Unless u really want to, u will not end ur affair

[round1]

I believe a nothing stops an affair until U want it to stop.*

 

Hi. Not posted for a while and be debating if to or not. However my current situation may trigger something in someone to help them walk away and stay away.

 

First of all no matter what people have told me in the past I carried on with my affair, because I loved him and I was in this with my heart.*

 

Which I now see as my mistake, but when u lay ur heart out to someone, you believe they will treat it as you are theirs.*

 

So I wanted to say all those if u going NC or are unhappy , that is a big enough sign that u need to exit this relationship. Love does not hurt, it should bloom.

 

So here goes my trigger to end things:

I Needed him & he was not there. Nothing unusual. BUT I really needed him. Then after just coming home 3 weeks ago from holiday, he drops into a conversation to me they had a argument as they were due to go away for a week on holiday again in 2 weeks time( excuse date confusion I am writing this after events)*

So he lay in my arms, moaning, I am not going, would rather lose the money, my business needs me, best I can do is weekend. Anyhow after he left I thought woa! I need u, u can't spare me 1 hour. U have an unhappy marriage, yet booked holiday 2, n failed to tell me it wad booked, but told me because u had fallen out with her, and what's more while telling me..u never once thought it might upset me!!*

 

Anyway, that was my line in my brain that said get out. So I ended it. He text me, he emailed me. I called him and said listen to me, do not ever contact me again. And he agreed in silence and I put phone down.*

 

 

So that's was it for me over. I wad sad, but god it was feeing good to wake up n start living for me.*

 

Enter 4 days later.*

I am now pregnant. Yes. I am and I am on the pill. I have also been very I'll, so I figure this is linked.*

 

Anyway, I call him to tell him. Ok he said I will stand by u need me. So we have a difficult conversation. He said call u in the morning.*

 

He didn't.*

I rang him later in the day to confirm GP appointment. His phone rang different tone.. Yup.. He was in holiday.*

 

Ok, figure out the next 24 hours..I'm sure u will all have a view.*

I went mad, I mean out if character, so emotional( erm, hormones?!) but also the lie, the fact he never told me.*

 

So it was bitter, I asked questions about all sorts, he couldn't answer, in the end, I was raving, if u don't tell her I will. Blah blah.*

 

Now this man, has for a year n half, emotionally dumped on me. Recently depressed. And always crying. Making me more emotional than sexual. And yes I let him. Mostly I worried sick for him. His busy life, loss of parent, business stress. U name it, he dealt it.*

And me, I let him.*

Why? How do I know. I am not unstable, maybe I am. But in general I am a professional person and no reason to lack self esteem etc. Do why? Was I that in love. Still don't know.*

 

Any way. He was on holiday when we had this text war. I wanted him to feel my pain, impulsive, on my behalf, anger.*

So this went on for 2 days. Yup!*

He then text me and said it's ok for u if I tell her, u get over me. Me, her n my kids never will.*

 

He has always maintained he will never leave because if the kids. Last 5 months, he has said he loved me, and often I feel no u love the way I make u feel.*

 

So I text back amd felt a tad calmer and said, this is a bigger picture it affects all our lives.*

 

Next text: which I hope is a warning to u all because until u feel what i feel, u wi never know the heartache. So do not put yourself in this situation:*

 

I have told her. She knows everything.*

I am still coming home on Monday. She is still staying for the week with the kids.*

No doubt she will want to contact u at some point.

 

So asked him to call me.*

 

No , u can imagine what's unfolding and she is devastated. Also she is taking my phone so I will not have it until I depart.*

 

So I said ok.*

He replied, tell who u need to, don't worry u don't need to prepare for war. U need to let me deal with this now. I am going speak when I am home.*

 

So since then..3 days ago. I have naturally gone through the whole worry, guilt, anger, tears, not eating etc.

