Dan77 Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 This one is for those of you who are married with kids who aren't grown yet. If your spouse were to cheat...would you stay or go? Link to post Share on other sites
Keridan Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 i would be gone as soon as I filed for full custody. Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 This one is for those of you who are married with kids who aren't grown yet. If your spouse were to cheat...would you stay or go? i left. kids aren't a reason to stay miserable. what good would a miserable father be to them? Link to post Share on other sites
Afishwithabike Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 It's one of those questions that you really don't know the answer to until faced with the situation. Not having faced that situation (and I hope I never do!), I would have to say that I would go. I don't want to be anyone's second choice. You're either committed to me or you're not. If my spouse is unhappy with me, I would hope he would talk to me so that we could resolve the problems between us and if we couldn't, we could try marital counseling and if even that didn't work, we could have an amicable divorce and part on good terms. However, if he cheated, all hell would break loose. I would go nuclear on his butt and make him hurt. I make enough money on my own to support myself and a child, but I would still ask for child support though since he is the father after all. I have a great family and amazing friends. I have enough assets on my own and to be inherited from relatives that I would be ok financially. Emotionally, I'm sure I would be hurting very badly, but with time, counseling and support I think I would heal and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet Storm Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 (edited) Is it an isolated incident? How is your relationship, minus the cheating? Do you still have fun together, sleep together? I personally feel that kids do better in a two parent household (if there's no abuse or addiction), so I would try to work it out. IMO, my romantic life is not as important as their happiness. In my profession, I have seen many kids affected negatively by divorce. Even in the worse circumstances, most wish their parents were together. I know that's not a popular opinion, but I truly feel that way. I think it depends on your circumstances, how bad your home life is and the other person's desire to reconcile. Edited September 20, 2011 by Quiet Storm Link to post Share on other sites
One Night Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 Well my friend, this is my situation at this vary moment. Everyones situation is different, but, if I could leave I would, for me it's not that simple. I live my life for my son and the thought of hurting him or me being away from him is far worse than having my wife cheating on me. There is one big difference in my situation than most, I have known about my wire's infidelity for some time now, almost a year now, only she has no idea that I know. I know at some point she is going to spring this on me or I will come home from work and she will have cleaned me out and left taking our son. I think she is waiting for me to retire so she can get half if not most of my retirement. After the initial shock, I started gathering evidence and information to protect myself both finically and to protect me life, as in my home and a means to provide for my son and some type of permanent custody of my son. I have been keeping a daily journal of everything that she does from the one and a half bottles of wine she drinks everyday, to the phone call and texts that she sends out at 2 and 3 in the morning that she thinks I know nothing about. I know that she is hoarding money and that she has a bank account she thinks I know nothing about. I know that he is married and has three children and has a drug problem and I suspect her of using drugs as well, as of yet she hasn't drove with my son in the car while drinking and I will not allow that to happen. I learned that the easiest way to get info is to play dumb, the more that she thinks that I am oblivious, the more complacent she gets and more mistakes she makes. I will never forgive her, she has hurt me more than I can explain and I am beyond pissed off that she would do this to our son and our family. I have always worked hard to provide for our family, be a loving and supportive husband and father, taken good care of myself as in not let myself go. If she had issues in our marriage she knows I would go get counseling or adjusted to fit her needs. I have never ever cheated on her and I have never laid a hand on her I have never set limitations on what she could do or who her friends are. I guess my point here is, think of your child or children, think how your leaving is going to effect them and if you do decide to leave make it vary well known to them that you are not leaving them or because of them. Please, I hope you are understanding my motivation here, I am not saying stick it out because of the children, I am saying your children need to be your focus and your motivation to make a split as friendly as smooth as possible. Let me make one thing perfectly clear, if I didn't have a child involved here I would have been gone the second I confirmed the affair no matter how much time I have involved or how much I love her, and I do love her vary much, but there is just some lines that should never be crossed for me. I will never use the information I have collected unless she forces me to, as in tries to have full custody or tries to keep me from seeing my son, she can have the money, she can have the house, she can keep her loser boyfriend, but I will fight to keep her from destroying our son just to hurt me, I will do whatever it takes to protect our son from being hurt and mentally screwed up, if that means riding it out for another 10 years, than thats what I will do. If I have to start from scratch, I will, but I will do it with my son, nothing else matters. Link to post Share on other sites
Afishwithabike Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 Well my friend, this is my situation at this vary moment. Everyones situation is different, but, if I could leave I would, for me it's not that simple. I live my life for my son and the thought of hurting him or me being away from him is far worse than having my wife cheating on me. There is one big difference in my situation than most, I have known about my wire's infidelity for some time now, almost a year now, only she has no idea that I know. I know at some point she is going to spring this on me or I will come home from work and she will have cleaned me out and left taking our son. I think she is waiting for me to retire so she can get half if not most of my retirement. After the initial shock, I started gathering evidence and information to protect myself both finically and to protect me life, as in my home and a means to provide for my son and some type of permanent custody of my son. I have been keeping a daily journal of everything that she does from the one and a half bottles of wine she drinks everyday, to the phone call and texts that she sends out at 2 and 3 in the morning that she thinks I know nothing about. I know that she is hoarding money and that she has a bank account she thinks I know nothing about. I know that he is married and has three children and has a drug problem and I suspect her of using drugs as well, as of yet she hasn't drove with my son in the car while drinking and I will not allow that to happen. I learned that the easiest way to get info is to play dumb, the more that she thinks that I am oblivious, the more complacent she gets and more mistakes she makes. I will never forgive her, she has hurt me more than I can explain and I am