Torment

[TokyoJ]

I dont really know how to start this.. i found this site searching for ways to deal. This was my first real serious relationship.

 

 

Was with an amazing, just amazing woman for well over a year. and was crushed to find out just a week or so ago she was married. and I had no idea in the world... came as the biggest shock. It floored me. Devasted me... haunts me. She has 4 kids with the guy. The kids knew me. but she told them I was just a friend. I saw her walking with her sister as i was going to work and she had a wedding ring on. She told me they were divorced. Confronted her about it.. She broke down. say she was scared to leave him and go through with the divorce. Hes appearently hardly home. Why, I didnt ask. I was just upset at this point.

 

as she told me and I visibily saw the scars as he use to beat her. mentally and emotionally abuse her. And told me, that i was her rock. that I was the one. And I broke up with her. I felt I had no other choice. I dont wanna be that guy. Now, she's drowning herself in the bottom of a bottle. I've been going on NC for 5 days now. It's literally tormenting me. It's in my blood to try and save her. But, i dont know if i should.

 

I dont know if I did the right thing. I dont want her to hurt herself over me. but I also, it's not fair to me. to be used like that. I dont want an affair. I was gonna propose to her. It all happened so fast... I dont know if I did the right thing. Am I bad person? should I not have broken up with her.

 

I'm just so confused.. and I saw some of the ways to help. is to talk to friends. she was my friend. all i had. i have no family around. i worked and came home and did what I could to take care of her. So, I guess you guys are all I got. I really wish I had friends to talk to. I'm just so broken. If she lied about that. what else did she lie about? I trusted her with my life. and I dont know. I just dont know. Sorry if im rambling.. just needed an outlet. thank you.

[fallenheart]

Your name is TokyoJ.....so is the girl Japanese?

 

I am an American living in Japan and it's been my experience that the Japanese have very different views on love, marriage, and commitment than we do.

 

Any advice I'd have kinda depends on whether she's Japanese or not.

[silly_panda]

In my humble opinion, you should help her get out of the bottle route and not to torture herself... She got 4kids to take care of..! But I wouldn't contact her directly... Get a mutual friend or get her sister to help her out...

[TokyoJ]

She's actually Chinese. I'm Japanese. if that helps. and i will try that. ill see who i can contact.

[fallenheart]

My mistake!! I am impressed...your English is incredible!!

 

I don't have any experience with Chinese women, but I imagine they are different, just like women from all cultures.

 

Like I said before, I'm an American and I've been living in Japan a while, so my last few girlfriends (and my current GF) have all been Japanese. And most of the problems with my relationships have come from cultural misunderstandings.

 

I was shocked at how quickly and easily my ex-gf cut me out of her life completely. It was really different from how I would have expected the break up.

 

Your situation sounds really difficult. A lot of people here think that there is no excuse to get involved with a married person, but I have seen so many unhappy married couples with loveless and sexless marriages.

 

She obviously needs help and her husband isn't providing it. And she liked you enough to be with you for over a year. Maybe there is still a chance for a future? It's only been a week or so....I don't want to give false hope but maybe things can still work out. You should have a serious talk with her about everything and determine is there is any chance to save the relationship and if she wants to end things with her husband.