Falling In Love From Long Distance?

[chphan]

Ok there are two kind of long distance relationship that I can think of.

 

1. Couples who been together in real life end up being separated in distance due to work or what not which result in a long distance relationship. Example of this is a person serving in the military or having an over sea job. These couples keep in contact with each other daily through the phone or internet hence long distance relationship.

 

2. Couples who haven't met in real life yet but keep in contact and getting to know each other by phone and online. They may have met on an online dating site, facebook, or other type of social network.

 

 

Now the point of this whole topic is that is it realistically possible to fall in love with another person from option 2 even though you haven't met them yet in real life? And will that love translate to real life when you meet them? The internet world and real life world are two different things altogether. One person kind act differentely online but act totally different outside of the internet.

 

Can a person really say, "I'm in love with someone" when they in fact haven't really met that person yet?

[HeavenOrHell]

You've missed out couples in LDR's who met online originally and then met face to face, like the majority of us in this forum. I've met my partner 10 or 11 times so far.

 

I personally don't think it's possible to fall in love with someone you've not met face to face, you just don't know for sure if you will have that chemistry and will click, no matter how good it feels online/skype/phone post meet up. Most of us do seem to click when we meet IRL, but maybe we're just less likely to hear from those who don't click IRL, or maybe they're less likely to be posting in an LDR forum if things didn't work out when they met.

 

For many couples the love online/phone does translate to real life IF you've both been yourselves with each other, talked/seen each other online a lot before meeting, but it won't work out that way for everyone.

 

It takes time to really get to know someone, after spending time WITH them, takes time to fall in love, rather that it just be a crush or fancying someone.

 

 

No, I don't think someone can say they're in love with someone before they meet, but some will disagree with me, while others will say it's ridiculous. I don't even think you can call yourself a couple until you've met IRL, I've heard couples who've broken up before actually meeting, which to me is OTT.

 

I wouldn't say me or my partner are different IRL, or 'act differently' to the way we do/did online, but some people will be different IRL for sure.

 

Ok there are two kind of long distance relationship that I can think of.

 

1. Couples who been together in real life end up being separated in distance due to work or what not which result in a long distance relationship. Example of this is a person serving in the military or having an over sea job. These couples keep in contact with each other daily through the phone or internet hence long distance relationship.

 

2. Couples who haven't met in real life yet but keep in contact and getting to know each other by phone and online. They may have met on an online dating site, facebook, or other type of social network.

 

 

Now the point of this whole topic is that is it realistically possible to fall in love with another person from option 2 even though you haven't met them yet in real life? And will that love translate to real life when you meet them? The internet world and real life world are two different things altogether. One person kind act differentely online but act totally different outside of the internet.

 

Can a person really say, "I'm in love with someone" when they in fact haven't really met that person yet?

[Feelin Frisky]

Two people who have never met can bond through technology and feel the "want" for each other that makes for much of the "in love" feeling people develop for each other in the "flesh world"--they just remain "wanters" of each other in the "mind world". In reality people who "fall in love" are to a very large degree yielding to passion for what they believe the other person to be--most of the time they are not in each other's presence and therefore what they think becomes the thing they feel that they love. People fall out of love when they discover the truth, that the real person is other than what they had built up in their minds. Often, they consider it a change to loving the person who they have but facing in their heart of hearts that the "in love" feeling has gone. It only goes because wanting has stopped and having has taken over. People who develop a vision of each other through technology as well as a bond where they contact each other to share their experiences from day to day aren't forced by physical circumstances to trade wanting for having--they want all the time and that is the uncertainty and mystery of romance: does he or she still care? Am I still favored? What is he or she doing or thinking? When you have each other in reality, these questions start falling away--and so, the feeling changes and often not pleasingly.

 

 

Who is to say how long a bond that is just facilitated though technology can last, how deep it can be, how meaningful it is? Only those braving it because we are all different from each other and don't need anyone's permission or approval to just say to each other, you know what? I love you and mean it. There is no "central scrutinizer" to decide when love is not love or sincerity is self-delusion. Every day is a good day when someone somewhere loves you and you them--even if you're both half wrong about who the person really is. We're always wrong on some things. But the hell with it. Let's just call it love.