 

All too late. Was I thinking about his wife pre the affair? No.*

How every shame on me.*

Wad I thinking when I argued with him if u dint tell her, I will. The fact he might well tell her? No. And the result if a family that could now sut because if me? Regardless of the in and out of his stories n me believing they were dead, the facts r, I played a part.*

Shame on me.*

 

Since then. He is home and at work. He has not called me. He does not have his mobil, it's still abroad, and so us she.*

 

So me, i sit here, scared that my life, my reputation is in bits. The gossip I will face the major fact that I caused a family to potentially split. Hurt innocent people.*

I have no idea, if he told me the truth? No idea what's been said.*

I wonder when will she confront me & I look her in the eyes with a lame excuse, I am sorry I loved him.*

 

Ladies , fella's ...affairs...really just stop it. If it's real love, leave ur partner, spend time alone, if u still want that person..then u can start dating.*

 

Think; do u want to hurt people forever? No..I'm sure u dont.*

And if this triggers any tiny amount of fear in you..print it out, read it daily..get out of the affair..it's not making you happy & it will hurt you and what's worse, is you hurt others.

 

Believe me, this is not a nice place to be

[round1]

round1, I hope you can heal quickly and put this behind you. I'm sorry you are in pain.

 

I'm a little foggy about the pregnancy, what is the status on that now?

 

 

I hope I can heal, though I truly feel I will not heal until I feel 100% sure he has told her.

I know I should not doubt him, but I do because his lies became sadly apparent.

 

He just called me to say she will contact me at some point.

And have I made my mind up what to do about pregnancy.

He said let him know and that he has told her everything , including being in love with me. Amd then said goodbye.

 

The pregnancy, is till there as that part of yhe story was past 4 days.

[jthorne]

You have no proof her really told her.

 

If you want to stop worrying about whether she is going to call you or not, get it over with and call her yourself. Call her on his phone, if you REALLY think she REALLY has it.

 

Be proactive, not reactive.

[MissBee]

I hope I can heal, though I truly feel I will not heal until I feel 100% sure he has told her.

I know I should not doubt him, but I do because his lies became sadly apparent.

 

He just called me to say she will contact me at some point.

And have I made my mind up what to do about pregnancy.

He said let him know and that he has told her everything , including being in love with me. Amd then said goodbye.

 

The pregnancy, is till there as that part of yhe story was past 4 days.

 

What have you decided to do about your pregnancy?

 

I'm sorry for all your pain and drama and hopefully as LadyGrey said, you'll heal soon.

[round1]

Yep...call her on his phone...then u will know the truth...

 

I bet my next paycheck if she knew AND she really has his phone...she'd be calling YOU!!!...even if he deleted the history...she can easily fond your # on the bill...

 

I'm sorry you're going thru this but MM lie their a$$es off...

 

LinD

 

Yea. Sadly I am still, though after just hearing from him, I am doubting.*

He asked me firstly, who knew. On the Villiage. That she does not want anyone knowing. He then asked my decision over baby. He then said she will contact me, he does not know when. And he told her every little thing. And I mean right down to when n where we had sex, the pregnancy. And he told her he wad in love with me.*

He then said, just to let u know..me n her r taking our son to skol on Monday, it's an important day, and we will be together.*

Then said let me know re baby and finally, I am saying goobye n put phone down.*

 

 

He has also left her on holiday, a day after tellin her all this, she comes back Friday. He is back at work.*

Oh and I think he has his phone, because he mentioned it.*

Now that could sum up how he said their were, purley business n kids, but wow..I would be on the flight come or make him stay. That's me. We r all different.*

 

It all adds to my confusion. Should I care,? Maybe not, but hard to let go, forgive urself when it's so early, uncertain. And I am extremely sad for my actions.*

 

It's a deeply destressing time.*

I can't ring her, I don't know her number. *She has not kicked him out. He said, not yet anyway.*

 

Gosh, u do reap what u sew.

[jwi71]

I believe a nothing stops an affair until U want it to stop.*

 

Hi. Not posted for a while and be debating if to or not. However my current situation may trigger something in someone to help them walk away and stay away.

