Cowboy1015 Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 (edited) She broke up with me last week, Wednesday. I wanted to do NC but I can't help it. So there's still some limited contact. I called her once, and texted her 2x since our break up. She replies. I guess I am in so much denial thinking that I can change her mind to work things out. I just cannot concentrate on what I need to do. I quit my job 2 months ago and basically working on my own business but I'm not really making any good money. And working from home is killing me. So I need a real job. I had an interview for a new job but I blew it because that was the week before our break up when she was cold to me. I have another interview coming but I still cannot concentrate. I need to review. I've been running in the gym. I've been spending a lot of time outside. I've been venting to a friend. I went out clubbing with friends. And I'm still thinking about her, specially when I'm alone at home, before sleeping. And I'm just feeling awfully sad that I couldn't cry anymore. I guess my tears run dry. Edited September 20, 2011 by Cowboy1015 Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 You broke up last week and you're expecting to feel better already? Seriously? Take a look through these forums - look at the amount of people going through the exact same as you weeks even months after a break up. Some still suffer after a year or two. I'm over 6 months and still have moments of total sadness. It comes and goes, and will continue until the day I'm healed. You can't force these feelings out but you can distract them by staying focused and busy. It's the quiet times that hurt the most, so try to avoid them best you can. You'll get triggers that will bring memories back too when you least expect them. Also, despite the knowledge that NC is for healing, you will be tempted to break it and may even do so, but that's like falling off a bike; you just get back on again. Welcome to the club is all else I can say right now... take some comfort in the fact you're not suffering alone. Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 (edited) i am sorry youre suffering so much. it hurts to lose a love and best friend and past and future happy thoughts, hopes and dreams. but in time it does get better. and i get a feeling your young. that doesnt make the pain ANY less...but to me it makes the POSSIBILITIES for new love out there greater. there was a guy who used to come on here ...and he cried over his g/f and started a personal log about going N/C and how he was getting along and healing. he thought about her everyday....tried to contact her broke N/C. did it all. went through it all. then one day he went out with some friends and met someone else. it didnt take long before they were married. he wrote me a personal note...told me he was happy and even sad that he broke the heart of the ex that broke up with him. she actually tried to get in touch with him again....(but not for anything serious) and then she learned he got married and he said she was heartbroken. but hes married now and obviously fell in love again. thats a true story here on LS. also people have married each other on here. i think there are better chances in the 20's thru 40. but excellent in the 20's and 30's to find love again. but trust me you can even find love again in the 40...and up. heres what to do in the meantime. the things she did to make you happy....do them for yourself , so you can tell yourself...you dont need her to make you happy about this or that. if there is something you have to apologize for , do it. pray too. get busy as you can. rest when you need to, also. and time, time time..is key. you need time to pass some. self talk... that you are good and can make it and will. this all is a journey. dont expect fast results. good luck and God bless. Edited September 20, 2011 by IfiKnewThen Link to post Share on other sites
gbadboy Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 My heart goes out to you man. I know what its like not be able to concentrate. I've been working from home these past few weeks and I absolutely cannot concentrate and focus on anything. All I do is obbesss over my ex. Its been 2 months since we actually offically ended but ive had my last contact with him just last week - so its still fresh. Its even tough when you live alone , at nights because its like you feel so alone. Try sleeping with the TV on - that helps...... I think what will give you comfort is know that you didnt do anything wrong and thus cant have regret. She's the one that ended it. In my case, im the one that made the crucial mistakes and caused my ex pain. Now I have to LIVE with that regret and know that im the one that destroyed us. At least you dont have to live with such regret. its a horrible feeling to know you caused someone so much pain. At least you dont have to live knowing that. So be thankful to a degree... Try to see if you can live somewhere else for a bit, stay by a friend or by family........that might help. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cowboy1015 Posted September 20, 2011 Author Share Posted September 20, 2011 Thank you guys for replying. I'm not actually young, I'm 33 and she is 23 single mom. I thought she would be the one because we were so happy together. It's just a lot painful because I loved her son too. All I've done is be good to her and her son. I cared so much for both of them. She said I'm really a good guy but all she said when she broke up with me is I'm not sincere. How could be a good guy and not sincere? I think she just fell out of love and doesn't want to hurt me. And so she put the blame on me. And I still can't concentrate... Link to post Share on other sites