[HeavenOrHell]

I love friends I've not met face to face but have talked to on the phone and online, but being *in love* with someone you've not met is just an illusion until you meet, fantasy.

[maria_patheticsoul]

Two people who have never met can bond through technology and feel the "want" for each other that makes for much of the "in love" feeling people develop for each other in the "flesh world"--they just remain "wanters" of each other in the "mind world". In reality people who "fall in love" are to a very large degree yielding to passion for what they believe the other person to be--most of the time they are not in each other's presence and therefore what they think becomes the thing they feel that they love. People fall out of love when they discover the truth, that the real person is other than what they had built up in their minds. Often, they consider it a change to loving the person who they have but facing in their heart of hearts that the "in love" feeling has gone. It only goes because wanting has stopped and having has taken over. People who develop a vision of each other through technology as well as a bond where they contact each other to share their experiences from day to day aren't forced by physical circumstances to trade wanting for having--they want all the time and that is the uncertainty and mystery of romance: does he or she still care? Am I still favored? What is he or she doing or thinking? When you have each other in reality, these questions start falling away--and so, the feeling changes and often not pleasingly.

 

 

Who is to say how long a bond that is just facilitated though technology can last, how deep it can be, how meaningful it is? Only those braving it because we are all different from each other and don't need anyone's permission or approval to just say to each other, you know what? I love you and mean it. There is no "central scrutinizer" to decide when love is not love or sincerity is self-delusion. Every day is a good day when someone somewhere loves you and you them--even if you're both half wrong about who the person really is. We're always wrong on some things. But the hell with it. Let's just call it love.

 

 

Gosh i love this posting...it is so so enlightening...thank you FF

[Paper Roses]

Two people who have never met can bond through technology and feel the "want" for each other that makes for much of the "in love" feeling people develop for each other in the "flesh world"--they just remain "wanters" of each other in the "mind world". In reality people who "fall in love" are to a very large degree yielding to passion for what they believe the other person to be--most of the time they are not in each other's presence and therefore what they think becomes the thing they feel that they love. People fall out of love when they discover the truth, that the real person is other than what they had built up in their minds. Often, they consider it a change to loving the person who they have but facing in their heart of hearts that the "in love" feeling has gone. It only goes because wanting has stopped and having has taken over. People who develop a vision of each other through technology as well as a bond where they contact each other to share their experiences from day to day aren't forced by physical circumstances to trade wanting for having--they want all the time and that is the uncertainty and mystery of romance: does he or she still care? Am I still favored? What is he or she doing or thinking? When you have each other in reality, these questions start falling away--and so, the feeling changes and often not pleasingly.

 

 

Who is to say how long a bond that is just facilitated though technology can last, how deep it can be, how meaningful it is? Only those braving it because we are all different from each other and don't need anyone's permission or approval to just say to each other, you know what? I love you and mean it. There is no "central scrutinizer" to decide when love is not love or sincerity is self-delusion. Every day is a good day when someone somewhere loves you and you them--even if you're both half wrong about who the person really is. We're always wrong on some things. But the hell with it. Let's just call it love.

 

Perfect answer!

 

I've been where you are, just enjoy it. (I think you can fall in love with someone you've never met, btw. )

[creighton0123]

Considering the full experience of being "in love" includes emotions, sensations, and chemical responses introduced via the sexual experience, I would say no. Attraction, fondness, desire, wanting yes. What we would call erotic love? No.

[rocketman122]

I do believe you can fall in love with someone youve yet to meet. I also believe in love at first sight, but im a hopeless romantic.

 

but yes, I do believe.

[january2011]

Now the point of this whole topic is that is it realistically possible to fall in love with another person from option 2 even though you haven't met them yet in real life? And will that love translate to real life when you meet them?

 

Can a person really say, "I'm in love with someone" when they in fact haven't really met that person yet?

 

At the risk of a sounding like Meg Ryan, yes, yes and yes!

 

Sure, people can give opinions about other people's relationships but it's really up to the specific couple to mutually define their relationship as meaningful or not. AKA what Feelin Frisky wrote.