 

First of all no matter what people have told me in the past I carried on with my affair, because I loved him and I was in this with my heart.*

 

Which I now see as my mistake, but when u lay ur heart out to someone, you believe they will treat it as you are theirs.*

 

So I wanted to say all those if u going NC or are unhappy , that is a big enough sign that u need to exit this relationship. Love does not hurt, it should bloom.

 

So here goes my trigger to end things:

I Needed him & he was not there. Nothing unusual. BUT I really needed him. Then after just coming home 3 weeks ago from holiday, he drops into a conversation to me they had a argument as they were due to go away for a week on holiday again in 2 weeks time( excuse date confusion I am writing this after events)*

So he lay in my arms, moaning, I am not going, would rather lose the money, my business needs me, best I can do is weekend. Anyhow after he left I thought woa! I need u, u can't spare me 1 hour. U have an unhappy marriage, yet booked holiday 2, n failed to tell me it wad booked, but told me because u had fallen out with her, and what's more while telling me..u never once thought it might upset me!!*

 

Anyway, that was my line in my brain that said get out. So I ended it. He text me, he emailed me. I called him and said listen to me, do not ever contact me again. And he agreed in silence and I put phone down.*

 

 

So that's was it for me over. I wad sad, but god it was feeing good to wake up n start living for me.*

 

Enter 4 days later.*

I am now pregnant. Yes. I am and I am on the pill. I have also been very I'll, so I figure this is linked.*

 

Anyway, I call him to tell him. Ok he said I will stand by u need me. So we have a difficult conversation. He said call u in the morning.*

 

He didn't.*

I rang him later in the day to confirm GP appointment. His phone rang different tone.. Yup.. He was in holiday.*

 

Ok, figure out the next 24 hours..I'm sure u will all have a view.*

I went mad, I mean out if character, so emotional( erm, hormones?!) but also the lie, the fact he never told me.*

 

So it was bitter, I asked questions about all sorts, he couldn't answer, in the end, I was raving, if u don't tell her I will. Blah blah.*

 

Now this man, has for a year n half, emotionally dumped on me. Recently depressed. And always crying. Making me more emotional than sexual. And yes I let him. Mostly I worried sick for him. His busy life, loss of parent, business stress. U name it, he dealt it.*

And me, I let him.*

Why? How do I know. I am not unstable, maybe I am. But in general I am a professional person and no reason to lack self esteem etc. Do why? Was I that in love. Still don't know.*

 

Any way. He was on holiday when we had this text war. I wanted him to feel my pain, impulsive, on my behalf, anger.*

So this went on for 2 days. Yup!*

He then text me and said it's ok for u if I tell her, u get over me. Me, her n my kids never will.*

 

He has always maintained he will never leave because if the kids. Last 5 months, he has said he loved me, and often I feel no u love the way I make u feel.*

 

So I text back amd felt a tad calmer and said, this is a bigger picture it affects all our lives.*

 

Next text: which I hope is a warning to u all because until u feel what i feel, u wi never know the heartache. So do not put yourself in this situation:*

 

I have told her. She knows everything.*

I am still coming home on Monday. She is still staying for the week with the kids.*

No doubt she will want to contact u at some point.

 

So asked him to call me.*

 

No , u can imagine what's unfolding and she is devastated. Also she is taking my phone so I will not have it until I depart.*

 

So I said ok.*

He replied, tell who u need to, don't worry u don't need to prepare for war. U need to let me deal with this now. I am going speak when I am home.*

 

So since then..3 days ago. I have naturally gone through the whole worry, guilt, anger, tears, not eating etc.

