Bestfriend Hangs Out With My Ex-Boyfriend

[vogue]

I have been really conflicted with their friendship.

 

To give you some history, my best friend and I have known each other for nearly 9 years. In a way she is like a sister to me.

 

My ex-boyfriend and I dated for a nearly two years. He was my first love and I lost my virginity to him. Unfortunately, our relationship ended on an abrupt sour note, which completely blindsided me as I saw no reason for it. However, in retrospect I realize it was probably another girl. I was devastated... We had a normal relationship while together but after the break-up he was very cruel. Two weeks after our break-up I went to deliver a letter to him, as our break-up was stark and unfinished. We never talked about it. Anyway, I walked in on him and another girl. Afterward, he vandalized my home (3 different ones in all over the span of 2 years) and would walk by my house with his new girlfriend. He spoke badly of me to anyone who would listen to the point that strangers I met wanted nothing to do with me or even had a word or two say themselves. As much as I tried to ignore it, it just kept escalating. It sounds crazy but it is!

 

My best friend knew all this, listened to me cry and knew how much it affected me. But I always kind of felt a passiveness from her, as she still was cordial with his friends (who also participated). She was with me when we were walking down MY street when, again, he passed by with his friends. I confronted him about the graffiti on my mom's front door and he spit in my face. She saw that.

 

It was a few weeks later when he was walking my house AGAIN with his new girlfriend (mentioned above) that he tried to spit in my face as I was walking home. His girlfriend attacked me but I fought her off. A few weeks after that I was jumped by her and two other girls as I got off work.

 

Like I said, my friend knew all this. She saw how conflicted I was. I felt stupid and helpless because I was still in love with him (idiotic I know). It ate my up inside trying to figure why all this was happening.

 

My best friend moved away within months of our break up and heard all of the details of what was happening to me. She was the only person I confided in and was confident that it was safe.

 

My ex-boyfriend apologized to me a few years later and I tried to move on. Throwing my self-respect out the window we had a few brief flings over the course of those years, only to be disappointed to see he wasn't truly sincere in his apologizes, curtly told me to get over it and how it wasn't his fault.

 

Fast forward and my friend moves back to town. I was happy at first because I spoke with her everyday on the phone as it was. She knew how I tried to make peace but inevitably played hot and cold with him and decided to give up making peace and get him completely out of my life.

 

Then she starts hanging out with him. He comes over to her house and they correspond daily through facebook. She would avoid the subject and get uncomfortable and extremely defensive and edgy when I mentioned him. I tried to be comfortable with it but it just hasn't worked and I finally told her that it bothered me.

 

Bad idea! She blew me off like nothing, told me that I had hung out with him since all that had happened so she should be able to, that it was a few years ago and I should get over it and that he is really 'cool', which incited me even more. Its hard to describe her attitude towards it but I would say it is passive-aggressive and dismissive. I feel like she turned it around on me, like I am being crazy or irrational.

 

Anyway, I feel like she chose him over our friendship. I was honest with her and calmly expressed how I felt about the situation and she rejected that. She told me she no longer wants to be friends, deleted me from facebook and then emailed me to tell me she deleted my number from her phone. Nice.

 

So, if anyone took the time to read this.. do you feel I have a right to be uncomfortable with their friendship? Do my reasons carry ANY validity? I think that best friends should have each other's backs first and foremost and would never cross that boundary with her. I would respect how she felt and cut off communication. Because if the shoe where on the other foot and I was buddy buddy with her ex-boyfriend I know it would upset her.

 

I just don't know what to do.. 9 years down the drain?

I am extremely paranoid because of past events and feel that he is vindictive enough to become friends with her on purpose. He haspbut a wedge between my other friendships in the past but it has finally come down to my best friend. And I feel like crap because no one takes my side. I just don't get it.

[Badenov]

do you feel I have a right to be uncomfortable with their friendship? Do my reasons carry ANY validity?

 

If that's how you feel, then that's how you feel. You don't need to validate it. You stood up for yourself & expressed your feelings. Your friend doesn't need to agree with it, she just has to respect it. Since she doesn't, respect yourself & write them both off.

 

Try not to obsess over them. The less you know, the better off you'll be. No, it will never make sense. You won't get the answers you're looking for or the satisfaction you need to feel better. Just trust that one day, it won't matter to you as much.

 

Good luck.

[Stevet99]

I cant believe this. You are totally right, of course she shouldnt be hanging out with him, and its crazy how she chose him over you.

 

some people are just not worthy, you see overtime i learned that friends always come first. No firned will ever dump you cause he met someone else, or tell you he doesnt want to be your friend cause you gained some weight.

 

you had a red flag, when she keep being cordial with your exbf friends. She should had stood up for you, specially if you are bestfriends.

 

I would face her and tell her how i feel, and tell her she shouldnt ruin a 9 nine year friendship not simply over some guy, but over a piece of ****.

[norajane]

Honestly, you're better off without either of them in your life. They both sound toxic and annoying.

 

Move on, find new friends, new boyfriends, and stop caring about these two losers.

 

You can tell a lot about a person by the company they keep. Don't keep hanging around losers.

[pretty11]

so badly...true friend are last forever but if not that's not a good true friend