Kidd Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 To answer your question, Nick, I confronted my wife pretty quickly after discovery. I was getting my finances and legal stuff in order to prepare for divorce but the W kept telling me how she was "trying" to get things to work between us (which was kinda bullsh*t considering that I knew she was in an affair) and so I confronted her within about 2 days. But when I did, she broke down, came clean, and I actually consoled her in my arms. Who would have thought? WTF?! She remained remorseful and wanted to fix the M and so I stayed. But the OM was her boss. I tried to get her to quit (she wouldn't but agreed to transfer ASAP) and I agreed not to tell the OM's wife. It took me 45 days to get to the point where I finally did. In the meantime I was paranoid that the affair might still be going on and I was repeatedly called a cuckold on this site. I certainly got no satisfaction thinking my wife might be continuing. I was not a cuckold and thr affair had stopped. But telling the OM W was the BEST thing I ever did. It was foolish to delay. I should have listened to the collective wisdom on this site. It was an extra 45 days of hell. Sound familiar? Listen to what you're being told. Do it today. Right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Kidd Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 By the way, you don't have to be cruel. You don't have to decide to R or D. Some people take years to finally decide that. But you do have to take a step forward. Stop the affair in its tracks now. The fantasy they're in will fall apart. And then you can decide what to do next. Good luck. People are here for you. I recommend you simply stay calm. Don't make a decision you'll regret. But you won't regret stopping the affair today. Link to post Share on other sites
sadcalifornian Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 I still think this is a troll thread. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 I think you may be right sad Californian. Link to post Share on other sites
2011aug Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 Interesting update, Today she called him for couple of minutes, he said his mom is visiting him so he's a little busy. My W told him that she is going to the doctor with my kid (fever, etc) then he asked if she can get him the pain medication she is getting him with her prescriptions. She got upset...and told him that he only talks to her and nice to her when he needs something from her...she hung up. She then called again,and asked him if he still wants the medication...he said yes. So she told him that this time he will need to pay for this....and not with money..,, I was sure she would say that she want sex... But she said she will get him the medication if he lets her (my W) to meet his mom... He was upset and started asking her why does she want to meet his mom... She said that if she is important to him, he would let her see/meet his mom... She suggested he takes his mom and her to a dinner or something... Why would she want so much to meet his mom? I think she is really in loved with him, and now trying to set up the ground to leave and go to him permanently...Am i correct? I am puzzled. How would you know both sides of the phone conversations? Link to post Share on other sites
MusicMan1234 Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 Nick, what are you afraid of? That she's going to yell at you? That's she's going to leave you? She's already left you in her heart so there's no point worrying about that. Look, she's a chick dude. They're a dime a dozen. We may get attached to one person due to history or maybe a percieved divine connection (which is total bs) but this is the reality... The civilised society we live in has primed the individual from a young age for control. The way people are controlled is through order. The way order is maintained is through limiting people's movements/aspirations. It's much easier to control a bird in a cage as opposed to a bird in the sky. Social norms are the best kind of cage. It is believed that there is one person that we are destined for and if the relationship doesn't work, then we are alone. Popular terms like 'The one that got away', 'One true love' et cetera spring to mind. The idea of marriage is built around this concept. Total BS. In actuality, there is probably a hundred more partners that you are compatable with then the person you are currently with. Sorry, I phrased that wrong.... There IS 10,000 MORE compatable people waiting for you. Isn't it a bit selfish to deprive them of meeting you while you wallow in self-pity over someone that's really not worth your time? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickster1 Posted October 7, 2011 Author Share Posted October 7, 2011 I am puzzled. How would you know both sides of the phone conversations? There are devices that hook up to the phone lines that can record a conversation (both sides) with caller ID and time stamp. Both incoming calls and outgoing calls. All this is recorded and also can be monitored live remotely. MusicMan1234, yes, I'm aware of the plenty of fish in the sea...but i think you are to extreme. sadcalifornian, Please stop with this troll talk...The only thing i can think of with trolls is probably my W... Link to post Share on other sites
