I'm going to be in therapy forever.

[That_girl]

I'm living with my mom for a bit because I had to save up some money. She lives in a condo on her own and I absolutely can't stand it here. She basically divorced my dad (abusive alcoholic) about 15 years ago and she is now a major slut.

I know this is wrong, but I totally spied on her facebook and I saw that she is sleeping with about 3 or 4 REALLY young guys. I'm 25 and one of them is about 21. They're all younger than me, and one of the messages read "babe, I want sex now!!!" To which she replied "I can't get into the mood with her around". (meaning me)

The thought of your parents having sex would be enough to gross anyone out, but the thought of your mom sleeping around with like 5 different guys that are younger than you....I don't know....wouldn't it creep anyone out?

 

I really don't know what to do, I need someone to talk to. I have to get out of here. It's just not good for my mental health. Luckily I've already got a place lined up for October 1st. But I don't even want to look at her.

 

She's a really nice lady, one who often gets taken advantage of. She's been in abusive relationships her entire life. But this is just really gross. These guys are not even men yet and she is 50 years old. My mom has always had issues with depression and obsessive compulsive disorder. I feel so guilty saying this, but I don't want to even be around her. I kind of resent that she's not been a good role model to me.

 

I'm educated and finally making good money, and I just can't stand my family. I hate them all for all of the damage they've cause.

[Feelin Frisky]

Jeez, I'm sorry you had to discover that. I have no conception. It's best that you live on your own and just let her do her thing in private. She's not old by any means--just your mom. You sound like you'll be OK, just take steps to not have to see this and busy yourself with your own life. Good luck.

[CandyGirlXO]

My moms a drug addict who needs money all the time, switch me!

 

I cant relate but let your mom make her own decisions. Its just sex. And they are adults.

[AmEricanWomann]

To the OP, first of all, as you said, you spied on your mom. You broke into her private messages on Facebook. You were wrong to do this and now you're upset because you don't like what you found? Let this be a lesson to you and don't spy on your mother again.

You claim these men are younger than you, which means you are at least in your mid 20s, so you're nota teenager. You should have known better so maybe your family is bad, but violating your mother's trust is a pretty bad thing to do. Maybe your mother has her faults, but as a daughter, you're no walk in the park.

 

Having sex with multiple guys is probably not the smartest or the safest move, but she is an adult and so are the guys she dates. She has a right to do what she wants and who she wants.

. When you're young, you think you'll be young forever or it will be so so long until your old.

Life goes faster than you think and you will find yourself 50 one day. You may be sure now that you'd never date or sleep with guys that much younger than you, but in a few decades you might not be so sure.

[That_girl]

I didn't mean to spy. It was open on the computer and I just happened to look into it. You don't need to be so bitter...bitch.

[D-Lish]

Nothing wrong with being in therapy on a consistent basis. It's no different than looking after your physical health, which are both important.

 

I enjoy therapy- there's no shame in having a sounding board to help you get through the tough times.

 

Your mother sounds like she could use some therapy herself.

[Lucky_One]

You know what I think? I think that I am closer to 50 than to 40, and that I am sexy and fun and have a lot of life in me. While I am not into having multiple partners at the same time (and my H surely isn't into me doing thawt either!), I know for a fact that I could have had sex with 8 different guys ranging from 20 - 55 in the past year.

 

You surely are a judgemental child, to be an adult who has to move home with Mom to be able to save money. She had the strength to divorce an abusive alcoholic when you were 10 and take you out of a very ugly situation - and you call her a slut, you call her gross, you call her not a good role model, and you say you hate her.

 

Perhaps what you are hating is that you don't have 5 guys who think you are sexy - a bit of competitive jealousy going on?

 

But bottom line - she has taken you into HER home, you "totally spied" on her private mail (you didn't just glance at her FB but actively went in and read her messages from multiple people), and now you want to sit in judgment because you think someone her age being sexually active with younger guys is disgusting.

 

Please. Come back and write in 15 years when you have matured and found compassion and wisdom.

[Eve]

Nah, I am with the OP on this one. I can understand why she is grossed out.

 

1st October is just around the corner, not long left, OP! Sounds like your mum wants to enjoy her freedom. I would probably pretend you didn't see the messages and act normally around her. It's not like she is going to change for you.

 

Take comfort that maybe because she has a history of having poor relationships it looks like she is going for people who she does not feel threatened by at the moment.

 

All you can do is learn from her mistakes. Some parents can't offer more than this.

 

Chin up! Well done for growing up with normal reactions after seeing your mums life choices. My kids would be appalled too! Most would.

 

Try not to worry. Carry on as normal and build a good, successful life for yourself.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[Lucky_One]

Grossed out is one thing.

 

Saying she has been a poor role model and that she hates her is a bit strong for finding out that your mother is a normal adult with sexual urges, especially when her mother was nice enough to take her in to live.

[Eve]

Grossed out is one thing.

 

Saying she has been a poor role model and that she hates her is a bit strong for finding out that your mother is a normal adult with sexual urges, especially when her mother was nice enough to take her in to live.

 

 

Children rarely want to know about the sex lives of their parents, however old they are. Hence, I don't see it as contraversial to consider things entirely from the OP's point of view. Who knows what it must have been like for her growing up? .. (what with an alcoholic male around) Then this?

 

Theres liberty and then theres failing to get ones **** together.

 

A child should not be grateful to return home either. What?

 

.. That's how I see it anyway. Big FAIL right there.