[HeavenOrHell]

I mostly agree, although I did feel sexual love with him before we met, after we became closer talking on the phone/skyping a lot with him, but it is really only fantasy until you've met in person and know for sure that you feel the same face to face, I don't agree with anyone who says you know for sure you have chemistry before you meet, those who say you can know are the ones who it did work out for IRL, it worked out for me as well, but I still can't agree.

We felt we loved each other (as close friends, but with the hope of something more if things worked out IRL) before we met and I think we said we loved each other online (just typed, not said out loud as it were) before we met, but didn't say it out loud until after we'd met and knew each other 'in the flesh.'

 

 

Considering the full experience of being "in love" includes emotions, sensations, and chemical responses introduced via the sexual experience, I would say no. Attraction, fondness, desire, wanting yes. What we would call erotic love? No.

[Feelin Frisky]

At the risk of a sounding like Meg Ryan, yes, yes and yes!

 

Sure, people can give opinions about other people's relationships but it's really up to the specific couple to mutually define their relationship as meaningful or not. AKA what Feelin Frisky wrote.

 

God bless. Some people say things like "it's only fantasy". Feeling the "in love feeling" is always mostly fantasy. I don't feel the need to cheapen anyone else's "thing" what ever it is by saying "it's only" as in only fantasy or only infatuation or less than love. It is what it is. And just like falling in love, it hits you when you don't plan it and haven't done inventories of what might make it imperfect.

 

The thing that makes it different from "mere" infatuation, is the "bond" that two people form however or through whatever they form it. And when they both feel it and cherish it and work to keep it fresh and motivating and joyful, it's not "less than" some other hypothetical construct. It's "more than" living and does change so much if you've been alone or stuck with someone who just is wasting your life staying with you. I find no reason to denegrate it--I just say it's not for everyone and it takes effort to keep things in proportions so that the distance doesn't kill it before you finally get to meet and see if the love can stand the test of flesh. It's still feels good to call it love in the mean time.

[torn_curtain]

God bless. Some people say things like "it's only fantasy". Feeling the "in love feeling" is always mostly fantasy. I don't feel the need to cheapen anyone else's "thing" what ever it is by saying "it's only" as in only fantasy or only infatuation or less than love. It is what it is. And just like falling in love, it hits you when you don't plan it and haven't done inventories of what might make it imperfect.

 

The thing that makes it different from "mere" infatuation, is the "bond" that two people form however or through whatever they form it. And when they both feel it and cherish it and work to keep it fresh and motivating and joyful, it's not "less than" some other hypothetical construct. It's "more than" living and does change so much if you've been alone or stuck with someone who just is wasting your life staying with you. I find no reason to denegrate it--I just say it's not for everyone and it takes effort to keep things in proportions so that the distance doesn't kill it before you finally get to meet and see if the love can stand the test of flesh. It's still feels good to call it love in the mean time.

 

Aw. That was a beautiful post, FF, and I completely agree with everything you said.

 

While there are horror stories, I've also observed that the majority of these stories end pretty happily when the couple meets in person, so that has to count for something.

Edited September 26, 2011 by torn_curtain

[joeyanna]

God bless. Some people say things like "it's only fantasy". Feeling the "in love feeling" is always mostly fantasy. I don't feel the need to cheapen anyone else's "thing" what ever it is by saying "it's only" as in only fantasy or only infatuation or less than love. It is what it is. And just like falling in love, it hits you when you don't plan it and haven't done inventories of what might make it imperfect.

 

The thing that makes it different from "mere" infatuation, is the "bond" that two people form however or through whatever they form it. And when they both feel it and cherish it and work to keep it fresh and motivating and joyful, it's not "less than" some other hypothetical construct. It's "more than" living and does change so much if you've been alone or stuck with someone who just is wasting your life staying with you. I find no reason to denegrate it--I just say it's not for everyone and it takes effort to keep things in proportions so that the distance doesn't kill it before you finally get to meet and see if the love can stand the test of flesh. It's still feels good to call it love in the mean time.

That post made me smile and cry at the same time.....long, complicated story but thank you for the post x

[torn_curtain]

Ok there are two kind of long distance relationship that I can think of.