beyond pissed off that she would do this to our son and our family. I have always worked hard to provide for our family, be a loving and supportive husband and father, taken good care of myself as in not let myself go. If she had issues in our marriage she knows I would go get counseling or adjusted to fit her needs. I have never ever cheated on her and I have never laid a hand on her I have never set limitations on what she could do or who her friends are. I guess my point here is, think of your child or children, think how your leaving is going to effect them and if you do decide to leave make it vary well known to them that you are not leaving them or because of them. Please, I hope you are understanding my motivation here, I am not saying stick it out because of the children, I am saying your children need to be your focus and your motivation to make a split as friendly as smooth as possible. Let me make one thing perfectly clear, if I didn't have a child involved here I would have been gone the second I confirmed the affair no matter how much time I have involved or how much I love her, and I do love her vary much, but there is just some lines that should never be crossed for me. I will never use the information I have collected unless she forces me to, as in tries to have full custody or tries to keep me from seeing my son, she can have the money, she can have the house, she can keep her loser boyfriend, but I will fight to keep her from destroying our son just to hurt me, I will do whatever it takes to protect our son from being hurt and mentally screwed up, if that means riding it out for another 10 years, than thats what I will do. If I have to start from scratch, I will, but I will do it with my son, nothing else matters. This is so sad. I understand you love your child and you are staying in a loveless marriage with an unfaithful woman for the sake of your child. However, children are quite bright and perceptive. On some level, your son will be aware that you aren't happy in the marriage. You can't keep up a great act all the time. Your true feelings will breakthrough at some point, maybe when you're angry or sad. It's your life and your priorities, but just going along like this will eat you from the inside out. You deserve to find a good, faithful woman who will love and appreciate you as you are. Link to post Share on other sites
phillyfan Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 Well my friend, this is my situation at this vary moment. Everyones situation is different, but, if I could leave I would, for me it's not that simple. I live my life for my son and the thought of hurting him or me being away from him is far worse than having my wife cheating on me. There is one big difference in my situation than most, I have known about my wire's infidelity for some time now, almost a year now, only she has no idea that I know. I know at some point she is going to spring this on me or I will come home from work and she will have cleaned me out and left taking our son. I think she is waiting for me to retire so she can get half if not most of my retirement. After the initial shock, I started gathering evidence and information to protect myself both finically and to protect me life, as in my home and a means to provide for my son and some type of permanent custody of my son. I have been keeping a daily journal of everything that she does from the one and a half bottles of wine she drinks everyday, to the phone call and texts that she sends out at 2 and 3 in the morning that she thinks I know nothing about. I know that she is hoarding money and that she has a bank account she thinks I know nothing about. I know that he is married and has three children and has a drug problem and I suspect her of using drugs as well, as of yet she hasn't drove with my son in the car while drinking and I will not allow that to happen. I learned that the easiest way to get info is to play dumb, the more that she thinks that I am oblivious, the more complacent she gets and more mistakes she makes. I will never forgive her, she has hurt me more than I can explain and I am beyond pissed off that she would do this to our son and our family. I have always worked hard to provide for our family, be a loving and supportive husband and father, taken good care of myself as in not let myself go. If she had issues in our marriage she knows I would go get counseling or adjusted to fit her needs. I have never ever cheated on her and I have never laid a hand on her I have never set limitations on what she could do or who her friends are. I guess my point here is, think of your child or children, think how your leaving is going to effect them and if you do decide to leave make it vary well known to them that you are not leaving them or because of them. Please, I hope you are understanding my motivation here, I am not saying stick it out because of the children, I am saying your children need to be your focus and your motivation to make a split as friendly as smooth as possible. Let me make one thing perfectly clear, if I didn't have a child involved here I would have been gone the second I confirmed the affair no matter how much time I have involved or how much I love her, and I do love her vary much, but there is just some lines that should never be crossed for me. I will never use the information I have collected unless she forces me to, as in tries to have full custody or tries to keep me from seeing my son, she can have the money, she can have the house, she can keep her loser boyfriend, but I will fight to keep her from destroying our son just to hurt me, I will do whatever it takes to protect our son from being hurt and mentally screwed up, if that means riding it out for another 10 years, than thats what I will do. If I have to start from scratch, I will, but I will do it with my son, nothing else matters. Dude if hav proof shes drinkin hard and exposin ur son 2 a drug addict then u shud go 4 full custody!! Link to post Share on other sites
GoodOnPaper Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 This one is for those of you who are married with kids who aren't grown yet. If your spouse were to cheat...would you stay or go? Go -- no question. Link to post Share on other sites
One Night Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Dude if hav proof shes drinkin hard and exposin ur son 2 a drug addict then u shud go 4 full custody!! California, it doesn't matter what she does, the women always gets custody. I basically have to plead for my sons life and prove his life is in danger, and even then the chances of me getting custody are extremely thin. I have been making arrangements for me to make quick exit and have enough money to support both my son and me for a few years. If I have to I will stay to ensure my son is safe and I will act like nothing is wrong, as of now she thinks I know nothing and am happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 I would leave. Take care, Eve x Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 Ended up staying. I gave her one chance for remorse and change. 3 years later she still beats herself up for what she did. Change has been for the better. Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 This one is for those of you who are married with kids who aren't grown yet. If your spouse were to cheat...would you stay or go? both kids were under 7. i left Link to post Share on other sites
jennicathomas Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 I think it depends on the situation if he decided to continue his relationship with his mistress I would definitely file for a divorce but if he chose to start all over again for the sake of the children I would consider giving him a second and final chance to make things right. Link to post Share on other sites
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