2011aug Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 There are devices that hook up to the phone lines that can record a conversation (both sides) with caller ID and time stamp. Both incoming calls and outgoing calls. All this is recorded and also can be monitored live remotely. I thought she uses her cell phone? What's the device? Can you provide the name, brand, more info? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickster1 Posted October 7, 2011 Author Share Posted October 7, 2011 I thought she uses her cell phone? What's the device? Can you provide the name, brand, more info? No, I told her that I called the cell phone company and now can "NOW" see all phone calls and text msg on the cell phone....so she stopped using it... She only uses the landline now. There are many such devices, here is one: http://www.spyville.com/best-phone-recorder.html Link to post Share on other sites
2011aug Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 No, I told her that I called the cell phone company and now can "NOW" see all phone calls and text msg on the cell phone....so she stopped using it... She only uses the landline now. There are many such devices, here is one: http://www.spyville.com/best-phone-recorder.html That was a good move on your part about the cell phone. Thanks for the info about the recorder. Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 This is an open forum and you don't decide what people can post. Is anyone telling you what to post? You have no idea which of these posts are actually helping Nick so just worry about your own. :rolleyes: I've watched this thread from the beginning, I've resisted posting mostly because I'm on the other side of the equation. When reading through this thread the part that I find saddest is Nicksters' low sense of self-worth. I almost get the sense that deep-down somehow he feels he deserves this treatment from his wife, I don't know why exactly but over and over again I see him out-of-touch with the reality of the situation and cornering himself into paralysis to do anything about it. There is a litany of excuses and fantasizing up the 'perfect moment' to take action, all while his self-esteem is being hit again and again by a giant sledgehammer. Nickster, I don't want you to take this as harsh but have you gone to IC yourself? The way you talk about the situation and communicate your thoughts have an air of disassociation about them that I find you sound almost like a narrator to a novel rather than truly integrating the experience into yourself. I say this because it appears you have a challenge to connect with yourself. Your situation is cut and dry. Your wife is cheating, she wants out of your marriage, she's trying to find someone that will give her a branch to swing-to so she doesn't have to hit the ground with nobody and no place to go. She's done it multiple times. Why does she want to meet the OM's mother? Simple, she wants to be sure she feels accepted by his family, it makes it more real. In my A my AP and I talked about what it would be like meeting each others family members all the time. It's a step you take when a normal relationship escalates to a point where you feel you really want to be together. She wants to feel more integrated into his family so the landing is softer if she leaves or you kick her out. Thing is, if she gets the sense you're going to take action, which I'm sure she has, she's going to make sure she has a soft landing, which she is doing. All you are doing is giving her more time to guarantee that your landing hurts a lot harder than hers. My feeling based on everything I've read here is that at some point you're going to expose what you know and there's going to be a ton of drama. Somehow though I feel that you'll reconcile and the process will start all over again. Why? Because I don't sense that you are connected enough to YOU to know what you really want here. That once all the questions start flowing about divorce, impact to kids, etc... that you'll acquiesce given you won't have a strong enough emotional response to polarize to your cause. I'll keep reading though. great post. Nick, I hope you are truly getting ready to end this. It is coming time to sh*t or get off the pot. I think you are too wrapped up in eavesdropping on her calls with these men and you are getting off on this (not in a sexual way) and you are more concerned about tracking her than dumping her. I hope you can get to the point - and soon - of ending this once and for all. I think I can speak for most of the people who have responded that we all have a feeling you will reconcile, because you are dragging your feet quite a bit. The brother should be gone; what is the next 'excuse' you are going to use as to why you aren't going to kick her to the curb? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickster1 Posted October 8, 2011 Author Share Posted October 8, 2011 fooled once, you said: "...I think you are too wrapped up in eavesdropping on her calls with these men and you are getting off on this (not in a sexual way) and you are more concerned about tracking her than dumping her...." So true...I admit. On the days that she didn't call him i felt so bored...Sometimes i leave the house on purpose in the evening and tell my W about it (go to hardware store, electronics store, etc...) just so she could call him, and i would get more updates... I think it is driven by my desire to find out more and more on their relationship. just trying to get more information. The hardest part is to find out on their planned meetings that i was able to mess up most of them. I guess i have to put that behind me and pull the trigger. On the other note, you mention your guess of me reconciling with her...nah...don't know how that can be done. You see, ever since her first cheating, my trust in her, and my love to her was mostly based on my belief that she is not capable of having sex with other men. That made me very secure. Of course I was fooled by her...but today that i know for a fact that she IS capable of that and proved that beyond any doubt, I don't see how can she dig herself from this super deep hole. Her putting stranger's penis in her mouth... I'm not going to kiss that mouth forever even if she washes it with acid! Link to post Share on other sites