 

2. Couples who haven't met in real life yet but keep in contact and getting to know each other by phone and online. They may have met on an online dating site, facebook, or other type of social network.

 

 

Now the point of this whole topic is that is it realistically possible to fall in love with another person from option 2 even though you haven't met them yet in real life? And will that love translate to real life when you meet them? The internet world and real life world are two different things altogether. One person kind act differentely online but act totally different outside of the internet.

 

Can a person really say, "I'm in love with someone" when they in fact haven't really met that person yet?

 

It depends on the people, whether they're capable of developing those kinds of feelings at a distance. For some people it is. I never thought it would have been possible until it took me by surprise and happened to me.

[TokyoG33kyGal]

what Feelin Frisky was sayin' makes sense. we build a vision of that person in our heads and when that doesn't match up to reality we lose interest. that is why when my husband tells me compliments before when we haven't met each other yet, i tell him to stop putting me on a pedestal. it's not hard to fall in love with the idea of that person but I chose to go the (semi) realistic route, that is to hold judgment until we see each other.

[tradewinds]

My Grandma told me about this ancient technology - letters.

People would fall in love with pen pals or people they barely knew. This was common in WWI and WWII.

People were falling in love by sending...are you ready... LOVE LETTERS!

It can happen because even when you meet someone and date, there's a lot of fantasizing going on. Right! It might even bond some love stronger because you are free to express your true self without the external garbage.

[Rett]

The English language is a harlot language -- it sells out meaning.

 

When one person says "Love", 10 other people have 10 other ideas about what that person means.

 

The ancient Greeks had 4 meanings to what is loosely translated in English as "love"

 

Agape - Walking in God's commands

Phileo - Friendship love. or Love for things. "I love my cat", "I love pizza", "I love that girl/guy", "I love my new car".

Eros - Lust

Storgē - Affectionate familial love such as a parent for a child.

 

To say to someone "I love you" really has no meaning.

We put meaning into it by forcing our personal flavor of love onto the object of our so called love.

 

To say you "love your enemies" does not mean to have affection for them as everyone seems to be mistranslating.

It means to walk in the commandments of God before them.

 

To tell a significant other that you "love them" means you either have friendship for them or you lust after them.

Or maybe its some synthesis of lust and friendship.

What a messed up world we live in.

[Life2B]

I think it's possible to fall in love without meeting the person. I'm speaking from experience. The person I fell in love with lives 16.000 km away from here and we've been talking for almost a year now. He told me he liked me 4 months ago and we've been dating ever since. I will be going to his country in less than 2 months and I'll be staying there for 8 months. Don't worry, I have more friends there in case something doesn't work out the way I hoped. But I do believe that we're in love and of course we'll have to work our way through the initial awkwardness but I'm convinced that things will work out

I love him as my best friend and the guy I want to be with from then and on.

 

Oh and we've not just been chatting. We started by sending each other long messages through facebook. Like letters but faster.

 

Since love is in the mind it's logical to assume you don't need 'flesh' to develop those kinds of feelings for someone. The butterflies don't lie

[chphan]

Well Life2B I'm in the same boat as you but i'll be going over there during winter holiday.

 

I'm very worried that the initial awkwardness of meeting for the first time will kill whatever chemistry we have earn or gain so far. Nothing like something that will break your momentum.

[Life2B]

chphan, I'm actually glad that I'm not the only one. I will let you know how our first time meeting goes. I don't think I have ever been more afraid of meeting someone in my life. It's weird how I looks forward to it yet I also really don't...

[Mundy]

It all depends on people.Some people trust online dating and they believe it will work out whereas some thinks online dating people are fake.i know a couple of people wgh are happily married and all their relationships started online.I will personally prefare meeting person and getting to know them in person before we fall in love.

 

Adult Chat

[chphan]

chphan, I'm actually glad that I'm not the only one. I will let you know how our first time meeting goes. I don't think I have ever been more afraid of meeting someone in my life. It's weird how I looks forward to it yet I also really don't...