 

All too late. Was I thinking about his wife pre the affair? No.*

How every shame on me.*

Wad I thinking when I argued with him if u dint tell her, I will. The fact he might well tell her? No. And the result if a family that could now sut because if me? Regardless of the in and out of his stories n me believing they were dead, the facts r, I played a part.*

Shame on me.*

 

Since then. He is home and at work. He has not called me. He does not have his mobil, it's still abroad, and so us she.*

 

So me, i sit here, scared that my life, my reputation is in bits. The gossip I will face the major fact that I caused a family to potentially split. Hurt innocent people.*

I have no idea, if he told me the truth? No idea what's been said.*

I wonder when will she confront me & I look her in the eyes with a lame excuse, I am sorry I loved him.*

 

Ladies , fella's ...affairs...really just stop it. If it's real love, leave ur partner, spend time alone, if u still want that person..then u can start dating.*

 

Think; do u want to hurt people forever? No..I'm sure u dont.*

And if this triggers any tiny amount of fear in you..print it out, read it daily..get out of the affair..it's not making you happy & it will hurt you and what's worse, is you hurt others.

 

Believe me, this is not a nice place to be

 

So if the MM can't leave because of his kids...what does he plan on doing for this child (presuming its his)? Because, given what he has said, he must also leave to care for this one. Methinks you are about to be a single mother and your child will have a father who denies it. Should you decide to keep the child my advice would be to establish paternity and hire a lawyer.

 

It is time, more than ever, to wrap yourself with friends and family.

It is also time to seriously begin thinking if YOU want this child or not and make plans accordingly.

 

I wouldn't count on MM for anything (hence the lawyers and getting the courts involved).

[round1]

So if the MM can't leave because of his kids...what does he plan on doing for this child (presuming its his)?

 

100% his.

He has not spoken to me once about his plans to help. Other than to be there if I get rid of it!

I told him last night I made no plans.

 

Late last night he text me to ask me who I had told in the Villiage.

That was his only concern after our phone call.

I ignored him.

He then sent a messaging asking me to reply and let him know names. Will they gossip.

 

I was in shock. I did reply, oops. :/

I said I have more concerns about why I chose to hurt ur wife, and her current hurt. My own life and theife inside me.

 

He then sent a message saying. Well I would rather know, I am going to tell my wife u have told ur friends and she will ask u yhe same question, who did u tell.

I cam not talk to u

Don't text me again!

 

I am really hurt by that. I just am.

 

To make more sense of this, he is. Business man with a reputation in a small Villiage/town. They r rich amd have a reputation that goes with that.

Apparently their relationship is business n for the kids.

Maybe this sums up him and them.

 

I am finding it hard to cope with this.

Its sad, everyone is hurt.

[round1]

Round, I have my doubts he has or will tell the wife, don't you?

 

Can you consult a lawyer and get some information on what your child would be entitled to monetary wise? I don't see this guy as offering anything to you of his free will, I think he would like you to just go away and pretend it didn't happen.

 

I'm sorry you are hurting.

 

 

Lady grey: I just received another text, it said that he spoke to his wife and that she wants to know who of my friends I have spoke too.

And that whilst she is deeply saddened and angry and broken by him she holds me responsible also.

And that If I do not tell him, she will come around my house at the weekend and discuss all this.

 

Ok, I am sick with hurt, angry, worry, shame etc.

However is it me, but would she not be also more concerned that I am having a baby! And also , I was assuming she would come and see me at yhe weekend when she is back from her holiday anyway

I can well handle myself, but I am emotionally dead at the moment and not to happy regarding threat.

 

Ok I deserve a lot of this, but wow.

I don't know at this stage what to do about anything.

However if he contacts me again I will threat with police action for harassing.

And again does she know:-/ Why doesn't she relay the message herself.

[wannabdone]

I am sorry you are hurting. That is a painful place to be in, and I hope you will do what is right for you.

 

I'm kind of having my doubts as to if he told his wife or not, or if he isn't trying to act like he told her so you won't tell her. He's got a lot on the line right now, remember when people are put in corners, they will do whatever it takes to keep their life okay. Something tells me he didn't tell her. And shame on him for causing unnecessary emotions for you while carrying his child. If he loves you, he should be protecting you. Even if what he says is true. He shouldn't just be calling you and scaring the crap out of you with "shes gonna call you". He should be handling it himself. But like I said, I just don't think he has said anything to her. I just think since you said you would tell her, he's CYA'ing.

[Emme]

All I want to tell you right now is to focus on you. Forget the situation and the people involved. Your new priority is that child you are carrying. Please take care of yourself. Please put you and your child first. Do not allow this situation to put you in an unhealthy place. Please eat healthy and take your vitamins. Do it for your child. He is no longer your concern. His wife and his children are no longer your concern. Actually they never were. Put your priorities in order. I wish you well.

[round1]

Just to update this thread.

She called me today.

 

Utterly distraught.

Turns out they didn't have marriage problems when I met him. Only recently.

She told me she loved him. Was in shock.

Told me what a shameful person I am, she knows me, not in person, but it's a small town, so she at times we have bumped into each other.

That I have destroyed her family , and that he didn't love me, was never going to leave her, so why did I bother. It wasn't a relationship , he never took me out etc.

 

Wow: I know all this and to hear it, it is deeply cutting. I have ruined her life for what? I knew he wouldn't leave , he did tell me for the kids, if they were not there he would be with me. He lied to me about so much, it's all apparent now. Really, I truly thought he loved me and at times was almost desperate to be with me. I have been a true fool.

 

I was the one who broke it off, he didn't want to. God I feel like a low life bit of ****e, I am. She is the innocent person. Her life in bits.

I can not justify ever to her, myself anyone, why I felt this was ok. Other than I loved him, saw him as my friend and cared with my heart.

 

I regret and need to take this.

She said she wants to see me or call me again.

I feel I owe her that, but I also just don't know, I don't want to say anything that will be destroy her more.

A family is at risk here, all to late for my concerns, but its a big deal, they have children and if they can save it, thats important over all if this blame n hate.

 

I am terribly low. I wonder if anyone had been in this position before?

He depended on me emotionally, hugely. Everything, every decision I had to know about it. Draining and hard work, all he every did when I look back was put on me. And I thought poor him.

 

It's a bleak night.

[stillafool]

Wow. I can't believe this.

[round1]

Wow. I can't believe this.

 

I can, because it's real.

[Emme]

Just to update this thread.

She called me today.

 

Utterly distraught.

Turns out they didn't have marriage problems when I met him. Only recently.

She told me she loved him. Was in shock.

Told me what a shameful person I am, she knows me, not in person, but it's a small town, so she at times we have bumped into each other.

That I have destroyed her family , and that he didn't love me, was never going to leave her, so why did I bother. It wasn't a relationship , he never took me out etc.

 

Wow: I know all this and to hear it, it is deeply cutting. I have ruined her life for what? I knew he wouldn't leave , he did tell me for the kids, if they were not there he would be with me. He lied to me about so much, it's all apparent now. Really, I truly thought he loved me and at times was almost desperate to be with me. I have been a true fool.

 

I was the one who broke it off, he didn't want to. God I feel like a low life bit of ****e, I am. She is the innocent person. Her life in bits.

I can not justify ever to her, myself anyone, why I felt this was ok. Other than I loved him, saw him as my friend and cared with my heart.

 

I regret and need to take this.

She said she wants to see me or call me again.

I feel I owe her that, but I also just don't know, I don't want to say anything that will be destroy her more.

A family is at risk here, all to late for my concerns, but its a big deal, they have children and if they can save it, thats important over all if this blame n hate.

 

I am terribly low. I wonder if anyone had been in this position before?

He depended on me emotionally, hugely. Everything, every decision I had to know about it. Draining and hard work, all he every did when I look back was put on me. And I thought poor him.

 

It's a bleak night.

 

I think for you right now and I'll say it again... You don't need the stress. I know it's a selfish take but in all honesty what's done is done. It's that simple. Her wanting to speak to you again if you are feeling the stress let her know you are in no shape to entertain any conversation with her. If there is anything she wants to know that information has to come from her husband. If in the future when you are a mother you want to converse with her see if she's willing then. Stress is real and from the way I'm reading your post your pressure getting high is not a good thing. You stressing out your body and mind right now is not healthy.