 

Hope the OP has other more stable role models in her life. This should be her Mum in a balaced environment, as would be anyones primary wish methinks.

 

I do hope that one day the OP experiences some semblance of this from her Mum.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[That_girl]

Look Lucky_one or whatever you're called....this forum is for VENTING. That's why people that are in no-contact mode with their exes come here and share letters, thoughts that they will never actually express to them in person.

 

I was upset at the time that I posted, and I don't actually hate my mom. I love her, and I do appreciate her letting me stay with her. But she was acting weird about all of the phone calls and text messages she gets. I was more worried than anything...and when I found what she was doing, that feeling quickly turned to anger. I feel terrible reading what I wrote about her, but it's what I felt at the time.

 

What gives you the right to pass judgment on me? You don't know me or my past, or my mom for that matter. You have no idea how much I have done for myself without any help from my parents- who did not support my education, or my goals. I am staying with my mom temporarily because the apartment I was supposed to move in had pest issues. NOT because I can't take care of myself.

 

And I have had an abusive childhood, it's hard to forgive your parents when you are constantly reminded of their ****-up's.

 

So go away, your opinions/judgments are no longer welcome in my thread.

 

Eve, thank you very much- what you said really touched me. And for everyone else that responded, thank you....I feel better already.

[Lucky_One]

Silly me. I thought you said you moved in with her to save money.

 

One more thought. Just imagine your mother finding your computer open to LS and reading YOUR posts about how much of a slut she is and how she was a terrible role model and how you hate her and she grosses you out.

 

I expect it would crush her. And you would be angry that she invaded your privacy.

 

Eve, sorry. I don't see it as a given that parents should allow their adult, employed children to live with them. I believe that 25 year old (for the most part) should have spread their wings and become reasonably self-sufficient. And I believe that an adult child should feel VERY grateful for having a parent who allows them to move back into the parental home. I grew up, moved out, and had zero expectations that my parents were to provide for my support after that.

[That_girl]

Wow...your life must really suck given you derive so much pleasure from talking **** on these forums. Grow up.

[Dorie]

Nah, I am with the OP on this one. I can understand why she is grossed out.

 

1st October is just around the corner, not long left, OP! Sounds like your mum wants to enjoy her freedom. I would probably pretend you didn't see the messages and act normally around her. It's not like she is going to change for you.

 

Take comfort that maybe because she has a history of having poor relationships it looks like she is going for people who she does not feel threatened by at the moment.

 

All you can do is learn from her mistakes. Some parents can't offer more than this.

 

Chin up! Well done for growing up with normal reactions after seeing your mums life choices. My kids would be appalled too! Most would.

 

Try not to worry. Carry on as normal and build a good, successful life for yourself.

 

Take care,

Eve x

 

Excellent post, Eve. I am surprised at the maturity level of some of the posters in this thread but no need for name-calling, OP.

 

Good luck on a new healthier life ahead.

[Eve]

Silly me. I thought you said you moved in with her to save money.

 

One more thought. Just imagine your mother finding your computer open to LS and reading YOUR posts about how much of a slut she is and how she was a terrible role model and how you hate her and she grosses you out.

 

I expect it would crush her. And you would be angry that she invaded your privacy.

 

Eve, sorry. I don't see it as a given that parents should allow their adult, employed children to live with them. I believe that 25 year old (for the most part) should have spread their wings and become reasonably self-sufficient. And I believe that an adult child should feel VERY grateful for having a parent who allows them to move back into the parental home. I grew up, moved out, and had zero expectations that my parents were to provide for my support after that.

 

I have spoken often of my dislike of children not sorting themselves out and then returing to the roost. I do understand that point in some respects. However, I did feel that the OP's post was not like that, so went with that feeling. She was expressing a deep sense of there being something missing and her mum just not being up to the job. In my mind, if a parent has failed to provide stability they should not go on as though the young person is a burden.

 

This is doubly harmful. The mum is doing this indirectly by not being an appropriate role model... still.

 

Gosh, I only mentioned briefly that I intend on starting to try for a baby come November and my youngest daughter ran upstairs with her hands on her ears. She said for me to 'never say anything like that again! Your my Mum'. That response was to a singular, stable relationship. In that sense I feel for the OP and hope that she can still act on the love that she has for her mum .. but to balance this with an awareness that, yes, her mum was young once but has made bad choices.

 

The idea of the choices being bad choices is a descriptive notion based on the fact that these choices have affected this young lady. She does deserve to be heard.

 

I don't agree that stating ones disappointment is disrespectful when the content is true. It would be worse for this young lady to follow her mums example.

 

.. but of course you can hold your own opinion. I see the OP as a survivor who is very self aware and aware that she wants better than what her mum has been able to provide. That I applaud. There are too many ****ed up people around nowadys who weakly accept alternative lifestyles as the norm without a care about the implications to others. The OP represents the reality of such choices when one has a child.

 

I don't care what people do but the moment a child is left without appropriate care and attention. I am with the child, even when they have become adults.

 

I just feel strongly about this and hope you understand that my posts are not meant to downgrade your opinion. Rather I never want to lose my passion for such matters and I am aware of my own bias within this; my mum was unable to be my role model.

 

It really does hurt.

 

But life goes on and I hope and will pray that this young lady continues in the positive and I would love for her mum to be there for her... one day.

 

Take care,

Eve x

 

P.s I would agree with Dorie that the swearing was a bit over the top from the OP. I can see that she felt really hurt by not being understood but ... you know .. it was all a bit much.