 

 

I know how you feel. lol

 

I connect with the person from the inside and we are both attracted to each other base on pics obviously. But the major concern is whether I can connect outside of the net simply because I'm not a great speaker. I'm one of those people that get stage fright or have difficulty standing up in front of people and making speaching. I tend to freeze up. And I'm afraid I may end up being freeze up due to nerviousness due to the pressure as oppose to just being relax and being myself like when I'm interacting online with the person.

[Life2B]

I know how you feel. lol

 

I connect with the person from the inside and we are both attracted to each other base on pics obviously. But the major concern is whether I can connect outside of the net simply because I'm not a great speaker. I'm one of those people that get stage fright or have difficulty standing up in front of people and making speaching. I tend to freeze up. And I'm afraid I may end up being freeze up due to nerviousness due to the pressure as oppose to just being relax and being myself like when I'm interacting online with the person.

 

It's ok to freeze up. Take your time to get used to each other. I'm pretty sure the same thing will happen to me. I haven't felt this way about anyone in a while and when I did I literally fell to my knees because I froze and couldn't stand anymore. If that happens to someone I met IRL I'm a bit worried about when I meet my long distance bf o.o Normally I'm good with speaking in public and I like being on stage I am a pretty easy going person and I can talk to people easily but something in my head snaps when I fall in love (or connects). I'm sure you can get through this. It just has to work...

 

Tell me how things go ok?

[Sanman]

I would have to fall a bit on both side of this debate. I definitely agree that one can fall in love with the idea of a person rather than the person themselves. However, I think that it can also help you fall in love with a person. Before I ever met my current gf, we spoke for 3 mths as we are an LDR and she actually used to live further away. While we talked, I was really moved by the care and concern she had for her family, friends, and loved ones. I also loved her sense of independence and down to earth mentality. Whether it was helping her sister with homework over the phone of baking brownies for a friend, she was always trying to give back to others. To this day, one of the things I love about her most is that we both share a lack of interest in material things and recognize the importance of those close to you. While I am attracted to my gf and think she is very pretty, I know that she is someone I may not have given a chance had I not known her. She is not the hottest woman I have physically been with and she can be a bit shy. I have a feeling I would have moved on after a few dates, especially if I was multi-dating. However, she became one of very few people I can speak to for hours without getting being bored or tired. This is to say, if both of you can be honest and really get to know each other, it certainly can happen. However, you do have to be careful to separate reality from fantasy.

[CrazyCard]

.....It might even bond some love stronger because you are free to express your true self without the external garbage.

 

ABSOLUTELY!! Let me start off by saying, this is my first post on here, I was just lurking but felt the unsolicited need to jump in (it's what I do). I've been in a LDR for nearing on three years now and we spent the first ten months of our relationship entirely online/on the phone. I had met my boyfriend over seven years ago online, we had chatted briefly in a friendly way but there was no romantic feelings there (though he insists he had a crush on me the entire time). We had stopped talking for about a year and then I received an IM from him, we started chatting for several hours a day discovering we had more and more in common, from hobbies to lifestyle choices and goals.

 

He and I were absolutely in love with each other within a month of us chatting and, as gorgeous as I think he is, I do believe that the quality of our relationship was bolstered because we developed a fondness for each others personalities prior to discovering we also had an intense physical attraction for each other. Because of how our relationship began prior to knowing what each other had looked like (two weeks in), if someone asked me what I was attracted to about him, I could have given them a whole list of things instead of just,"my boyfriends hot and he's nice." The love that I felt for him then, while much stronger now, was still as valid as it is today, it wasn't infatuation, both of knew by about the five month mark that we wanted to spend our lives together.

 

All of that said, I do agree with previous posts that you need to be 100% honest with how you present yourself and how you act online. Neither of us had fabricated any part of ourselves nor did we embellish anything. When we finally met, I admit there was a slight initially awkward/nervousness but I got over it very quickly and both of us were immediately just as attached to each other IRL as we were online. I love every minute that I have with him and, even just taking the strictly online portion of our relationship, I've had much, MUCH stronger feelings for him than any other person I have ever been in a relationship with.

 

As a side note, I also am friends with a couple who met online about eight years ago, also fell in love online, felt just as much love for one another once they met and they're now happily married.