tell me that she is over it, done, finished because I was on morphine patches and had what I thought was hallucinations about her cheating...I called her boss after she took a trip with him and didn't tell me for "fear" of my getting mad. As before, I never have touched nor hit her nor for that matter given reason to be afraid. Her side was I would have given her crap about it because I dislike her boss which is true. Either way, both of us were wrong, I'm still reeling with it all....when she gets mad which has been twice since Feb 23rd she says she wants a divorce. She is still with me here at the house, she says she is trying but whenever something doesn't go her way, she then says she wants a divorce. The excuse thus far for not going through with one has been that she cannot afford it. Come on, she makes 60K.....I'm the one since becoming physically/mentally disabled from a car accident that cannot afford it. Anyway, I still get the uncomfortable feeling she MAY be cheating, I can't get it out of my head as I am suspicious. I've got no proof as she works in a factory and I have no access to it. She sometimes works late, she is not sleeping with me except to "sleep" and other than that, we get along perfectly. I've been told that she is saying hurtful things out of anger and that should she really want a divorce, deep, deep down, she would find a way and would have been gone. However, I'm suspicious, WHY...I just have a gutt feeling, perhaps because we aren't having sex?? Or is it that she has lost a bunch of weight, "earned her wings" so to speak as in she realized she can do things without me.

I feel like I'm being kicked to the curb, if anyone has a chance, I know the other post is long but PLEASE, I need help.

 

Thanks for reading...

 

bob

[morrigan]

Poconobob, you are in a tough situation--I've read both of your posts. Hopefully others here will respond as well--I've never been married, so someone who has been in your shoes can help you a lot more.

 

You need to ask your wife point blank if she plans on getting a divorce. Her discussion of divorce, but nonaction, is leaving you in limbo. If she doesn't want to get a divorce, both of you need to go to marital counseling together. The (possible) affair is the symptom of a lot larger problems in your marriage. You both seem very unhappy--she feels that you are treating her with suspicion, and is upset about your drug dependency, you feel that she emotionally gone from your marriage. You can go to a site called marriagebuilders.com, but I think professional counseling would really be a last lifeline to saving your marriage. If you two have children, I can understand your hope to save your relationship; I just don't know how successful it would be.

 

Unless she agrees to the joint counseling and ends any relationship she may be having, I don't think you should stay married. You may want to privately go to an attorney and discuss your situation should a divorce occur. You may receive spousal support, as you are legally handicapped and your wife has a good income. You really should still get some personal counseling for yourself--divorces are extremely stressful situations, and you have been through a lot already.

 

Keep posting on LS and let us know how you are doing. Take care of yourself.

[The_Analyzer]

Hi , I agree about the counseling too. It sounds kinda like to me, the fact that shes saying she wants a divorce but not following through with it that maybe she's just saying that to see what you will or wont do. I don't know maybe she is serious, but why make threats if shes not gonna go through with it.

 

As far as these gut feelings you're having, I get those to about things and most of the time its right. Not always, and I'm not saying your gut feeling about her cheating is either. However, if theres no sex and no emotional attachment on her part, I would say something is up for sure. I would really talk to her about the both of you going to clouseling. if she doesn't wont too, then maybe you should still go for yourself, especially to see about how to handle things.

 

I'm sorry you're going through this, and I hope all will work out for you. Its all in what you both want out of your marriage. If you're still having these feelings there are ways to go about getting prove of what she may or may not be doing. I know that sounds extreme but sometimes people have to do that, to get answers when they can't get them straight from their spouse or s/o. best of luck.