2long Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 (edited) I'm betting that om1 knows about his kid. I'm also betting that while nick is busy compiling his dirt drama novel on his wife's antics, she's getting her waterfowl coaxial and nick will be the one kicked to the curb, the Om simply take his place, and nick will pay child support to his wife for the om's kid for the next 16 years or so. Now, I promise not to post again until Nick does something! -ol'2long Edited October 9, 2011 by 2long iPhone misspellings!! Link to post Share on other sites
2011aug Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 Now, I promise not to post again until Nick does something! -ol'2long That would be 2long. Who knows what Nick is going 2 do? I, for 1, would not hold you 2 that. Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 I called Bull on this story 2 weeks ago but since our Hero has been so adamant to continue I'll bite again for a moment...and temporarily suspend my disbelief Ok so that aside, the only thing I can think of if there is any truth in the story is that Nickster feels the need to continue his investigation and drama because that allows him to feel somewhat in control of the situation...kind of like Newman on "Seinfeld" controlling mail deliveries in Jerry's building...and if he actually confronts his skank, he loses the control as she responds "yeah , so what?". In his mind all the investigating is doing is allowing him to say in the back of his mind "I know what you did!" and that is as far as he is going to take it as actually doing something with the information is too scary a prospect... I just have to ask, if all this whole low drama is in fact true, do you really think the reason you are scared to confront because once you do you will see the manifestation of the unremorseful, unrepentant spouse and realize that you have been trying to script your wife's reactions, down to where she is going to cry and throw herself at your mercy? You seem to be scared to pull the trigger because yiou lose that one part of the control you think you have... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickster1 Posted October 10, 2011 Author Share Posted October 10, 2011 I'm betting that om1 knows about his kid. I'm also betting that while nick is busy compiling his dirt drama novel on his wife's antics, she's getting her waterfowl coaxial and nick will be the one kicked to the curb, the Om simply take his place, and nick will pay child support to his wife for the om's kid for the next 16 years or so. Now, I promise not to post again until Nick does something! -ol'2long I'm not sure that OM1 knows about the kid...You would assume that he would want to spend time with the baby...and that's not the case. Also maybe I'm wrong and he is not the father...But let's assume he is. I know for sure that he does NOT know about OM2...what happens when he finds out about this? I know he is on my list of people to call after I bust her. But saying that OM takes my place in my house?? child support for 16 years? Over my dead body. It is up to you should you decide to post or wait for my action. I still appreciate you and your posts - thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickster1 Posted October 10, 2011 Author Share Posted October 10, 2011 I called Bull on this story 2 weeks ago but since our Hero has been so adamant to continue I'll bite again for a moment...and temporarily suspend my disbelief My story (life) is not Bull. How can i prove it to you? Ok so that aside, the only thing I can think of if there is any truth in the story is that Nickster feels the need to continue his investigation and drama because that allows him to feel somewhat in control of the situation...kind of like Newman on "Seinfeld" controlling mail deliveries in Jerry's building...and if he actually confronts his skank, he loses the control as she responds "yeah , so what?". Yeah. Maybe it is my way to recoup all last year of their relationship, but finding out about them. Every second i feel so sorry for not starting my investigation a year ago...All the signs were there, after that crazy cell phone bill,...but to be honest, i had some other business issues that draw a lot of my attention so i kind of was not paying attention. Still, even had I busted her last year after just couple of weeks of cheating...it would not help a lot except less pain for me. She still cheating since 6 years ago, had the "love baby"...etc. Yes, I'm scared from losing my control over the situation, as even though i don't have complete control, i still have much better control over her today. I actually know where she is every second, and I know whom she talks to and on what...The price that I'm paying is very high though... She is planning to go out as the brother left. I didn't sleep with her for 3 weeks now...I know I will not handle another meeting of them. So read my lips now! I'm busting her. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 I thought you were going to bust her immediately after the brother left. Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 Yeah. Maybe it is my way to recoup all last year of their relationship, but finding out about them. Every second i feel so sorry for not starting my investigation a year ago...All the signs were there, after that crazy cell phone bill,...but to be honest, i had some other business issues that draw a lot of my attention so i kind of was not paying attention. Still, even had I busted her last year after just couple of weeks of cheating...it would not help a lot except less pain for me. She still cheating since 6 years ago, had the "love baby"...etc. Yes, I'm scared from losing my control over the situation, as even though i don't have complete control, i still have much better control over her today. I actually know where she is every second, and I know whom she talks to and on what...The price that I'm paying is very high though... She is planning to go out as the brother left. I didn't sleep with her for 3 weeks now...I know I will not handle another meeting of them. So read my lips now! I'm busting her. That being said, between the advice you have gotten here and on Chatcheaters, the only one prolonging this agony is YOURSELF. Any effort to control people or situations usually end up in disaster(as you are finding out). Stalin was great with the control....you, not so much. You will never heal if you fail to take the necessary steps to do so, and for the right reasons. Have you considered that maybe you feel you can't begin to heal until you deliver punishment? Is it more satisfying knowing you "can" drop the bomb at any time without actually going through with it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickster1 Posted October 11, 2011 Author Share Posted October 11, 2011 I thought you were going to bust her immediately after the brother left. Tomorrow my friend, tomorrow...they are going to meet...Bu BOOOOM!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickster1 Posted October 11, 2011 Author Share Posted October 11, 2011 Have you considered that maybe you feel you can't begin to heal until you deliver punishment? Is it more satisfying knowing you "can" drop the bomb at any time without actually going through with it? I guess there is some sense of (potential) satisfaction from knowing i can drop the bomb at any second... I mean I have a big secret that she doesn't know. i.e I know all about her... Link to post Share on other sites
Circular Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 I have a feeling after so much buildup and everything else the end result will be lackluster and uneventful. I feel given the way you write so disassociated you're not giving us the full picture, only the 50% you want us to see... it's all focused on her, what she's doing and done and the 'big event'. Anybody who has studied psychology enough can pick up on it through your entire thread. The whole thread is missing YOU unless you are explicitly called out by someone and then you seem very self deprecating. It's almost as if you're watching yourself in 3rd person through a piece of glass, or like in a movie. It's like focusing on the situation is your way of not focusing on its affect on you, is actually not a good thing. Link to post Share on other sites
2long Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 I'm not sure that OM1 knows about the kid...You would assume that he would want to spend time with the baby...and that's not the case. First, "the kid". Is he your son (by attachment) or just some spawn of some kind? I find this description of him disturbing. 2nd, I wouldn't assume anything. He might be delighted that he gets 2 knock up your wife and you'll raise his child for him. There are plenty of deadbeat dads out there. He might just be another one. Also maybe I'm wrong and he is not the father...But let's assume he is. I know for sure that he does NOT know about OM2...what happens when he finds out about this? I know he is on my list of people to call after I bust her. Your reasoning escapes me here, and your plan doesn't make any sense. But saying that OM takes my place in my house?? child support for 16 years? Over my dead body. Like I said before, that kind of thing happens and more often than you think. If you focus your efforts on punishing people you may be surprised that they aren't helpless 2 retaliate in a similarly vindictive manner. I've been a member on marriage builders and other discussion forums for almost 10 years now, and I can think of about a half dozen si2ations where a cheating wife has had the betrayed husband thrown out of his own house by the police on trumped up domestic violence charges. Like it or not, infidelity isn't illegal. Many people - including some here - will congra2late your wife for following her heart and finding happiness and true love. It is up to you should you decide to post or wait for my action. I still appreciate you and your posts - thanks! Your plan is 2 be vindictive and punish your wife and whoever happens 2 be her OM du jour. And you're planning on doing it when you know they'll be 2gether so you can maximize the shock effect of busting them for doing what you already know more than you need 2 know about 2 make your own life-changing decisions about what YOU want 2 do with your life. Don't screw up your and your kids' fu2re by winding up in jail or a hospital because you, your wife, or her boy-toy for the night can't control their temper. Your plan doesn't make good sense, Nick. What do you want for your fu2re? What about your kids' fu2res? What values do you want them 2 learn from you? Focus on those things and forget about playing High Drama games with your wayward wife. -ol' 2long Link to post Share on other sites
2long Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 Tomorrow my friend, tomorrow...they are going to meet...Bu BOOOOM!! Very bad idea. Link to post Share on other sites
2long Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 I guess there is some sense of (potential) satisfaction from knowing i can drop the bomb at any second... I mean I have a big secret that she doesn't know. i.e I know all about her... No you don't. She knows all about her 2. Forget about dropping bombs. In all probability she'll make fun of you for taking so long 2 figure things out. I've seen that happen many times, 2. -ol' 2long Link to post Share on other sites
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