 

She is a hurt woman and It's ok to sympathize. You are a hurt woman also. You are now faced with a new chapter in your life. He ruined her life. He made the choice to stray. Remember that. It's not all on your shoulders. If you are uncomfortable don't entertain anymore conversations.

[shakti]

You poor girl. You have to care for yourself and your baby, just focus your love on it, you don't have to deal with anything else but that right now. Do whatever relaxes you and let them sort out other things because you have to put all your energy into your baby.

[seren]

Round 1, I so hope you have support IRL, someone you can lean and rely on, he sounds like a right piece of work. First thing, get support, second, what he, she and they want or need at this moment is irrelevant, you and your baby are the most important thing right now. it so angers me that WS are happy while it is all hidden and hunky dory, but when it comes down to it, just take the easy option. I got pretty peed off that my H didn't have the courage to properly end the A with the OW, if you are man enough to do it, then you should be man enough to end it and give closure. maybe the BS thinks that as the baby will be a part of her children's lives as their sibling, that ahe and her H will be supporting the baby that it needs sorting, maybe. Thing is, you don't need that drama right now. I would advise let the dust settle, if you are meeting her, do it in a public place with someone who has your back with you, someone who will keep their cool and look after you if it all goes wrong.

 

The other thing is this, please, the A happened, the rights and wrongs are a moot point at this stage, what matters is that you believed someone you thought loved you and they have let you down at a time when you most need them. For shame on him, not you, feel regret that you had an A if you must, but you didn't make him, he did it and carrying all this weight of guilt at a time when you are low will just drag you down further, and you have a little one to protect. It will not get easier until it has reached break point, get support. I wish you well and hope things get easier for you xxx You might find the BS will not be an ogre when it has all settled some. Oh and as for the people of the Village ... I always, but always adopt the boll**** attitude if anyone judges me and hold my head up, your life, your decisions right or wrong, tis no one's place to judge but your own. take very good care Seren x

Edited September 24, 2011 by seren
majorly wrong word, another coffee needed

[round1]

Thank you all for your support.

He called me yesterday, I wasn't sure I was ready to speak, but I told him to go for it..

He wanted to say, he doesn't love me. Never did, he thought he did.

He loves his wife.

He needs to do what is right for his family.

He also will have no part in this babies life.

 

So I couldn't help myself and torn him apart.

 

His response. Silence. Then said, how can I justify what I did.

 

Sadly I am really sad today. A year amd a half. According to him, after all we shared, I would always be in his heart. I helped him through the loss of his father. He never has been able to open his heart 2 anyone. It was him who couldn't cope wiyh out me. He was worried about his future without me.

 

Oh he forgot all this on the phone yesterday.

Really I don't think I am dumb, did he really play me, for that long. I would love to say it was for s&x but it was more emotional, he put on me all the time.

 

I can gosmacked that he needed to boost him self that much, his self esteem must be on the floor.

 

I have been so angry with him and I let him have yhat on the phone, the skim bag, but I am terribly emotional today. Haven't stopped crying and feel so sad that it was a lie, all the emails and texts are just crap. Hr never meant it.

 

I have to face them both tomorrow In my local town, I was going to hide, but no, I am sick of blaming myself. I truly gave him my caring and support. I worried myslef silly at times for him. Waste. What a waste.

It makes my skin crawl.

 

As for his wife, apparently she now does not want to talk to me anymore, as she has decided to stay for the kids.

After talking to me. Funny I remember her saying she loves him, what should she do, and I said that's not for me to say, but to save a family breaking is a good place to start.

 

God I am tired and emotionally drained.

I am now trying to move it on.

No more contact for me. I have a business launch on Saturday That I worked for , for years and I am not letti g this affect my future , I need to get some strenght to focus. I also have a little life, who is not to blame.

 

Thanks for ur support