immitable Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 I know, I have been through the same some time ago. It will get better in time, just remeber that. Take care Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cowboy1015 Posted September 20, 2011 Author Share Posted September 20, 2011 I've got so many potential job interviews... God please help me to forget her... Link to post Share on other sites
gbadboy Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 Intresting. Im 32 and my ex is 23. Have you ever thought that age/stage in life could play a factor in all of this? I certainely have thought that - I mean 9 years difference is a lot. At 23, were you able to settle down? The fact that she has a child though should be more of a reason to stick with a good guy who is good to her son. Link to post Share on other sites
coltsfan1 Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 Thank you guys for replying. I'm not actually young, I'm 33 and she is 23 single mom. I thought she would be the one because we were so happy together. It's just a lot painful because I loved her son too. All I've done is be good to her and her son. I cared so much for both of them. She said I'm really a good guy but all she said when she broke up with me is I'm not sincere. How could be a good guy and not sincere? I think she just fell out of love and doesn't want to hurt me. And so she put the blame on me. And I still can't concentrate... You and I and our ex's are about the same age. I think that we found our ex's at such a young age that they hadn't been around long enough for them to see how a man behaves. They probably aren't even who they will be as an adult. Just my thoughts and it doesn't make it any easier. I miss my ex deeply and it has been a year and she made mistakes that I can not forgive her for. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cowboy1015 Posted September 20, 2011 Author Share Posted September 20, 2011 (edited) You and I and our ex's are about the same age. I think that we found our ex's at such a young age that they hadn't been around long enough for them to see how a man behaves. They probably aren't even who they will be as an adult. Just my thoughts and it doesn't make it any easier. I miss my ex deeply and it has been a year and she made mistakes that I can not forgive her for. She didn't finish her college because of her getting pregnant. But she is working and takes care of her kid. I have so much to offer to her and her kid... I just couldn't understand how she could change all of sudden. It was just like yesterday when she introduced me to her whole family. I thought everything was going well... Edited September 20, 2011 by Cowboy1015 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cowboy1015 Posted September 20, 2011 Author Share Posted September 20, 2011 Intresting. Im 32 and my ex is 23. Have you ever thought that age/stage in life could play a factor in all of this? I certainely have thought that - I mean 9 years difference is a lot. At 23, were you able to settle down? The fact that she has a child though should be more of a reason to stick with a good guy who is good to her son. If my ex was thinking of reasons to break up with me, age could be a factor. Maybe she's thinking that she's still young. At 23, I definitely could not settle down. But some people can and do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cowboy1015 Posted September 20, 2011 Author Share Posted September 20, 2011 Well, we just had a couple of casual text message exchanges right now. I'm still in denial and still trying to figure out what's going on her mind. I couldn't accept that she would stop caring for me just like that. Link to post Share on other sites
coltsfan1 Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 She is 23!!! You remember when we where 23 (in the late 90's) we did things at the drop of a hat for the excitement. Then we matured and realized all that we just causing life to never run smooth. I miss my ex daily, my friend, her son, the whole relationship, but I have over time put it into a box. I try to not go around people that speak with her, I try to not be at places she will be at, we are mortal enemies now. Some will tell you to forgive and so you should you and you need to but that occurs over time. You are going to have to accept the same cold and horrible truth I did, either we never knew these GIRLS or they have changed so much that we won't ever know them again. Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 a suggestion. put in a search in love shack searches for GIGS. it means Grass Is Greener on the other Side Syndrome. then please read up on it. it is a real phenomenon. I think your girl has that. also when i was younger i dated a older man for a few years. I even moved in with him. But i felt he was domineering and after a while i felt i didn't have anything in common with him. but honestly if he were nicer i might have stayed with him. you can think your nice bu other people may not find you to be nice. or you can be nice and they can take advantage and be too immature to appreciate it. there are so many factor. i also dated someone i truly loved who was 18 years my junior (i am a wee bit older). anyway, lost love is painful. all you can do is try to become the best person you can be. still be nice to her and if you really love her pray hard. (seriously) and ask God to help make the pain and longing for what is no more go away. and help that happen for yourself also, by throwing yourself into other things. and by the way...i know it a drag to hear this.....i and i feel your pain (trust me). ..but you are still young : ) and can fall in love even harder with someone someday. youre time isnt up just yet . hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cowboy1015 Posted September 21, 2011 Author Share Posted September 21, 2011 Today will be the last day I will be sad. She said she would see me. If she doesn't, I'm moving on with my life. Wish me luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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