Steadfast Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 Post deleted. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted December 30, 2011 Author Share Posted December 30, 2011 PNP: Oh, I plan on it man. But I must say if this is true then it still really hurts. She decided not to stay with me and start a family and then goes and gets knocked up by a random dude. That's crushing but shows her true nature. What a f'ing loser. Steadfast: Don't delete posts. Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 PNP: Oh, I plan on it man. But I must say if this is true then it still really hurts. She decided not to stay with me and start a family and then goes and gets knocked up by a random dude. That's crushing but shows her true nature. What a f'ing loser. Steadfast: Don't delete posts. Don't get too upset until you know whats really going on. If she is preg, its gonna hurt like hell. Since I got confirmation my exW is preg my stomach has been in knots. Link to post Share on other sites
Soxfaninfl Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 PNP: Oh, I plan on it man. But I must say if this is true then it still really hurts. She decided not to stay with me and start a family and then goes and gets knocked up by a random dude. That's crushing but shows her true nature. What a f'ing loser. At least the child is not yours. You deserve to have a child with a women that loves you and wants to be married to you. It's awful not seeing your child every day. It's hell when my son is with my ex-wife. I miss him terribly! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted December 30, 2011 Author Share Posted December 30, 2011 mm4: Yeah man, I am fearing that... I know it will be brutal if that's the case. I feel for you man. SoxFan: I am grateful that it's not mine (if she is pregnant). I see a lot of guys on here hurting with out seeing their kids on a regular enough basis. Link to post Share on other sites
Steadfast Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 PNP: Oh, I plan on it man. But I must say if this is true then it still really hurts. She decided not to stay with me and start a family and then goes and gets knocked up by a random dude. That's crushing but shows her true nature. What a f'ing loser. Steadfast: Don't delete posts. In many ways you have no one but yourself to blame surfer. Many of us here took you at your word and posted with the best advice we knew to give. I know it's impossible to go back, but you were warned that putting yourself in a position of more hurt would bring...more hurt. Now that you seem to actually be (somewhat) moving towards the decisions you needed to make a year ago, you might really be in the $h*t because many states (including mine) do not allow divorce proceedings if the wife is pregnant. It's the first question they ask when filing. Doesn't matter who fathered it. The post I deleted was written in anger. It was true, but worthless. If it turns out she is with child, I'm truly sorry because life, and this divorce just got a lot harder. Her power and control over your emotions makes me sad. Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 Good to check into that, but again he should probably not read too much into this until all the facts come in.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted January 3, 2012 Author Share Posted January 3, 2012 Well, she isn't pregnant. She also told me: "I am not doing anything that would cause me to be pregnant - just to settle your mind". Ha! Other than that, I am moving forward with the D. I had a weak moment this weekend after she was treating me nice, smiling, gave me a hug and kiss. I told her I missed her but she needs to move out so we can both move on. She tells me she needs to find herself and had not been happy for a long time. I don't know what either of those mean. Had a good cry last night but today I am back on track. Onward we go. Link to post Share on other sites
jaymz Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 Need to go NC. But glad your on the right track. Here is to a better 2012 buddy! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted January 11, 2012 Author Share Posted January 11, 2012 Thanks Jaymz! Well, here is an update.... Mediator meeting is to be scheduled once we agree on which one to use. So, the beginning of the end is in sight finally. To sum things up, my wife is f***ing insane. Here was our morning... A small argument turned into her screaming and kicked a cabinet door off the hinges (with her broke ankle from the accident) of course she used that foot. Duh. Then she tells me she has been drinking to ignore her feelings. She has been sleeping her car some nights. She is avoiding being at home with my (which I understand) - all we do is fight these days. She said she hopes something bad happens to her so I feel guilty. This woman is a sick F***! I told her just to move out and I will have my father help with my mortgage. I can't deal with her s*** anymore. This is over. I still love her but it's just too far gone. I am going on a week vacation soon to get away from everything, I need some peace in my life. It's been a long time coming. Any one have advice on HOW to get help for this woman? She goes through the motions and tells me what I want to hear but she is not seeking psychiatric help, which I truly think she needs. Also she tells me that I am twisting the situation when I tell people about it, making her look like the bad guy. BS! Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 Any one have advice on HOW to get help for this woman? Divorce her. Dude you need to STOP arguing with her. Just do not do it. You might say that she always starts them but you can quite easily avoid them by not fighting back. If she says something stupid then just do not take the bait. Say "whatever" and walk away. Are you sure mediation is the way to go? Mediation only works if both parties want it to work. If she is not going to approach it in a rational and sensible way with the objective of finding a solution by mutual compromise, then you're wasting your time and money. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted January 12, 2012 Author Share Posted January 12, 2012 PNP - Divorce is happening. My questions how can I help this woman? I still care for her and love her - don't want her to be miserable and hurting herself. We both agreed to mediation we don't want to fight in that respect however, we get into stupid arguments almost any time we are together. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted January 12, 2012 Author Share Posted January 12, 2012 Whoa, sorry for all of my typos 2 posts back. Sometimes I get heated up and type frantically and don't proof read. haha Link to post Share on other sites
