In-law drama and question regarding guardianship

[coffeecat]

My husband's brother sent his 14 year old son to live with us a month ago. He is from an overseas country and does not speak english. The parents are trying to move here themselves and felt since this son is a U.S. citizen (born here) that they would send him ahead of time to learn english so he could get situated in school.

 

However, the parents did NOT send the guardianship paperwork they were suppose to send. We do not have legal guardianship so we cannot enroll him in school. We have no paperwork on him at all ( birth certificate, school records etc..)

 

Now, here is where the drama comes in: My mother in law and sister in law ( husband's sister) are the ones who brought this son back with them during their summer trip to overseas country. We knew he was coming and his father had spoke to my husband and made it clear he wanted him to stay with us so he would learn english. It was understood that he would never learn english living with my mother in law because they would all speak their own language. That's the reason he is suppose to live with us and not them. However, my mother in law is an abusive and controlling woman. My sister-in-law is a product of this abuse and is a very weird and toxic person. Since this nephew has got here there has been nothing but drama.

 

First, they keep filling his head with the fact we are not enrolling him in school. So he comes to my husband (because I don't speak his language) telling us what they are saying. We keep repeating to him that his father needs to give us guardianship. He says "auntie says you are just saying that because you don't want to enroll me in school".

 

Another thing is we put him in a community ESL class. However, he keeps missing the class because his aunt will pick him up on the days he is suppose to go.

 

He is always carrying talk back and forth telling us what they said about us.

 

Now finally, here is the clincher- He disappeared for a week and was staying with them. He comes back and he says that my mother in law ( his grandmother) is telling his father not to give us guardianship because we are trying to keep him. She is telling his father to give her the guardianship. We are upset that my mother in law managed to talk to the father but the father has not called us at all since the boy got here.

 

My mother in law is saying that they ( her and my sis in law) are taking care of him and she is just allowing him to come over sometimes so that he can learn english. This is all apart of her abuse and control.She likes to fancy herself the grand matriarch of the family and noone breathes without her permission.

 

His parents have not called us, and attempts to reach them have been unsuccessful. In fact, the parents went on a european vacation after sending him here, and were not taking calls.

 

What I want to know is, without guardianship, what can we do for this child? If my in-laws get guardianship, should we just dump him at their door? I have other children and this is really a headache I don't need.

Edited September 20, 2011 by coffeecat

[Lucky_One]

First things first.

 

What sort of Visa did the child enter the country on? A J, M, F?

 

You can get a certified copy of his birth certificate by contacting the county that he was born in (you said he was born in the US).

 

Don't let his aunt pick him up on the days he has ESL class. Tell them both no, and put him in the car and take him there yourself. Have your husband explain to him that his classes ARE part of school, and that he needs to attend.

 

If your school system is one that has many immigrant students (like Miami, for example), they have great information on their website http://ehandbooks.dadeschools.net/policies/67.pdf . And contact one of their foreign student advisors.

 

And lastly, if your MIL does end up getting the child to live with her, when his parents do move here, then they will just put the child in school. While it would be in his best interest to be enrolled ASAP, it won't be the end of the world.

[coffeecat]

Thank you Lucky_One for taking the time to respond. I actually don't know what type of Visa he came in on. I just know he is U.S. citizen with a U.S passport. My husband is not home now for me to ask.

 

I honestly don't care about him being enrolled in school this year. The school year already started. Even if he started going to school, he would fail because he already missed so many days. I am teaching him English when he is here, in addition to his ESL class. What is bothering me is my sister in law keeps asking him why we have not enrolled him in school. He loves his aunt and talks to her and sees her almost every other day. He believes what she is saying to him. So when she tells him we are suppose to be enrolling him in school, he believes her.When she tells him that we don't really need guardianship and that is something that we are just saying because we want to "keep" him he believes her. And he comes back from every meeting with her distressed and asking us questions. The latest thing he came back with was his aunt said that we could enroll him in English classes at the college.

 

he loves her, and I am not going to tell him anything bad about her This is the first time he has ever met her, as he was raised overseas and she is here. If I start to say bad things or "warn" him , then I am only going to look like I am jealous of their relationship and trying to meddle. There are some things people have to learn on their own.

 

I know her. She is a victim of my mother in law's abuse and she is not normal. She is very manipulative and two-faced. I strongly feel she is doing things on purpose to cause problems in my house.

 

My husband has another brother who had a child out of wedlock with a drug addict mother. That mother abused that daughter so my brother in law went and got her out of foster care when she was 2 years old. My sister-in-law is raising that child. She is very emotionally abusive to my husband's niece. She doesn't like my husband and I because we have argued with her several times over the niece. For example, my husband's brother left his daughter here with us while he went out of town. We have a pool and he thought it would be fun for her to stay with her cousins for a week. Plus, it was summer. He worried that while he was out of town she would be trapped in the house, because he is the only one who would take his daughter. At first aunt threw a fit and her and mother in law threw out all of the neice's clothes into the yard ( remember this is a 5 year old) and told brother in law never to bring her back. He left town anyway and left her at my house. After a week or so , they show up banging on my door wanting my niece saying my brother in law told them to get her. They took her from my kitchen table where she was about to eat, screaming, trembling, throwing a fit etc... Since then my in laws do not speak to me or my husband. They claim that we made the five year old sick and for days after they took her the 5 year old would not speak and was very withdrawn. Of course, I know this is because that child is emotionally abused. The baby girl would tell us many things that go on in the house. We tried to talk to the aunt gently, because we know she is an abused person, herself. They do things like tell her that her mother was a "street woman" etc.. My mother in law will sometimes go on rants about how my brother in law threw this girl on her so she will throw all of her toys in the garbage, break things that she loves in front of her etc.. She is also not allowed to play outside of one room. This is a known issue, and the reason my brother in law cited when he would bring her over here to stay for a few days.

 

So back to my nephew- I know for a fact that my mother-in-law doesn't want the nephew living with her. She doesn't want the responsibility of my sister in law having to take him back and forth to school. However, she does want guardianship. I know cannot truly convey or make anyone who does not know us personally, understand how sick my mother in law is. She mentally abuses everyone in her vicinity. In fact, my nephew now is feeling sorry for his aunt because my mother in law is not allowing the 5 year old to speak to her.

 

I guess I am just venting. I will look into the resources that you mentioned.

 

It angers me that she is requesting guardianship be given to her, but she wants the nephew to live with us. This just apart of her desire for control.

 

And it will be at least another year before the family gets over here. The rest of the children are not citizens.

[hotgurl]

If you know the county and town where your nephew was born I am sure you can get a copy of his birth certificate.

 

I would still enroll him in school. It is still only Sept. HE can catch up. Plus it will be good for him to meet other kids his age