sagweee Posted May 11, 2004 Share Posted May 11, 2004 Last year I had a brief relationship with a man whom I liked very much, but we weren't very compatible sexually or it is possible I judged him too soon without giving him a chance. He broke it off almost a year ago. We met at this special social club I go to once in a blue moon, but he goes there regulary as he donates money to it. Well, I went there last week for dinner and bumped into him (I'd bumped into him before at this club since the break up but we were kind of cold and polite to each other) so this time I decided to be open and friendly. So I ask him, "how's business? How are the renovations on your house? ect." Just general questions that anyone would ask. He answered politely, but was still a bit distant. When I bumped into him later I remembered that he had just had his birthday a few days ago, so I wished him a Happy Birthday, again just being friendly. He said, "Wow! You have an incredible memory! You're dangerous! What else do you remember?" and he kind of patted my thigh. Afterwards some people in the group asked me to come for coffee and he followed me outside asking where I was going, and he was going there as well. I had a good time joking with people there and he sat next to me and started playing footsies with me. I thought he was just being funny, but when I got up to go home, he got up as well and then all of a sudden just grabbed me and said, "How 'bout meet me at my place in ten minutes?" I said, "Hold on! Just give me time to think about this. YOu know what happened the last time.." Well, I got in my car and decided to just go home because this was too much, but he caught up to me and rolled down the window at a stop sign and and told me to come in just for a while and not to be nervous. I ended up going back to his place where I hadn't been in a year, seeing the renovations, and the next thing I knew he was feeling me up and trying to convince me to spend the night. I made an excuse that I didn't have my glasses or contact solution and had to go home take out my lenses and that I was also really tired from the whole day. He told me he didn't have much free time these days with work and his daughter coming over every other day (he shares joint custody) to stay, that this was his free night. It's not that I didn't want to stay, I just wanted time to think about what we were getting into. At one point he asked me for a blow job as part of the "good old days" and I didn't want to do it. He said he respected that and I told him I didn't want it to just be this and then goodbye. He reassured me he'd call and that we'd see each other again. He asked me out for Sunday, but I had a Mother's Day engagement. Yesterday I called him on his cell (he was at work) to remind him of a film festival I was working at that ended Wed night and said I might be able to get him a free ticket. He wasn't sure if he could make it, so I told him to let me know by Tuesday (today). He hasn't called yet and I am wondering if I should just forget about the whole thing as it seems clear he just wanted to get his rocks off Friday night and that is it. What should I do? I don't really want to get involved in a serious, committed relationship with him anyway (last year he wanted this and I was not ready for it) but now I'm thinking it might be fun to just have romantic encounters with him once in a while with no strings attached, at least until or if ever I feel ready to commit. What should I do? Just forget the whole thing? I'm pretty sure he doesn't have anybody right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sagweee Posted May 12, 2004 Author Share Posted May 12, 2004 Perhaps this isn't about second chances, but just gettting back together. Can someone advise me please? Link to post Share on other sites
2ndConfusedfemale Posted May 12, 2004 Share Posted May 12, 2004 While I think that he was just trying to sleep with you, if you don't want anything serious with him, I don't see any problem with you doing the "casual thing." Just make sure that you are not convincing yourself that you'd be okay with just a "no strings attached" situation. If you think that ONE DAY you might want more, then I'd say don't pursue him, and definitely don't have sex with him so soon. But if you were the one that broke things off, you can let him know that you are mildly interested (because he could be thinking that you weren't interested in him based on your behavior). Link to post Share on other sites
Author sagweee Posted May 12, 2004 Author Share Posted May 12, 2004 A year ago when we were together I went away on a trip for three weeks and when I came back I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with my career and stuff, so I kind of acted cold towards him, then a few weeks later he officially broke it off. Every time I would see him at this club he would ignore me until last Friday. I am kind of pissed off that he didn't at least call to say he couldn't make it to the film tonight (last showing) and I'm not sure how to act from here. I guess I did give him the impression I wasn't interested Friday night because I was really tired and had to change my contacts, but this was TRUE! I wasn't making it up. I kind of feel like he just wanted me to "service" him that night and because I didn't he is going to ignore me again. If I go to the club again should I just ask why he ignored me? I just needed time to really decide if I wanted to "go there" with him again so I didn't do anything Friday night. Isn't that reasonable? Wouldn't it have looked like I was a slut if I had just given into him and given him the BJ he asked for? All input would be apprecieated. Link to post Share on other sites
2ndConfusedfemale Posted May 13, 2004 Share Posted May 13, 2004 well, I'd say that you need to first figure out what it really is that you want/don't want. If you ONLY want to do him, I don't think there is a reason to make a big deal out of everything, just tell him, and get busy! Otherwise if you might want a little more than that, then no seeming slut(ish) will not do you any good. And the thing is you don't know if he is acting this way because he isn't interested, or because he is assuming that you aren't. So, I think that you should just ask him, and find out. If he says he IS interested, then WAIT to do something with him (because you need to see if his actions back up his words)....That way you'll be being careful about being used. But if you only want to "use" him, then go for it, w/o all of this agonizing. Oh, one more thing, SOMETIMES, it is hard for some women to have unemotional "involvements" so make sure that you are being completely honest with yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sagweee Posted May 13, 2004 Author Share Posted May 13, 2004 If I do to the club tomorrow night, should I just approach him quietly and ask him why he didn't call? I don't understand why he told me he was my "friend" if he only wanted to "do" me. Should I confront him on this and ask why he said that, or should I just ignore him and see if he approaches me? Link to post Share on other sites
2ndConfusedfemale Posted May 13, 2004 Share Posted May 13, 2004 I don't think that you should ask him why he didn't call (that implies that you were waiting for him to call)...I think that you should just be polite, friendly, etc. and say something about him calling in the future. If he still doesn't call this week, then you should just leave him alone. As far as why a guy would call you a friend if they only wanted to do you, I can't answer that. I just got out of a thing with a guy who got mad at me for being "emotionally distant" only to find out that he had a girlfriend. So I cannot give any real valuable insight to the motives of psycho/schitzo men (j/k). Link to post Share on other sites
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