LifesontheUp Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 She has treated you very very badly. So I really don't understand why you want to help her with anything. She isn't your responsibility anymore Surfer, you are divorcing and she has to learn the hard way what life is like without you. She needs to do something for herself for a change rather than just take take take from you. Sounds hard, but believe me you need to distance yourself from her and get this done and over with quickly. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 The best way for you to help her is to divorce her and force her to stand on her own two feet. While she has you as a crutch she will never learn, never move on, never make any effort, never get better. DON'T get into stupid fights. Just don't do it. Don't say you can't help it because you can. You can't control her actions but you can control your own. Every time you get into a fight you CHOOSE to do that rather than walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
Steadfast Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 She'll use anything to keep her safety net in place. Manipulating you with guilt because she knows you're a pushover. Proof: you are still trying, you want to help. You keep the wounds open by fighting. More proof; attending mediation, unless it is required by the state to complete the divorce process. A previous poster hit the nail; the best, most loving thing you can do is let her go so she can work out her problems. She doesn't want help. She wants what she wants when she wants it. It seems you're still enabling this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted January 12, 2012 Author Share Posted January 12, 2012 Yeah.. but I am worried she will hurt herself or do something stupid. I can't live with that. It's scary and I don't want her to be in bad shape or hurting. I know that seems bizarre considering how badly she has hurt me but I am a loving guy with a huge heart. I don't know how to turn that off. Link to post Share on other sites
debtman Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 surfer, Some good advice on here. Any time my stbx would try to start an argument, I would return to my stock answer and calmly say "I'm not going to argue with you anymore...about anything." And I don't. She doesn't deserve my emotions and neither does your W. The best thing you can do for her is move out/move her out and move on. She will have to remember what it's like to not have a built-in support network. HER choice! Don't forget that!! When she starts playing the "Woe is me" card, just remind yourself that THIS IS WHAT SHE WANTED! Focus on yourself and be glad you never had kids with her. Good luck and keep posting... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted January 12, 2012 Author Share Posted January 12, 2012 Thanks debtman... that will be my response from now on. She will be moving out soonish. Not sure exactly when but we have discussed it. Link to post Share on other sites
andyg99 Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 Thanks debtman... that will be my response from now on. She will be moving out soonish. Not sure exactly when but we have discussed it. soonish but you don't know when? it needs to happen NOW. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted January 12, 2012 Author Share Posted January 12, 2012 Andy: I agree man... I will be going on a week long vacation last week of this month. I am hoping she will be gone when I come back. To be honest, I would be happy to help her pack and move her stuff out. It would be my pleasure. Because, I want to make sure she doesn't forget anything and have to come back to my house. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 You are NOT responsible for her, her behavior and her self inflicted abuse. It's not yours - it's hers = she is responsible for herself! This is where you seem to get way off track. When she complains - don't respond. IF you expect her to move - have her do it today! There's no time like the present, she won't do it until YOU require it! Her drinking is a huge problem - don't for one second let her blame you for THAT! We are ALL responsible for our own actions, she can't put that on you if you don't allow her to. You allow way too much... Stop allowing it. Get her moved and have no contact except to get the D final ASAP! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted January 13, 2012 Author Share Posted January 13, 2012 2sunny: Am I an idiot or pitiful for caring about her still and not wanting her to end up dead or drunk/drugged out of her mind? I still love her and want her to be happy. I am clear that our marriage is over and can't work however.. I am not denying that. I just care about people, it's a gift and a curse. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted January 13, 2012 Share Posted January 13, 2012 Am I an idiot or pitiful for caring about her still and not wanting her to end up dead or drunk/drugged out of her mind? No. Are you an idiot for sacrificing your own sanity, finances, emotions and well-being for her? She may end up dead or drunk/drugged out anyway after you split. You can't do anything about it dude. You need to relinquish control and let her stand on her own two feet at some point. She will never fly the nest voluntarily... all parents (for that is what you are to her) have to push their children out at some point. Might as well be now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted January 13, 2012 Author Share Posted January 13, 2012 PNP: Well.. I guess you are right about that. I hear what you're barking big dog. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts